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Autodidact
12-22-2009, 08:25 PM
I had a sweet dream late last night.
I kissed you and held you so tight

RevisionIsTheKey
12-22-2009, 10:31 PM
I had a sweet dream late last night.
I kissed you and held you so tight
But sadly, at dawn

Albedo of Zero
12-23-2009, 12:29 AM
I had a sweet dream late last night.
I kissed you and held you so tight
But sadly, at dawn
I found you had gawn

Autodidact
12-23-2009, 01:06 AM
I had a sweet dream late last night.
I kissed you and held you so tight
But sadly, at dawn
I found you had gawn
fishing. Now that can't be right.



There once was a struggling writer

archerjoe
12-23-2009, 05:57 AM
There once was a struggling writer
With a taste for hard apple cider

Nymtoc
12-23-2009, 07:14 AM
There once was a struggling writer
With a taste for hard apple cider
"It revs up my thinking

Preacher'sWife
12-23-2009, 07:16 AM
There once was a struggling writer
With a taste for hard apple cider
"It revs up my thinking
And so I'll keep drinking

Matera the Mad
12-23-2009, 10:58 AM
There once was a struggling writer
With a taste for hard apple cider
"It revs up my thinking
And so I'll keep drinking
He said, as his story grew wider

Oh fiffle, my novel is too damn long

Sir_Nigel
12-23-2009, 12:44 PM
Oh fiffle, my novel is too damn long
and my limericks kick up a pong

Nymtoc
12-23-2009, 01:03 PM
Oh fiffle, my novel is too damn long
and my limericks kick up a pong
And try as I might

flyingtart
12-23-2009, 01:12 PM
Oh fiffle, my novel is too damn long
and my limericks kick up a pong
And try as I might
My queries are sh***

Sir_Nigel
12-23-2009, 02:59 PM
Oh fiffle, my novel is too damn long
and my limericks kick up a pong
And try as I might
My queries are sh***
but I look pretty good in a thong.



‘Come here’ said the smiling Contessa

archerjoe
12-23-2009, 06:26 PM
‘Come here’ said the smiling Contessa,
"There's a job for you in Odessa"

flyingtart
12-23-2009, 06:36 PM
‘Come here’ said the smiling Contessa,
"There's a job for you in Odessa.
Now get on a plane

Preacher'sWife
12-23-2009, 07:58 PM
Come here’ said the smiling Contessa,
"There's a job for you in Odessa.
Now get on a plane
And go find Bette Jayne :D

Autodidact
12-23-2009, 09:57 PM
Come here’ said the smiling Contessa,
"There's a job for you in Odessa.
Now get on a plane
And go find Bette Jayne,
where she's living, disguised as Vanessa.



Looking back on two thousand and nine,

Preacher'sWife
12-23-2009, 10:59 PM
Looking back on two thousand and nine,
I cracked open a bottle of wine

Autodidact
12-23-2009, 11:09 PM
Looking back on two thousand and nine,
I cracked open a bottle of wine.
I offered a toast

Nymtoc
12-24-2009, 03:49 AM
Looking back on two thousand and nine,
I cracked open a bottle of wine.
I offered a toast
While writing this post

archerjoe
12-24-2009, 04:59 AM
Looking back on two thousand and nine,
I cracked open a bottle of wine.
I offered a toast
While writing this post
"Two thousand and ten is when we'll shine!"

We left in a one-horse open sleigh

Matera the Mad
12-24-2009, 10:24 AM
We left in a one-horse open sleigh
And soon the horse began to neigh

flyingtart
12-24-2009, 03:14 PM
We left in a one-horse open sleigh
And soon the horse began to neigh
For the hard frozen snow

Matera the Mad
12-25-2009, 09:32 AM
We left in a one-horse open sleigh
And soon the horse began to neigh
For the hard frozen snow
Made him sweat, puff, and blow

RevisionIsTheKey
12-26-2009, 10:44 AM
We left in a one-horse open sleigh
And soon the horse began to neigh
For the hard frozen snow
Made him sweat, puff, and blow
And slide into a grand tour jeté.

I once owned a gray, one-eyed cat

flyingtart
12-26-2009, 02:34 PM
I once owned a gray, one-eyed cat
Who ate so much cake he grew fat

archerjoe
12-26-2009, 07:38 PM
I once owned a gray, one-eyed cat
Who ate so much cake he grew fat
And as for the mice

Nymtoc
12-26-2009, 07:42 PM
I once owned a gray, one-eyed cat
Who ate so much cake he grew fat
And as for the mice
He considered them spice

Autodidact
12-26-2009, 11:05 PM
I once owned a gray, one-eyed cat
Who ate so much cake he grew fat
And as for the mice
He considered them spice
and what do you all think of that?



I sit and I stare at the screen

RevisionIsTheKey
12-26-2009, 11:30 PM
I sit and I stare at the screen
Strung out on junk food and caffeine

Autodidact
12-27-2009, 05:05 AM
I sit and I stare at the screen
Strung out on junk food and caffeine.
not a word do I write,

Nymtoc
12-27-2009, 05:32 AM
I sit and I stare at the screen
Strung out on junk food and caffeine.
not a word do I write,
Writer's block is my plight,

archerjoe
12-27-2009, 06:36 AM
I sit and I stare at the screen
Strung out on junk food and caffeine.
not a word do I write,
Writer's block is my plight,
It's an all too typical scene.

After a visit from Ol' St. Nick,

RevisionIsTheKey
12-27-2009, 10:50 AM
After a visit from Ol' St. Nick,
The young'uns were feeling quite sick

Nymtoc
12-27-2009, 11:09 AM
After a visit from Ol' St. Nick,
The young'uns were feeling quite sick
They ate too much candy

flyingtart
12-27-2009, 03:42 PM
After a visit from Ol' St. Nick,
The young'uns were feeling quite sick
They ate too much candy
And lemonade shandy

Nymtoc
12-28-2009, 01:21 AM
After a visit from Ol' St. Nick,
The young'uns were feeling quite sick
They ate too much candy
And lemonade shandy
And ran to the loo double quick!

Aunt Flossie gave me this weird tie

flyingtart
12-28-2009, 02:53 AM
Aunt Flossie gave me this weird tie
Something to remember her by

StephanieFox
12-28-2009, 03:21 AM
Aunt Flossie gave me this weird tie
Something to remember her by
It's quite out of season

archerjoe
12-28-2009, 03:34 AM
Aunt Flossie gave me this weird tie
Something to remember her by
It's quite out of season
And that is the reason

RevisionIsTheKey
12-28-2009, 03:34 AM
Aunt Flossie gave me this weird tie
Something to remember her by
It's quite out of season
Its smell has me wheezin'

Matera the Mad
12-28-2009, 08:03 AM
Aunt Flossie gave me this weird tie
Something to remember her by
It's quite out of season
Its smell has me wheezin'
But I'm brave, and resolved not to cry

Thank goodness, now Christmas is over

Nymtoc
12-28-2009, 08:07 AM
Thank goodness, now Christmas is over
Goodbye to that fat, jolly rover

Autodidact
12-28-2009, 08:09 AM
Thank goodness, now Christmas is over
Goodbye to that fat, jolly rover
Now on to New Years,

talkwrite
12-28-2009, 08:33 PM
Thank goodness, now Christmas is over
Goodbye to that fat, jolly rover
Now on to New Years,
conquering old fears

Lavern08
12-28-2009, 09:58 PM
Thank goodness, now Christmas is over
Goodbye to that fat, jolly rover
Now on to New Years,
conquering old fears,
Getting rich, and rolling in clover

My New Year's Eve party will rock

Autodidact
12-29-2009, 03:35 AM
My New Years Eve party will rock!
It will start at 11 o'clock.

Nymtoc
12-29-2009, 03:52 AM
My New Years Eve party will rock!
It will start at 11 o'clock.
I hope you'll be here

RevisionIsTheKey
12-29-2009, 07:50 AM
My New Years Eve party will rock!
It will start at 11 o'clock.
I hope you'll be here
(Your turn to bring beer)

Autodidact
12-29-2009, 08:03 AM
My New Years Eve party will rock!
It will start at 11 o'clock.
I hope you'll be here
(Your turn to bring beer)
You forgot? Oh what a shock!


The end of the world is upon us

Matera the Mad
12-29-2009, 09:07 AM
The end of the world is upon us
No time to spend that last bonus

Nymtoc
12-29-2009, 09:31 AM
The end of the world is upon us
No time to spend that last bonus
So let's sing and dance

flyingtart
12-29-2009, 03:34 PM
The end of the world is upon us
No time to spend that last bonus
So let's sing and dance
And otherwise prance

Nymtoc
12-29-2009, 07:04 PM
The end of the world is upon us
No time to spend that last bonus
So let's sing and dance
And otherwise prance
And laugh at that rascal called Chronos!

There once was a cat from Wyoming

RevisionIsTheKey
12-29-2009, 09:13 PM
There once was a cat from Wyoming
Whose mouth was, for some reason, foaming

Preacher'sWife
12-30-2009, 12:14 AM
There once was a cat from Wyoming
Whose mouth was, for some reason, foaming
He yowled and he hissed

Autodidact
12-30-2009, 03:45 AM
There once was a cat from Wyoming
Whose mouth was, for some reason, foaming
He yowled and he hissed;
he pooped and he pissed

Albedo of Zero
12-30-2009, 06:00 AM
There once was a cat from Wyoming
Whose mouth was, for some reason, foaming
He yowled and he hissed;
he pooped and he pissed
all hairballs until it was gloaming



Another word for fook is feck

Matera the Mad
12-30-2009, 10:54 AM
Another word for fook is feck
Some spell it "ghelk", but what the heck

flyingtart
12-30-2009, 04:28 PM
Another word for fook is feck
Some spell it "ghelk", but what the heck
I really don't care

talkwrite
12-31-2009, 01:41 AM
Another word for fook is feck
Some spell it "ghelk", but what the heck
I really don't care
With no time to spare

heth718
12-31-2009, 02:27 AM
Another word for fook is feck
Some spell it "ghelk", but what the heck
I really don't care
With no time to spare
I always just use my spellcheck

-----(p.s. i've missed you guys)-----

The sparklers and champagne were great

Lavern08
12-31-2009, 03:28 AM
The sparklers and champagne were great
I danced and rejoiced with my mate

archerjoe
12-31-2009, 08:29 AM
The sparklers and champagne were great
I danced and rejoiced with my mate
And with Auld Lang Syne

Nymtoc
12-31-2009, 09:32 AM
The sparklers and champagne were great
I danced and rejoiced with my mate
And with Auld Lang Syne
The fête was divine

heth718
12-31-2009, 08:37 PM
The sparklers and champagne were great
I danced and rejoiced with my mate
And with Auld Lang Syne
The fête was divine
But playing chicken sealed my fate

--------------------------------------
They say everything tastes like chicken

talkwrite
12-31-2009, 11:17 PM
They say everything tastes like chicken
Leaving us with slim pickings

Lavern08
01-01-2010, 04:33 AM
They say everything tastes like chicken
Leaving us with slim pickings
I gagged, then I burped

StephanieFox
01-01-2010, 05:12 AM
They say everything tastes like chicken
Leaving us with slim pickings
I gagged, then I burped
Then the chicken – she chirped!

RevisionIsTheKey
01-01-2010, 05:52 AM
They say everything tastes like chicken
Leaving us with slim pickings
I gagged, then I burped
Then the chicken – she chirped!
Though I would've thought she'd be stricken.

I had a strange call from my agent

Nymtoc
01-01-2010, 06:00 AM
I had a strange call from my agent,
She said, "I fear you've lost your way, gent."

Albedo of Zero
01-01-2010, 06:15 AM
I had a strange call from my agent,
She said, "I fear you've lost your way, gent."
"Your plots went to hell...

Matera the Mad
01-01-2010, 08:35 AM
I had a strange call from my agent,
She said, "I fear you've lost your way, gent."
"Your plots went to hell...
your kyebroad cnat spell

Albedo of Zero
01-01-2010, 07:50 PM
I had a strange call from my agent,
She said, "I fear you've lost your way, gent."
"Your plots went to hell...
your kyebroad cnat spell
and your book isn't making a cent.




In the olden days of Ohio

archerjoe
01-01-2010, 08:59 PM
In the olden days of Ohio
An author was writing her bio

Preacher'sWife
01-01-2010, 09:06 PM
In the olden days of Ohio
An author was writing her bio
When, lo and behold

flyingtart
01-01-2010, 11:59 PM
In the olden days of Ohio
An author was writing her bio
When, lo and behold
Her pen turned to gold

Preacher'sWife
01-02-2010, 12:17 AM
In the olden days of Ohio
An author was writing her bio
When, lo and behold
Her pen turned to gold
Then all that she wrote was a lie--oh!

If all you expect is rejection

Albedo of Zero
01-02-2010, 01:57 AM
If all you expect is rejection
and your story is less than perfection

Lavern08
01-02-2010, 03:45 AM
If all you expect is rejection
and your story is less than perfection
Make up a huge lie,

Matera the Mad
01-02-2010, 11:08 AM
If all you expect is rejection
and your story is less than perfection
Make up a huge lie,
And give it a try

StephanieFox
01-02-2010, 11:22 AM
If all you expect is rejection
and your story is less than perfection
Make up a huge lie,
And give it a try
As a candidate in an election

Matera the Mad
01-02-2010, 11:52 AM
If you get enough votes and you win

Nymtoc
01-02-2010, 01:33 PM
If you get enough votes and you win
You begin the political spin

Preacher'sWife
01-02-2010, 08:52 PM
If you get enough votes and you win
You begin the political spin
You schmooze and cajole

Nymtoc
01-02-2010, 09:35 PM
If you get enough votes and you win
You begin the political spin
You schmooze and cajole,
Play role after role

heth718
01-02-2010, 09:45 PM
If you get enough votes and you win
You begin the political spin
You schmooze and cajole,
Play role after role
And not matter what comes you must grin

-------

I had a bad dream about Muppets

Albedo of Zero
01-02-2010, 11:32 PM
I had a bad dream about Muppets
those zany and fuzzy puppets

Lavern08
01-03-2010, 12:57 AM
I had a bad dream about Muppets
those zany and fuzzy puppets
In my dream, I was nekkid

flyingtart
01-03-2010, 12:58 AM
I had a bad dream about Muppets
those zany and fuzzy puppets
In my dream, I was nekkid
Miss Piggy was fetid

Albedo of Zero
01-03-2010, 02:29 AM
I had a bad dream about Muppets
those zany and fuzzy puppets
In my dream, I was nekkid
Miss Piggy was fetid
and in the morning I up-chucket <--limerick license



One day at the new bowling alley

Preacher'sWife
01-03-2010, 02:43 AM
One day at the new bowling alley
I met an old pro named Fat Sally

RevisionIsTheKey
01-03-2010, 02:52 AM
One day at the new bowling alley
I met an old pro named Fat Sally
She had a mean hook

Lavern08
01-03-2010, 03:22 AM
One day at the new bowling alley
I met an old pro named Fat Sally
She had a mean hook
And a big butt that shook

archerjoe
01-03-2010, 03:25 AM
One day at the new bowling alley
I met an old pro named Fat Sally
She had a mean hook
And wow could she cook

archerjoe
01-03-2010, 03:26 AM
Let's go with Laverns - it's better than mine

One day at the new bowling alley
I met an old pro named Fat Sally
She had a mean hook
And a big butt that shook

Preacher'sWife
01-03-2010, 09:22 AM
One day at the new bowling alley
I met an old pro named Fat Sally
She had a mean hook
And a big butt that shook
Causing earthquakes in Silicon Valley


This evening at Saturday Mass

Matera the Mad
01-03-2010, 11:16 AM
This evening at Saturday Mass
A man in my pew made a pass

Nymtoc
01-03-2010, 11:31 AM
This evening at Saturday Mass
A man in my pew made a pass
His hand touched my thigh

Matera the Mad
01-03-2010, 12:02 PM
This evening at Saturday Mass
A man in my pew made a pass
His hand touched my thigh
And he heaved a deep sigh

Nymtoc
01-03-2010, 12:09 PM
This evening at Saturday Mass
A man in my pew made a pass
His hand touched my thigh
And he heaved a deep sigh
As his fingers moved close to my :censored

Tomorrow at ten on the dot

flyingtart
01-03-2010, 03:32 PM
Tomorrow at ten on the dot
I'm proposing to climb out my cot

Albedo of Zero
01-03-2010, 10:21 PM
Tomorrow at ten on the dot
I'm proposing to climb out my cot
I have an agenda

StephanieFox
01-04-2010, 12:54 AM
Tomorrow at ten on the dot
I'm proposing to climb out my cot
I have an agenda
In planning to spend a

Matera the Mad
01-04-2010, 06:11 AM
Tomorrow at ten on the dot
I'm proposing to climb out my cot
I have an agenda
In planning to spend a
Few hours in a tub that is hot :D

The stars are but balls of hot gas

RevisionIsTheKey
01-04-2010, 08:54 AM
The stars are but balls of gas
And the moon is not cheese, alas

Nymtoc
01-04-2010, 10:11 AM
The stars are but balls of hot gas
And the moon is not cheese, alas
No chariot pulls the sun

Matera the Mad
01-04-2010, 10:12 AM
The stars are but balls of hot gas
And the moon is not cheese, alas
No chariot pulls the sun
Heck! Truth spoils our fun

Sir_Nigel
01-04-2010, 01:42 PM
The stars are but balls of hot gas
And the moon is not cheese, alas
No chariot pulls the sun
Heck! Truth spoils our fun
What I’m smoking is not really grass!



Two ladies – one thin and one fat

Nymtoc
01-04-2010, 03:04 PM
Two ladies – one thin and one fat -
Insisted they owned the same cat

Lavern08
01-04-2010, 08:10 PM
Two ladies – one thin and one fat -
Insisted they owned the same cat
The judge said "Let's split it"

heth718
01-04-2010, 09:46 PM
Two ladies – one thin and one fat -
Insisted they owned the same cat
The judge said "Let's split it"
Both ladies screamed "Oh $hit!"

archerjoe
01-05-2010, 12:13 AM
Two ladies – one thin and one fat -
Insisted they owned the same cat
The judge said "Let's split it"
Both ladies screamed "Oh $hit!"
And thus was the ending of that.

The judge charged each lady a fine

Lavern08
01-05-2010, 12:24 AM
The judge charged each lady a fine
They fumed as they waited in line

heth718
01-05-2010, 02:41 AM
The judge charged each lady a fine
They fumed as they waited in line
The first flicked the latter

Nymtoc
01-05-2010, 03:21 AM
The judge charged each lady a fine
They fumed as they waited in line
The first flicked the latter
Which worsened the matter

archerjoe
01-05-2010, 03:58 AM
The judge charged each lady a fine
They fumed as they waited in line
The first flicked the latter
Which worsened the matter
Then the clerk pointed out the court's sign

"To those who engage in violence"

Albedo of Zero
01-05-2010, 05:05 AM
"To those who engage in violence"
"Who've been taught the honor of silence,"

Matera the Mad
01-05-2010, 06:18 AM
"To those who engage in violence"
"Who've been taught the honor of silence,"
"Let no one declare

archerjoe
01-05-2010, 07:10 AM
"To those who engage in violence"
"Who've been taught the honor of silence,"
"Let no one declare
"'The verdict's not fair!'

Matera the Mad
01-05-2010, 07:22 AM
"To those who engage in violence"
"Who've been taught the honor of silence,"
"Let no one declare
"'The verdict's not fair!'
"For you'll all be deported to islands!"

"If that's justice," the perp's lawyer said,

Lavern08
01-05-2010, 08:08 PM
"If that's justice," the perp's lawyer said,
As he glared and just shook his bald head

flyingtart
01-05-2010, 08:09 PM
"If that's justice," the perp's lawyer said,
As he glared and just shook his bald head
"I'll eat my hat!"

archerjoe
01-05-2010, 08:13 PM
"If that's justice," the perp's lawyer said,
As he glared and just shook his bald head
"I'll eat my hat!"
"Plus half the cat!"

Lavern08
01-05-2010, 09:08 PM
"If that's justice," the perp's lawyer said,
As he glared and just shook his bald head
"I'll eat my hat!"
"Plus half the cat!"
While the quick, guilty verdict was read.

This cold weather is making me cranky

Matera the Mad
01-05-2010, 09:44 PM
This cold weather is making me cranky
With my sinuses clogged and all nanky

Nymtoc
01-05-2010, 10:21 PM
This cold weather is making me cranky
With my sinuses clogged and all nanky
I tried Benadryl

Lavern08
01-06-2010, 01:29 AM
This cold weather is making me cranky
With my sinuses clogged and all nanky
I tried Benadryl
And got quite a thrill

archerjoe
01-06-2010, 01:49 AM
This cold weather is making me cranky
With my sinuses clogged and all nanky
I tried Benadryl
And got quite a thrill
Leaving the house wearing only a hankie

My kids built a snowman named Gus

CDSinex
01-06-2010, 02:14 AM
My kids built a snowman named Gus
And while doing so made quite a fuss

Matera the Mad
01-06-2010, 07:09 AM
My kids built a snowman named Gus
And while doing so made quite a fuss
They couldn't agree

Preacher'sWife
01-06-2010, 07:12 AM
My kids built a snowman named Gus
And while doing so made quite a fuss
They couldn't agree
On two balls or three

Matera the Mad
01-06-2010, 07:29 AM
My kids built a snowman named Gus
And while doing so made quite a fuss
They couldn't agree
On two balls or three
So they gave him no balls -- what a wuss

Red hot peppers are all my delight

CDSinex
01-06-2010, 08:44 AM
Red hot peppers are all my delight
I eat them from morning 'til night

RevisionIsTheKey
01-06-2010, 09:12 AM
Red hot peppers are all my delight
I eat them from morning 'til night
My belly's ablaze

Albedo of Zero
01-06-2010, 09:44 AM
Red hot peppers are all my delight
I eat them from morning 'til night
My belly's ablaze
but I think it's a craze

Nymtoc
01-06-2010, 01:04 PM
Red hot peppers are all my delight
I eat them from morning 'til night
My belly's ablaze
but I think it's a craze
So I'll keep on devouring 'em. Right?

Go put one more log on the fire

Sir_Nigel
01-06-2010, 02:20 PM
Go put one more log on the fire
- This was Episode 6 of The Wire

CDSinex
01-06-2010, 08:07 PM
Go put one more log on the fire
This was Episode 6 of The Wire
And while you are up.

Preacher'sWife
01-06-2010, 08:50 PM
Go put one more log on the fire
This was Episode 6 of The Wire
And while you are up.
Would you fill up my cup?

archerjoe
01-06-2010, 09:05 PM
Go put one more log on the fire
This was Episode 6 of The Wire
And while you are up.
Would you fill up my cup?
Dab my head, I'm about to perspire

You're going to expire instead, my dear

Lavern08
01-06-2010, 09:51 PM
You're going to expire instead, my dear
But you still have some time, so don't fear

CDSinex
01-06-2010, 10:27 PM
You're going to expire instead, my dear
But you still have some time, so don't fear
Your profound lack of class

Autodidact
01-07-2010, 12:38 AM
You're going to expire instead, my dear
But you still have some time, so don't fear
Your profound lack of class
will not help your ass

Nymtoc
01-07-2010, 12:55 AM
You're going to expire instead, my dear
But you still have some time, so don't fear
Your profound lack of class
will not help your ass
or your mountainous belly of beer.

There once was a boxer named Bill

CDSinex
01-07-2010, 01:02 AM
There once was a boxer named Bill
Who lived in a house on a hill

flyingtart
01-07-2010, 01:08 AM
There once was a boxer named Bill
Who lived in a house on a hill
But sad to say

Lavern08
01-07-2010, 01:23 AM
There once was a boxer named Bill
Who lived in a house on a hill
But sad to say
Old Bill ran away

CDSinex
01-07-2010, 01:35 AM
There once was a boxer named Bill
Who lived in a house on a hill
But sad to say
Old Bill ran away
So they bought a young spaniel named Lill.


One of my friends from downtown

Lavern08
01-07-2010, 01:42 AM
On of my friends from downtown
Made an offer to show me around

RevisionIsTheKey
01-07-2010, 01:50 AM
One of my friends from downtown
Made an offer to show me around
I jumped at the chance

CDSinex
01-07-2010, 02:05 AM
One of my friends from downtown
Made an offer to show me around
I jumped at the chance
But then looked askance

Albedo of Zero
01-07-2010, 03:35 AM
One of my friends from downtown
Made an offer to show me around
I jumped at the chance
But then looked askance
when I found that downtown had burnt down



There once was a tiger named Woods

CDSinex
01-07-2010, 03:43 AM
There once was a tiger named Woods
Who would generously share all his goods

Nymtoc
01-07-2010, 03:50 AM
There once was a tiger named Woods
Who would generously share all his goods
The ladies flocked 'round him

CDSinex
01-07-2010, 03:55 AM
There once was a tiger named Woods
Who would generously share all his goods
The ladies flocked 'round him
‘til his wife found him

Matera the Mad
01-07-2010, 05:30 AM
There once was a tiger named Woods
Who would generously share all his goods
The ladies flocked 'round him
‘til his wife found him
In flagrante delicto with nudes

Oh what a preposterous tale

CDSinex
01-07-2010, 05:48 AM
Oh what a preposterous tale
You say, ‘twas Jonah that ate the whale?

RevisionIsTheKey
01-07-2010, 06:27 AM
Oh what a preposterous tale
You say, ‘twas Jonah that ate the whale?
Just how did it fit?

archerjoe
01-07-2010, 06:49 AM
Oh what a preposterous tale
You say, ‘twas Jonah that ate the whale?
Just how did it fit
In the barbecue pit?

heth718
01-07-2010, 08:20 AM
Oh what a preposterous tale
You say, ‘twas Jonah that ate the whale?
Just how did it fit
In the barbecue pit?
Piece by piece via shovel and pail?

-------------------------
My brain starts to hurt around midnight

CDSinex
01-07-2010, 08:42 AM
My brain starts to hurt around midnight
But with half-a-bottle of bourbon it's just right

archerjoe
01-07-2010, 06:54 PM
My brain starts to hurt around midnight
But with half-a-bottle of bourbon it's just right
Then the room starts to spin

Sir_Nigel
01-07-2010, 07:14 PM
My brain starts to hurt around midnight
But with half-a-bottle of bourbon it's just right
Then the room starts to spin
and I start on the gin

Lavern08
01-07-2010, 07:37 PM
My brain starts to hurt around midnight
But with half-a-bottle of bourbon it's just right
Then the room starts to spin
and I start on the gin
As I hug the commode very tight

I'm feeling the post-holiday blues

archerjoe
01-07-2010, 09:17 PM
I'm feeling the post-holiday blues
And I'm getting no help from my muse

flyingtart
01-07-2010, 09:24 PM
I'm feeling the post-holiday blues
And I'm getting no help from my muse
So I think instead

Nymtoc
01-07-2010, 09:55 PM
I'm feeling the post-holiday blues
And I'm getting no help from my muse
So I think instead
I'll go bake some bread

archerjoe
01-07-2010, 10:53 PM
I'm feeling the post-holiday blues
And I'm getting no help from my muse
So I think instead
I'll go bake some bread
And enjoy it with plenty of booze

The wind blew my hat off my head

CDSinex
01-07-2010, 10:58 PM
The wind blew my hat off my head
Which is something that I always dread

flyingtart
01-07-2010, 11:07 PM
The wind blew my hat off my head
Which is something that I always dread
For my ginger wig

CDSinex
01-07-2010, 11:52 PM
The wind blew my hat off my head
Which is something that I always dread
For my ginger wig
Just isn’t that big

Autodidact
01-08-2010, 12:26 AM
The wind blew my hat off my head
Which is something that I always dread
For my ginger wig
Just isn’t that big
A hood would work better instead.


When reading the Huffington Post

CDSinex
01-08-2010, 01:07 AM
When reading the Huffington Post
I garner more insight than most

RevisionIsTheKey
01-08-2010, 04:48 AM
When reading the Huffington Post
I garner more insight than most
for though I'm not smart

CDSinex
01-08-2010, 06:22 AM
When reading the Huffington Post
I garner more insight than most
for though I'm not smart
It is a good start

Matera the Mad
01-08-2010, 07:03 AM
When reading the Huffington Post
I garner more insight than most
for though I'm not smart
It is a good start
And I feel that the time is not lost.

If I'd written the Lord of the Rings

archerjoe
01-08-2010, 07:07 AM
If I'd written the Lord of the Rings
I'd skip every damn word a dwarf sings

StephanieFox
01-08-2010, 07:09 AM
If I'd written the Lord of the Rings
I'd skip every damn word a dwarf sings
And I'd add a few trolls

archerjoe
01-08-2010, 07:11 AM
If I'd written the Lord of the Rings
I'd skip every damn word a dwarf sings
And I'd add a few trolls
And some gun-totin' molls

CDSinex
01-08-2010, 07:41 AM
If I'd written the Lord of the Rings
I'd skip every damn word a dwarf sings
And I'd add a few trolls
And some gun-totin' molls
And a couple of monsters with wings


I’d be quite happy if you’d

Autodidact
01-08-2010, 07:45 AM
I’d be quite happy if you’d
rustle me up some nice food

StephanieFox
01-08-2010, 07:52 AM
I’d be quite happy if you’d
rustle me up some nice food.
Some red beans and rice

Nymtoc
01-08-2010, 08:29 AM
I’d be quite happy if you’d
rustle me up some nice food.
Some red beans and rice
With cheese would be nice

Matera the Mad
01-08-2010, 09:55 AM
I’d be quite happy if you’d
rustle me up some nice food.
Some red beans and rice
With cheese would be nice
And a slice of that ham would be good

(NOM NOM NOM)

Around midnight I like a light snack

CDSinex
01-08-2010, 10:22 AM
Around midnight I like a light snack
So I run to the store, and dash back

RevisionIsTheKey
01-08-2010, 11:55 AM
Around midnight I like a light snack
So I run to the store, and dash back
The kids are asleep

Sir_Nigel
01-08-2010, 02:03 PM
Around midnight I like a light snack
So I run to the store, and dash back
The kids are asleep,
the cream cakes were cheap

flyingtart
01-08-2010, 04:12 PM
Around midnight I like a light snack
So I run to the store, and dash back
The kids are asleep,
the cream cakes were cheap
But this pigging makes me feel like cack.

I went for a ride in a trap

Sir_Nigel
01-08-2010, 05:22 PM
I went for a ride in a trap
with a rough-looking Portuguese chap

archerjoe
01-08-2010, 06:03 PM
I went for a ride in a trap
with a rough-looking Portuguese chap
His motives appeared

Sir_Nigel
01-08-2010, 06:17 PM
I went for a ride in a trap
with a rough-looking Portuguese chap
His motives appeared
disturbingly wierd

Nymtoc
01-08-2010, 06:27 PM
I went for a ride in a trap
with a rough-looking Portuguese chap
His motives appeared
disturbingly weird
so I hauled off and gave him a slap.

The world is predicted to end

Lavern08
01-08-2010, 07:51 PM
The world is predicted to end
"I'm ready" exclaimed my best friend

archerjoe
01-08-2010, 07:52 PM
The world is predicted to end
"I'm ready" exclaimed my best friend
Were the Incas right?

flyingtart
01-08-2010, 08:30 PM
The world is predicted to end
"I'm ready" exclaimed my best friend
Were the Incas right?
Or was it trite

Autodidact
01-08-2010, 09:38 PM
The world is predicted to end
"I'm ready" exclaimed my best friend
Were the Incas right?
Or was it trite
or a version of "Let's pretend?"


Now that we're in a new decade

CDSinex
01-08-2010, 09:53 PM
Now that we're in a new decade
My memory is starting to fade.

Lavern08
01-08-2010, 10:27 PM
Now that we're in a new decade
My memory is starting to fade.
I can't find my keys

Autodidact
01-08-2010, 11:24 PM
Now that we're in a new decade
My memory is starting to fade.
I can't find my keys.
Would you help me please?

Nymtoc
01-08-2010, 11:33 PM
Now that we're in a new decade
My memory is starting to fade.
I can't find my keys.
Would you help me please?
I hear music. Is this a parade?

Little Billy was said to be bright

RevisionIsTheKey
01-08-2010, 11:39 PM
Little Billy was said to be bright
But, in truth, his brain wasn't quite right

CDSinex
01-08-2010, 11:48 PM
Little Billy was said to be bright
But, in truth, his brain wasn't quite right
He did have a book

Preacher'sWife
01-09-2010, 02:56 AM
Little Billy was said to be bright
But, in truth, his brain wasn't quite right
He did have a book
And an arm with a hook

Nymtoc
01-09-2010, 03:13 AM
Little Billy was said to be bright
But, in truth, his brain wasn't quite right
He did have a book
And an arm with a hook
But his limericks were really a fright.

Last night as I gazed at the moon

Autodidact
01-09-2010, 03:41 AM
Last night as I gazed at the moon,
I felt like a great big buffoon

CDSinex
01-09-2010, 05:03 AM
Last night as I gazed at the moon,
I felt like a great big buffoon
But with a tall enough ladder

Matera the Mad
01-09-2010, 09:19 AM
Last night as I gazed at the moon,
I felt like a great big buffoon
But with a tall enough ladder
I reached up and had 'er

Albedo of Zero
01-09-2010, 09:22 AM
Last night as I gazed at the moon,
I felt like a great big buffoon
But with a tall enough ladder
I reached up and had 'er
and ate all that cheese with a spoon.



There once was a wizard named Max

Matera the Mad
01-09-2010, 09:23 AM
There once was a wizard named Max
Whose ears were all stuffed up with wax

Preacher'sWife
01-09-2010, 10:00 AM
There once was a wizard named Max
Whose ears were all stuffed up with wax
So Max mixed a potion

CDSinex
01-09-2010, 10:16 AM
There once was a wizard named Max
Whose ears were all stuffed up with wax
So Max mixed a potion
Which doubled as lotion

RevisionIsTheKey
01-09-2010, 02:08 PM
There once was a wizard named Max
Whose ears were all stuffed up with wax
So Max mixed a potion
Which doubled as lotion
and with ear goo, he filled twenty sacks

Joy Behar was just in the news

flyingtart
01-09-2010, 02:53 PM
Joy Behar was just in the news
Sporting a new pair of trews

archerjoe
01-09-2010, 06:25 PM
Joy Behar was just in the news
Sporting a new pair of trews
They were quite the fashion

CDSinex
01-09-2010, 11:43 PM
Joy Behar was just in the news
Sporting a new pair of trews
They were quite the fashion
Which she loves with a passion

Nymtoc
01-09-2010, 11:48 PM
Joy Behar was just in the news
Sporting a new pair of trews
They were quite the fashion
Which she loved with a passion
You won't hear her singing the blues.

Now Donner and Blitzen are gone

Albedo of Zero
01-10-2010, 01:36 AM
Now Donner and Blitzen are gone
Rudolph and Vixen had a fawn

Preacher'sWife
01-10-2010, 05:23 AM
Now Donner and Blitzen are gone
Rudolph and Vixen had a fawn
But his nose isn't glowing

StephanieFox
01-10-2010, 05:25 AM
Now Donner and Blitzen are gone
Rudolph and Vixen had a fawn
They named her Patootie

Nymtoc
01-10-2010, 05:40 AM
Now Donner and Blitzen are gone
Rudolph and Vixen had a fawn
They named her Patootie
And sang "Tootie Fruity"

CDSinex
01-10-2010, 08:31 AM
I think Preacher’s Wife was in first
If not, I’ll delete this, let me know the protocol.


Now Donner and Blitzen are gone
Rudolph and Vixen had a fawn
But his nose isn't glowing
And the DNA test’s showing

Albedo of Zero
01-10-2010, 08:44 AM
Now Donner and Blitzen are gone
Rudolph and Vixen had a fawn
But his nose isn't glowing
And the DNA test’s showing
Well.. Rudolph's support is withdrawn


Now Donner and Blitzen are gone
Rudolph and Vixen had a fawn
They named her Patootie
And sang "Tootie Fruity"
and celebrated up until dawn.

****

The snowman named Frosty was hot

CDSinex
01-10-2010, 08:55 AM
The snowman named Frosty was hot
But a player, he really was not

RevisionIsTheKey
01-10-2010, 08:58 AM
The snowman named Frosty was hot
But a player, he really was not

Looks like you won by a minute!

CDSinex
01-10-2010, 09:08 AM
Looks like you won by a minute!


Trust me the shoe's been on the other foot.

StephanieFox
01-10-2010, 09:49 AM
The snowman named Frosty was hot
But a player, he really was not
When a dude is that cold

Preacher'sWife
01-10-2010, 09:52 AM
The snowman named Frosty was hot
But a player, he really was not
When a dude is that cold
There'll be shrinkage (I'm told)

Albedo of Zero
01-10-2010, 09:54 AM
The snowman named Frosty was hot
But a player, he really was not
When a dude is that cold
There'll be shrinkage (I'm told)
but not when the package's a carrot! (said 'carROT')



Today, when the clock struck 12:30

Matera the Mad
01-10-2010, 11:19 AM
Today, when the clock struck 12:30
With the sink full of dishes still dirty

flyingtart
01-10-2010, 04:43 PM
Today, when the clock struck 12:30
With the sink full of dishes still dirty
I turned in disgust

archerjoe
01-10-2010, 08:07 PM
Today, when the clock struck 12:30
With the sink full of dishes still dirty
I turned in disgust
I swore and I cussed

Nymtoc
01-10-2010, 09:14 PM
Today, when the clock struck 12:30
With the sink full of dishes still dirty
I turned in disgust
I swore and I cussed
Believe me, it sure wasn't purty.

I love to watch dolphins at play

CDSinex
01-10-2010, 09:44 PM
It’s very difficult to mention the Philadelphia Eagles this morning (mourning), but ..



I love to watch Dolphins at play
Unless they’re beating the Eagles that day

RevisionIsTheKey
01-11-2010, 12:14 AM
I love to watch Dolphins at play
Unless they’re beating the Eagles that day
And how 'bout those Packers

Albedo of Zero
01-11-2010, 12:16 AM
I love to watch Dolphins at play
Unless they’re beating the Eagles that day
And how 'bout those Packers
the Browns, they were slackers

archerjoe
01-11-2010, 01:35 AM
I love to watch Dolphins at play
Unless they’re beating the Eagles that day
And how 'bout those Packers
the Browns, they were slackers
And the Patriots lost in the fray.

Superbowl halftime show is the Who

CDSinex
01-11-2010, 02:05 AM
This is a reference to “Who’s on First”, the Abbott and Costello routine.


Superbowl halftime show is the Who
The one that played first with that crew?

Matera the Mad
01-11-2010, 05:53 AM
Superbowl halftime show is the Who
The one that played first with that crew?
But What was on second

RevisionIsTheKey
01-11-2010, 06:09 AM
Superbowl halftime show is the Who
The one that played first with that crew?
But What was on second
i Don't Know from third beckons

Matera the Mad
01-11-2010, 07:39 AM
Superbowl halftime show is the Who
The one that played first with that crew?
But What was on second
i Don't Know from third beckons
While out in left field Why laughs too

If Dickens had written like King

CDSinex
01-11-2010, 09:15 AM
If Dickens had written like King
In Copperfield would Clickett, The Orfling

flyingtart
01-11-2010, 04:50 PM
If Dickens had written like King
In Copperfield would Clickett, The Orfling
Have turned out a slasher?

RevisionIsTheKey
01-11-2010, 07:48 PM
If Dickens had written like King
In Copperfield would Clickett, The Orfling
Have turned out a slasher?
or a high school prom trasher?

Matera the Mad
01-12-2010, 09:07 AM
If Dickens had written like King
In Copperfield would Clickett, The Orfling
Have turned out a slasher?
or a high school prom trasher?
Or just pulled apart flies, wing by wing?

In Great Expectations, the horror

Albedo of Zero
01-12-2010, 09:43 AM
In Great Expectations, the horror
of Pip, a philosophy explorer

flyingtart
01-12-2010, 08:57 PM
In Great Expectations, the horror
of Pip, a philosophy explorer
Is vividly told

StephanieFox
01-12-2010, 09:47 PM
In Great Expectations, the horror
of Pip, a philosophy explorer
Is vividly told
With the quotes all in bold

Lavern08
01-12-2010, 11:33 PM
In Great Expectations, the horror
of Pip, a philosophy explorer
Is vividly told
With the quotes all in bold
I'm planning to read it tomorrow.

Our marriage, they said, would not work

archerjoe
01-12-2010, 11:51 PM
Our marriage, they said, would not work
"You're a diva and he's a big jerk"

flyingtart
01-12-2010, 11:52 PM
Our marriage, they said, would not work
"You're a diva and he's a big jerk"
Yet we proved them wrong