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donroc
02-27-2009, 06:34 PM
There’s been an unfortunate spillage
When the marauding hordes came to pillage
The streets all ran red
So much blood had been shed

Nymtoc
02-27-2009, 06:40 PM
There’s been an unfortunate spillage
When the marauding hordes came to pillage
The streets all ran red
So much blood had been shed
Only one man returned to his tillage.

:cool:

The lady who lived in the lake

MaybeThisTime
02-27-2009, 06:50 PM
The lady who lived in the lake
Fell in love with a 'gator named Jake

NickDangr
02-27-2009, 08:13 PM
The lady who lived in the lake
Fell in love with a 'gator named Jake
Under moonlight the swam

Bufty
02-27-2009, 08:39 PM
The lady who lived in the lake
Fell in love with a 'gator named Jake
Under moonlight they swam
Right up to the dam

NickDangr
02-27-2009, 08:49 PM
The lady who lived in the lake
Fell in love with a 'gator named Jake
Under moonlight they swam
Right up to the dam
And got jammed in a crack in its base.

A frisky young vixen named Fay...

MaybeThisTime
02-27-2009, 08:54 PM
A frisky young vixen named Fay
Got a phone call that made her shout, "Yay!"

flyingtart
02-28-2009, 05:55 PM
A frisky young vixen named Fay
Got a phone call that made her shout, "Yay!"
An agent had offered

archerjoe
02-28-2009, 06:58 PM
A frisky young vixen named Fay
Got a phone call that made her shout, "Yay!"
An agent had offered
She would be well coffered

donroc
02-28-2009, 07:16 PM
A frisky young vixen named Fay
Got a phone call that made her shout, "Yay!"
An agent had offered
She would be well coffered
If on the casting couch she'd lay.

Three divas sat in a limo

archerjoe
03-01-2009, 12:58 AM
Three divas sat in a limo
Along with Rachel the bimbo

flyingtart
03-02-2009, 08:53 PM
Three divas sat in a limo
Along with Rachel the bimbo
They stopped at a red

MaybeThisTime
03-02-2009, 09:37 PM
Three divas sat in a limo
Along with Rachel the bimbo
They stopped at a red
Where the driver, T-Jed,

Autodidact
03-02-2009, 11:09 PM
Three divas sat in a limo
Along with Rachel the bimbo
They stopped at a red
Where the driver, T-Jed,
said, "This doesn't rhyme IMO."


There once was an odd politician

MaybeThisTime
03-03-2009, 02:41 AM
There once was an odd politician
Who queried a famous magician

WittyWordsmith
03-03-2009, 05:49 AM
There once was an odd politician
Who queried a famous magician
"Make my wrongs disappear!"

archerjoe
03-03-2009, 06:42 AM
There once was an odd politician
Who queried a famous magician
"Make my wrongs disappear!"
And within the next year,

Autodidact
03-03-2009, 08:41 AM
There once was an odd politician
Who queried a famous magician
"Make my wrongs disappear!"
And within the next year,
impeached, he spent his time fishin'.


A writer whose writing was blocked,

WittyWordsmith
03-03-2009, 09:13 AM
A writer whose writing was blocked,
Attempted to get his brain unlocked

Sir_Nigel
03-03-2009, 02:06 PM
A writer whose writing was blocked,
Attempted to get his brain unlocked
Try ‘Brain-Lax’ they said.

Goodchild
03-03-2009, 03:10 PM
A writer whose writing was blocked,
Attempted to get his brain unlocked
Try ‘Brain-Lax’ they said.
"It'll empty your head"

Nymtoc
03-03-2009, 03:31 PM
A writer whose writing was blocked,
Attempted to get his brain unlocked
Try ‘Brain-Lax’ they said.
"It'll empty your head"
He took their advice, and he rocked.

:e2BIC:

Old Ned went to sea on a log

Woof
03-03-2009, 05:15 PM
Old Ned went to sea on a log
And proceeded to write his blog

archerjoe
03-03-2009, 05:31 PM
Old Ned went to sea on a log
And proceeded to write his blog
His network connection

Woof
03-03-2009, 05:39 PM
Old Ned went to sea on a log
And proceeded to write his blog
His network connection
Gave him an erection

flyingtart
03-03-2009, 08:47 PM
Old Ned went to sea on a log
And proceeded to write his blog
His network connection
Gave him an erection
He sure was a dirty old dog.


Matilda who works down the mall

Nymtoc
03-03-2009, 09:10 PM
Matilda who works down the mall
Doesn't care about fashion at all

Autodidact
03-03-2009, 09:43 PM
Matilda who works down the mall
Doesn't care about fashion at all
her jeans have elastic

archerjoe
03-03-2009, 11:02 PM
Matilda who works down the mall
Doesn't care about fashion at all
her jeans have elastic
her jewelry is plastic

donroc
03-04-2009, 01:00 AM
Matilda who works down the mall
Doesn't care about fashion at all
her jeans have elastic
her jewelry is plastic
Her puce hair looks designed by a squall.

A black belt in shopping has Joan

archerjoe
03-04-2009, 01:03 AM
A black belt in shopping has Joan
She offers this wonderful koan

StephanieFox
03-04-2009, 02:58 AM
A black belt in shopping has Joan
She offers this wonderful koan
"At the big zendo sale,

Autodidact
03-04-2009, 03:01 AM
A black belt in shopping has Joan
She offers this wonderful koan:
What is the center?

archerjoe
03-04-2009, 05:20 AM
A double post - what's the convention? Double down like aces in blackjack?

A black belt in shopping has Joan
She offers this wonderful koan
"At the big zendo sale,
you will fight tooth and nail


A black belt in shopping has Joan
She offers this wonderful koan:
What is the center?
She asked of her mentor

Pthom
03-04-2009, 12:03 PM
Just like that, joe.

A black belt in shopping has Joan
She offers this wonderful koan
"At the big zendo sale,
you will fight tooth and nail
And you won't even need a bank loan."

A black belt in shopping has Joan
She offers this wonderful koan:
What is the center?
She asked of her mentor
Said he, nothing. Instead he just moaned.

_________________

The forethought indeed was with malice.

flyingtart
03-04-2009, 02:07 PM
"The forethought indeed was with malice,"
The judge said to poor jailbird Alice

Sir_Nigel
03-04-2009, 02:19 PM
"The forethought indeed was with malice,"
The judge said to poor jailbird Alice
“And so off with your head”

MarkR
03-04-2009, 06:10 PM
"The forethought indeed was with malice,"
The judge said to poor jailbird Alice
“And so off with your head”
"But this eve I must wed"

Autodidact
03-04-2009, 10:04 PM
The forethought indeed was with malice,
The judge said to poor jailbird Alice
And so off with your head
But this eve I must wed
to a bride how could you be so callous?



There once was an investment banker,

archerjoe
03-04-2009, 10:12 PM
There once was an investment banker,
Who fell in love with Ravi Shankar

MarkR
03-04-2009, 10:26 PM
There once was an investment banker,
Who fell in love with Ravi Shankar
She bought a sitar

Autodidact
03-04-2009, 10:34 PM
There once was an investment banker,
Who fell in love with Ravi Shankar.
The romance was doomed,

Nymtoc
03-04-2009, 10:59 PM
There once was an investment banker,
Who fell in love with Ravi Shankar.
The romance was doomed
Because Ravi assumed

talkwrite
03-05-2009, 01:46 AM
There once was an investment banker,
Who fell in love with Ravi Shankar.
The romance was doomed
Because Ravi assumed
there was no reason to thank her.

In the land of unlimited cash flow

MarkR
03-05-2009, 01:49 AM
In the land of unlimited cash flow
There lived a poor man who just didn't know

archerjoe
03-05-2009, 11:49 PM
In the land of unlimited cash flow
There lived a poor man who just didn't know
That the big mega-stores

MaybeThisTime
03-06-2009, 05:46 PM
In the land of unlimited cash flow
There lived a poor man who just didn't know
That the big mega-stores
With their frequent price wars

flyingtart
03-07-2009, 08:59 PM
In the land of unlimited cash flow
There lived a poor man who just didn't know
That the big mega-stores
With their frequent price wars
Were owned by an oil sheik called Harpo


His poetry was crafted for days

archerjoe
03-08-2009, 01:50 AM
His poetry was crafted for days
He carefully explored other ways

flyingtart
03-08-2009, 06:10 PM
His poetry was crafted for days
He carefully explored other ways
Like brainstorming words

Aristocrazy
03-08-2009, 06:19 PM
His poetry was crafted for days
He carefully explored other ways
Like brainstorming words
an' studyin' blurbs

archerjoe
03-09-2009, 05:34 AM
His poetry was crafted for days
He carefully explored other ways
Like brainstorming words
an' studyin' blurbs
The results never failed to amaze


A curious being is the tart

Nymtoc
03-09-2009, 06:09 AM
A curious being is the tart
She can flourish without being smart

Sir_Nigel
03-09-2009, 01:58 PM
A curious being is the tart
She can flourish without being smart
‘cos the glamourous hussy

flyingtart
03-09-2009, 06:59 PM
A curious being is the tart
She can flourish without being smart
‘cos the glamourous hussy
Is never too fussy

MaybeThisTime
03-09-2009, 09:30 PM
A curious being is the tart
She can flourish without being smart
‘cos the glamourous hussy
Is never too fussy
To leer, then coo, "Come on, Sweetheart!"


A humble young lad, name of Freddy

talkwrite
03-09-2009, 09:44 PM
A humble young lad, name of Freddy
Kept a Thesaurus at the ready

archerjoe
03-10-2009, 12:22 AM
A humble young lad, name of Freddy
Kept a Thesaurus at the ready
But he altered the meaning

Sir_Nigel
03-10-2009, 01:03 PM
A humble young lad, name of Freddy
Kept a Thesaurus at the ready
But he altered the meaning
Of ‘Kerplunk’ and ‘Dry Cleaning’

Nymtoc
03-10-2009, 04:02 PM
A humble young lad, name of Freddy
Kept a Thesaurus at the ready
But he altered the meaning
Of ‘Kerplunk’ and ‘Dry Cleaning’
Then came here to AW and got thready.

"I'm changing my will," Grandpa said

MaybeThisTime
03-10-2009, 05:39 PM
"I'm changing my will," Grandpa said,
"leaving all wordly goods to young Ted."

talkwrite
03-10-2009, 10:13 PM
"I'm changing my will," Grandpa said,
"leaving all wordly goods to young Ted."
Two elderly aunts plotted

flyingtart
03-11-2009, 07:10 PM
"I'm changing my will," Grandpa said,
"leaving all wordly goods to young Ted."
Two elderly aunts plotted
To cut his carotid

archerjoe
03-11-2009, 11:20 PM
"I'm changing my will," Grandpa said,
"leaving all wordly goods to young Ted."
Two elderly aunts plotted
To cut his carotid
But it was they who ended up dead.


A marvelous thing, the snowblower

talkwrite
03-12-2009, 12:45 AM
A marvelous thing, the snowblower
Not to be used on a hardwood floor

Sir_Nigel
03-12-2009, 07:16 PM
A marvellous thing, the snowblower
Not to be used on a hardwood floor
or children or cats

flyingtart
03-12-2009, 07:20 PM
A marvellous thing, the snowblower
Not to be used on a hardwood floor
or children or cats
and ladies with hats

Nymtoc
03-12-2009, 09:44 PM
A marvellous thing, the snowblower
Not to be used on a hardwood floor
or children or cats
and ladies with hats
or nettlesome neighbors galore.

Last night I encountered a ghost

MaybeThisTime
03-12-2009, 10:10 PM
Last night I encountered a ghost,
The shade of dear Emily Post

archerjoe
03-12-2009, 10:42 PM
Last night I encountered a ghost,
The shade of dear Emily Post
With manners polite

donroc
03-13-2009, 12:27 AM
Last night I encountered a ghost,
The shade of dear Emily Post
With manners polite
She offered a light

onestepp
03-13-2009, 06:51 AM
Last night I encountered a ghost,
The shade of Dear Emily Post
with manners polite
she offered a light
courtsied and spied another ghost.

In Africa elephants sneezed

flyingtart
03-13-2009, 06:33 PM
In Africa elephants sneezed
And crocodiles did as they pleased

archerjoe
03-14-2009, 05:03 AM
The gnus read the news

StephanieFox
03-14-2009, 05:43 AM
In Africa elephants sneezed
And crocodiles did as they pleased
On the River Ebola

archerjoe
03-14-2009, 06:17 AM
In Africa elephants sneezed
And crocodiles did as they pleased
On the River Ebola
In a leaky gondola

Nymtoc
03-14-2009, 07:53 AM
In Africa elephants sneezed
And crocodiles did as they pleased
On the River Ebola
In a leaky gondola
Where fat hippopotami wheezed.

Poor Marcia sat home all alone

donroc
03-14-2009, 03:23 PM
Poor Marcia sat home all alone
Drinking gin by her pink telephone

archerjoe
03-14-2009, 05:43 PM
Poor Marcia sat home all alone
Drinking gin by her pink telephone
A Singapore Sling

StephanieFox
03-14-2009, 08:42 PM
Poor Marcia sat home all alone
Drinking gin by her pink telephone
A Singapore Sling
She said, "Ring a ding ding."

Nymtoc
03-14-2009, 09:37 PM
Poor Marcia sat home all alone
Drinking gin by her pink telephone
A Singapore Sling
She said, "Ring a ding ding."
Silence reigned. Her heart sank like a stone.

"Come on, kids, we'll put on our own show!"

archerjoe
03-15-2009, 02:00 AM
"Come on, kids, we'll put on our own show!"
"Much better than Survivor:Fargo"

StephanieFox
03-15-2009, 02:39 AM
"Come on, kids, we'll put on our own show!"
"Much better than Survivor:Fargo"
My dad has a barn

Nymtoc
03-15-2009, 02:50 AM
"Come on, kids, we'll put on our own show!"
"Much better than Survivor:Fargo"
My dad has a barn
We'll write songs, spin a yarn!

flyingtart
03-15-2009, 08:37 PM
"Come on, kids, we'll put on our own show!"
"Much better than Survivor:Fargo"
My dad has a barn
We'll write songs, spin a yarn!
And the star will be my cousin Joe.


We rode for a year and a day

MarkR
03-15-2009, 08:48 PM
We rode for a year and a day
On an Ara-Appaloosa named Fay

archerjoe
03-15-2009, 09:02 PM
We rode for a year and a day
On an Ara-Appaloosa named Fay
Oh, the saddle sores

Sir_Nigel
03-16-2009, 05:28 PM
We rode for a year and a day
On an Ara-Appaloosa named Fay
Oh, the saddle sores
and the pox-riddled whores

flyingtart
03-16-2009, 07:36 PM
We rode for a year and a day
On an Ara-Appaloosa named Fay
Oh, the saddle sores
and the pox-riddled whores
Whatever would Hemingway say?


A wannabe author called Clint

rosebud1981
03-16-2009, 07:45 PM
A wannabe author called Clint
Could not get his novel to print

archerjoe
03-16-2009, 08:17 PM
A wannabe author called Clint
Could not get his novel to print
He ran out of ink

StephanieFox
03-16-2009, 10:24 PM
A wannabe author called Clint
Could not get his novel to print
He ran out of ink
His HP's on the blink

Nymtoc
03-16-2009, 10:41 PM
A wannabe author called Clint
Could not get his novel to print
He ran out of ink
His HP's on the blink
He got so mad he choked on a mint.

:rolleyes:

A fellow called Patrick McShea

MarkR
03-17-2009, 01:59 AM
A fellow called Patrick McShea
Felt something move beneath his toupee

rosebud1981
03-17-2009, 04:24 AM
A fellow called Patrick McShea
Felt something move beneath his toupee
It had wings and sharp teeth

archerjoe
03-17-2009, 04:49 AM
A fellow called Patrick McShea
Felt something move beneath his toupee
It had wings and sharp teeth
And a stinger beneath

MarkR
03-17-2009, 05:10 PM
A fellow called Patrick McShea
Felt something move beneath his toupee
It had wings and sharp teeth
And a stinger beneath
So he was relieved when his hair flew away.

There once was a drunk in a gutter

flyingtart
03-17-2009, 08:56 PM
There once was a drunk in a gutter
Who spoke with a terrible stutter

archerjoe
03-17-2009, 09:11 PM
There once was a drunk in a gutter
Who spoke with a terrible stutter
Feeling didactic

Sir_Nigel
03-18-2009, 12:22 PM
There once was a drunk in a gutter
Who spoke with a terrible stutter
Feeling didactic
he proclaimed ‘It’s fantastic!’

rosebud1981
03-18-2009, 05:18 PM
There once was a drunk in a gutter
Who spoke with a terrible stutter
Feeling didactic
he proclaimed ‘It’s fantastic!’
'But I'd rather have jam than butter.'

There was a young artist from Spain

Nymtoc
03-18-2009, 05:27 PM
There was a young artist from Spain
Whose work was considered profane

flyingtart
03-18-2009, 07:13 PM
There was a young artist from Spain
Whose work was considered profane
Said he "It's not rude

rosebud1981
03-18-2009, 08:05 PM
There was a young artist from Spain
Whose work was considered profane
Said he "It's not rude
To paint in the nude

archerjoe
03-18-2009, 09:07 PM
There was a young artist from Spain
Whose work was considered profane
Said he "It's not rude
To paint in the nude
But sculpting is really a pain"


An old man lived in Schenectady

talkwrite
03-19-2009, 12:08 AM
An old man lived in Schenectady
With a pretty blonde Cocker named Lady

oneblindmouse
03-19-2009, 12:15 AM
An old man lived in Schenectady
With a pretty blonde Cocker named Lady
They lived on spaghetti

archerjoe
03-20-2009, 03:16 AM
An old man lived in Schenectady
With a pretty blonde Cocker named Lady
They lived on spaghetti
And when they were ready

Sir_Nigel
03-20-2009, 12:31 PM
An old man lived in Schenectady
With a pretty blonde Cocker named Lady
They lived on spaghetti
And when they were ready
they had sex on their worn out and wrecked settee


An itinerant preacher named Mel

Nymtoc
03-20-2009, 03:15 PM
An itinerant preacher named Mel
Said, "You're on the highway to Hell!"

donroc
03-20-2009, 04:14 PM
An itinerant preacher named Mel
Said, "You're on the highway to Hell!"
Sex, drugs, rocks and roll

Sir_Nigel
03-20-2009, 05:42 PM
An itinerant preacher named Mel
Said, "You're on the highway to Hell!
Sex, drugs, rocks and roll
And that napkin you stole"

flyingtart
03-20-2009, 06:11 PM
An itinerant preacher named Mel
Said, "You're on the highway to Hell!
Sex, drugs, rocks and roll
And that napkin you stole
Have settled your fate, I can tell!"


Old Steve was a King of the Blues

MarkR
03-20-2009, 09:43 PM
Old Steve was a King of the Blues
When he met Trisha from WKBY News

Nymtoc
03-20-2009, 09:57 PM
Old Steve was a King of the Blues
When he met Trisha from WKBY News
They formed their own band

MarkR
03-21-2009, 12:55 AM
Old Steve was a King of the Blues
When he met Trisha from WKBY News
They formed their own band
The best in the land

Nymtoc
03-21-2009, 01:00 AM
Old Steve was a King of the Blues
When he met Trisha from WKBY News
They formed their own band
The best in the land
But up for a Grammy--they lose.

Some people say Sidney's a wimp

StephanieFox
03-21-2009, 02:02 AM
Some people say Sidney's a wimp;
A coward, a craven, a simp.

dochas
03-21-2009, 04:28 AM
Some people say Sidney's a wimp;
A coward, a craven, a simp.
He lives with his mommy

archerjoe
03-21-2009, 04:36 AM
Some people say Sidney's a wimp;
A coward, a craven, a simp.
He lives with his mommy
And fat uncle Tommy

flyingtart
03-21-2009, 11:54 PM
Some people say Sidney's a wimp;
A coward, a craven, a simp.
He lives with his mommy
And fat uncle Tommy
And works down the town as a pimp.


Matilda has lust in her eye

Nymtoc
03-22-2009, 01:34 AM
Matilda has lust in her eye
She eyes every guy who goes by

donroc
03-22-2009, 03:27 AM
Matilda has lust in her eye
She eyes every guy who goes by
And squeezes their tushes

archerjoe
03-22-2009, 06:40 AM
Matilda has lust in her eye
She eyes every guy who goes by
And squeezes their tushes
Drags them in the bushes

Nymtoc
03-22-2009, 09:12 PM
Matilda has lust in her eye
She eyes every guy who goes by
And squeezes their tushes
Drags them in the bushes
And gives them a thrill on the sly.

There once was a doctor named Phil

LAWolf
03-22-2009, 11:35 PM
There once was a doctor named Phil
Who was known to pop a lil blue pill

MaybeThisTime
03-22-2009, 11:44 PM
There once was a doctor named Phil
Who was known to pop a lil blue pill
It once worked so well

archerjoe
03-23-2009, 12:21 AM
There once was a doctor named Phil
Who was known to pop a lil blue pill
It once worked so well
Everyone could tell

donroc
03-23-2009, 02:30 AM
There once was a doctor named Phil
Who was known to pop a lil blue pill
It once worked so well
Everyone could tell
With one glance at his priaptic dill.

An ambulance chaser named Bruce

archerjoe
03-23-2009, 04:32 AM
An ambulance chaser named Bruce
Used entirely too much mousse

Sir_Nigel
03-23-2009, 02:39 PM
An ambulance chaser named Bruce
Used entirely too much mousse
Now his short curly fringe

Dirtpoor
03-23-2009, 03:45 PM
An ambulance chaser named Bruce
Used entirely too much mousse
Now his short curly fringe
Has an odd bluish tinge

flyingtart
03-23-2009, 04:36 PM
An ambulance chaser named Bruce
Used entirely too much mousse
Now his short curly fringe
Has an odd bluish tinge
And sticks up at the back like a goose.


A lady who lives in my block

Nymtoc
03-23-2009, 09:44 PM
A lady who lives in my block
Likes to entertain dudes who play rock

Dirtpoor
03-24-2009, 01:44 AM
She feeds them hor dourves.

MarkR
03-24-2009, 03:31 AM
A lady who lives in my block
Likes to entertain dudes who play rock
She feeds them hors d'oeuvres
With cherry preserves

Matera the Mad
03-24-2009, 06:13 AM
A lady who lives in my block
Likes to entertain dudes who play rock
She feeds them hors d'oeuvres
With cherry preserves
Her kitchen's lit up 'round the clock.


The miller grinds flour too fine

Sir_Nigel
03-24-2009, 01:35 PM
The miller grinds flour too fine
Be grateful - this is no time to whine

Nymtoc
03-24-2009, 03:27 PM
The miller grinds flour too fine
Be grateful - this is no time to whine
Keep baking your bread

flyingtart
03-24-2009, 03:41 PM
The miller grinds flour too fine
Be grateful - this is no time to whine
Keep baking your bread
Or you'll end up dead

Sir_Nigel
03-24-2009, 05:10 PM
The miller grinds flour too fine
Be grateful - this is no time to whine
Keep baking your bread
Or you'll end up dead
- dismembered in a barrel of wine

Capiche?


It was daybreak and Vinny was late

archerjoe
03-24-2009, 05:23 PM
It was daybreak and Vinny was late
Could not start his old Z28

trocadero
03-24-2009, 05:29 PM
It was daybreak and Vinny was late
Could not start his old Z28
He pulled on the choke

flyingtart
03-24-2009, 06:39 PM
It was daybreak and Vinny was late
Could not start his old Z28
He pulled on the choke
But the bloody thing broke

Nymtoc
03-24-2009, 10:59 PM
It was daybreak and Vinny was late
Could not start his old Z28
He pulled on the choke
But the bloody thing broke
And he missed his own wedding. That's fate!

My uncle's a funny old chap

Woof
03-24-2009, 11:49 PM
My uncle's a funny old chap
He likes to listen to rap

archerjoe
03-25-2009, 02:42 AM
My uncle's a funny old chap
He likes to listen to rap
He likes lyrics crude

donroc
03-25-2009, 02:55 AM
My uncle's a funny old chap
He likes to listen to rap
He likes lyrics crude
That offend every prude

Matera the Mad
03-25-2009, 05:15 AM
My uncle's a funny old chap
He likes to listen to rap
He likes lyrics crude
That offend every prude
But at heart he's a lovable sap


A poet once swallowed a newt

Sir_Nigel
03-25-2009, 12:35 PM
A poet once swallowed a newt
then a pillow, then an old army boot

oneblindmouse
03-25-2009, 01:51 PM
A poet once swallowed a newt
then a pillow, then an old army boot
Then, clutching his stomach

archerjoe
03-25-2009, 04:34 PM
A poet once swallowed a newt
then a pillow, then an old army boot
Then, clutching his stomach
He belched out a limerick

Woof
03-25-2009, 04:52 PM
A poet once swallowed a newt
then a pillow, then an old army boot
Then, clutching his stomach
He belched out a limerick
Played on a Renaissance lute.


There once was a mouse who wrote

Sir_Nigel
03-25-2009, 05:11 PM
There once was a mouse who wrote
‘Wanted: Three nuns and a goat’

Nymtoc
03-25-2009, 08:02 PM
There once was a mouse who wrote
‘Wanted: Three nuns and a goat
Must know how to swim

flyingtart
03-25-2009, 09:02 PM
There once was a mouse who wrote
‘Wanted: Three nuns and a goat
Must know how to swim
And be reasonably slim

Woof
03-25-2009, 11:28 PM
There once was a mouse who wrote
‘Wanted: Three nuns and a goat
Must know how to swim
And be reasonably slim
And own a castle with a moat.


A poet who wrote with his tongue

Nymtoc
03-25-2009, 11:34 PM
A poet who wrote with his tongue
Got some anapests caught in his lung

Woof
03-25-2009, 11:37 PM
A poet who wrote with his tongue
Got some anapests caught in his lung
He coughed up some verse

Nymtoc
03-25-2009, 11:53 PM
A poet who wrote with his tongue
Got some anapests caught in his lung
He coughed up some verse
And some puns that were worse

Woof
03-26-2009, 12:27 AM
A poet who wrote with his tongue
Got some anapests caught in his lung
He coughed up some verse
And some puns that were worse
And a sonnet as charming as dung.


A sculptor who worked with cheese

MarkR
03-26-2009, 02:24 AM
A sculptor who worked with cheese
Found a trapped mouse who said, "Please!

talkwrite
03-26-2009, 02:25 AM
A sculptor who worked with cheese
Grated Gouda with skill and ease

Woof
03-26-2009, 04:11 AM
A sculptor who worked with cheese
Grated Gouda with skill and ease
He nibbled with flair

Nymtoc
03-26-2009, 05:39 AM
A sculptor who worked with cheese
Grated Gouda with skill and ease
He nibbled with flair
At brie and gruyère

Sir_Nigel
03-26-2009, 01:28 PM
A sculptor who worked with cheese
Grated Gouda with skill and ease
He nibbled with flair
At brie and gruyere
As he moulded cheese buttocks and knees


I wouldn’t say boo to a goose

Nymtoc
03-26-2009, 04:45 PM
I wouldn’t say boo to a goose,
For "boo" is a bit too abstruse

Woof
03-26-2009, 04:56 PM
I wouldn’t say boo to a goose,
For "boo" is a bit too abstruse
I'd simply say "honk"

flyingtart
03-26-2009, 04:58 PM
I wouldn’t say boo to a goose,
For "boo" is a bit too abstruse
I'd simply say "honk"
Then ask for a bonk

Nymtoc
03-26-2009, 05:09 PM
I wouldn’t say boo to a goose,
For "boo" is a bit too abstruse
I'd simply say "honk"
Then ask for a bonk
Since Goosey is known to be loose.

The forest is haunted, they say

Woof
03-26-2009, 05:12 PM
The forest is haunted, they say
By the ghost of an evil stingray

Sir_Nigel
03-26-2009, 05:39 PM
The forest is haunted, they say
By the ghost of an evil stingray
plus a 16 ft Yeti!

talkwrite
03-26-2009, 09:29 PM
The forest is haunted, they say
By the ghost of an evil stingray
plus a 16 ft Yeti!
Sipping hot toddy

MarkR
03-26-2009, 09:47 PM
The forest is haunted, they say
By the ghost of an evil stingray
plus a 16 ft Yeti!
Sipping hot toddy
I'm glad they go on vacation in May.

The Easter Bunny and my mother are friends

LAWolf
03-27-2009, 03:55 AM
The Easter Bunny and my mother are friends
They play Polo and Hearts on weekends

Sir_Nigel
03-27-2009, 12:57 PM
The Easter Bunny and my mother are friends
They play Polo and Hearts on weekends
But that mom obsessed rabbit

Nymtoc
03-27-2009, 01:07 PM
The Easter Bunny and my mother are friends
They play Polo and Hearts on weekends
But that mom obsessed rabbit
Has one curious habit

Woof
03-27-2009, 05:26 PM
The Easter Bunny and my mother are friends
They play Polo and Hearts on weekends
But that mom obsessed rabbit
Has one curious habit
She feeds rabbit stew to the hens.


An Easter hamster got into the act

flyingtart
03-27-2009, 07:41 PM
An Easter hamster got into the act
And entered an unholy pact

talkwrite
03-28-2009, 12:44 AM
An Easter hamster got into the act
And entered an unholy pact
With ears and legs too short

flyingtart
03-28-2009, 09:10 PM
An Easter hamster got into the act
And entered an unholy pact
With ears and legs too short
He was heard to retort

Nymtoc
03-28-2009, 11:09 PM
An Easter hamster got into the act
And entered an unholy pact
With ears and legs too short
He was heard to retort,
"I feel like I've been shellacked."

There once was a beagle called Boris

donroc
03-28-2009, 11:30 PM
There once was a beagle called Boris
Who adored the actress named Cloris

MarkR
03-29-2009, 12:51 AM
There once was a beagle called Boris
Who adored the actress named Cloris
They played night and day

oneblindmouse
03-29-2009, 02:04 AM
There once was a beagle called Boris
Who adored the actress named Cloris
They played night and day
And never did stray

archerjoe
03-29-2009, 02:38 AM
There once was a beagle called Boris
Who adored the actress named Cloris
They played night and day
And never did stray
He sang with her in the church chorus

Caught with his hand in the cookie jar

Matera the Mad
03-30-2009, 05:54 AM
Caught with his hand in the cookie jar
The plagiarist should not have gone so far

Sir_Nigel
03-30-2009, 12:25 PM
Caught with his hand in the cookie jar
The plagiarist should not have gone so far
This master of Rip Off

flyingtart
03-31-2009, 04:01 PM
Caught with his hand in the cookie jar
The plagiarist should not have gone so far
This master of Rip Off
Was ordered to strip off

archerjoe
03-31-2009, 08:41 PM
Caught with his hand in the cookie jar
The plagiarist should not have gone so far
This master of Rip Off
Was ordered to strip off
Publicly heckled by Roseanne Barr

The college freshman said to the dean

donroc
03-31-2009, 11:08 PM
The college freshman said to the dean
Sir, address me as Mr. Bean

onestepp
04-01-2009, 03:58 AM
The college freshaman said to the dean
Sir, address me as Mr. Bean
play uniformed ball

StephanieFox
04-01-2009, 04:57 AM
The college freshaman said to the dean
Sir, address me as Mr. Bean
Play uniformed ball
With our team in the fall,

Matera the Mad
04-01-2009, 07:19 AM
The college freshaman said to the dean
Sir, address me as Mr. Bean
Play uniformed ball
With our team in the fall,
And come out looking sexy and lean.


It's not only moms who have problems

Garmar
04-01-2009, 10:48 AM
The college freshaman said to the dean
Sir, address me as Mr. Bean
Play uniformed ball
With our team in the fall,
And come out looking sexy and lean.


It's not only moms who have problems,
when their kids pick up rocks...then lobs 'em.

flyingtart
04-01-2009, 04:58 PM
It's not only moms who have problems,
when their kids pick up rocks...then lobs 'em
At neighbourhood boys

Garmar
04-01-2009, 07:09 PM
It's not only moms who have problems,
when their kids pick up rocks...then lobs 'em.
At neighbourhood boys
whom stole all their toys.

Sir_Nigel
04-02-2009, 11:39 AM
It's not only moms who have problems,
when their kids pick up rocks...then lobs 'em.
At neighbourhood boys
who stole all their toys.
then threaten to pummel and nobble ‘em.


I was sleeping last night on a bench

Nymtoc
04-02-2009, 04:03 PM
I was sleeping last night on a bench
And awoke to a terrible stench

Woof
04-02-2009, 04:18 PM
I was sleeping last night on a bench
And awoke to a terrible stench
A drunk had peed

archerjoe
04-02-2009, 05:55 PM
I was sleeping last night on a bench
And awoke to a terrible stench
A drunk had peed
And smoked some weed

flyingtart
04-02-2009, 06:40 PM
I was sleeping last night on a bench
And awoke to a terrible stench
A drunk had peed
And smoked some weed
So I slugged him with a monkey wrench.


One night while I walked by the sea

K1P1
04-02-2009, 06:53 PM
One night while I walked by the sea
I began to converse with a flea

archerjoe
04-02-2009, 07:02 PM
One night while I walked by the sea
I began to converse with a flea
"Why live on a dog?"

Nymtoc
04-02-2009, 09:26 PM
One night while I walked by the sea
I began to converse with a flea
"Why live on a dog?
Why not have a blog?

oneblindmouse
04-03-2009, 02:10 AM
One night while I walked by the sea
I began to converse with a flea
"Why live on a dog?
Why not have a blog?
Or a reality show on TV?"

The flea said a dog was much nicer

donroc
04-03-2009, 02:29 AM
The flea said a dog was much nicer
I said I preferred a de-icer (a babe from Smilin' Jack strip of earlier generations)

oneblindmouse
04-03-2009, 11:47 PM
The flea said a dog was much nicer
I said I preferred a de-icer (a babe from Smilin' Jack strip of earlier generations)
The flea just replied

Matera the Mad
04-04-2009, 05:36 AM
The flea said a dog was much nicer
I said I preferred a de-icer (a babe from Smilin' Jack strip of earlier generations)
The flea just replied
Those cats smile too wide

flyingtart
04-04-2009, 05:36 PM
The flea said a dog was much nicer
I said I preferred a de-icer (a babe from Smilin' Jack strip of earlier generations)
The flea just replied
Those cats smile too wide
And bite me with their large incisor.


I much prefer sailing my dinghy

donroc
04-04-2009, 06:40 PM
I much prefer sailing my dinghy
To playing alone with my thinghy

Woof
04-04-2009, 06:43 PM
I much prefer sailing my dinghy
To playing alone with my thinghy
For when I am out at sea

Nymtoc
04-04-2009, 11:41 PM
I much prefer sailing my dinghy
To playing alone with my thinghy
For when I am out at sea
Mermaids come to me

Matera the Mad
04-05-2009, 12:39 AM
I much prefer sailing my dinghy
To playing alone with my thinghy
For when I am out at sea
Mermaids come to me
And twiddle my thing while they singhy.


A sad tale I relate now, my friend

archerjoe
04-05-2009, 07:06 AM
A sad tale I relate now, my friend
I'm afraid that it's close to the end

Matera the Mad
04-06-2009, 04:34 AM
A sad tale I relate now, my friend
I'm afraid that it's close to the end
Which end I won't say

flyingtart
04-06-2009, 03:15 PM
A sad tale I relate now, my friend
I'm afraid that it's close to the end
Which end I won't say
Till you go away

Sir_Nigel
04-07-2009, 02:36 PM
A sad tale I relate now, my friend
I'm afraid that it's close to the end
Which end I won't say
Till you go away
Then a detailed description I’ll send


Now I slide on a slippery slope

flyingtart
04-07-2009, 07:55 PM
Now I slide on a slippery slope
Please somebody throw me a rope

oneblindmouse
04-08-2009, 01:23 AM
Now I slide on a slippery slope
Please somebody throw me a rope
My payments are due

Matera the Mad
04-08-2009, 08:01 AM
Now I slide on a slippery slope
Please somebody throw me a rope
My payments are due
And I haven't a clue

flyingtart
04-08-2009, 05:31 PM
Now I slide on a slippery slope
Please somebody throw me a rope
My payments are due
And I haven't a clue
How my bank manager's gonna cope.


In the year nineteen hundred and thirty

Matera the Mad
04-09-2009, 07:58 AM
In the year nineteen hundred and thirty
Grandpa told a joke that was dirty

Sir_Nigel
04-09-2009, 12:36 PM
In the year nineteen hundred and thirty
Grandpa told a joke that was dirty
- a lady called Annie

archerjoe
04-09-2009, 02:33 PM
In the year nineteen hundred and thirty
Grandpa told a joke that was dirty
- a lady called Annie
and her shapely fanny

oneblindmouse
04-09-2009, 10:51 PM
In the year nineteen hundred and thirty
Grandpa told a joke that was dirty
- a lady called Annie
and her shapely fanny
got drunk and most terribly flirty.

She stood at the top of the stairs

Matera the Mad
04-10-2009, 06:45 AM
She stood at the top of the stairs
With a towel o'er her nethermost hairs

archerjoe
04-10-2009, 06:56 AM
She stood at the top of the stairs
With a towel o'er her nethermost hairs
She said with a wink

flyingtart
04-10-2009, 11:58 PM
She stood at the top of the stairs
With a towel o'er her nethermost hairs
She said with a wink
"Now what do you think

oneblindmouse
04-11-2009, 01:42 AM
She stood at the top of the stairs
With a towel o'er her nethermost hairs
She said with a wink
"Now what do you think?
Am I crazy to give myself airs?"

He replied with a nonchalant grin

Matera the Mad
04-11-2009, 05:28 AM
He replied with a nonchalant grin
(Though wiping some drool from his chin)

flyingtart
04-12-2009, 01:44 PM
He replied with a nonchalant grin
(Though wiping some drool from his chin)
"Oh goody, oh goody!

Matera the Mad
04-13-2009, 10:08 AM
He replied with a nonchalant grin
(Though wiping some drool from his chin)
"Oh goody, oh goody!
It's time for a woody!"

archerjoe
04-15-2009, 06:12 AM
He replied with a nonchalant grin
(Though wiping some drool from his chin)
"Oh goody, oh goody!
It's time for a woody!"
A five-iron won't reach to the pin.

A writer with no dictionary

Matera the Mad
04-15-2009, 06:42 AM
A writer with no dictionary
Had a word that was most problemary

flyingtart
04-16-2009, 12:06 AM
A writer with no dictionary
Had a word that was most problemary
So he tried instead

Matera the Mad
04-16-2009, 04:37 AM
A writer with no dictionary
Had a word that was most problemary
So he tried instead
A phrase straight from his head

flyingtart
04-17-2009, 05:41 PM
A writer with no dictionary
Had a word that was most problemary
So he tried instead
A phrase straight from his head
But he was known for being contrary.


We sailed to the Cape of Good Hope

Matera the Mad
04-19-2009, 02:31 AM
We sailed to the Cape of Good Hope
Then found that we'd run out of soap

Robert Farley
04-19-2009, 04:08 PM
We sailed to the Cape of Good Hope
Then found that we'd run out of soap
Do you think fine sandpaper

Matera the Mad
04-20-2009, 09:25 AM
We sailed to the Cape of Good Hope
Then found that we'd run out of soap
Do you think fine sandpaper
Would do, or a scraper

archerjoe
04-20-2009, 09:12 PM
We sailed to the Cape of Good Hope
Then found that we'd run out of soap
Do you think fine sandpaper
Would do, or a scraper
Using burlap is too rough to cope.

A man with an obvious toupee

Nymtoc
04-20-2009, 09:43 PM
A man with an obvious toupee
Got caught in a windstorm one day

flyingtart
04-20-2009, 10:46 PM
A man with an obvious toupee
Got caught in a windstorm one day
His rug started flapping

donroc
04-20-2009, 10:53 PM
A man with an obvious toupee
Got caught in a windstorm one day
His rug started flapping
To the beat of great rapping

StephanieFox
04-21-2009, 12:18 AM
A man with an obvious toupee
Got caught in a windstorm one day
His rug started flapping
To the beat of great rapping
'Till it lifted up and sailed away.


Texas, it's said, may sucede

Nymtoc
04-21-2009, 12:28 AM
And the next limerick...???...Okay, I'll start one.

"You ran a red light," the cop said.

StephanieFox
04-21-2009, 12:34 AM
see mine, above....

Texas, it's said, may sucede

archerjoe
04-21-2009, 05:02 AM
Texas, it's said, may secede
And many implore "Godspeed!"

Nymtoc
04-21-2009, 05:16 AM
Texas, it's said, may secede
And many implore "Godspeed!"
The sooner it splits