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Sir_Nigel
09-11-2009, 12:38 PM
A clever young bloke from Australia,
Was starting to feel like a failure
'cos his didgeridoo

archerjoe
09-11-2009, 02:38 PM
A clever young bloke from Australia,
Was starting to feel like a failure
'cos his didgeridoo
Was yodeling, too

Nymtoc
09-11-2009, 03:02 PM
A clever young bloke from Australia,
Was starting to feel like a failure
'cos his didgeridoo
Was yodeling, too
And his jumbuck choked on an azalea.

"I need a new throne," said the king

Sir_Nigel
09-11-2009, 03:56 PM
"I need a new throne," said the king
‘cause my arse hurts from that bloody thing

sommemi
09-11-2009, 05:53 PM
"I need a new throne," said the king
‘cause my arse hurts from that bloody thing
So to shopping he did set,

Lavern08
09-11-2009, 05:59 PM
"I need a new throne," said the king
‘cause my arse hurts from that bloody thing
So to shopping he did set,
A plush new throne he did get

Sir_Nigel
09-11-2009, 06:21 PM
"I need a new throne," said the king
‘cause my arse hurts from that bloody thing
So to shopping he did set,
A plush new throne he did get
- second hand from the Emperor Ming



"Oh my, what a fine Armadillo"

Lavern08
09-11-2009, 06:35 PM
"Oh my, what a fine Armadillo"
Looks just like the one on my pillow

flyingtart
09-11-2009, 09:53 PM
"Oh my, what a fine Armadillo"
Looks just like the one on my pillow
Think I'll take it home

talkwrite
09-12-2009, 01:47 AM
"Oh my, what a fine Armadillo"
Looks just like the one on my pillow
Think I'll take it home
So we can be alone

ejaycee
09-13-2009, 04:11 AM
"Oh my, what a fine Armadillo"
Looks just like the one on my pillow
Think I'll take it home
So we can be alone
and sing songs underneath the willow.
(that was hard...)

I must say I don't like your hat,

Nymtoc
09-13-2009, 04:35 AM
I must say I don't like your hat,
All those ostrich plumes make you look fat

ejaycee
09-13-2009, 04:52 AM
I must say I don't like your hat,
All those ostrich plumes make you look fat
And when you start talking,

archerjoe
09-13-2009, 06:01 AM
I must say I don't like your hat,
All those ostrich plumes make you look fat
And when you start talking,
Everyone starts gawking

Matera the Mad
09-13-2009, 09:55 AM
I must say I don't like your hat,
All those ostrich plumes make you look fat
And when you start talking,
Everyone starts gawking
And they ignore me - you damned rat!

Oh why are my cookies so sticky

flyingtart
09-13-2009, 04:27 PM
Oh why are my cookies so sticky
And the centres are chewy and icky

Nymtoc
09-13-2009, 05:15 PM
Oh why are my cookies so sticky
And the centres are chewy and icky?
Am I wrong to use lard

Woof
09-13-2009, 07:48 PM
Oh why are my cookies so sticky
And the centres are chewy and icky?
Am I wrong to use lard
And rotten Swiss chard?

archerjoe
09-13-2009, 10:36 PM
Oh why are my cookies so sticky
And the centres are chewy and icky?
Am I wrong to use lard
And rotten Swiss chard?
Are my children being too picky?

A wonderful month is September

Nymtoc
09-13-2009, 10:42 PM
A wonderful month is September
It rhymes with cool words like "remember"

flyingtart
09-13-2009, 11:23 PM
A wonderful month is September
It rhymes with cool words like "remember"
And the onset of Fall

Lavern08
09-14-2009, 12:19 AM
A wonderful month is September
It rhymes with cool words like "remember"
And the onset of Fall
Always makes me recall

archerjoe
09-14-2009, 06:19 AM
A wonderful month is September
It rhymes with cool words like "remember"
And the onset of Fall
Always makes me recall
The winter's first snow in November

The Vikings defeated the Browns

Matera the Mad
09-14-2009, 08:54 AM
The Vikings defeated the Browns
Said my friend; I replied with bored frowns

ejaycee
09-14-2009, 03:40 PM
The Vikings defeated the Browns
Said my friend; I replied with bored frowns
It's not the textbooks that irk me,

Sir_Nigel
09-15-2009, 12:19 PM
The Vikings defeated the Browns
Said my friend; I replied with bored frowns
It's not the textbooks that irk me,
It’s that fat loud-mouthed Turk, see?

Nymtoc
09-15-2009, 01:53 PM
The Vikings defeated the Browns
Said my friend; I replied with bored frowns
It's not the textbooks that irk me,
It’s that fat loud-mouthed Turk, see?
So let's go chill at Churchill Downs.

We've got to stop meeting like this

archerjoe
09-15-2009, 02:40 PM
We've got to stop meeting like this
My plans are to run for office



My apologies for the football themed clunker above. Where I live, the Favre drama has hit a fever pitch.

flyingtart
09-15-2009, 03:53 PM
We've got to stop meeting like this
My plans are to run for office
If the press should find out

Sir_Nigel
09-15-2009, 04:51 PM
We've got to stop meeting like this
My plans are to run for office
If the press should find out
that you’re now up the spout

flyingtart
09-15-2009, 11:21 PM
We've got to stop meeting like this
My plans are to run for office
If the press should find out
that you’re now up the spout
My life will be far from bliss.


A gay Tango dancer called Clive

archerjoe
09-16-2009, 05:36 AM
A gay Tango dancer called Clive
Was a backup in Stayin' Alive

Matera the Mad
09-16-2009, 05:45 AM
A gay Tango dancer called Clive
Was a backup in Stayin' Alive
He made such a splash

oneblindmouse
09-16-2009, 09:01 AM
A gay Tango dancer called Clive
Was a backup in Stayin' Alive
He made such a splash
With his verve and panache

Sir_Nigel
09-16-2009, 12:46 PM
A gay Tango dancer called Clive
Was a backup in Stayin' Alive
He made such a splash
With his verve and panache.
Now he fades in an East Side dive.


“Don’t put it there Mrs White!”

ejaycee
09-16-2009, 02:17 PM
“Don’t put it there Mrs White!”
said the grocer as he glanced left and right,

flyingtart
09-16-2009, 03:04 PM
“Don’t put it there Mrs White!”
said the grocer as he glanced left and right,
"It'll go better here,

Sir_Nigel
09-16-2009, 04:20 PM
“Don’t put it there Mrs White!”
said the grocer as he glanced left and right,
"It'll go better here”
he proposed with a leer

Nymtoc
09-16-2009, 09:39 PM
“Don’t put it there Mrs White!”
said the grocer as he glanced left and right,
"It'll go better here”
he proposed with a leer,
"and I'll see you at my place tonight."

If Mary could please her new boss

sommemi
09-16-2009, 09:56 PM
If Mary could please her new boss
her paycheck would not be at a loss

Matera the Mad
09-17-2009, 07:32 AM
If Mary could please her new boss
Her paycheck would not be at a loss
But an obstinate lamb

Sir_Nigel
09-17-2009, 01:39 PM
If Mary could please her new boss
Her paycheck would not be at a loss
But an obstinate lamb
and a lust-crazed ram

Matera the Mad
09-18-2009, 09:02 AM
If Mary could please her new boss
Her paycheck would not be at a loss
But an obstinate lamb
and a lust-crazed ram
Set her up for a bad double-cross

When counting your sheep after midnight

Sir_Nigel
09-18-2009, 02:15 PM
When counting your sheep after midnight
In pyjamas both silky and skintight

Lavern08
09-18-2009, 05:24 PM
When counting your sheep after midnight
In pyjamas both silky and skintight
You must never forget

SanStormin
09-18-2009, 05:39 PM
When counting your sheep after midnight
In pyjamas both silky and skintight
You must never forget
To remove your darn pet

sommemi
09-18-2009, 07:29 PM
When counting your sheep after midnight
In pyjamas both silky and skintight
You must never forget
To remove your darn pet
For combining silk and claws is not too bright.

I once ate a grasshopper desert,

Lavern08
09-18-2009, 07:35 PM
I once ate a grasshopper dessert,
But most of it fell on my shirt

sommemi
09-18-2009, 07:59 PM
I once ate a grasshopper dessert,
But most of it fell on my shirt
my buttons they did pop

Lavern08
09-18-2009, 09:56 PM
I once ate a grasshopper dessert,
But most of it fell on my shirt
my buttons they did pop
As I made quite a slop

flyingtart
09-18-2009, 10:47 PM
I once ate a grasshopper dessert,
But most of it fell on my shirt
my buttons they did pop
As I made quite a slop
And the rest of it fell in the dirt.


My cousin in France sent a text

Lavern08
09-18-2009, 11:10 PM
My cousin in France sent a text
I was anxious to learn what was next

heth718
09-18-2009, 11:16 PM
My cousin in France sent a text
I was anxious to learn what was next
so I sat up all night

sommemi
09-18-2009, 11:50 PM
My cousin in France sent a text
I was anxious to learn what was next
so I sat up all night
til the dawn's early light

flyingtart
09-18-2009, 11:54 PM
My cousin in France sent a text
I was anxious to learn what was next
so I sat up all night
til the dawn's early light
But the details just made me feel vexed.


It seems he was visiting Paris

heth718
09-19-2009, 12:37 AM
It seems he was visiting Paris
with his quick witted brother named Harris

Nymtoc
09-19-2009, 03:20 AM
It seems he was visiting Paris
with his quick witted brother named Harris
From Left Bank to Right

Lavern08
09-19-2009, 03:59 AM
It seems he was visiting Paris
with his quick witted brother named Harris
From Left Bank to Right
They partied all night

heth718
09-19-2009, 07:50 AM
It seems he was visiting Paris
with his quick witted brother named Harris
From Left Bank to Right
They partied all night
Drinking whiskey and beer on the terrace


My knockers were all in a twist

Matera the Mad
09-19-2009, 09:57 AM
My knockers were all in a twist
'Cause I tangled my bra on my wrist

flyingtart
09-19-2009, 03:59 PM
My knockers were all in a twist
'Cause I tangled my bra on my wrist
The guys from the town

archerjoe
09-20-2009, 04:26 AM
My knockers were all in a twist
'Cause I tangled my bra on my wrist
The guys from the town
Saw more than my gown

Matera the Mad
09-20-2009, 10:14 AM
My knockers were all in a twist
'Cause I tangled my bra on my wrist
The guys from the town
Saw more than my gown
And a few caught a sight of my fist

I hate when my underpants ride up

archerjoe
09-21-2009, 05:15 AM
I hate when my underpants ride up
When cleaning what the cat coughed up

SanStormin
09-21-2009, 05:22 AM
I hate when my underpants ride up
When cleaning what the cat coughed up
They bunch up and find their way

Matera the Mad
09-21-2009, 07:23 AM
I hate when my underpants ride up
When cleaning what the cat coughed up
They bunch up and find their way
To places where nothing should stay

Sir_Nigel
09-21-2009, 12:54 PM
I hate when my underpants ride up
When cleaning what the cat coughed up
They bunch up and find their way
To places where nothing should stay
With a most disconcerting Shlurrrup


Ahharrr! cried the French buccaneer

flyingtart
09-21-2009, 01:14 PM
Ahharrr! cried the French buccaneer
But the ladies ignored him, I fear

archerjoe
09-21-2009, 06:09 PM
Ahharrr! cried the French buccaneer
But the ladies ignored him, I fear
He preferred to eat brie

sommemi
09-21-2009, 06:25 PM
Ahharrr! cried the French buccaneer
But the ladies ignored him, I fear
He preferred to eat brie
and wear posh bijouterie

flyingtart
09-21-2009, 06:35 PM
Ahharrr! cried the French buccaneer
But the ladies ignored him, I fear
He preferred to eat brie
and wear posh bijouterie
Than walk out with the floosies round 'ere.


A sword-swallowing freak from Nebraska

sommemi
09-21-2009, 06:55 PM
A sword-swallowing freak from Nebraska
preferred a game of Euchre to Canasta

heth718
09-21-2009, 06:59 PM
A sword-swallowing freak from Nebraska
preferred a game of Euchre to Canasta
He wore funny shoes

Lavern08
09-21-2009, 08:53 PM
A sword-swallowing freak from Nebraska
preferred a game of Euchre to Canasta
He wore funny shoes
Played guitar and sang blues

Nymtoc
09-21-2009, 09:31 PM
A sword-swallowing freak from Nebraska
preferred a game of Euchre to Canasta
He wore funny shoes
Played guitar and sang blues
And saw Russia one day from Alaska.

Can I rhyme "Out, damn'd spot" with bon mot?

slcboston
09-21-2009, 10:36 PM
Can I rhyme "Out, damn'd spot" with bon mot?
I certainly don't see why I could not

sommemi
09-22-2009, 12:37 AM
Can I rhyme "Out, damn'd spot" with bon mot?
I certainly don't see why I could not
we've laid down no rules

archerjoe
09-22-2009, 12:50 AM
Can I rhyme "Out, damn'd spot" with bon mot?
I certainly don't see why I could not
we've laid down no rules
we suffer all fools

Matera the Mad
09-22-2009, 07:24 AM
Can I rhyme "Out, damn'd spot" with bon mot?
I certainly don't see why I could not
we've laid down no rules
we suffer all fools
It's anyone's game -- freely jot


If you keep saying "Pardon my grammer"

Sir_Nigel
09-22-2009, 11:48 AM
If you keep saying "Pardon my grammer"
- ‘cos she’s old, deaf and cursed with a stammer,

flyingtart
09-22-2009, 07:49 PM
If you keep saying "Pardon my grammer"
- ‘cos she’s old, deaf and cursed with a stammer,
In fact it is known

sommemi
09-22-2009, 08:24 PM
If you keep saying "Pardon my grammer"
- ‘cos she’s old, deaf and cursed with a stammer,
In fact it is known
if you call on the phone

Lavern08
09-22-2009, 09:32 PM
If you keep saying "Pardon my grammer"
- ‘cos she’s old, deaf and cursed with a stammer,
In fact it is known
if you call on the phone
She'll come beat your big butt with a hammer


I never saw Paris or Greece...

sommemi
09-22-2009, 10:55 PM
I never saw Paris or Greece,
or the French Riviera from Nice,

Matera the Mad
09-23-2009, 05:53 AM
I never saw Paris or Greece,
or the French Riviera from Nice,
But here in my chair

Nymtoc
09-23-2009, 06:01 AM
I never saw Paris or Greece,
or the French Riviera from Nice,
But here in my chair
I imagine I'm there

Sir_Nigel
09-23-2009, 12:00 PM
I never saw Paris or Greece,
or the French Riviera from Nice,
But here in my chair
I imagine I'm there
And not grilled by the secret police


Something is stuck to my shoe

archerjoe
09-23-2009, 02:36 PM
Something is stuck to my shoe
I think it might be a clue

flyingtart
09-23-2009, 03:12 PM
Something is stuck to my shoe
I think it might be a clue
But when I look

heth718
09-23-2009, 05:25 PM
Something is stuck to my shoe
I think it might be a clue
But when I look
My lip caught on a hook

Lavern08
09-23-2009, 07:15 PM
Something is stuck to my shoe
I think it might be a clue
But when I look
My lip caught on a hook
And turned a bright, weird shade of blue.


A lady named Mrs. McGwinn

heth718
09-23-2009, 07:45 PM
A lady named Mrs. McGwinn
was never seen sporting a grin

Nymtoc
09-23-2009, 08:22 PM
A lady named Mrs. McGwinn
was never seen sporting a grin
Her mien was so mean

Sir_Nigel
09-24-2009, 12:46 PM
A lady named Mrs. McGwinn
was never seen sporting a grin
Her mien was so mean
And her teeth were so green

archerjoe
09-24-2009, 02:30 PM
A lady named Mrs. McGwinn
was never seen sporting a grin
Her mien was so mean
And her teeth were so green
From her daily six bottles of gin

A handsome young stallion named Clyde

flyingtart
09-24-2009, 05:33 PM
A handsome young stallion named Clyde
Always had a babe at his side

Lavern08
09-24-2009, 05:39 PM
A handsome young stallion named Clyde
Always had a babe at his side
Conjoined at the hip

Sir_Nigel
09-24-2009, 05:56 PM
A handsome young stallion named Clyde
Always had a babe at his side
Conjoined at the hip
And again at the lip

sommemi
09-24-2009, 06:33 PM
A handsome young stallion named Clyde
Always had a babe at his side
Conjoined at the hip
And again at the lip
It made for an interesting stride.

There once was a buttery biscuit

heth718
09-24-2009, 06:42 PM
There once was a buttery biscuit
Everyone was forbid to lick it

sommemi
09-24-2009, 07:13 PM
There once was a buttery biscuit
Everyone was forbid to lick it
it sat on a platter

flyingtart
09-24-2009, 08:27 PM
There once was a buttery biscuit
Everyone was forbid to lick it
it sat on a platter
Like it didn't matter

archerjoe
09-24-2009, 10:26 PM
There once was a buttery biscuit
Everyone was forbid to lick it
it sat on a platter
Like it didn't matter
'Cause no one would dare risk it

A curious bird is the owl

Lavern08
09-24-2009, 11:29 PM
A curious bird is the owl
Unlike the egret or fowl

talkwrite
09-25-2009, 01:39 AM
A curious bird is the owl
Unlike the egret or fowl
With a heartfelt call

Matera the Mad
09-25-2009, 08:28 AM
A curious bird is the owl
Unlike the egret or fowl
With a heartfelt call
That frightens all

ad_lucem
09-25-2009, 08:37 AM
A curious bird is the owl
Unlike the egret or fowl
With a heartfelt call
That frightens all
He queries us WHO fair or foul.

Do you know about contraception?

Matera the Mad
09-25-2009, 09:19 AM
Do you know about contraception?
It's an admirable conception

Sir_Nigel
09-25-2009, 03:50 PM
Do you know about contraception?
It's an admirable conception
or why not be a nun?

heth718
09-25-2009, 06:35 PM
Do you know about contraception?
It's an admirable conception
or why not be a nun
with your hair in a bun

Lavern08
09-25-2009, 10:01 PM
Do you know about contraception?
It's an admirable conception
or why not be a nun
with your hair in a bun
Singing hymns at the wedding reception.

What?

It's the best I could do...


... I mean seriously, who uses the word contraception in a limerick, for heavens sake??? :Shrug:


Next: My neighbor just built a new fence

flyingtart
09-25-2009, 11:26 PM
My neighbor just built a new fence
But somehow he's lost all his sense

Matera the Mad
09-26-2009, 04:33 AM
My neighbor just built a new fence
But somehow he's lost all his sense
Instead of white pickets

ad_lucem
09-26-2009, 04:53 AM
My neighbor just built a new fence
But somehow he's lost all his sense
Instead of white pickets
He used pubic thickets

Matera the Mad
09-26-2009, 04:57 AM
My neighbor just built a new fence
But somehow he's lost all his sense
Instead of white pickets
He used pubic thickets
And now he's in jail for offense


Jewish mothers will never serve porkchops

SanStormin
09-27-2009, 12:39 AM
Jewish mothers will never serve porkchops
but they'll pile up smoked lox

heth718
09-27-2009, 04:10 AM
Jewish mothers will never serve porkchops
but they'll pile up smoked lox
with a kiss and a hug

Lavern08
09-27-2009, 04:46 PM
Jewish mothers will never serve porkchops
but they'll pile up smoked lox
with a kiss and a hug
And a wink and a shrug

Matera the Mad
09-27-2009, 10:15 PM
Jewish mothers will never serve porkchops
but they'll pile up smoked lox
with a kiss and a hug
And a wink and a shrug
Adding whatever's kosher on top

(there, the poor thing is done)

If limericks had more than five lines

heth718
09-27-2009, 11:15 PM
If limericks had more than five lines
and the poetry police could charge fines

Nymtoc
09-27-2009, 11:23 PM
If limericks had more than five lines
and the poetry police could charge fines,
then poets like us

flyingtart
09-27-2009, 11:57 PM
If limericks had more than five lines
and the poetry police could charge fines,
then poets like us
Would stay on the bus

heth718
09-28-2009, 05:29 AM
If limericks had more than five lines
and the poetry police could charge fines,
then poets like us
Would stay on the bus
and continue to work in the mines


My heart longs to live in Guyana

Matera the Mad
09-28-2009, 06:38 AM
My heart longs to live in Guyana
Where breakfast's a fresh, ripe banana

Nymtoc
09-28-2009, 06:59 AM
My heart longs to live in Guyana
Where breakfast's a fresh, ripe banana
Where soft breezes blow

Lavern08
09-28-2009, 06:18 PM
My heart longs to live in Guyana
Where breakfast's a fresh, ripe banana
Where soft breezes blow
and there's never any snow

Sir_Nigel
09-28-2009, 06:38 PM
My heart longs to live in Guyana
Where breakfast's a fresh, ripe banana
Where soft breezes blow
and there's never any snow
and you swing through the trees by liana




‘In Constantinople’ she said

Matera the Mad
09-28-2009, 07:36 PM
‘In Constantinople’ she said
'Or Istanbul, I have read

Lavern08
09-28-2009, 09:39 PM
‘In Constantinople’ she said
'Or Istanbul, I have read
You can purchase a goat

flyingtart
09-28-2009, 09:43 PM
‘In Constantinople’ she said
'Or Istanbul, I have read
You can purchase a goat
For no more than a groat

ad_lucem
09-28-2009, 09:57 PM
‘In Constantinople’ she said
'Or Istanbul, I have read
You can purchase a goat
For no more than a groat
(Or more if you don't want it dead.)

Oh, how I hate the rat race...

Lavern08
09-28-2009, 10:21 PM
Oh, how I hate the rat race...
It's such an impossible place

archerjoe
09-28-2009, 11:20 PM
Oh, how I hate the rat race...
It's such an impossible place
Despite running shoes

Pthom
09-29-2009, 04:56 AM
Oh, how I hate the rat race...
It's such an impossible place
Despite running shoes
I'm singin' the blues

SanStormin
09-29-2009, 06:59 AM
Oh, how I hate the rat race...
It's such an impossible place
Despite running shoes
I'm singin' the blues
And cursing the bleeping pace.

ad_lucem
09-29-2009, 07:30 AM
If Dr. Who was a spelunker

Matera the Mad
09-29-2009, 08:15 AM
If Dr. Who was a spelunker
He might lure any cyberpunker

SanStormin
09-29-2009, 08:50 AM
If Dr. Who was a spelunker
He might lure any cyberpunker
By creating a temporal hyperlink

Lavern08
09-29-2009, 07:45 PM
If Dr. Who was a spelunker
He might lure any cyberpunker
By creating a temporal hyperlink
He'd give us all reason to stop and think

Nymtoc
09-29-2009, 08:08 PM
If Dr. Who was a spelunker
He might lure any cyberpunker
By creating a temporal hyperlink
He'd give us all reason to stop and think
And we'd write better limericks than this junker.

"You have bats in your belfry," she said

flyingtart
09-29-2009, 08:21 PM
"You have bats in your belfry," she said
"And they constantly swoop at my bed"

Lavern08
09-29-2009, 08:32 PM
"You have bats in your belfry," she said
"And they constantly swoop at my bed"
"You're mistaken," he lied

ad_lucem
09-29-2009, 10:46 PM
"You have bats in your belfry," she said
"And they constantly swoop at my bed"
"You're mistaken," he lied
She shot him, he died

archerjoe
09-29-2009, 11:22 PM
"You have bats in your belfry," she said
"And they constantly swoop at my bed"
"You're mistaken," he lied
She shot him, he died
He's more tolerable now that he's dead.

A young poet begged of his muse

talkwrite
09-29-2009, 11:25 PM
You have bats in your belfry," she said
"And they constantly swoop at my bed"
"You're mistaken," he lied
She shot him, he died
She plead Insanity and was acquitted

Just as soon as the leaves turned, he did

Pthom
09-30-2009, 05:16 AM
Oooh, two limericks to complete... How fun!

A young poet begged of his muse
"Have you any good lines I can use?"

Just as soon as the leaves turned, he did
Buy a rake and a bin with a lid.

heth718
09-30-2009, 05:57 AM
K - I'm game:

A young poet begged of his muse
"Have you any good lines I can use?"
The muse thumbed his nose



Just as soon as the leaves turned, he did
Buy a rake and a bin with a lid
and some gloves and a hat



Oooh, two limericks to complete... How fun!

A young poet begged of his muse
"Have you any good lines I can use?"

Just as soon as the leaves turned, he did
Buy a rake and a bin with a lid.

ad_lucem
09-30-2009, 06:10 AM
A young poet begged of his muse
"Have you any good lines I can use?"
The muse thumbed his nose
And gave wandering prose



Just as soon as the leaves turned, he did
Buy a rake and a bin with a lid
and some gloves and a hat
and a long baseball bat

Nymtoc
09-30-2009, 06:33 AM
[Okay, I'll play twosies!]

A young poet begged of his muse
"Have you any good lines I can use?"
The muse thumbed his nose
And gave wandering prose
Which was clearly designed to confuse.

Just as soon as the leaves turned, he did
Buy a rake and a bin with a lid
and some gloves and a hat
and a long baseball bat
and from third base to home plate he slid.

On the way to his wedding a man

ad_lucem
09-30-2009, 08:55 AM
On the way to his wedding a man
Fell in love with a rusty tin can

Matera the Mad
09-30-2009, 10:54 AM
On the way to his wedding a man
Fell in love with a rusty tin can
He couldn't decide

ad_lucem
09-30-2009, 11:18 AM
On the way to his wedding a man
Fell in love with a rusty tin can
He couldn't decide
'Twixt it and his bride

Matera the Mad
09-30-2009, 11:24 AM
On the way to his wedding a man
Fell in love with a rusty tin can
He couldn't decide
'Twixt it and his bride
So he ran off with an old frying pan.

The bride stood alone at the altar

ad_lucem
09-30-2009, 11:36 AM
The bride stood alone at the altar
All because her love did falter

archerjoe
09-30-2009, 04:10 PM
The bride stood alone at the altar
All because her love did falter
Her face was quite red

flyingtart
09-30-2009, 04:52 PM
The bride stood alone at the altar
All because her love did falter
Her face was quite red
When the minister said

Lavern08
09-30-2009, 05:15 PM
The bride stood alone at the altar
All because her love did falter
Her face was quite red
When the minister said
"What a mean thing to do to my daughter"

These limericks are getting much harder

Nymtoc
09-30-2009, 05:28 PM
These limericks are getting much harder
I'd do better if I were bard-er

Lavern08
09-30-2009, 05:31 PM
These limericks are getting much harder
I'd do better if I were bard-er
But I don't have a clue

heth718
09-30-2009, 08:19 PM
These limericks are getting much harder
I'd do better if I were bard-er
But I don't have a clue
and my mind's thick like glue

archerjoe
09-30-2009, 08:40 PM
These limericks are getting much harder
I'd do better if I were bard-er
But I don't have a clue
and my mind's thick like glue
I feel I'm an iambic martyr

A limerick consists of five lines

ad_lucem
09-30-2009, 10:02 PM
A limerick consists of five lines
To ignore this should incur fines

Lavern08
09-30-2009, 11:36 PM
A limerick consists of five lines
To ignore this should incur fines
Don't use words that are wacky

Nymtoc
10-01-2009, 12:53 AM
A limerick consists of five lines
To ignore this should incur fines
Don't use words that are wacky
Or vulgar or tacky

Matera the Mad
10-01-2009, 08:03 AM
A limerick consists of five lines
To ignore this should incur fines
Don't use words that are wacky
Or vulgar or tacky
And don't strive to be elephantine

Iambic pentameter thrills me

Sir_Nigel
10-01-2009, 12:05 PM
Iambic pentameter thrills me
But getting it right nearly kills me

Lavern08
10-01-2009, 04:58 PM
Iambic pentameter thrills me
But getting it right nearly kills me
Because some people try

ad_lucem
10-02-2009, 01:48 AM
Iambic pentameter thrills me
But getting it right nearly kills me
Because some people try
To make all of us cry

Nymtoc
10-02-2009, 01:53 AM
Iambic pentameter thrills me
But getting it right nearly kills me
Because some people try
To make all of us cry
And unabashed weepery chills me.

A dodo went walking one day

talkwrite
10-02-2009, 02:00 AM
A dodo went walking one day
To practice her new sexy sway

ad_lucem
10-02-2009, 03:02 AM
A dodo went walking one day
To practice her new sexy sway
Which confirmed our fears...

archerjoe
10-02-2009, 05:13 AM
A dodo went walking one day
To practice her new sexy sway
Which confirmed our fears...
Some avian rears

Sir_Nigel
10-02-2009, 12:22 PM
A dodo went walking one day
To practice her new sexy sway
Which confirmed our fears...
Some avian rears
have been surgically enchanced in some way


Two miles from the tip of Peru

archerjoe
10-02-2009, 02:24 PM
Two miles from the tip of Peru
A llama proposed to a gnu

Lavern08
10-02-2009, 03:06 PM
Two miles from the tip of Peru
A llama proposed to a gnu
It caused quite a scandal

heth718
10-02-2009, 04:52 PM
Two miles from the tip of Peru
A llama proposed to a gnu
It caused quite a scandal
when she looked at the handle

archerjoe
10-02-2009, 07:30 PM
Two miles from the tip of Peru
A llama proposed to a gnu
It caused quite a scandal
when she looked at the handle
Of his multiple-purpose kazoo

Their honeymoon back on the ranch
Their honeymoon excited the press

ad_lucem
10-02-2009, 09:35 PM
Their honeymoon excited the press
Who love various states of undress

talkwrite
10-02-2009, 11:13 PM
Their honeymoon excited the press
Who love various states of undress
Under the Gnu's coat

oneblindmouse
10-02-2009, 11:21 PM
Their honeymoon excited the press
Who love various states of undress
Under the Gnu's coat
There lived a large stoat

K1P1
10-03-2009, 12:24 AM
Their honeymoon excited the press
Who love various states of undress
Under the Gnu's coat
There lived a large stoat
Disappointingly garbed in a dress.

If I ever get down from this horse

Lavern08
10-03-2009, 01:23 AM
If I ever get down from this horse
I'll give him the stinkin' divorce

Matera the Mad
10-03-2009, 08:03 AM
If I ever get down from this horse
I'll give him the stinkin' divorce
He's asked for so long

ad_lucem
10-03-2009, 08:49 AM
If I ever get down from this horse
I'll give him the stinkin' divorce
He's asked for so long
From behind his bong

Matera the Mad
10-03-2009, 01:17 PM
If I ever get down from this horse
I'll give him the stinkin' divorce
He's asked for so long
From behind his bong
And -- goodbye, with no recourse

When a lady can't button her blouse

Nymtoc
10-03-2009, 04:19 PM
When a lady can't button her blouse
She gets funny looks leaving her house

heth718
10-03-2009, 08:07 PM
When a lady can't button her blouse
She gets funny looks leaving her house
It's really not fair

archerjoe
10-03-2009, 08:50 PM
When a lady can't button her blouse
She gets funny looks leaving her house
It's really not fair
When some people stare

writeronfire
10-04-2009, 02:16 AM
When a lady can't button her blouse
She gets funny looks leaving her house
It's really not fair
When some people stare
But it helps havin' a tall, muscular spouse!

When you're married to someone who's strong

rhymegirl
10-04-2009, 04:04 AM
When you're married to someone who's strong
It's great and you just can't go wrong

Lavern08
10-04-2009, 04:37 AM
When you're married to someone who's strong
It's great and you just can't go wrong
He lifts heavy things

archerjoe
10-04-2009, 04:58 AM
When you're married to someone who's strong
It's great and you just can't go wrong
He lifts heavy things
In basso he sings

Matera the Mad
10-04-2009, 10:44 AM
When you're married to someone who's strong
It's great and you just can't go wrong
He lifts heavy things
In basso he sings
And the whole family sings along

On the other hand, men who are weak

archerjoe
10-04-2009, 06:09 PM
On the other hand, men who are weak
Are used to turning the other cheek

Nymtoc
10-04-2009, 09:21 PM
On the other hand, men who are weak
Are used to turning the other cheek
They shrink from a fight

ad_lucem
10-04-2009, 10:26 PM
On the other hand, men who are weak
Are used to turning the other cheek
They shrink from a fight
And lack any might

Lavern08
10-05-2009, 01:17 AM
On the other hand, men who are weak
Are used to turning the other cheek
They shrink from a fight
And lack any might
They'll just run away from a big creep.

I once had hound dog named Blue

ad_lucem
10-05-2009, 08:55 AM
I once had hound dog named Blue
He was steady and sturdy and true

oneblindmouse
10-05-2009, 12:25 PM
I once had a hound dog named Blue
He was steady and sturdy and true.
Until one dark night

flyingtart
10-05-2009, 08:22 PM
I once had a hound dog named Blue
He was steady and sturdy and true.
Until one dark night
He got into a fight

Nymtoc
10-05-2009, 10:33 PM
I once had a hound dog named Blue
He was steady and sturdy and true.
Until one dark night
He got into a fight
And now, sad to say, Blue is through.

Last night I had drinks with a ghost

rhymegirl
10-05-2009, 11:10 PM
Last night I had drinks with a ghost
A sexy one, if I may boast,

writeronfire
10-05-2009, 11:42 PM
Last night I had drinks with a ghost
A sexy one, if I may boast,
When he held out his hand

ad_lucem
10-06-2009, 12:15 AM
Last night I had drinks with a ghost
A sexy one, if I may boast,
When he held out his hand
I saw wedding band...

talkwrite
10-06-2009, 01:26 AM
Last night I had drinks with a ghost
A sexy one, if I may boast,
When he held out his hand
I saw wedding band...
and offered him this special toast

"Heres to men who claim bachelorhood

K1P1
10-06-2009, 04:04 AM
"Heres to men who claim bachelorhood
And claim to be always so good

ad_lucem
10-06-2009, 05:08 AM
"Heres to men who claim bachelorhood
And claim to be always so good
While your Trouble and Strife...

Matera the Mad
10-06-2009, 08:14 AM
"Heres to men who claim bachelorhood
And claim to be always so good
While your Trouble and Strife
May not mess up your life

Nymtoc
10-06-2009, 08:48 AM
"Here's to men who claim bachelorhood
And claim to be always so good
While your Trouble and Strife
May not mess up your life
Someone else surely will. Knock on wood."

If the moon ever tells us goodbye

Matera the Mad
10-06-2009, 08:50 AM
If the moon ever tells us goodbye
When it serenely sails out of the sky

oneblindmouse
10-06-2009, 12:49 PM
If the moon ever tells us goodbye
When it serenely sails out of the sky
The nights will be blacker

Sir_Nigel
10-06-2009, 02:03 PM
If the moon ever tells us goodbye
When it serenely sails out of the sky
The nights will be blacker,
and no cheese for my cracker!

Nymtoc
10-06-2009, 03:14 PM
If the moon ever tells us goodbye
When it serenely sails out of the sky
The nights will be blacker,
and no cheese for my cracker!
No man in the moon, either. Sigh!

When I finish my fourteen-act play

Sir_Nigel
10-06-2009, 04:07 PM
When I finish my fourteen-act play
(the second one I’ve written today)

oneblindmouse
10-06-2009, 04:44 PM
When I finish my fourteen-act play
(the second one I’ve written today)
I'll write epic verse

flyingtart
10-06-2009, 07:31 PM
When I finish my fourteen-act play
(the second one I’ve written today)
I'll write epic verse
And something much worse

ad_lucem
10-06-2009, 07:48 PM
When I finish my fourteen-act play
(the second one I’ve written today)
I'll write epic verse
And something much worse
Just to see what the critics will say.

The police just pulled my car over...

oneblindmouse
10-06-2009, 08:11 PM
The police just pulled my car over
Because I was speeding in Dover

heth718
10-06-2009, 08:28 PM
The police just pulled my car over
Because I was speeding in Dover
my face flushed with panic

oneblindmouse
10-06-2009, 08:39 PM
The police just pulled my car over
Because I was speeding in Dover
my face flushed with panic
I screamed something manic

Lavern08
10-06-2009, 08:48 PM
The police just pulled my car over
Because I was speeding in Dover
my face flushed with panic
I screamed something manic
And blamed it all on my dog Rover

I lost my leg fighting with Jim

ad_lucem
10-06-2009, 08:50 PM
I lost my leg fighting with Jim
He snapped clean off on a whim

heth718
10-06-2009, 09:26 PM
I lost my leg fighting with Jim
He snapped clean off on a whim
so my canines bit through

ad_lucem
10-06-2009, 09:51 PM
I lost my leg fighting with Jim
He snapped it clean off on a whim
so my canines bit through
his delicate Dingaroo

Nymtoc
10-06-2009, 10:16 PM
I lost my leg fighting with Jim
He snapped it clean off on a whim
so my canines bit through
his delicate Dingaroo
and then we all went for a swim.

Belinda had lovers galore

Lavern08
10-06-2009, 11:29 PM
Belinda had lovers galore
Until they found out she did snore

talkwrite
10-06-2009, 11:41 PM
Belinda had lovers galore
Until they found out she did snore
They denied her sleep

oneblindmouse
10-07-2009, 12:42 AM
Belinda had lovers galore
Until they found out she did snore
They denied her sleep
And the counting of sheep

Nymtoc
10-07-2009, 03:11 AM
Belinda had lovers galore
Until they found out she did snore
They denied her sleep
And the counting of sheep
That's why most lovers slept on the floor.

Anne Boleyn was no beauty, they say,

ad_lucem
10-07-2009, 03:31 AM
Anne Boleyn was no beauty, they say,
Face like a horse and smelt of stale hay,

SanStormin
10-07-2009, 05:40 AM
Anne Boleyn was no beauty, they say,
Face like a horse and smelt of stale hay,
When she covered her moles

Matera the Mad
10-07-2009, 06:27 AM
Anne Boleyn was no beauty, they say,
Face like a horse and smelt of stale hay,
When she covered her moles
It just left the holes

Sir_Nigel
10-07-2009, 11:52 AM
Anne Boleyn was no beauty, they say,
Face like a horse and smelt of stale hay,
When she covered her moles
It just left the holes
Mind you, some fellas like ‘em that way.


But I think you’ve defamed the wrong Anne

oneblindmouse
10-07-2009, 01:03 PM
But I think you've defamed the wrong Anne
It was Cleves who was built like a van

Nymtoc
10-07-2009, 02:28 PM
But I think you've defamed the wrong Anne
It was Cleves who was built like a van
With nose like a sow's

flyingtart
10-07-2009, 03:32 PM
But I think you've defamed the wrong Anne
It was Cleves who was built like a van
With nose like a sow's
And big hairy brows

Sir_Nigel
10-07-2009, 04:00 PM
But I think you've defamed the wrong Anne
It was Cleves who was built like a van
with a nose like a sow's
and big hairy brows,
huge buttocks and hands like a man.


As jolly King Henry once said:

Nymtoc
10-07-2009, 04:08 PM
As jolly King Henry once said:
"I'll have only fair maids in my bed

archerjoe
10-07-2009, 04:31 PM
As jolly King Henry once said:
"I'll have only fair maids in my bed
When the Court Jester

flyingtart
10-07-2009, 05:00 PM
As jolly King Henry once said:
"I'll have only fair maids in my bed
When the Court Jester
Started to pester

Lavern08
10-07-2009, 05:39 PM
As jolly King Henry once said:
"I'll have only fair maids in my bed
When the Court Jester started to pester
His boils began to fester

heth718
10-07-2009, 07:22 PM
As jolly King Henry once said:
"I'll have only fair maids in my bed
When the Court Jester started to pester
His boils began to fester
And he shouted "Off with his head!"

-----------------------------------
The princess refused to wear pink

talkwrite
10-07-2009, 07:28 PM
As jolly King Henry once said:
"I'll have only fair maids in my bed
When the Court Jester started to pester
His boils began to fester
Hence he would court and then behead.

The Queen lost count of her Corgis

ad_lucem
10-07-2009, 09:03 PM
The Queen lost count of her Corgis
On account of their frequent orgies

talkwrite
10-08-2009, 01:59 AM
The Queen lost count of her Corgis
On account of their frequent orgies
She thought she had five

ad_lucem
10-08-2009, 02:08 AM
The Queen lost count of her Corgis
On account of their frequent orgies
She thought she had five
But more would arrive

Matera the Mad
10-08-2009, 07:06 AM
The Queen lost count of her Corgis
On account of their frequent orgies
She thought she had five
But more would arrive
Like swift swimming schools of porgies

The Count said, "I smell something fishy!"

Nymtoc
10-08-2009, 11:51 AM
The Count said, "I smell something fishy!"
Said the Countess, "Stop acting apishy!"

Sir_Nigel
10-08-2009, 01:26 PM
The Count said, "I smell something fishy!"
Said the Countess, "Stop acting apishy!"
The count looked perplexed

heth718
10-08-2009, 05:56 PM
The Count said, "I smell something fishy!"
Said the Countess, "Stop acting apishy!"
The count looked perplexed
and thought she was hexed