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talkwrite
03-21-2008, 09:38 PM
Writers who like making limericks
Are more amusing than Soviet apparatchniks
Perhaps driven by ego,
And still others can't count, though

Autodidact
03-21-2008, 10:26 PM
Writers who like making limericks
Are more amusing than Soviet apparatchniks
Perhaps driven by ego,
And still others can't count, though,
as for rhyming, that's just a cheap gimmerick.

[I nominate this for the worst limerick of the thread so far, despite the steep competition for this honor.]


There once was a guy from Punjabi,

donroc
03-21-2008, 10:35 PM
There once was a guy from Punjabi,
Who was a vicious fanatical Wahabi

Woof
03-21-2008, 10:51 PM
There once was a guy from Punjabi,
Who was a vicious fanatical Wahabi
He said "death to the infidels"

Autodidact
03-22-2008, 12:09 AM
There once was a guy from Punjabi,
Who was a vicious fanatical Wahabi
He said "death to the infidels"
storm all their citadels!

oneblindmouse
03-22-2008, 04:39 PM
There once was a guy from Punjabi,
Who was a vicious fanatical Wahabi
He said "death to the infidels"
storm all their citadels!
And smear them all with some wassabi!"

A writer who went for a walk

donroc
03-22-2008, 04:41 PM
A writer who went for a walk
Wrote obscenities on a wall with chalk

Nymtoc
03-22-2008, 04:43 PM
A writer who went for a walk
Wrote obscenities on a wall with chalk
A cop came along

oneblindmouse
03-22-2008, 05:00 PM
A writer who went for a walk
Wrote obscenities on a wall with chalk
A cop came along
Singing a song

donroc
03-22-2008, 05:34 PM
A writer who went for a walk
Wrote obscenities on a wall with chalk
A cop came along
Singing a song
"Do it again and your bung hole I'll caulk."

A crosseyed quarterback from Stanford

Woof
03-22-2008, 05:41 PM
A crosseyed quarterback from Stanford
Was eating sprouts and some bean curd

oneblindmouse
03-22-2008, 05:59 PM
crosseyed quarterback from Stanford
Was eating sprouts and some bean curd
When he bit on his tongue

Woof
03-22-2008, 06:01 PM
crosseyed quarterback from Stanford
Was eating sprouts and some bean curd
When he bit on his tongue
He coughed out a lung

HeronW
03-22-2008, 07:42 PM
crosseyed quarterback from Stanford
Was eating sprouts and some bean curd
When he bit on his tongue
He coughed out a lung
and didn't care, he was so bored.

A rollicking pirate named Jackie

donroc
03-22-2008, 08:18 PM
A rollicking pirate named Jackie
dressed his parrot in the finest weave khaki

oneblindmouse
03-22-2008, 08:43 PM
A rollicking pirate named Jackie
dressed his parrot in the finest weave khaki
Complete with peg leg

Autodidact
03-23-2008, 01:52 AM
A rollicking pirate named Jackie
dressed his parrot in the finest weave khaki
Complete with peg leg
and a small Easter egg,

donroc
03-23-2008, 02:10 AM
A rollicking pirate named Jackie
dressed his parrot in the finest weave khaki
Complete with peg leg
and a small Easter egg,
Faux Fabergé thus thoroughly tacky
__________________
A girl missed the train at Cucamonga

Autodidact
03-23-2008, 04:52 AM
A girl missed the train at Cucamonga,
and found herself arriving in Tonga,

HeronW
03-23-2008, 05:01 AM
A girl missed the train at Cucamonga,
and found herself arriving in Tonga,
She refused to get off

Autodidact
03-23-2008, 09:00 PM
A girl missed the train at Cucamonga,
and found herself arriving in Tonga,
She refused to get off
without a good boff

donroc
03-23-2008, 10:54 PM
A girl missed the train at Cucamonga,
and found herself arriving in Tonga,
She refused to get off
without a good boff
And Six lessons from Madame La Zonga. (ca. 1940 hit novelty song)

A busty accordianist from Bologna

Nymtoc
03-24-2008, 03:28 AM
A busty accordionist from Bologna
Met a tympanist from Patagonia

HeronW
03-24-2008, 03:29 AM
A busty accordionist from Bologna
Met a tympanist from Patagonia
they squeezed and they clashed

Autodidact
03-24-2008, 06:53 AM
A busty accordionist from Bologna
Met a tympanist from Patagonia
they squeezed and they clashed
They shagged and they mashed

Woof
03-24-2008, 06:53 PM
A busty accordionist from Bologna
Met a tympanist from Patagonia
they squeezed and they clashed
They shagged and they mashed
Until they both died from pneumonia.



There was a young gigolo from Nice

talkwrite
03-24-2008, 07:17 PM
There was a young gigolo from Nice
who enjoyed crashing wedding feasts

Woof
03-24-2008, 11:01 PM
There was a young gigolo from Nice
who enjoyed crashing wedding feasts
He flirted with the bride

HeronW
03-24-2008, 11:08 PM
There was a young gigolo from Nice
who enjoyed crashing wedding feasts
He flirted with the bride
and got kicked to the side

Kurlumbenus
03-25-2008, 12:02 AM
There was a young gigolo from Nice
who enjoyed crashing wedding feasts
He flirted with the bride
and got kicked to the side
for trying to make off with the ice.

Feasts and Nice don't really rhyme,

talkwrite
03-25-2008, 01:15 AM
Feasts and Nice don't really rhyme,
learning tact takes little time

Kurlumbenus
03-25-2008, 10:12 PM
Feasts and Nice don't really rhyme,
learning tact takes little time
but if errors we coddle

Woof
03-25-2008, 10:15 PM
Feasts and Nice don't really rhyme,
learning tact takes little time
but if errors we coddle
then in quacks will waddle

donroc
03-25-2008, 10:22 PM
Feasts and Nice don't really rhyme,
learning tact takes little time
but if errors we coddle
then in quacks will waddle
Their efforts not worth a dime.

A poodle could not control its piddling

Woof
03-25-2008, 10:24 PM
A poodle could not control its piddling
Nor would it restrain from diddling

oneblindmouse
03-25-2008, 10:29 PM
A poodle could not control its piddling
Nor would it restrain from diddling
When out on a walk

donroc
03-25-2008, 10:30 PM
A poodle could not control its piddling
Nor would it restrain from diddling.
When he mounted a Boxer

Woof
03-25-2008, 10:37 PM
A poodle could not control its piddling
Nor would it restrain from diddling.
When he mounted a Boxer
And tried to outfox her

Nymtoc
03-25-2008, 10:47 PM
A poodle could not control its piddling
Nor would it restrain from diddling.
When he mounted a Boxer
And tried to outfox her
She said, "Dude, your technique is middling."

:cool:

There once was a girl from Rangoon

donroc
03-25-2008, 10:54 PM
There once was a girl from Rangoon
Who had more tang than poon

Woof
03-25-2008, 10:55 PM
There once was a girl from Rangoon
Who sang a vulgar and slang tune

HeronW
03-25-2008, 11:35 PM
There once was a girl from Rangoon
Who sang a vulgar and slang tune.
American Idol

Autodidact
03-25-2008, 11:38 PM
A poodle could not control its piddling
Nor would it restrain from diddling
When out on a walk
you'd recoil in shock

HeronW
03-26-2008, 01:23 AM
A poodle could not control its piddling
Nor would it restrain from diddling
When out on a walk
you'd recoil in shock
from the wee that wasn't widdling.

Stretching the words is so much fun

otterman
03-26-2008, 02:57 AM
Stretching the words is so much fun,
Two syllables appear where there was one,

donroc
03-26-2008, 02:59 AM
Stretching the words is so much fun,
Two syllables appear where there was one,
And I like being prolix

otterman
03-26-2008, 03:13 AM
Stretching the words is so much fun,
Two syllables appear where there was one,
And I like being prolix,
It's just how I get kicks,

Autodidact
03-26-2008, 06:54 PM
Stretching the words is so much fun,
Two syllables appear where there was one,
And I like being prolix,
It's just how I get kicks,
And this last line is available for stuffing extra syllables into--anyone?


A guitarist from old Pensacola,

HeronW
03-27-2008, 03:27 AM
A guitarist from old Pensacola,
made great music on the new Rockola

donroc
03-27-2008, 03:29 AM
A guitarist from old Pensacola,
made great music on the new Rockola
Playing a splendiferous riff

Autodidact
03-27-2008, 06:08 AM
A guitarist from old Pensacola,
made great music on the new Rockola
Playing a splendiferous riff
while smoking a spliff,

StephanieFox
03-27-2008, 07:39 AM
A guitarist from old Pensacola,
made great music on the new Rockola
Playing a splendiferous riff
while smoking a spliff,
But they took him away for payola.

Pthom
03-28-2008, 12:40 AM
Um Stephanie, that's a great finish on the limerick, but you've failed to provide us with the opening line of the next one. :D

Autodidact
03-28-2008, 12:52 AM
A forgetful poster named Fox

donroc
03-28-2008, 01:16 AM
A forgetful poster named Fox
While consuming her bagels and lox

otterman
03-28-2008, 01:28 AM
A forgetful poster named Fox,
While consuming her bagels and lox,
Clicked on the wrong thread,

StephanieFox
03-28-2008, 02:33 AM
A forgetful poster named Fox,
While consuming her bagels and lox,
Clicked on the wrong thread,
'Cause some poster had led
Her to think that her limericks were crocks


HA!

A large burly man from Japan

donroc
03-28-2008, 02:35 AM
A large burly man from Japan
Was addicted to Chinese Fan-tan

Autodidact
03-28-2008, 02:48 AM
A large burly man from Japan
Was addicted to Chinese Fan-tan
He bet and he lost,

HeronW
03-28-2008, 02:58 AM
A large burly man from Japan
Was addicted to Chinese Fan-tan
He bet and he lost,
his head was the cost

StephanieFox
03-28-2008, 03:10 AM
A large burly man from Japan
Was addicted to Chinese Fan-tan
He bet and he lost,
His head was the cost
But he never did pay, he just ran.



A president wasn't so smart

HeronW
03-28-2008, 03:21 AM
A president wasn't so smart
putting the horse before the cart

oneblindmouse
03-28-2008, 12:30 PM
A president wasn't so smart
putting the horse before the cart.
Who cares for elections?

HeronW
03-28-2008, 10:47 PM
A president wasn't so smart
putting the horse before the cart.
Who cares for elections?
or pensive reflections

StephanieFox
03-29-2008, 08:04 PM
A president wasn't so smart
putting the horse before the cart.
Who cares for elections?
Or pensive reflections,
Things that you can't finish – don't start.



A tourist to Iowa found

Nymtoc
03-29-2008, 09:10 PM
A tourist to Iowa found
A bottomless hole in the ground

donroc
03-29-2008, 09:14 PM
A tourist to Iowa found
A bottomless hole in the ground
Which led straight to hell

Autodidact
03-29-2008, 09:50 PM
A tourist to Iowa found
A bottomless hole in the ground
Which led straight to hell
as she could tell

donroc
03-29-2008, 10:02 PM
A tourist to Iowa found
A bottomless hole in the ground
Which led straight to hell
as she could tell
As she she replaced Prometheus bound.

A randy old friar from Bordeaux

otterman
03-29-2008, 10:09 PM
A randy old friar from Bordeaux,
Was so poor he could not afford l'eau,

oneblindmouse
03-29-2008, 11:43 PM
A randy old friar from Bordeaux,
Was so poor he could not afford l'eau,
But lashings of brandy

otterman
03-30-2008, 01:31 AM
A randy old friar from Bordeaux,
Was so poor he could not afford l'eau,
But lashings of brandy,
Were always quite handy,

Nymtoc
03-30-2008, 01:41 AM
A randy old friar from Bordeaux,
Was so poor he could not afford l'eau,
But lashings of brandy,
Were always quite handy,
What's more, they gave him a gleaux.

:D

Old Merlin, they say, was quite wise

Autodidact
03-30-2008, 01:51 AM
Old Merlin, they say, was quite wise,
His brain of quite a large size,

oneblindmouse
03-30-2008, 02:24 AM
Old Merlin, they say, was quite wise,
His brain of quite a large size,
But some of his spells

StephanieFox
03-30-2008, 03:16 AM
Old Merlin, they say, was quite wise,
His brain of quite a large size,
But some of his spells
From the old Book of Kells

donroc
03-30-2008, 05:20 AM
Old Merlin, they say, was quite wise,
His brain of quite a large size,
But some of his spells
From the old Book of Kells
Shrunk Morgana le Fay to thumbs size.

A barber not Figaro from Seville

Nymtoc
03-30-2008, 05:33 AM
A barber not Figaro from Seville
Drank coffee not tea from Brazil

Matera the Mad
03-30-2008, 07:23 AM
A barber not Figaro from Seville
Drank coffee not tea from Brazil
It livened him up

StephanieFox
03-30-2008, 10:13 AM
A barber not Figaro from Seville
Drank coffee not tea from Brazil
It livened him up
He drank cup after cup

Nymtoc
03-30-2008, 12:07 PM
A barber not Figaro from Seville
Drank coffee not tea from Brazil
It livened him up
He drank cup after cup
Now he feels hale and hearty not ill.

:e2coffee:

There once was an artichoke eater

oneblindmouse
03-30-2008, 02:41 PM
There once was an artichoke eater
Who cruised the town in his two-seater

donroc
03-30-2008, 04:01 PM
There once was an artichoke eater
Who cruised the town in his two-seater
Trolling for babes

Woof
03-30-2008, 05:41 PM
There once was an artichoke eater
Who cruised the town in his two-seater
Trolling for babes
Of sensuous shapes

HeronW
03-31-2008, 02:18 AM
There once was an artichoke eater
Who cruised the town in his two-seater
Trolling for babes
Of sensuous shapes
won a wife in a bet much sweeter.

A paltry old parson named Ork

StephanieFox
03-31-2008, 02:35 AM
A paltry old parson named Ork
Tried eating his soup with a fork

donroc
03-31-2008, 02:36 AM
A paltry old parson named Ork
Sired an illegitimate son in York

Matera the Mad
03-31-2008, 06:22 AM
A paltry old parson named Ork
Sired an illegitimate son in York.
When grown, son said, "Dad,

Autodidact
03-31-2008, 07:39 AM
A paltry old parson named Ork
Sired an illegitimate son in York.
When grown, son said, "Dad,
My mum said you had

Nymtoc
03-31-2008, 11:22 AM
A paltry old parson named Ork
Sired an illegitimate son in York.
When grown, son said, "Dad,
My mum said you had
Three more wives and six more kids in Cork."

:PartySmil

There once was a mad millionairess

Joycecwilliams
03-31-2008, 11:32 PM
There once was a mad millionairess
Who wanted her Mexican hairless.

donroc
03-31-2008, 11:44 PM
There once was a mad millionairess
Who wanted her Mexican hairless.
He said "Ay, Chihuaha!"

Nymtoc
04-01-2008, 12:16 AM
There once was a mad millionairess
Who wanted her Mexican hairless.
He said "Ay, Chihuaha!
Don't tell Baba Wawa!"

StephanieFox
04-01-2008, 03:45 AM
It's too easy...I just can't...

Autodidact
04-02-2008, 12:16 AM
Oh go ahead, you know you want to.

StephanieFox
04-02-2008, 08:18 AM
I promised I wouldn't say that word unless it was the town in Texas, the city in France or the ruler of Troy.

NEXT!

Autodidact
04-02-2008, 07:10 PM
Oh never mind.

There once was a mad millionairess
Who wanted her Mexican hairless.
He said "Ay, Chihuaha!
Don't tell Baba Wawa!"
If you need me I'm out on the terrace.


Two rules to follow when writing:

Nymtoc
04-02-2008, 07:22 PM
Two rules to follow when writing:
One--start out with something exciting.

StephanieFox
04-02-2008, 10:01 PM
Two rules to follow when writing:
One--start out with something exciting.
Then follow it through

Autodidact
04-02-2008, 10:11 PM
Two rules to follow when writing:
One--start out with something exciting.
Then follow it through,
but whatever you do

donroc
04-02-2008, 10:14 PM
Two rules to follow when writing:
One--start out with something exciting.
Then follow it through,
but whatever you do
Be sure you're plugged in with good lighting.

An inventor deranged and bizarre

StephanieFox
04-02-2008, 10:17 PM
An inventor deranged and bizarre
Carried chickens around in his car

Yeshanu
04-02-2008, 10:19 PM
An inventor deranged and bizarre
Carried chickens around in his car.
He thought it'd be neat

talkwrite
04-02-2008, 10:54 PM
An inventor deranged and bizarre
Carried chickens around in his car.
He thought it'd be neat
to feather his seat

otterman
04-03-2008, 02:53 AM
An inventor deranged and bizarre
Carried chickens around in his car.
He thought it'd be neat
to feather his seat
But his ass got stuck to the tar!


I knew a musician from France,

donroc
04-03-2008, 02:57 AM
I knew a musician from France,
Who was a gaudy flaming nance,

Sir_Nigel
04-03-2008, 01:10 PM
I knew a musician from France,
Who was a gaudy flaming nance,
He’d flounce as he fiddled

Nymtoc
04-03-2008, 04:37 PM
I knew a musician from France,
Who was a gaudy flaming nance,
He’d flounce as he fiddled
And bounce as he diddled

Woof
04-03-2008, 04:39 PM
I knew a musician from France,
Who was a gaudy flaming nance,
He’d flounce as he fiddled
And mince while he piddled

Autodidact
04-03-2008, 07:32 PM
I knew a musician from France,
Who was a gaudy flaming nance,
He’d flounce as he fiddled
And mince while he piddled,
He was a lot of fun at a dance.


One day, while cleaning my drawers,

Katol
04-03-2008, 08:16 PM
One day, while cleaning my drawers,
(not one of my favorite chores),

Pthom
04-03-2008, 10:48 PM
One day, while cleaning my drawers
(Not one of my favorite chores),
I slipped on the soap

donroc
04-03-2008, 11:42 PM
One day, while cleaning my drawers
(Not one of my favorite chores),
I slipped on the soap
And felt like a dope

Woof
04-04-2008, 12:18 AM
One day, while cleaning my drawers
(Not one of my favorite chores),
I slipped on the soap
And felt like a dope
Now my bum is all covered with sores.


A man picked his teeth with a fork

Nymtoc
04-04-2008, 12:29 AM
A man picked his teeth with a fork
While at "21" in New York

Woof
04-04-2008, 12:31 AM
A man picked his teeth with a fork
While at "21" in New York
Then he farted out loud

Nymtoc
04-04-2008, 12:32 AM
A man picked his teeth with a fork
While at "21" in New York
Then he farted out loud,
Scandalizing the crowd,

Woof
04-04-2008, 12:34 AM
A man picked his teeth with a fork
While at "21" in New York
Then he farted out loud,
Scandalizing the crowd,
Then grossed them all with a hork.


A girl who was rather ill bred

donroc
04-04-2008, 12:35 AM
A man picked his teeth with a fork
While at "21" in New York
Then he farted out loud,
Scandalizing the crowd
Who cried out as one, "What a dork!"

A seven foot center named Ming

Autodidact
04-04-2008, 02:14 AM
A girl who was rather ill bred
went out with a lout, name of Ted,

Woof
04-04-2008, 05:12 PM
A girl who was rather ill bred
went out with a lout, name of Ted,
They ate with their feet

The Scip
04-04-2008, 05:44 PM
A girl who was rather ill bred
went out with a lout, name of Ted,
They ate with their feet
and it was really a treat

Woof
04-04-2008, 05:49 PM
A girl who was rather ill bred
went out with a lout, name of Ted,
They ate with their feet
and it was really a treat
To lick all their toes 'till they bled.


A poet who wrote ugly verse

Nymtoc
04-04-2008, 06:13 PM
A poet who wrote ugly verse
Was sure that his rhymes were all cherce.

Woof
04-04-2008, 07:18 PM
A poet who wrote ugly verse
Was sure that his rhymes were all cherce.
His couplets were lewd

Autodidact
04-04-2008, 07:21 PM
A poet who wrote ugly verse
Was sure that his rhymes were all cherce.
His couplets were lewd,
his sonnets most rude

Woof
04-04-2008, 07:30 PM
A poet who wrote ugly verse
Was sure that his rhymes were all cherce.
His couplets were lewd,
his sonnets most rude
And his limericks incredibly worse


A man wrote a tale on his thumb

Nymtoc
04-04-2008, 07:34 PM
A man wrote a tale on his thumb
He knew it was terribly dumb.

Autodidact
04-04-2008, 09:01 PM
A man wrote a tale on his thumb
He knew it was terribly dumb.
No one could read it,

StephanieFox
04-04-2008, 10:17 PM
A man wrote a tale on his thumb
He knew it was terribly dumb.
No one could read it,
Or rent, sell or deed it,

Nymtoc
04-04-2008, 10:23 PM
A man wrote a tale on his thumb
He knew it was terribly dumb.
No one could read it,
Or rent, sell or deed it.
Now he's inconsolably glum.

:(

A woman who lived in a tree

StephanieFox
04-04-2008, 10:27 PM
A woman who lived in a tree
Had a puppy, a Dinmont (Dandee)

Autodidact
04-05-2008, 02:04 AM
A woman who lived in a tree
Had a puppy, a Dinmont (Dandee)
This cute little terrier

HeronW
04-05-2008, 03:38 AM
A woman who lived in a tree
Had a puppy, a Dinmont (Dandee)
This cute little terrier
could pilot a Harrier

otterman
04-05-2008, 03:47 AM
A woman who lived in a tree
Had a puppy, a Dinmont (Dandee)
This cute little terrier
could pilot a Harrier
And hovered above her to pee!


A tall, slender fella named Ted,

HeronW
04-05-2008, 03:55 AM
A tall, slender fella named Ted,
had trouble when lying in bed

Melisande
04-05-2008, 04:26 AM
A tall, slender fella named Ted,
had trouble when lying in bed
Haunted by wet dreams

Autodidact
04-05-2008, 05:03 AM
A tall, slender fella named Ted,
had trouble when lying in bed
Haunted by wet dreams,
nightmares and screams,

StephanieFox
04-05-2008, 06:02 AM
A tall, slender fella named Ted,
had trouble when lying in bed
Haunted by wet dreams,
nightmares and screams,
He slept vertical till he was dead.


The congressman sat on a horse

Kerr
04-05-2008, 03:47 PM
The congressman sat on a horse,
Pictured strong for all to endorse

HeronW
04-06-2008, 12:59 AM
The congressman sat on a horse,
Pictured strong for all to endorse
the horse threw him off

StephanieFox
04-06-2008, 04:21 AM
The congressman sat on a horse,
Pictured strong for all to endorse
the horse threw him off,
And his image went soft





(Ok, so I cheated...)

otterman
04-06-2008, 04:30 AM
The congressman sat on a horse,
Pictured strong for all to endorse
the horse threw him off,
And his image went soft
And he lost the election, of course

An author wrote epics in space,

StephanieFox
04-06-2008, 05:52 AM
An author wrote epics in space,
Writing plot points to shore up his base.

Woof
04-06-2008, 07:45 PM
An author wrote epics in space,
Writing plot points to shore up his base.
Freed of all gravity

Autodidact
04-06-2008, 10:02 PM
An author wrote epics in space,
Writing plot points to shore up his base.
Freed of all gravity,
he pulled out of his cavity

Woof
04-06-2008, 10:50 PM
An author wrote epics in space,
Writing plot points to shore up his base.
Freed of all gravity,
he pulled out of his cavity
A joker, 3 queens and an ace.


A man who like wrestling in lard

talkwrite
04-08-2008, 12:27 AM
A man who liked wrestling in lard
dressed in a spandex leotard

Autodidact
04-08-2008, 05:43 AM
A man who liked wrestling in lard
dressed in a spandex leotard
thusly attired,

donroc
04-08-2008, 05:47 AM
A man who liked wrestling in lard
dressed in a spandex leotard
thusly attired,
And crack-coke wired

Matera the Mad
04-08-2008, 09:05 AM
A man who liked wrestling in lard
dressed in a spandex leotard
thusly attired,
And crack-coke wired,
Slipped, and on his arse fell hard.


A woman with hair on her chin

Sir_Nigel
04-08-2008, 12:15 PM
A woman with hair on her chin
Thought personal grooming a sin

rosebud1981
04-08-2008, 03:31 PM
A woman with hair on her chin
Thought personal grooming a sin
She stroked her long whiskers

Woof
04-08-2008, 04:16 PM
A woman with hair on her chin
Thought personal grooming a sin
She stroked her long whiskers
And squeezed a few blisters

donroc
04-08-2008, 04:20 PM
A woman with hair on her chin
Thought personal grooming a sin
She stroked her long whiskers
And squeezed a few blisters
Causing pus and gunk to ooze to her shin.

King Arthur returned late at night,

Sir_Nigel
04-08-2008, 04:22 PM
A woman with hair on her chin
Thought personal grooming a sin
She stroked her long whiskers
And squeezed a few blisters
and gave him a broad toothless grin

Woof
04-08-2008, 04:39 PM
King Arthur returned late at night
And crashed into an armored knight

Autodidact
04-08-2008, 07:42 PM
King Arthur returned late at night
And crashed into an armored knight.
"Ouch!" Bang boom crash!

donroc
04-08-2008, 07:46 PM
King Arthur returned late at night
And crashed into an armored knight.
"Ouch!" Bang boom crash!
And a most painful gash

talkwrite
04-08-2008, 08:25 PM
King Arthur returned late at night
And crashed into an armored knight.
"Ouch!" Bang boom crash!
And a most painful gash
Still he's known for winning that fight.

There was once a compound in Texas

donroc
04-08-2008, 08:29 PM
There was once a compound in Texas
Run by lecherous over-sexas

talkwrite
04-08-2008, 08:37 PM
There was once a compound in Texas
Run by lecherous over-sexas
In pioneer garb

Autodidact
04-08-2008, 08:46 PM
There was once a compound in Texas
Run by lecherous over-sexas
In pioneer garb
and fence, wired barb,

StephanieFox
04-09-2008, 10:43 PM
There was once a compound in Texas
Run by lecherous over-sexas
In pioneer garb
and fence, wired barb,
They took him to jail in his Lexus




A young man who studied Tai Chi

donroc
04-09-2008, 10:47 PM
A young man who studied Tai Chi
Ate only curds, whey, and sushi

talkwrite
04-09-2008, 10:50 PM
A young man who studied Tai Chi
in the mountains in Tennesee

Autodidact
04-09-2008, 11:25 PM
A young man who studied Tai Chi
Ate only curds, whey, and sushi
A fit vegetarian,

donroc
04-10-2008, 12:24 AM
A young man who studied Tai Chi
Ate only curds, whey, and sushi
A fit vegetarian,
And also a Confucian

donroc
04-10-2008, 02:17 AM
A young man who studied Tai Chi
Ate only curds, whey, and sushi
A fit vegetarian,
And also a contrarian How's that Autodidact, better? :D

Autodidact
04-10-2008, 02:36 AM
A young man who studied Tai Chi
Ate only curds, whey, and sushi
A fit vegetarian,
And also a contrarian [yes, much]
And as for his girlfriend, well who's she?


A writer who balked at bad rhymes,

otterman
04-10-2008, 02:46 AM
A writer who balked at bad rhymes,
Edited his sonnet at least twenty times,

Pthom
04-10-2008, 03:07 AM
A writer who balked at bad rhymes,
Edited his sonnet at least twenty times,
Still, his meter was off


:D

otterman
04-10-2008, 03:13 AM
A writer who balked at bad rhymes,
Edited his sonnet at least twenty times,
Still, his meter was off,
So far one might scoff,

Matera the Mad
04-10-2008, 05:34 AM
A writer who balked at bad rhymes,
Edited his sonnet at least twenty times,
Still, his meter was off,
So far one might scoff,
He'll never make this come out right and I swear he'd be rich if every superfluous syllable was a dime!

A waitress who lived in a hovel

Autodidact
04-10-2008, 05:43 AM
A waitress who lived in a hovel,
had ideas that would fill a shovel,

talkwrite
04-10-2008, 07:01 PM
A waitress who lived in a hovel,
had ideas that would fill a shovel
When given a tip

Autodidact
04-10-2008, 11:40 PM
A waitress who lived in a hovel,
had ideas that would fill a shovel
When given a tip,
she'd lick just one lip,

Kerr
04-11-2008, 06:23 AM
A waitress who lived in a hovel,
had ideas that would fill a shovel
When given a tip,
she'd lick just one lip,
Cause it wasn't in her to grovel.

If Hillary gets elected

Autodidact
04-11-2008, 07:02 AM
If Hillary gets elected [sic]
Will women at last be respected?

StephanieFox
04-11-2008, 10:01 AM
If Hillary gets elected [sic]
Will women at last be respected?
Were that it were true,

donroc
04-11-2008, 03:28 PM
If Hillary gets elected [sic]
Will women at last be respected?
Were that it were true,
For those of each hue,

Autodidact
04-11-2008, 09:54 PM
If Hillary gets elected [sic]
Will women at last be respected?
Were that it were true,
For those of each hue,
and not just for those well connected.


If McCain wins the upcoming race,

oneblindmouse
04-12-2008, 01:34 AM
If McCain wins the upcoming race,
The demos'll have egg on their face

Autodidact
04-12-2008, 05:27 AM
If McCain wins the upcoming race,
The demos'll have egg on their face.
We'll stay in Iraq,

Matera the Mad
04-12-2008, 06:37 AM
If McCain wins the upcoming race,
The demos'll have egg on their face.
We'll stay in Iraq
'Til the buzzards come back

Autodidact
04-12-2008, 07:36 PM
If McCain wins the upcoming race,
The demos'll have egg on their face.
We'll stay in Iraq
'Til the buzzards come back
and chase us right out of the place.


There once was a frustrated writer

rosebud1981
04-12-2008, 07:38 PM
There once was a frustrated writer
Whose wife was significantly brighter

Autodidact
04-12-2008, 09:17 PM
There once was a frustrated writer
Whose wife was significantly brighter.
When he wanted some action

Pthom
04-12-2008, 09:43 PM
There once was a frustrated writer
Whose wife was significantly brighter.
When he wanted some action
He considered that traction

Matera the Mad
04-13-2008, 06:05 AM
There once was a frustrated writer
Whose wife was significantly brighter.
When he wanted some action
He considered that traction
Could make their relationship lighter.

(duh it scans)

If ever I went to Australia

Autodidact
04-13-2008, 08:00 AM
If ever I went to Australia,
a postcard or two I would mail ya

donroc
04-13-2008, 03:20 PM
If ever I went to Australia,
a postcard or two I would mail ya
Of Koalas and Dingos

oneblindmouse
04-13-2008, 09:09 PM
If ever I went to Australia,
a postcard or two I would mail ya
Of Koalas and Dingos
And other strange thing-os

donroc
04-13-2008, 09:38 PM
If ever I went to Australia,
a postcard or two I would mail ya
Of Koalas and Dingos
And other strange thing-os
And the most incomprehensible lingos.

A dapper young man from Manhattan,

PrettySpecialGal
04-13-2008, 10:04 PM
A dapper young man from Manhattan,
Went to school to study old Latin,

oneblindmouse
04-13-2008, 10:06 PM
A dapper young man from Manhattan,
Went to school to study old Latin,
In bowtie and spats

PrettySpecialGal
04-13-2008, 10:13 PM
A dapper young man from Manhattan,
Went to school to study old Latin,
In bowtie and spats
Shouts "Fama volat"

Autodidact
04-13-2008, 10:37 PM
May I please have my aristidis au gratin?



A ribald old poet from Dayton

Pthom
04-14-2008, 03:21 AM
A ribald old poet from Dayton
Met a pretty young redhead from Stayton.

Matera the Mad
04-14-2008, 03:46 AM
A ribald old poet from Dayton
Met a pretty young redhead from Stayton.
He desired her bod,

Sir_Nigel
04-14-2008, 04:24 PM
A ribald old poet from Dayton
Met a pretty young redhead from Stayton.
He desired her bod
but the randy old sod

Autodidact
04-14-2008, 07:29 PM
A ribald old poet from Dayton
Met a pretty young redhead from Stayton.
He desired her bod
but the randy old sod
Had no clothes suitable to mate in.



A young man suffering ennui

talkwrite
04-14-2008, 09:09 PM
A young man suffering ennui
complained about ongoing pink eye

donroc
04-14-2008, 09:41 PM
A young man suffering ennui
complained about ongoing pink eye
But he was too blasé

otterman
04-15-2008, 03:21 AM
A young man suffering ennui
complained about ongoing pink eye
But he was too blasé
And had to pause, eh

Autodidact
04-15-2008, 05:20 AM
A young man suffering ennui
complained about ongoing pink eye
But he was too blasé
And had to pause, eh
This limerick is too screwed up to deny--or decree, depending on your choice of which word to rhyme.


Some limericks are harder than others,

Matera the Mad
04-15-2008, 07:40 AM
Some limericks are harder than others,
'Tis true, but if I had my druthers,

Kerr
04-15-2008, 07:46 AM
Some limericks are harder than others,
'Tis true, but if I had my druthers,
I'd write just for fun
__________________

Matera the Mad
04-15-2008, 07:48 AM
Some limericks are harder than others,
'Tis true, but if I had my druthers,
I'd write just for fun
And pen every pun

StephanieFox
04-15-2008, 10:27 AM
Some limericks are harder than others,
'Tis true, but if I had my druthers,
I'd write just for fun
And pen every pun
And I'd finish my own, not another's.




A young broomball star thought it funny

Autodidact
04-15-2008, 08:20 PM
A young broomball star thought it funny
to endorse a product for money

talkwrite
04-16-2008, 12:01 AM
A young broomball star thought it funny
to endorse a product for money
So he chose Hoover

Autodidact
04-16-2008, 01:28 AM
A young broomball star thought it funny
to endorse a product for money
So he chose Hoover,
it was a real mover,

Matera the Mad
04-16-2008, 07:02 AM
A young broomball star thought it funny
to endorse a product for money
So he chose Hoover,
it was a real mover,
And made his life sweeter than honey.

A writer who sat in a slump

Kerr
04-16-2008, 07:47 AM
A writer who sat in a slump
wrote "I, I, I have a sore rump

donroc
04-16-2008, 03:25 PM
A writer who sat in a slump
wrote "I, I, I have a sore rump.
I can't concentrate

Woof
04-16-2008, 04:03 PM
A writer who sat in a slump
wrote "I, I, I have a sore rump.
I can't concentrate,
My deadline's late

donroc
04-16-2008, 04:34 PM
A writer who sat in a slump
wrote "I, I, I have a sore rump.
I can't concentrate,
My deadline's late
Tht's why I feel like a worthless chump.

A Polish Pianist from Pryzmyl,

Kerr
04-16-2008, 05:45 PM
Is Pryzmyl actually Przemysl, a city in Poland, pronounced (pshe'mish el)?

A Polish Pianist from Pryzmyl,
played while he ate weiner schnitzel

talkwrite
04-16-2008, 08:34 PM
A Polish Pianist from Pryzmyl,
played while he ate weiner schnitzel
Grease covered the keys

donroc
04-16-2008, 08:52 PM
I like to think I was close enough. I also was thinking of starting one using Bill Mlkvy, the Temple "Owl with no vowel" basketball star of yore, or Visco Grgich, SF '49er also of yore. :D

Kerr
04-16-2008, 10:19 PM
I like to think I was close enough. I also was thinking of starting one using Bill Mlkvy, the Temple "Owl with no vowel" basketball star of yore, or Visco Grgich, SF '49er also of yore. :D

Hehe! I just had to look it up to get a clue how to pronounce it so I figure something that would come close to rhyming. ;) Thought putting it down would help #5, too.

Pthom
04-17-2008, 12:34 AM
A Polish Pianist from Pryzmyl,
played while he ate Weiner schnitzel
Grease covered the keys
Made glissandos with ease

Matera the Mad
04-17-2008, 08:42 AM
A Polish Pianist from Pryzmyl,
played while he ate Weiner schnitzel
Grease covered the keys
Made glissandos with ease,
But his timing was all on the fritz--hell!

A fellow who lived in his SUV

HeronW
04-17-2008, 11:49 AM
A fellow who lived in his SUV
needed to expel gas excessively

Kerr
04-17-2008, 04:51 PM
A fellow who lived in his SUV
needed to expel gas excessively.
He'd stick his head out

Autodidact
04-17-2008, 06:55 PM
A fellow who lived in his SUV
needed to expel gas excessively.
He'd stick his head out
the window and shout,

HeronW
04-17-2008, 07:18 PM
A fellow who lived in his SUV
needed to expel gas excessively.
He'd stick his head out
the window and shout,
'My car's foriegn-dependency free!'

A ghoulish mad scientist pretended

oneblindmouse
04-17-2008, 08:15 PM
A ghoulish mad scientist pretended
His theories were all open-ended

talkwrite
04-17-2008, 10:49 PM
A ghoulish mad scientist pretended
His theories were all open-ended
Since men are from Mars

donroc
04-17-2008, 11:49 PM
A ghoulish mad scientist pretended
His theories were all open-ended
Since men are from Mars
And hang out in bars

oneblindmouse
04-17-2008, 11:55 PM
A ghoulish mad scientist pretended
His theories were all open-ended
Since men are from Mars
And hang out in bars
The whole lot should just be suspended.

A writer was giving a speech

HeronW
04-18-2008, 12:02 AM
A writer was giving a speech
comparing sand grains on the beach

oneblindmouse
04-18-2008, 12:18 AM
A writer was giving a speech
comparing sand grains on the beach
with drops of sea water

Autodidact
04-18-2008, 12:36 AM
A writer was giving a speech
comparing sand grains on the beach
with drops of sea water
upon which a sea otter,

Spell-it-out
04-18-2008, 02:53 AM
A writer was giving a speech
comparing sand grains on the beach
with drops of sea water
upon which a sea otter,
rested comfortably in his new-found niche.

A drunken young man from Ireland,

Matera the Mad
04-18-2008, 06:50 AM
A drunken young man from Ireland,
Tired of his life as a hired hand,

oneblindmouse
04-18-2008, 11:22 AM
A drunken young man from Ireland,
Tired of his life as a hired hand,
Fled out of the bog

Woof
04-18-2008, 04:56 PM
A drunken young man from Ireland,
Tired of his life as a hired hand,
Fled out of the bog
And married a hog

donroc
04-18-2008, 06:50 PM
A drunken young man from Ireland,
Tired of his life as a hired hand,
Fled out of the bog
And married a hog
After which they started a band.

A portly old duffer from Kent,

Autodidact
04-18-2008, 08:49 PM
A portly old duffer from Kent,
had difficulty paying his rent,

talkwrite
04-18-2008, 09:07 PM
A portly old duffer from Kent,
had difficulty paying his rent
He asked for a loan

oneblindmouse
04-18-2008, 11:13 PM
A portly old duffer from Kent,
had difficulty paying his rent
He asked for a loan
with barely a moan

Woof
04-18-2008, 11:55 PM
A portly old duffer from Kent,
had difficulty paying his rent
He asked for a loan
with barely a moan
But evicted, moved into a tent.


A scandalous girl from Dubai

Autodidact
04-19-2008, 12:07 AM
A scandalous girl from Dubai
wore her Burka, while she got high.

donroc
04-19-2008, 12:08 AM
A scandalous girl from Dubai
wore her Burka, while she got high.
She smoked her hashish

talkwrite
04-19-2008, 12:39 AM
A scandalous girl from Dubai
wore her Burka, while she got high.
She smoked her hashish
and twirled her leash

Woof
04-19-2008, 01:44 AM
A scandalous girl from Dubai
wore her Burka, while she got high.
She smoked her hashish
and twirled her leash
While a mullah was stroking her thigh.


An actor with very bad teeth

oneblindmouse
04-19-2008, 01:52 AM
An actor with very bad teeth
Went out for a stroll on the heath

StephanieFox
04-19-2008, 04:52 AM
An actor with very bad teeth
Went out for a stroll on the heath
He was British, you see,