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Woof
11-11-2009, 04:47 PM
Yes, I was abducted last night
By an alien twelve feet in height

heth718
11-11-2009, 06:19 PM
Yes, I was abducted last night
By an alien twelve feet in height
I gasped and I sighed

flyingtart
11-11-2009, 07:01 PM
Yes, I was abducted last night
By an alien twelve feet in height
I gasped and I sighed
Enjoying the ride

rosebud1981
11-12-2009, 03:21 AM
Yes, I was abducted last night
By an alien twelve feet in height
I gasped and I sighed
Enjoying the ride
And now never come back I might.

A man with a nose for a mouth

Matera the Mad
11-12-2009, 05:44 AM
A man with a nose for a mouth
Had to sneeze, and his false teeth went south

archerjoe
11-12-2009, 05:58 AM
A man with a nose for a mouth
Had to sneeze, and his false teeth went south
With two feet for hands

Matera the Mad
11-12-2009, 07:36 AM
A man with a nose for a mouth
Had to sneeze, and his false teeth went south
With two feet for hands
He confused his commands

archerjoe
11-12-2009, 07:32 PM
A man with a nose for a mouth
Had to sneeze, and his false teeth went south
With two feet for hands
He confused his commands
And lisped to and fro in his houth

A scattered weatherman named Stu

flyingtart
11-12-2009, 07:56 PM
A scattered weatherman named Stu
One day woke to find his face was blue

heth718
11-12-2009, 10:15 PM
A scattered weatherman named Stu
One day woke to find his face was blue
his jaw dropped, his eyes popped

archerjoe
11-13-2009, 07:04 AM
A scattered weatherman named Stu
One day woke to find his face was blue
his jaw dropped, his eyes popped
It had to be stopped

Matera the Mad
11-13-2009, 09:16 AM
A scattered weatherman named Stu
One day woke to find his face was blue
his jaw dropped, his eyes popped
It had to be stopped
Or soon they would call it "Stu flu"

A potbellied pig named Petite

Steam&Ink
11-13-2009, 09:20 AM
A potbellied pig named Petite
Was my Valentine's gift - what a treat!

Sir_Nigel
11-13-2009, 03:02 PM
A potbellied pig named Petite
Was my Valentine's gift - what a treat!
I slaughtered and cooked it

flyingtart
11-13-2009, 05:51 PM
A potbellied pig named Petite
Was my Valentine's gift - what a treat!
I slaughtered and cooked it
But then when I looked it

heth718
11-13-2009, 06:35 PM
A potbellied pig named Petite
Was my Valentine's gift - what a treat!
I slaughtered and cooked it
But then when I looked it
had starting to regrow its feet

---
My fignernails fell of this morning

Matera the Mad
11-14-2009, 11:10 AM
My fignernails fell of this morning
ZOMG, I knew it was a warning

Nymtoc
11-14-2009, 12:21 PM
My fignernails fell of this morning
ZOMG, I knew it was a warning
Next, my teeth fell out

flyingtart
11-14-2009, 03:32 PM
My fignernails fell off this morning
ZOMG, I knew it was a warning
Next, my teeth fell out
And I turned very stout

Matera the Mad
11-16-2009, 06:43 AM
My fignernails fell off this morning
ZOMG, I knew it was a warning
Next, my teeth fell out
And I turned very stout
Age is heck, never mind global warming

Jack-o-lanterns have turned green and moldy

archerjoe
11-16-2009, 08:21 AM
Jack-o-lanterns have turned green and moldy
And look like that mug shot of Nick Nolte

Nymtoc
11-16-2009, 03:47 PM
Jack-o-lanterns have turned green and moldy
And look like that mug shot of Nick Nolte
Disgusting to see

Woof
11-16-2009, 05:39 PM
Jack-o-lanterns have turned green and moldy
And look like that mug shot of Nick Nolte
Disgusting to see
Smell worse than rank Brie

flyingtart
11-16-2009, 06:44 PM
Jack-o-lanterns have turned green and moldy
And look like that mug shot of Nick Nolte
Disgusting to see
Smell worse than rank Brie
To view them makes my blood run coldy


King Leopold sent for his valet

Autodidact
11-16-2009, 10:32 PM
King Leopold send for his valet
to dress him in time for the ballet

archerjoe
11-17-2009, 07:40 AM
King Leopold send for his valet
to dress him in time for the ballet
It's too warm for a tie

Steam&Ink
11-17-2009, 08:45 AM
King Leopold sent for his valet
to dress him in time for the ballet
It's too warm for a tie
At this time in July

Matera the Mad
11-17-2009, 10:25 AM
King Leopold sent for his valet
to dress him in time for the ballet
It's too warm for a tie
At this time in July
I wish I was at my chalet

On top of the mountain a bear sat

Sir_Nigel
11-17-2009, 01:22 PM
On top of the mountain a bear sat
But in fog there was nothing to stare at

flyingtart
11-17-2009, 05:02 PM
On top of the mountain a bear sat
But in fog there was nothing to stare at
So he stared instead

talkwrite
11-17-2009, 10:00 PM
On top of the mountain a bear sat
But in fog there was nothing to stare at
So he stared instead
At President's heads

Steam&Ink
11-18-2009, 12:56 AM
On top of the mountain a bear sat
But in fog there was nothing to stare at
So he stared instead
At President's heads
and the occasional passing meercat.



I'm often the life of the party
...

archerjoe
11-18-2009, 07:35 AM
I'm often the life of the party
Arriving fashionably tardy

heth718
11-18-2009, 07:41 AM
I'm often the life of the party
Arriving fashionably tardy
with stilettos and pearls

Steam&Ink
11-18-2009, 07:56 AM
I'm often the life of the party
Arriving fashionably tardy
with stilettos and pearls
and discoursing with Earls

Matera the Mad
11-18-2009, 08:26 AM
I'm often the life of the party
Arriving fashionably tardy
with stilettos and pearls
and discoursing with Earls
Whose laughter is ribald and hearty

Just now in my mirror I saw it --

Sir_Nigel
11-18-2009, 12:42 PM
Just now in my mirror I saw it –
but if anyone else does I’m for it

Matera the Mad
11-19-2009, 09:31 AM
Just now in my mirror I saw it –
but if anyone else does I’m for it
Who would have thunk

Sir_Nigel
11-19-2009, 01:08 PM
Just now in my mirror I saw it –
but if anyone else does I’m for it
Who would have thunk
that the corpse in the trunk

Nymtoc
11-19-2009, 05:30 PM
Just now in my mirror I saw it –
but if anyone else does I’m for it
Who would have thunk
that the corpse in the trunk
would get up and walk? Should I ignore it?

There once was a barmaid named Terry

Woof
11-19-2009, 05:32 PM
There once was a barmaid named Terry
Whose chest was all tattooed and hairy

Nymtoc
11-19-2009, 05:37 PM
There once was a barmaid named Terry
Whose chest was all tattooed and hairy
When she poured a drink

Woof
11-19-2009, 05:40 PM
There once was a barmaid named Terry
Whose chest was all tattooed and hairy
When she poured a drink
There was quite a stink

Sir_Nigel
11-19-2009, 06:10 PM
There once was a barmaid named Terry
Whose chest was all tattooed and hairy
When she poured a drink
There was quite a stink
as she knocked back the cheap fizzy Perry



My name is Heironymous Glub

Woof
11-19-2009, 06:17 PM
My name is Heironymous Glub
I'm a glutton addicted to grub

flyingtart
11-19-2009, 07:59 PM
My name is Heironymous Glub
I'm a glutton addicted to grub
I'd eat mutton pies

Lavern08
11-19-2009, 09:13 PM
My name is Heironymous Glub
I'm a glutton addicted to grub
I'd eat mutton pies
but I'm afraid of the flies

archerjoe
11-20-2009, 04:16 AM
My name is Heironymous Glub
I'm a glutton addicted to grub
I'd eat mutton pies
but I'm afraid of the flies
And never leave my home at the pub

The police caught the thief red-handed

Matera the Mad
11-20-2009, 07:52 AM
The police caught the thief red-handed
But to their surprise, they had landed

flyingtart
11-20-2009, 02:42 PM
The police caught the thief red-handed
But to their surprise, they had landed
A very big fish

talkwrite
11-20-2009, 09:07 PM
The police caught the thief red-handed
But to their surprise, they had landed
A very big fish
Who walked with a ~swish~

Lavern08
11-21-2009, 01:20 AM
The police caught the thief red-handed
But to their surprise, they had landed
A very big fish
Who walked with a ~swish~
"My name's Charlie, and I think that I'm stranded!"


I once had a puppy named Shoe

archerjoe
11-21-2009, 07:15 AM
I once had a puppy named Shoe
Named after what he liked to chew

Matera the Mad
11-21-2009, 09:00 AM
I once had a puppy named Shoe
Named after what he liked to chew
I hadn't one pair

Matera the Mad
11-23-2009, 09:43 AM
I once had a puppy named Shoe
Named after what he liked to chew
I hadn't one pair
That he didn't tear

Come on, limerick lovers, where are ya?

Sir_Nigel
11-23-2009, 02:37 PM
I once had a puppy named Shoe
Named after what he liked to chew
I hadn't one pair
That he didn't tear.
It was quite a long distance he flew.


‘It lives!’ cried the nutty professor

archerjoe
11-23-2009, 04:24 PM
‘It lives!’ cried the nutty professor
"Pay up!" ordered the tax assessor

flyingtart
11-23-2009, 05:54 PM
‘It lives!’ cried the nutty professor
"Pay up!" ordered the tax assessor
But science don't pay

Lavern08
11-23-2009, 11:59 PM
‘It lives!’ cried the nutty professor
"Pay up!" ordered the tax assessor
But science don't pay
'Cause back in the day

talkwrite
11-24-2009, 02:40 AM
It lives!’ cried the nutty professor
"Pay up!" ordered the tax assessor
But science don't pay
'Cause back in the day
The Pope was the Main predecessor

Once a King dared to refuse battle

flyingtart
11-24-2009, 06:42 PM
Once a King dared to refuse battle
Which made all his courtiers prattle

archerjoe
11-24-2009, 08:50 PM
Once a King dared to refuse battle
Which made all his courtiers prattle
Can he be loyal?

Lavern08
11-24-2009, 08:58 PM
Once a King dared to refuse battle
Which made all his courtiers prattle
Can he be loyal?
Or is he just royal?

Matera the Mad
11-26-2009, 08:31 AM
Once a King dared to refuse battle
Which made all his courtiers prattle
Can he be loyal?
Or is he just royal?
Does he fear we'll to the Queen tattle?

In a cave in a mountain in Austria

flyingtart
11-27-2009, 12:51 AM
In a cave in a mountain in Austria
Two nights on the trot will sure cost ya

Matera the Mad
11-27-2009, 10:07 AM
In a cave in a mountain in Austria
Two nights on the trot will sure cost ya
The bed is cold stone

Sir_Nigel
11-27-2009, 12:31 PM
In a cave in a mountain in Austria
Two nights on the trot will sure cost ya
The bed is cold stone
But you won’t sleep alone

flyingtart
11-27-2009, 04:46 PM
In a cave in a mountain in Austria
Two nights on the trot will sure cost ya
The bed is cold stone
But you won’t sleep alone
Which is good cos there's nowhere quite frostier


Oh Marvin's the talk of the town

Matera the Mad
11-29-2009, 10:24 AM
Oh Marvin's the talk of the town
He went out in his sister's old gown

flyingtart
11-29-2009, 08:46 PM
Oh Marvin's the talk of the town
He went out in his sister's old gown
But the lining was torn

heth718
11-30-2009, 08:30 AM
Oh Marvin's the talk of the town
He went out in his sister's old gown
But the lining was torn
and he stuffed it with corn

Matera the Mad
11-30-2009, 09:38 AM
Oh Marvin's the talk of the town
He went out in his sister's old gown
But the lining was torn
and he stuffed it with corn
Squirrels chased him up Main Street and down

My new kitten is cute as can be

Nymtoc
11-30-2009, 06:28 PM
My new kitten is cute as can be
But this morning he ran up a tree

Autodidact
12-01-2009, 03:31 AM
My new kitten is cute as can be
But this morning he ran up a tree
I got out the ladder

Matera the Mad
12-01-2009, 10:00 AM
My new kitten is cute as can be
But this morning he ran up a tree
I got out the ladder
And I almost had 'er

Nymtoc
12-01-2009, 10:14 AM
My new kitten is cute as can be
But this morning he ran up a tree
I got out the ladder
And I almost had 'er
But I fell off and banged up my knee.

There once was a bouncer named Jake

Sir_Nigel
12-01-2009, 01:01 PM
There once was a bouncer named Jake
Who, when asked what he loved, replied ‘Cake’

archerjoe
12-01-2009, 06:06 PM
There once was a bouncer named Jake
Who, when asked what he loved, replied ‘Cake’
And tossing out punks

flyingtart
12-01-2009, 06:07 PM
There once was a bouncer named Jake
Who, when asked what he loved, replied ‘Cake’
And tossing out punks
And sleeping on bunks

Nymtoc
12-01-2009, 06:25 PM
There once was a bouncer named Jake
Who, when asked what he loved, replied ‘Cake’
And tossing out punks
And sleeping on bunks
And looking for legs he could break.

My uncle could fly through the air

Woof
12-01-2009, 06:30 PM
My uncle could fly through the air
While eating a chocolate éclair

Nymtoc
12-01-2009, 06:35 PM
My uncle could fly through the air
While eating a chocolate éclair
"C'est bon!" he would say

Woof
12-01-2009, 06:53 PM
My uncle could fly through the air
While eating a chocolate éclair
"C'est bon!" he would say
Then eat a soufflé

Sir_Nigel
12-01-2009, 06:58 PM
My uncle could fly through the air
While eating a chocolate éclair
"C'est bon!" he would say
Then eat a souflee
washed down with a glass of sancerre.


I’ve found an erogenous zone !

flyingtart
12-01-2009, 07:06 PM
I’ve found an erogenous zone !
(I'm sorry to lower the tone)

talkwrite
12-01-2009, 08:23 PM
I’ve found an erogenous zone !
(I'm sorry to lower the tone)
It took me 5 years

Woof
12-01-2009, 09:01 PM
I’ve found an erogenous zone !
(I'm sorry to lower the tone)
It took me 5 years
To pleasure my ears

Autodidact
12-01-2009, 10:08 PM
I’ve found an erogenous zone !
(I'm sorry to lower the tone)
It took me 5 years
To pleasure my ears
and also my right elbow bone.


This morning in Huffington Post,

Woof
12-01-2009, 10:17 PM
This morning in Huffington Post
I read that a big TV host

talkwrite
12-02-2009, 04:34 AM
This morning in Huffington Post
I read that a big TV host
Would soon bid adieu

Nymtoc
12-02-2009, 04:35 AM
This morning in Huffington Post
I read that a big TV host
Was sleazy and crude

archerjoe
12-02-2009, 07:15 AM
This morning in Huffington Post
I read that a big TV host
Was sleazy and crude
On air when he's stewed

Matera the Mad
12-02-2009, 08:18 AM
This morning in Huffington Post
I read that a big TV host
Was sleazy and crude
On air when he's stewed
He got broiled in his very own roast

When the weather is truly inclement

Nymtoc
12-02-2009, 11:15 AM
When the weather is truly inclement
I know what g-l-o-o-m meant

Matera the Mad
12-02-2009, 11:17 AM
When the weather is truly inclement
I know what g-l-o-o-m meant
With ice on my nose

flyingtart
12-02-2009, 02:40 PM
When the weather is truly inclement
I know what g-l-o-o-m meant
With ice on my nose
Chillblanes on my toes

archerjoe
12-02-2009, 04:16 PM
When the weather is truly inclement
I know what g-l-o-o-m meant
With ice on my nose
Chillblanes on my toes
A trip to Hawaii is heaven-sent

On the ground, a fresh blanket of snow

flyingtart
12-02-2009, 06:08 PM
On the ground, a fresh blanket of snow
Made the countryside glisten and glow

Woof
12-02-2009, 06:13 PM
On the ground, a fresh blanket of snow
Made the countryside glisten and glow
But a corpse on the ground

Nymtoc
12-02-2009, 10:48 PM
On the ground, a fresh blanket of snow
Made the countryside glisten and glow
But a corpse on the ground
Had been found by a hound

flyingtart
12-02-2009, 11:20 PM
On the ground, a fresh blanket of snow
Made the countryside glisten and glow
But a corpse on the ground
Had been found by a hound
Who belonged to a fellow called Joe.

Now Joe was a quiet kinda guy

Autodidact
12-02-2009, 11:24 PM
Now Joe was a quiet kinda guy,
when sober would not hurt a fly

Pthom
12-02-2009, 11:38 PM
Now Joe was a quiet kinda guy,
When sober would not hurt a fly
But Joe loved his drink

Nymtoc
12-03-2009, 02:36 AM
Now Joe was a quiet kinda guy,
When sober would not hurt a fly
But Joe loved his drink
So he'd land in the clink

Matera the Mad
12-03-2009, 10:28 AM
Now Joe was a quiet kinda guy,
When sober would not hurt a fly
But Joe loved his drink
So he'd land in the clink
But one night he got lost while too high

He wandered away off the road

Nymtoc
12-03-2009, 10:32 AM
He wandered away off the road
Soon he came to a curious abode

Woof
12-03-2009, 05:08 PM
He wandered away off the road
Soon he came to a curious abode
Where a man with no head

archerjoe
12-03-2009, 05:39 PM
He wandered away off the road
Soon he came to a curious abode
Where a man with no head
Forgot he was dead

Sir_Nigel
12-03-2009, 07:19 PM
He wandered away off the road
Soon he came to a curious abode
Where a man with no head
Forgot he was dead
Oh why did I lick that toad ?



Ah yes, said the woodchopper sadly

Lavern08
12-03-2009, 07:31 PM
Ah yes, said the woodchopper sadly
I butchered that tree rather badly

Nymtoc
12-03-2009, 08:42 PM
Ah yes, said the woodchopper sadly
I butchered that tree rather badly
No more will it stand

Woof
12-03-2009, 08:44 PM
Ah yes, said the woodchopper sadly
I butchered that tree rather badly
No more will it stand
Aieee! There goes my hand

Nymtoc
12-03-2009, 08:50 PM
Ah yes, said the woodchopper sadly
I butchered that tree rather badly
No more will it stand
Aieee! There goes my hand
It seems I was dumb to chop madly.

Marie sold her wares on the beach

Woof
12-03-2009, 08:52 PM
Marie sold her wares on the beach
Which were grabbed by a thieving leach

Nymtoc
12-03-2009, 08:53 PM
Marie sold her wares on the beach
Which were grabbed by a thieving leach
"He robbed me!" she cried

Lavern08
12-03-2009, 09:31 PM
Marie sold her wares on the beach
Which were grabbed by a thieving leach
"He robbed me!" she cried
"She's lying," he lied

Nymtoc
12-04-2009, 02:24 AM
Marie sold her wares on the beach
Which were grabbed by a thieving leach
"He robbed me!" she cried
"She's lying," he lied
But which one really lied? Maybe each.

Minnie Mouse went to buy a new hat

Pthom
12-04-2009, 05:13 AM
Minnie Mouse went to buy a new hat
But Mickey said, "It makes you look fat."

Nightfly
12-04-2009, 06:25 AM
Minnie Mouse went to buy a new hat
But Mickey said, "It makes you look fat."
A big... big mistake

archerjoe
12-04-2009, 07:37 AM
Minnie Mouse went to buy a new hat
But Mickey said, "It makes you look fat."
A big... big mistake
He went plop! in the lake

Nymtoc
12-04-2009, 08:38 AM
Minnie Mouse went to buy a new hat
But Mickey said, "It makes you look fat."
A big... big mistake
He went plop! in the lake
Now she wears her new hat, and that's that.

Pretty Polly said, "I'll make a pie"

Sir_Nigel
12-04-2009, 04:04 PM
Pretty Polly said, "I'll make a pie"
Fat Sally said “Great, so will I!”

archerjoe
12-04-2009, 04:30 PM
Pretty Polly said, "I'll make a pie"
Fat Sally said “Great, so will I!”
But Mean Gene stopped in

Woof
12-04-2009, 04:51 PM
Pretty Polly said, "I'll make a pie"
Fat Sally said “Great, so will I!”
But Mean Gene stopped in
And said, "I want gin!"

Lavern08
12-04-2009, 07:21 PM
Pretty Polly said, "I'll make a pie"
Fat Sally said “Great, so will I!”
But Mean Gene stopped in
And said, "I want gin!"
But he left with a grunt and a sigh.

For Christmas this year, I want cash

flyingtart
12-04-2009, 07:24 PM
For Christmas this year, I want cash
With some luck I'll end up with a stash

Autodidact
12-05-2009, 12:47 AM
For Christmas this year, I want cash
With some luck I'll end up with a stash
since I was laid off

Pthom
12-05-2009, 04:44 AM
For Christmas this year, I want cash
With some luck I'll end up with a stash
Since I was laid off,
My friends, how they scoff!

Matera the Mad
12-05-2009, 10:29 AM
For Christmas this year, I want cash
With some luck I'll end up with a stash
Since I was laid off,
My friends, how they scoff!
But I'll not moan and wallow in ash.

I'll put up a jolly great tree

Nymtoc
12-05-2009, 05:52 PM
I'll put up a jolly great tree
The whole town will view it with glee

slcboston
12-05-2009, 08:41 PM
I'll put up a jolly great tree
The whole town will view it with glee
We'll turn on the lights

Lavern08
12-05-2009, 10:10 PM
I'll put up a jolly great tree
The whole town will view it with glee
We'll turn on the lights
I'll wear my red tights

Autodidact
12-05-2009, 10:54 PM
I'll put up a jolly great tree
The whole town will view it with glee
We'll turn on the lights
I'll wear my red tights,
A bread-loaf, a wine-jug and thee!



"Bah humbug," said Scrooge to his clerk,

Nymtoc
12-05-2009, 11:23 PM
"Bah humbug," said Scrooge to his clerk,
"You need no lamp. Work in the dark."

archerjoe
12-06-2009, 05:06 AM
Bah humbug," said Scrooge to his clerk,
"You need no lamp. Work in the dark."
As for Tiny Tim

Nymtoc
12-06-2009, 05:20 AM
"Bah humbug," said Scrooge to his clerk,
"You need no lamp. Work in the dark."
As for Tiny Tim
Who cares about him?

Matera the Mad
12-06-2009, 07:12 AM
"Bah humbug," said Scrooge to his clerk,
"You need no lamp. Work in the dark.
As for Tiny Tim
Who cares about him?
You should send him to beg in the park."

Poor Bob seethed with inward rebellion

flyingtart
12-06-2009, 07:38 PM
Poor Bob seethed with inward rebellion
When faced with his boss, John Trevelyan

Lavern08
12-07-2009, 01:27 AM
Poor Bob seethed with inward rebellion
When faced with his boss, John Trevelyan
Poor Bob saw it comin'

Matera the Mad
12-07-2009, 11:22 AM
Poor Bob seethed with inward rebellion
When faced with his boss, John Trevelyan
Poor Bob saw it comin'
But he just sat there hummin'

flyingtart
12-07-2009, 03:26 PM
Poor Bob seethed with inward rebellion
When faced with his boss, John Trevelyan
Poor Bob saw it comin'
But he just sat there hummin'
For Bob was most surely a smelly 'un.

The end of that rhyme was appalling!

archerjoe
12-07-2009, 04:36 PM
The end of that rhyme was appalling!
The editors seem to be stalling

Lavern08
12-07-2009, 08:14 PM
The end of that rhyme was appalling!
The editors seem to be stalling
It's hard to be witty (I am gonna be so sorry I wrote that, I just know it)

Nightfly
12-08-2009, 07:30 AM
The end of that rhyme was appalling
The editors seem to be stalling
It's hard to be witty
But screw it, I'm pretty

Nymtoc
12-08-2009, 07:55 AM
The end of that rhyme was appalling
The editors seem to be stalling
It's hard to be witty
But screw it, I'm pretty--
Unlike this lame limerick I'm scrawling.

Behind the old barn there's a well

Matera the Mad
12-08-2009, 07:57 AM
Behind the old barn there's a well
And from it arises a smell

talkwrite
12-08-2009, 08:28 PM
Behind the old barn there's a well
And from it arises a smell
Not mother's cooking;

Autodidact
12-08-2009, 08:51 PM
Behind the old barn there's a well
And from it arises a smell
Not mother's cooking;
the cops have been looking

Lavern08
12-08-2009, 11:56 PM
Behind the old barn there's a well
And from it arises a smell
Not mother's cooking;
the cops have been looking
I know what's there, but won't tell.

I bought a brand new Christmas tree

Autodidact
12-09-2009, 12:15 AM
I bought a brand new Christmas tree
drove it home in my SUV,

flyingtart
12-09-2009, 12:39 AM
I bought a brand new Christmas tree
drove it home in my SUV,
But just my luck

archerjoe
12-09-2009, 07:38 AM
I bought a brand new Christmas tree
drove it home in my SUV,
But just my luck
The garage door stuck

Matera the Mad
12-09-2009, 09:07 AM
I bought a brand new Christmas tree
drove it home in my SUV,
But just my luck
The garage door stuck
And bent the hell out of the son-of-a-bee

The kitten climbed up my Christmas tree

Lavern08
12-09-2009, 06:10 PM
The kitten climbed up my Christmas tree
And left a little present for me

Autodidact
12-09-2009, 09:02 PM
The kitten climbed up my Christmas tree
And left a little present for me
I did not LOL

archerjoe
12-09-2009, 09:16 PM
The kitten climbed up my Christmas tree
And left a little present for me
I did not LOL
When it started to smell

Autodidact
12-10-2009, 06:41 AM
The kitten climbed up my Christmas tree
And left a little present for me
I did not LOL
When it started to smell,
and look, I left it for thee!


Merry Christmas to all and to all a

Sir_Nigel
12-10-2009, 01:03 PM
Merry Christmas to all and to all a
fond hope you’ll grow richer or taller

Nymtoc
12-10-2009, 04:12 PM
Merry Christmas to all and to all a
fond hope you’ll grow richer or taller
and may you have health

HEY, GANG, THIS IS MY 9000th POST!

archerjoe
12-10-2009, 04:26 PM
Merry Christmas to all and to all a
fond hope you’ll grow richer or taller
and may you have health
your writing bring wealth

Autodidact
12-10-2009, 11:43 PM
Merry Christmas to all and to all a
fond hope you’ll grow richer or taller
and may you have health
your writing bring wealth
for each word earning at least a dollar.


Looking back on two thousand and nine,

flyingtart
12-10-2009, 11:49 PM
Looking back on two thousand and nine,
For the most part it suited me fine

oneblindmouse
12-11-2009, 04:04 AM
Looking back on two thousand and nine,
For the most part it suited me fine
But from May to July

Matera the Mad
12-11-2009, 10:34 AM
Looking back on two thousand and nine,
For the most part it suited me fine
But from May to July
All I did was fry

Sir_Nigel
12-11-2009, 03:50 PM
Looking back on two thousand and nine,
For the most part it suited me fine
But from May to July
All I did was fry
spam fritters on the banks of the Tyne.


‘Why aye’ said the fair Geordie lass

Nymtoc
12-11-2009, 05:39 PM
‘Why aye’ said the fair Geordie lass,
'A misst ye sae muckle haur on the grass'

Autodidact
12-11-2009, 09:16 PM
‘Why aye’ said the fair Geordie lass,
'A misst ye sae muckle haur on the grass'
And other things Scottish

archerjoe
12-11-2009, 09:44 PM
‘Why aye’ said the fair Geordie lass,
'A misst ye sae muckle haur on the grass'
And other things Scottish
That sound vaguely hottish

Autodidact
12-12-2009, 03:17 AM
‘Why aye’ said the fair Geordie lass,
'A misst ye sae muckle haur on the grass'
And other things Scottish
That sound vaguely hottish
like, "Kin ye a peek at my ass?"



Tonight is the first night of Chanukah,

Albedo of Zero
12-12-2009, 04:53 AM
Tonight is the first night of Chanukah,
and I hope to have lots of funukah (my apologies to Adam Sandler)

Autodidact
12-12-2009, 09:10 AM
Tonight is the first night of Chanukah,
and I hope to have lots of funukah
While spinning a dreidl,

flyingtart
12-12-2009, 02:48 PM
Tonight is the first night of Chanukah,
and I hope to have lots of funukah
While spinning a dreidl,
I drop my best ladle

slcboston
12-12-2009, 07:08 PM
Tonight is the first night of Chanukah,
and I hope to have lots of funukah
While spinning a dreidl,
I drop my best ladle
And that's when I threw my yarmulke


I went out in the snow and the cold

archerjoe
12-13-2009, 12:42 AM
I went out in the snow and the cold
To the place where trips south were sold

Autodidact
12-13-2009, 01:17 AM
I went out in the snow and the cold
To the place where trips south were sold
Saying, "Two for Tahiti,"

Preacher'sWife
12-13-2009, 07:54 AM
I went out in the snow and the cold
To the place where trips south were sold
Saying, "Two for Tahiti,"
"They're a gift for my sweetie,"
__________________

Matera the Mad
12-13-2009, 10:30 AM
I went out in the snow and the cold
To the place where trips south were sold
Saying, "Two for Tahiti,
They're a gift for my sweetie,
We're staying there 'til we get old."

Oh, perish the thought of more snow

flyingtart
12-13-2009, 06:03 PM
Oh, perish the thought of more snow
My chillblanes are starting to glow

Lavern08
12-13-2009, 08:27 PM
Oh, perish the thought of more snow
My chillblanes are starting to glow
I have frost on my booty

Autodidact
12-14-2009, 06:13 AM
Oh, perish the thought of more snow
My chillblanes are starting to glow
I have frost on my booty
and ice in my pooty,

archerjoe
12-14-2009, 06:26 AM
Oh, perish the thought of more snow
My chillblanes are starting to glow
I have frost on my booty
and ice in my pooty,
An uncomfortable feeling, you know.

When it's this cold I sit by the fire

Preacher'sWife
12-14-2009, 07:25 AM
When it's this cold I sit by the fire
Heat my bum 'til I start to perspire

Albedo of Zero
12-14-2009, 07:40 AM
When it's this cold I sit by the fire
Heat my bum 'til I start to perspire
Is that smoke I smell?

Sir_Nigel
12-14-2009, 01:59 PM
When it's this cold I sit by the fire
Heat my bum 'til I start to perspire
Is that smoke I smell?
Where’s that cool soothing gel?

Matera the Mad
12-14-2009, 03:29 PM
When it's this cold I sit by the fire
Heat my bum 'til I start to perspire
Is that smoke I smell?
Where’s that cool soothing gel?
The pain in my burnt toes is dire!

Once burnt is twice shy, so they say

flyingtart
12-14-2009, 03:59 PM
Once burnt is twice shy, so they say
And I sure learned my lesson that day

Sir_Nigel
12-14-2009, 05:12 PM
Once burnt is twice shy, so they say
And I sure learned my lesson that day
so never again

Nymtoc
12-14-2009, 06:51 PM
Once burnt is twice shy, so they say
And I sure learned my lesson that day
so never again
will I walk through the fen

Lavern08
12-14-2009, 09:02 PM
Once burnt is twice shy, so they say
And I sure learned my lesson that day
so never again
will I walk through the fen
I'll just turn and go the other way

The gift that you sent me was nifty

Autodidact
12-14-2009, 10:00 PM
The gift that you sent me was nifty,
And I see that your choice was quite thrifty,

talkwrite
12-15-2009, 02:01 AM
The gift that you sent me was nifty,
And I see that your choice was quite thrifty;
The price tag did show

Autodidact
12-15-2009, 03:51 AM
The gift that you sent me was nifty,
And I see that your choice was quite thrifty;
The price tag did show
a cost well below

Nymtoc
12-15-2009, 04:13 AM
The gift that you sent me was nifty,
And I see that your choice was quite thrifty;
The price tag did show
a cost well below
$10,550.

Big Bertha was queen of the ball

archerjoe
12-15-2009, 04:17 AM
The gift that you sent me was nifty,
And I see that your choice was quite thrifty;
The price tag did show
a cost well below
ten bucks from a guy who was shifty

I could tell by the way it was wrapped

Autodidact
12-15-2009, 07:00 AM
Big Bertha was queen of the ball.
she held all the fellows in thrall,

Preacher'sWife
12-15-2009, 07:11 AM
Big Bertha was queen of the ball.
she held all the fellows in thrall,
Things started to jiggle
__________________

Sir_Nigel
12-15-2009, 04:55 PM
Big Bertha was queen of the ball.
she held all the fellows in thrall,
Things started to jiggle
‘cause man could she wiggle

flyingtart
12-15-2009, 06:26 PM
Big Bertha was queen of the ball.
she held all the fellows in thrall,
Things started to jiggle
‘cause man could she wiggle
And she kept them bedazzled till Fall.

My cousin went out on his Harley

Nymtoc
12-15-2009, 06:32 PM
My cousin went out on his Harley
In search of a good field of barley

Woof
12-15-2009, 06:36 PM
My cousin went out on his Harley
In search of a good field of barley
He drove to a patch

Nymtoc
12-15-2009, 06:38 PM
My cousin went out on his Harley
In search of a good field of barley
He drove to a patch
And then lit a match

Woof
12-15-2009, 06:59 PM
My cousin went out on his Harley
In search of a good field of barley
He drove to a patch
And then lit a match
And saw the ghost of Jacob Marley.


When Scrooge awoke on Christmas morn

Autodidact
12-16-2009, 02:23 AM
When Scrooge awoke on Christmas morn,
he felt as an infant reborn

Matera the Mad
12-16-2009, 10:04 AM
When Scrooge awoke on Christmas morn,
he felt as an infant reborn
He kicked up his heels

flyingtart
12-16-2009, 04:05 PM
When Scrooge awoke on Christmas morn,
he felt as an infant reborn
He kicked up his heels
Emitting strange squeals

archerjoe
12-16-2009, 04:29 PM
When Scrooge awoke on Christmas morn,
he felt as an infant reborn
He kicked up his heels
Emitting strange squeals
From his snazzy new Christmas horn

"Oh, look at Scrooge!" cried Tiny Tim

Sir_Nigel
12-16-2009, 05:52 PM
"Oh, look at Scrooge!" cried Tiny Tim
from his hovel so squalid and grim

Nymtoc
12-16-2009, 07:27 PM
"Oh, look at Scrooge!" cried Tiny Tim
from his hovel so squalid and grim
"He's brought us a goose

Autodidact
12-16-2009, 08:31 PM
"Oh, look at Scrooge!" cried Tiny Tim
from his hovel so squalid and grim
"He's brought us a goose,
a gallon of juice,

flyingtart
12-16-2009, 08:57 PM
"Oh, look at Scrooge!" cried Tiny Tim
from his hovel so squalid and grim
"He's brought us a goose,
a gallon of juice,
And he's singing a Christmassy hymn!"

The goose then woke up with a start

Albedo of Zero
12-16-2009, 11:14 PM
The goose then woke up with a start
and Christmas is not in its heart

Lavern08
12-17-2009, 12:16 AM
The goose then woke up with a start
and Christmas is not in its heart
For he knew he'd be "cooked"

Autodidact
12-17-2009, 03:06 AM
The goose then woke up with a start
and Christmas is not in its heart
For he knew he'd be "cooked"
but as bad as it looked,

Matera the Mad
12-17-2009, 09:03 AM
The goose then woke up with a start
and Christmas is not in its heart
For he knew he'd be "cooked"
but as bad as it looked,
He knew that he must play his part.

For every creature at Christmas time

Sir_Nigel
12-17-2009, 12:56 PM
For every creature at Christmas time
there’s a too-many-syllables rhyme

Lavern08
12-17-2009, 07:58 PM
For every creature at Christmas time
there’s a too-many-syllables rhyme
It's hard to make funny

Autodidact
12-17-2009, 10:13 PM
For every creature at Christmas time
there’s a too-many-syllables rhyme
It's hard to make funny
and hard to be punny

Nymtoc
12-18-2009, 01:30 AM
For every creature at Christmas time
there’s a too-many-syllables rhyme
It's hard to make funny
and hard to be punny
so maybe I'll just be a mime.

I lost all the bells from my sleigh

Albedo of Zero
12-18-2009, 02:49 AM
I lost all the bells from my sleigh
said the horse in a whinny and neigh

Autodidact
12-18-2009, 03:13 AM
I lost all the bells from my sleigh
said the horse in a whinny and neigh
I have no way to jingle,

Lavern08
12-18-2009, 04:16 AM
I lost all the bells from my sleigh
said the horse in a whinny and neigh
I have no way to jingle,
Which means I can't mingle

Nymtoc
12-18-2009, 05:44 AM
I lost all the bells from my sleigh
said the horse in a whinny and neigh
I have no way to jingle,
Which means I can't mingle
with merry folks on Christmas Day.

"The sun's out," the snowman complained

archerjoe
12-18-2009, 07:07 AM
"The sun's out," the snowman complained,
"My SPF 50 is drained"

Sir_Nigel
12-18-2009, 03:54 PM
"The sun's out," the snowman complained,
"My SPF 50 is drained"
“Perhaps one last cuddle?

flyingtart
12-18-2009, 04:57 PM
"The sun's out," the snowman complained,
"My SPF 50 is drained"
“Perhaps one last cuddle?"
He said to a puddle

Lavern08
12-18-2009, 06:07 PM
"The sun's out," the snowman complained,
"My SPF 50 is drained"
“Perhaps one last cuddle?"
He said to a puddle
And then it proceeded to rain

My kids hid my new Christmas stocking

Matera the Mad
12-18-2009, 06:14 PM
My kids hid my new Christmas stocking
So when Santa came without knocking

archerjoe
12-18-2009, 07:55 PM
My kids hid my new Christmas stocking
So when Santa came without knocking
My face was quite red

flyingtart
12-18-2009, 08:22 PM
My kids hid my new Christmas stocking
So when Santa came without knocking
My face was quite red
As I sat up in bed

Autodidact
12-18-2009, 09:29 PM
My kids hid my new Christmas stocking
So when Santa came without knocking
My face was quite red
As I sat up in bed
And thinking quickly, blamed Steven Hawking.



The senate will finally vote

Nymtoc
12-19-2009, 12:09 AM
The senate will finally vote
After many a tedious quote

archerjoe
12-19-2009, 01:02 AM
The senate will finally vote
After many a tedious quote
No holiday cheer

Autodidact
12-19-2009, 03:04 AM
The senate will finally vote
After many a tedious quote
No holiday cheer
but one thing is clear:

Nymtoc
12-19-2009, 04:49 AM
The senate will finally vote
After many a tedious quote
No holiday cheer
but one thing is clear:
We're all in the same leaky boat.

My nephew wants Santa to bring

flyingtart
12-19-2009, 02:38 PM
My nephew wants Santa to bring
A twenty-five carat gold ring

Preacher'sWife
12-19-2009, 07:54 PM
My nephew wants Santa to bring
A twenty-five carat gold ring
To wear on his pinkie

Matera the Mad
12-21-2009, 09:40 AM
My nephew wants Santa to bring
A twenty-five carat gold ring
To wear on his pinkie
He's spoiled rotten stinky

flyingtart
12-21-2009, 04:43 PM
My nephew wants Santa to bring
A twenty-five carat gold ring
To wear on his pinkie
He's spoiled rotten stinky
And I hope he don't get a thing.


Oh the snow is right up to my ass

Sir_Nigel
12-21-2009, 04:53 PM
Oh the snow is right up to my ass
'cos I’m only a short dumpy lass

archerjoe
12-21-2009, 08:56 PM
Oh the snow is right up to my ass
'cos I’m only a short dumpy lass
Other bits are cold, too

Autodidact
12-21-2009, 09:59 PM
Oh the snow is right up to my ass
'cos I’m only a short dumpy lass
Other bits are cold, too
I could have told you*





*is rather proud of that rhyme*

Albedo of Zero
12-21-2009, 10:22 PM
Oh the snow is right up to my ass
'cos I’m only a short dumpy lass
Other bits are cold, too
I could have told you*
but that would've been much too crass



The sign said 'Don't Eat the Snow'

Autodidact
12-21-2009, 11:49 PM
The sign said 'Don't Eat the Snow'
but I tread where men fear to go,

flyingtart
12-22-2009, 12:08 AM
The sign said 'Don't Eat the Snow'
but I tread where men fear to go,
So I eat my fill

archerjoe
12-22-2009, 07:22 AM
The sign said 'Don't Eat the Snow'
but I tread where men fear to go,
So I eat my fill
It gives me a chill

RevisionIsTheKey
12-22-2009, 08:03 AM
The sign said 'Don't Eat the Snow'
but I tread where men fear to go,
So I eat my fill
It gives me a chill
And those lumps? I don't want to know.

A writer sent off a quick query

Matera the Mad
12-22-2009, 10:11 AM
A writer sent off a quick query
With an e-mail so blythe and so merry

Sir_Nigel
12-22-2009, 12:39 PM
A writer sent off a quick query
With an e-mail so blythe and so merry
“Dear Sir, Is it true??”

archerjoe
12-22-2009, 04:19 PM
A writer sent off a quick query
With an e-mail so blythe and so merry
“Dear Sir, Is it true??”
"Not one book but two?"

Preacher'sWife
12-22-2009, 07:53 PM
A writer sent off a quick query
With an e-mail so blythe and so merry
“Dear Sir, Is it true??”
"Not one book but two?"
(Note to Self) R on form stationery.


I had a sweet dream late last night