PDA

View Full Version : Limericks Live!



Pages : 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 [26] 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90

Autodidact
03-10-2008, 11:25 PM
Some of these verses are sh*te!
The rest of them aren't quite right,

Woof
03-10-2008, 11:26 PM
I have a friend named Bobby McGee
Who had an affair with Nanny McPhee
But their love didn't last
With his staff at half mast
And his leg all 'a dripping with pee.



My friend has a fondness for cows

donroc
03-10-2008, 11:32 PM
My friend has a fondness for cows,
and his favorite pair of sows

oneblindmouse
03-10-2008, 11:34 PM
Some of these verses are sh*te!
The rest of them aren't quite right,
But some people skip 'em

Woof
03-10-2008, 11:34 PM
My friend has a fondness for cows,
and his favorite pair of sows
He sleeps in the barn

Autodidact
03-10-2008, 11:35 PM
My friend has a fondness for cows,
and his favorite pair of sows,
though he may be eccentric,

Kurlumbenus
03-11-2008, 01:04 AM
Some of these verses are sh*te!
The rest of them aren't quite right,
But some people skip 'em
And some people flip 'em,

oneblindmouse
03-11-2008, 01:30 AM
Some of these verses are sh*te!
The rest of them aren't quite right,
But some people skip'em
And some people flip 'em
And some verses shine a bright light.

My friend has a fondness for cows,
and his favorite pair of sows,
though he may be eccentric,
Obtuse and pedantic

Kurlumbenus
03-11-2008, 01:35 AM
My friend has a fondness for cows,
and his favorite pair of sows,
though he may be eccentric,
Obtuse and pedantic
Animals love his polyphonic prose.

I almost forgot to begin this verse,

donroc
03-11-2008, 01:36 AM
I almost forgot to begin this verse,
Because I was riding in a hearse

Kurlumbenus
03-11-2008, 01:39 AM
I almost forgot to begin this verse,
Because I was riding in a hearse.
'Twas me in the coffin,

oneblindmouse
03-11-2008, 01:42 AM
I almost forgot to begin this verse,
Because I was riding in a hearse.
'Twas me in the coffin,
With another old boffin

oneblindmouse
03-11-2008, 01:45 AM
Can't resist interrupting with my father's favourite ditty:
"It was a cough
That carried him off.
It was a coffin
They carried him off in."

Now back to that limerick.

Kurlumbenus
03-11-2008, 01:46 AM
I almost forgot to begin this verse,
Because I was riding in a hearse.
'Twas me in the coffin,
With another old boffin
Who had expressed interest in exploring my.... purse.


I found my shoe upon my head,

HeronW
03-11-2008, 01:46 AM
I found my shoe upon my head,
when I woke up this morn in bed

Autodidact
03-11-2008, 04:10 AM
I found my shoe upon my head,
when I woke up this morn in bed,
my hat on my toes,

otterman
03-11-2008, 06:25 AM
I found my shoe upon my head,
when I woke up this morn in bed,
my hat on my toes,
my sock on my nose,

Matera the Mad
03-11-2008, 06:44 AM
I found my shoe upon my head,
when I woke up this morn in bed,
my hat on my toes,
my sock on my nose,
And the rest on Uncle Ted!

I wish I had never got up

oneblindmouse
03-11-2008, 01:06 PM
I wish I had never got up
As now I must clean up the pup

Woof
03-11-2008, 04:30 PM
I wish I had never got up
As now I must clean up the pup
He's covered in poop

Kurlumbenus
03-11-2008, 05:37 PM
I wish I had never got up
As now I must clean up the pup.
He's covered in poop
At least a full scoop,

Autodidact
03-11-2008, 11:12 PM
I wish I had never got up
As now I must clean up the pup.
He's covered in poop
At least a full scoop,
now where is that measuring cup?


I'm writing this while I'm at work,

oneblindmouse
03-11-2008, 11:21 PM
I'm writing this while I'm at work
With a boss who's a terrible jerk

Woof
03-11-2008, 11:29 PM
I'm writing this while I'm at work
With a boss who's a terrible jerk
He's reading this verse

oneblindmouse
03-11-2008, 11:33 PM
I'm writing this while I'm at work
With a boss who's a terrible jerk
He's reading this verse
While mouthing a curse

Woof
03-11-2008, 11:40 PM
I'm writing this while I'm at work
With a boss who's a terrible jerk
He's reading this verse
While mouthing a curse
And sharpening a knife with a smirk.


If life were fair we would play all day

oneblindmouse
03-11-2008, 11:44 PM
If life were fair we would play all day
While squand'ring our youth all away

Woof
03-12-2008, 12:12 AM
If life were fair we would play all day
While squand'ring our youth all away
Without a single care

Kurlumbenus
03-12-2008, 12:17 AM
If life were fair we would play all day
While squand'ring our youth all away
Without a single care
Like a dancing bear

Woof
03-12-2008, 12:38 AM
If life were fair we would play all day
While squand'ring our youth all away
Without a single care
Like a dancing bear
Only lighter and somewhat fey.


There once was a raven of malice

donroc
03-12-2008, 01:41 AM
There once was a raven of malice
Who stood on E.A. Poe's chalice

talkwrite
03-12-2008, 01:57 AM
There once was a raven of malice
Who stood on E.A. Poe's chalice
Looking dour and dark

donroc
03-12-2008, 02:07 AM
There once was a raven of malice
Who stood on E.A. Poe's chalice
Looking dour and dark
And emulating Miss Snark

oneblindmouse
03-12-2008, 02:29 AM
There once was a raven of malice
Who stood on E.A. Poe's chalice
Looking dour and dark
And emulating Miss Snark
But nothing at all like dear Alice.

It really is time for some sleep.

HeronW
03-12-2008, 02:38 AM
It really is time for some sleep.
so I'm off to counting the sheep

oneblindmouse
03-12-2008, 02:41 AM
It really is time for some sleep.
so I'm off to counting the sheep
though my stomach does ache

otterman
03-12-2008, 02:43 AM
It really is time for some sleep.
so I'm off to counting the sheep
though my stomach does ache,
I'm afraid I shan't wake

oneblindmouse
03-12-2008, 02:46 AM
It really is time for some sleep.
so I'm off to counting the sheep
though my stomach does ache
I'm afraid I shan't wake
To pictures of Little Bo Peep!.

A skilful designer of shoes
__________________

otterman
03-12-2008, 03:00 AM
A skillful designer of shoes,
Couldn't believe the good news,

HeronW
03-12-2008, 03:02 AM
A skillful designer of shoes,
Couldn't believe the good news,
better than Prada

otterman
03-12-2008, 06:44 AM
A skillful designer of shoes,
Couldn't believe the good news,
better than Prada,
and made in Granada,

Autodidact
03-12-2008, 07:28 AM
A skillful designer of shoes,
Couldn't believe the good news,
better than Prada,
and made in Granada,
Two shoes that youse just can't refuse.


This limerick thing is addictive,

oneblindmouse
03-12-2008, 12:44 PM
This limerick thing is addictive
Though some of the rhymes are conflictive

donroc
03-12-2008, 03:40 PM
This limerick thing is addictive
Though some of the rhymes are conflictive
Some can be nasty

oneblindmouse
03-12-2008, 03:47 PM
This limerick thing is addictive
Though some of the rhymes are conflictive
Some can be nasty
While others are ghastly

Woof
03-12-2008, 05:17 PM
This limerick thing is addictive
Though some of the rhymes are conflictive
Some can be nasty
While others are ghastly
Still others are wise and reflective.


To think in verse is a maddening

oneblindmouse
03-12-2008, 05:20 PM
To think in verse is a maddening
Complaint, and also quite saddening

donroc
03-12-2008, 05:20 PM
To think in verse is a maddening
And a waste of a potentially fine evening

Kurlumbenus
03-12-2008, 05:26 PM
To think in verse is a maddening
Complaint, and also quite saddening
For each little rhyme

oneblindmouse
03-12-2008, 05:32 PM
To think in verse is a maddening
Complaint, and also quite saddening
For each little rhyme
Can be a small crime

Kurlumbenus
03-12-2008, 05:46 PM
To think in verse is a maddening
Complaint, and also quite saddening
For each little rhyme
Can be a small crime
For which the grammar police will set up a sting.

If you ask me which witch is which,

oneblindmouse
03-12-2008, 05:53 PM
If you ask me which witch is which,
I'll tell you to go scratch an itch

Kurlumbenus
03-12-2008, 05:56 PM
If you ask me which witch is which,
I'll tell you to go scratch an itch
I hate you so much,

Sir_Nigel
03-12-2008, 06:07 PM
If you ask me which witch is which,
I'll tell you to go scratch an itch
I hate you so much,
you’re so hairy and butch

oneblindmouse
03-12-2008, 06:54 PM
If you ask me which witch is which,
I'll tell you to go scratch an itch
I hate you so much,
you’re so hairy and butch
And you think of nothing but glitz.

While trying to think of a verse

HeronW
03-12-2008, 07:19 PM
While trying to think of a verse
she happened to think of a curse

Sir_Nigel
03-12-2008, 07:23 PM
While trying to think of a verse
she happened to think of a curse
'Oh &#%$@£*s!' she swore.

HeronW
03-12-2008, 07:35 PM
While trying to think of a verse
she happened to think of a curse
'Oh &#%$@£*s!' she swore.
I can't think of more

oneblindmouse
03-12-2008, 07:37 PM
While trying to think of a verse
she happened to think of a curse
'Oh &#%$@£*s!' she swore.
I can't think of more
Without it getting much worse.

One fine sunny day in Peru

Sir_Nigel
03-12-2008, 07:43 PM
While trying to think of a verse
she happened to think of a curse
'Oh &#%$@£*s!' she swore.
I can't think of more
What about *£$%&& and @£**? - they're much worse

Autodidact
03-12-2008, 07:43 PM
One fine sunny day in Peru,
I happened to run into you

Woof
03-12-2008, 07:55 PM
One fine sunny day in Peru,
I happened to run into you
I flattened your face

otterman
03-12-2008, 08:11 PM
One fine sunny day in Peru,
I happened to run into you,
I flattened your face,
To give you more space,

oneblindmouse
03-12-2008, 09:36 PM
One fine sunny day in Peru,
I happened to run into you,
I flattened your face,
To give you more space,
While greatly improving the view.

A thoughtful young lady in Greece

Kurlumbenus
03-12-2008, 09:42 PM
A thoughtful young lady in Greece
Remembering the golden fleece,

oneblindmouse
03-12-2008, 09:50 PM
A thoughtful young lady in Greece
remembering the golden fleece
set off in pursuit

Autodidact
03-12-2008, 09:52 PM
A thoughtful young lady in Greece
remembering the golden fleece
set off in pursuit
Of Queen Hatsheput,

oneblindmouse
03-12-2008, 10:00 PM
A thoughtful young lady in Greece
remembering the golden fleece
set off in pursuit
Of Queen Hatsheput,
But only ran into her niece.

A sceptical writer one day

Kurlumbenus
03-12-2008, 10:07 PM
A sceptical writer one day
In Hawai'i examined her lei

otterman
03-12-2008, 10:29 PM
A sceptical writer one day,
In Hawai'i examined her lei,
Old, fat, and round,

Woof
03-12-2008, 11:03 PM
A sceptical writer one day,
In Hawai'i examined her lei,
Old, fat, and round,
Mentally unsound

Autodidact
03-12-2008, 11:14 PM
A sceptical writer one day,
In Hawai'i examined her lei,
Old, fat, and round,
Mentally unsound,
"It's fake!" was all she could say.


A governor from old New York,

oneblindmouse
03-12-2008, 11:21 PM
A governor from old New York
Got busted for being a dork

HeronW
03-13-2008, 12:57 AM
A governor from old New York
Got busted for being a dork
he tipped the wrong tart

Autodidact
03-13-2008, 01:08 AM
A governor from old New York
Got busted for being a dork
he tipped the wrong tart,
and now he must part,

HeronW
03-13-2008, 01:15 AM
A governor from old New York
Got busted for being a dork
he tipped the wrong tart,
and now he must part,
and stifle his lust with a cork.

A flippant young man from Melbourne

talkwrite
03-13-2008, 01:55 AM
A flippant young man from Melbourne
Danced while playing the French horn

Autodidact
03-13-2008, 04:00 AM
A flippant young man from Melbourne
Danced while playing the French horn,
with movements eclectic,

otterman
03-13-2008, 04:10 AM
A flippant young man from Melbourne
Danced while playing the French horn,
With movements eclectic,
He found it too hectic,

HeronW
03-13-2008, 04:13 AM
A flippant young man from Melbourne
Danced while playing the French horn,
With movements eclectic,
He found it too hectic,
and on him the critics heaped scorn.

A fey maiden from Kalamazoo

otterman
03-13-2008, 04:32 AM
A fey maiden from Kalamazoo,
Stepped in a pile of poo, (now that's poetic!)

kimmeunier
03-13-2008, 09:34 AM
A fey maiden from Kalamazoo,
Stepped in a pile of poo
As she wiped it away

Sir_Nigel
03-13-2008, 03:36 PM
A fey maiden from Kalamazoo,
Stepped in a pile of poo
As she wiped it away
she heard a voice say

Woof
03-13-2008, 06:43 PM
A fey maiden from Kalamazoo,
Stepped in a pile of poo
As she wiped it away
she heard a voice say
Do you want to play my kazoo?


There once was a brain in a jar

talkwrite
03-13-2008, 07:07 PM
There once was a brain in a jar
That thought of driving a car

Kurlumbenus
03-13-2008, 08:21 PM
There once was a brain in a jar
That thought of driving a car
While lacking in hands,

otterman
03-13-2008, 08:45 PM
There once was a brain in a jar
That thought of driving a car
While lacking in hands,
It still understands,

donroc
03-13-2008, 08:48 PM
There once was a brain in a jar
That thought of driving a car
While lacking in hands,
It still understands,
Teleportation will take one far.

Osama escaped escaped wearing a burkha

Autodidact
03-13-2008, 08:50 PM
Osama escaped escaped wearing a burkha,
accompanied by none but his gurkha,

donroc
03-13-2008, 09:20 PM
Osama escaped escaped wearing a burkha,
accompanied by none but his gurkha,
They fled to Tashkent

Autodidact
03-13-2008, 09:31 PM
Osama escaped escaped wearing a burkha,
accompanied by none but his gurkha,
They fled to Tashkent,
skipped out on the rent,

donroc
03-13-2008, 09:38 PM
Osama escaped escaped wearing a burkha,
accompanied by none but his gurkha,
They fled to Tashkent,
skipped out on the rent,
And watched a silent movie starring Blanche Yurka.

An astronaut had diarrhea

otterman
03-13-2008, 09:46 PM
An astronaut had diarrhea,
While flying over North Korea,

oneblindmouse
03-13-2008, 10:26 PM
An astronaut had diarrhea,
While flying over North Korea,
So, losing his load

otterman
03-13-2008, 11:20 PM
An astronaut had diarrhea,
While flying over North Korea,
So, losing his load,
And about to explode,

Autodidact
03-13-2008, 11:24 PM
An astronaut had diarrhea,
While flying over North Korea,
So, losing his load,
And about to explode,
He gaily called out, "Good to see ya!"


It's depressing, reading the news,

Unique
03-13-2008, 11:26 PM
It's depressing, reading the news,
especially wearing tight shoes

otterman
03-13-2008, 11:28 PM
(Where did you come from, Unique?)

It's depressing, reading the news,
War and politics drives me to booze,

Autodidact
03-13-2008, 11:47 PM
It's depressing, reading the news,
especially wearing tight shoes,
If I loosen my laces,

donroc
03-13-2008, 11:50 PM
It's depressing, reading the news,
especially wearing tight shoes,
If I loosen my laces,
And walk twenty paces,

otterman
03-13-2008, 11:55 PM
It's depressing, reading the news,
especially wearing tight shoes,
If I loosen my laces,
And walk twenty paces,
I've through with feeling the blues

I saw a young lady from Devon,

Autodidact
03-14-2008, 12:01 AM
I saw a young lady from Devon,
In fact, I actually saw seven,

otterman
03-14-2008, 12:04 AM
I saw a young lady from Devon,
In fact, I actually saw seven,
They were quite petite,

talkwrite
03-14-2008, 12:39 AM
I saw a young lady from Devon,
In fact, I actually saw seven,
They were quite petite,
Standing at three feet

Autodidact
03-14-2008, 01:43 AM
I saw a young lady from Devon,
In fact, I actually saw seven,
They were quite petite,
Standing at three feet,
waiting to see Ocean's Eleven.


This season on American Idol,

HeronW
03-14-2008, 01:47 AM
This season on American Idol,
I wish they'd be wiped by a wave tidal

Autodidact
03-14-2008, 06:05 AM
This season on American Idol,
I wish they'd be wiped by a wave tidal,
Or a nice tsunami,

otterman
03-14-2008, 06:19 AM
This season on American Idol,
I wish they'd be wiped by a wave tidal,
Or a nice tsunami,
Or a big fat salami,

Autodidact
03-14-2008, 07:34 AM
This season on American Idol,
I wish they'd be wiped by a wave tidal,
Or a nice tsunami,
Or a big fat salami,
or rope Simon and throw on a bridle.


There once was a vicar from Bristol,

Nymtoc
03-14-2008, 10:11 AM
There once was a vicar from Bristol
With a passion for Waterford crystal

Sir_Nigel
03-14-2008, 12:51 PM
There once was a vicar from Bristol
With a passion for Waterford crystal
He would sit and admire

oneblindmouse
03-14-2008, 01:17 PM
There once was a vicar from Bristol
With a passion for Waterford crystal
He would sit and admire
A piece, all a-fire

Sir_Nigel
03-14-2008, 02:42 PM
There once was a vicar from Bristol
With a passion for Waterford crystal
He would sit and admire
a piece, all a-fire
Then SMASH it to bits with his pistol.

Sir_Nigel
03-14-2008, 02:47 PM
‘Glub glub!’ he exclaimed as he floundered.

donroc
03-14-2008, 04:42 PM
‘Glub glub!’ he exclaimed as he floundered.
And gadzooks said he as he zoundered

oneblindmouse
03-14-2008, 04:50 PM
Glub glub!’ he exclaimed as he floundered
And "Gadzooks!" said he as he zoundered
"The waters are rising!

Woof
03-14-2008, 05:13 PM
Glub glub!’ he exclaimed as he floundered
And "Gadzooks!" said he as he zoundered
"The waters are rising!
from what I'm surmising

Sir_Nigel
03-14-2008, 05:37 PM
Glub glub!’ he exclaimed as he floundered
And "Gadzooks!" said he as he zoundered
"The waters are rising!
from what I'm surmising,
I am very soon to be drowndered"


Three strippers, two nuns and a chicken

oneblindmouse
03-14-2008, 06:07 PM
Three strippers, two nuns and a chicken
Went into town for a lickin'

HeronW
03-14-2008, 06:18 PM
Three strippers, two nuns and a chicken
Went into town for a lickin'
at an icecream shoppe

Nymtoc
03-14-2008, 06:35 PM
Three strippers, two nuns and a chicken
Went into town for a lickin'
at an icecream shoppe
They ordered some gloppe

HeronW
03-14-2008, 06:42 PM
Three strippers, two nuns and a chicken
Went into town for a lickin'
at an icecream shoppe
They ordered some gloppe
which still to their ribs is a stickin'.

A voluptuous widow from Parma

Autodidact
03-14-2008, 07:52 PM
A voluptuous widow from Parma,
was obsessed with improving her kharma,

Kurlumbenus
03-14-2008, 10:27 PM
A voluptuous widow from Parma,
was obsessed with improving her kharma.
While reading the Reg Vida,

Autodidact
03-14-2008, 11:49 PM
A voluptuous widow from Parma,
was obsessed with improving her kharma.
While reading the Reg Vida,
which aroused her libida,

Kurlumbenus
03-15-2008, 01:40 AM
A voluptuous widow from Parma,
was obsessed with improving her kharma.
While reading the Reg Vida,
which aroused her libida,
She woke up sore in Max Pharma.

While browsing the forums at AW,

HeronW
03-15-2008, 01:55 AM
While browsing the forums at AW,
newbies say, 'I hate to trouble you,'

Autodidact
03-15-2008, 01:57 AM
While browsing the forums at AW,
newbies say, "I hate to trouble you,
but how do you write?

talkwrite
03-15-2008, 02:26 AM
While browsing the forums at AW,
newbies say, "I hate to trouble you,
but how do you write?
all day or at night?

Autodidact
03-15-2008, 07:25 AM
While browsing the forums at AW,
newbies say, "I hate to trouble you,
but how do you write?
all day or at night?
Should I use one space or do you think a double-do?



This morning while reading the news,

Nymtoc
03-15-2008, 11:19 PM
This morning while reading the news
I shuddered and reached for some booze

donroc
03-15-2008, 11:21 PM
This morning while reading the news
I shuddered and reached for some booze
The scandal was awful

Woof
03-15-2008, 11:28 PM
This morning while reading the news
I shuddered and reached for some booze
The scandal was awful
Not moral nor lawful

donroc
03-15-2008, 11:32 PM
This morning while reading the news
I shuddered and reached for some booze
The scandal was awful
Not moral nor lawful
But that babe sure lit Spitzer's fuse.

A gaucho in Argentina named Horst

Woof
03-15-2008, 11:42 PM
A gaucho in Argentina named Horst
Revealing his Nazi past, was forced

donroc
03-16-2008, 12:21 AM
A gaucho in Argentina named Horst
Revealing his Nazi past, was forced
To pay for his crimes

Autodidact
03-16-2008, 12:44 AM
A gaucho in Argentina named Horst
Revealing his Nazi past, was forced
To pay for his crimes
42 times

otterman
03-16-2008, 02:01 AM
A gaucho in Argentina named Horst
Revealing his Nazi past, was forced
To pay for his crimes
42 times
He was married but now he's divorced.


A child with long, golden locks,

HeronW
03-16-2008, 04:53 AM
A child with long, golden locks,
ran around busting up old clocks

onestepp
03-16-2008, 05:43 AM
A child with long, golden locks,
ran around busting up old clocks
rusty cogs and gears

rosebud1981
03-17-2008, 09:17 PM
A child with long, golden locks,
ran around busting up old clocks
rusty cogs and gears
those poor old dears

HeronW
03-17-2008, 09:58 PM
A child with long, golden locks,
ran around busting up old clocks
rusty cogs and gears
those poor old dears
they ended up stacked like his blocks.

A buxom young mermaid from Crete

donroc
03-17-2008, 10:13 PM
A buxom young mermaid from Crete
Had no orifice from which to secrete

oneblindmouse
03-17-2008, 10:17 PM
A buxom young mermaid from Crete
Had no orifice from which to excrete
And try as she might

Autodidact
03-17-2008, 10:24 PM
A buxom young mermaid from Crete
Had no orifice from which to excrete
And try as she might
all day and all night,

oneblindmouse
03-17-2008, 10:36 PM
A buxom young mermaid from Crete
Had no orifice from which to excrete
And try as she might
all day and all night,
this function she could not complete.

A hairy old goat-herd from Sydney

donroc
03-17-2008, 11:12 PM
A hairy old goat-herd from Sydney
Had a seriously weak only kidney

Autodidact
03-17-2008, 11:16 PM
A hairy old goat-herd from Sydney
Had a seriously weak only kidney,
he needed to pee

donroc
03-17-2008, 11:17 PM
A hairy old goat-herd from Sydney
Had a seriously weak only kidney,
he needed to pee
Relentlessly

Autodidact
03-17-2008, 11:21 PM
A hairy old goat-herd from Sydney
Had a seriously weak only kidney,
he needed to pee
Relentlessly
which gave him a cramp around mid-knee.


A transvestite from Old San Franciso

donroc
03-17-2008, 11:28 PM
A transvestite from Old San Francisco
Had a special use for his Crisco

HeronW
03-18-2008, 12:26 AM
A transvestite from Old San Franciso
Had a special use for his Crisco
it wasn't for cooking

Autodidact
03-18-2008, 01:28 AM
A transvestite from Old San Franciso
Had a special use for his Crisco
it wasn't for cooking,
he used it for looking

donroc
03-18-2008, 02:25 AM
A transvestite from Old San Franciso
Had a special use for his Crisco
it wasn't for cooking,
he used it for looking
and hooking near a Castro Stree Disco.

A barber with quite shaky hands

oneblindmouse
03-18-2008, 02:28 AM
A barber with quite shaky hands
Collected and sold rubber bands

Autodidact
03-18-2008, 02:30 AM
A barber with quite shaky hands
Collected and sold rubber bands.
He had a big ball,

talkwrite
03-18-2008, 02:39 AM
A barber with quite shaky hands
Collected and sold rubber bands.
He had a big ball,
then came the call

oneblindmouse
03-18-2008, 03:00 AM
A barber with quite shaky hands
Collected and sold rubber bands.
He had a big ball,
then came the call
To visit strange faraway lands.

This week we all celebrate Easter

HeronW
03-18-2008, 03:48 AM
This week we all celebrate Easter
and we bathe the bunnies with 'Fleaster'

oneblindmouse
03-18-2008, 01:46 PM
This week we all celebrate Easter
and we bathe the bunnies with 'Fleaster'
which makes their fur itch

Woof
03-18-2008, 05:19 PM
This week we all celebrate Easter
and we bathe the bunnies with 'Fleaster'
which makes their fur itch
and shed like a bitch

HeronW
03-18-2008, 05:57 PM
This week we all celebrate Easter
and we bathe the bunnies with 'Fleaster'
which makes their fur itch
and shed like a bitch
all the way down to their knee-sters.

A hot Easter chick called Matilda

Woof
03-18-2008, 05:59 PM
A hot Easter chick called Matilda
Purchased a big yellow dilda

Meerkat
03-18-2008, 06:09 PM
A hot Easter chick called Matilda
Purchased a big yellow dilda
To hit Woof o'er the head

Woof
03-18-2008, 06:12 PM
A hot Easter chick called Matilda
Purchased a big yellow dilda
To hit Woof o'er the head
Then drag him to bed

Meerkat
03-18-2008, 06:29 PM
A hot Easter chick called Matilda
Purchased a big yellow dilda
To hit Woof o'er the head
Then drag him to bed
Then cried "Woof (!), I'm so sorry I kilda!"


Next:

Some partying writers from "A-Dub"

Woof
03-18-2008, 06:36 PM
Some partying writers from "A-Dub"
Will end up debauched and may rub

Autodidact
03-18-2008, 07:06 PM
Some partying writers from "A-Dub"
Will end up debauched and may rub
themselves and each other

Woof
03-18-2008, 08:49 PM
Some partying writers from "A-Dub"
Will end up debauched and may rub
themselves and each other
with kisses will smother

Meerkat
03-18-2008, 09:04 PM
Some partying writers from "A-Dub"
Will end up debauched and may rub
themselves and each other
with kisses will smother
which beats drowning in the hot tub.



A new orator named Obama

donroc
03-18-2008, 09:10 PM
A new orator named Obama
Has the dems falling for his glama'

talkwrite
03-18-2008, 09:55 PM
A new orator named Obama
Has the dems falling for his glama'
The sparking words void

Autodidact
03-18-2008, 10:40 PM
A new orator named Obama
Has the dems falling for his glama'
The sparking words void,
Senator Clinton's annoyed,

Meerkat
03-18-2008, 10:48 PM
A new orator named Obama
Has the dems falling for his glama'
The sparking words void,
Senator Clinton's annoyed,
'Cause we're gaining a dad, not a mama.



There once was a forum of writers,

Autodidact
03-18-2008, 11:26 PM
There once was a forum of writers,
all of them lovers, not fighters,

otterman
03-19-2008, 12:02 AM
There once was a forum of writers,
All of them lovers, not fighters,
They shared their dreams,

oneblindmouse
03-19-2008, 12:15 AM
There once was a forum of writers,
All of them lovers, not fighters,
They shared their dreams,
Their rants and their screams,

otterman
03-19-2008, 12:18 AM
There once was a forum of writers,
All of them lovers, not fighters,
They shared their dreams,
Their rants and their screams,
And often pulled all-nighters!


Bob lived in a land of plenty,

Autodidact
03-19-2008, 01:34 AM
Bob lived in a land of plenty,
Of wives he had around twenty,

talkwrite
03-19-2008, 01:42 AM
Bob lived in a land of plenty,
Of wives he had around twenty
He cheated on each

otterman
03-19-2008, 01:48 AM
Bob lived in a land of plenty,
Of wives he had around twenty,
He cheated on each,
Both times at the beach,

Autodidact
03-19-2008, 01:51 AM
Bob lived in a land of plenty,
Of wives he had around twenty,
He cheated on each,
Both times at the beach,
while enjoying a latte, size venti.


One day, while typing my novel,

Meerkat
03-19-2008, 01:54 AM
One day, while typing my novel,
I stopped to peek out from my hovel,

otterman
03-19-2008, 01:54 AM
One day, while typing my novel,
I stopped to peek out from my hovel,
My neighbor was there,

Autodidact
03-19-2008, 01:56 AM
One day, while typing my novel,
I stopped to peek out from my hovel,
My neighbor was there,
and also quite bare,

otterman
03-19-2008, 02:01 AM
One day, while typing my novel,
I stopped to peek out from my hovel,
My neighbor was there,
and also quite bare,
"Please put your clothes back on!" I did grovel.


I once knew a nun with a limp,

Meerkat
03-19-2008, 02:02 AM
I once knew a nun with a limp,
so I, such a precocious imp,

HeronW
03-19-2008, 02:51 AM
I once knew a nun with a limp,
so I, such a precocious imp,
would make the gal run

donroc
03-19-2008, 03:40 AM
I once knew a nun with a limp,
so I, such a precocious imp,
would make the gal run
and watch each bun

otterman
03-19-2008, 03:50 AM
I once knew a nun with a limp,
So I, such a precocious imp,
Would make the gal run,
And watch each bun,
With the eye of a very proud pimp.


As bulls go, he's bigger than most,

Nymtoc
03-19-2008, 11:37 AM
As bulls go, he's bigger than most,
And that's why he's known coast to coast

donroc
03-19-2008, 03:09 PM
As bulls go, he's bigger than most,
And that's why he's known coast to coast
As Ferdinand the Strong

Nymtoc
03-19-2008, 04:06 PM
As bulls go, he's bigger than most,
And that's why he's known coast to coast
As Ferdinand the Strong
Who rivals King Kong

donroc
03-19-2008, 04:09 PM
As bulls go, he's bigger than most,
And that's why he's known coast to coast
As Ferdinand the Strong
Who rivals King Kong
with an obscenity I dare not post.

Is the word root for Putin puta?

Autodidact
03-19-2008, 07:10 PM
Is the word root for Putin puta?
Is the noun form of scootin', scoota?

donroc
03-19-2008, 07:56 PM
Is the word root for Putin puta?
Is the noun form of scootin', scoota?
It's a puzzle to me

Autodidact
03-19-2008, 08:01 PM
Is the word root for Putin puta?
Is the noun form of scootin', scoota?
It's a puzzle to me
and should be to thee,

oneblindmouse
03-19-2008, 08:45 PM
Is the word root for Putin puta?
Is the noun form of scootin', scoota?
It's a puzzle to me
and should be to thee,
and more so if living in Utah.

A writer who seldom was sober

Nymtoc
03-19-2008, 09:05 PM
A writer who seldom was sober
Was sometimes a public disrober

Autodidact
03-19-2008, 09:46 PM
A writer who seldom was sober
Was sometimes a public disrober,
her hobby was streaking,

donroc
03-19-2008, 09:49 PM
A writer who seldom was sober
Was sometimes a public disrober,
her hobby was streaking,
And I enjoyed peeking

Nymtoc
03-19-2008, 09:56 PM
A writer who seldom was sober
Was sometimes a public disrober,
her hobby was streaking,
And I enjoyed peeking
Till cops came and started to probe 'er.

:rolleyes:

Two weeks ago Sue was a virgin

donroc
03-19-2008, 10:02 PM
Two weeks ago Sue was a virgin
'Til she got that inevitable urgin'

Autodidact
03-19-2008, 10:11 PM
Two weeks ago Sue was a virgin
'Til she got that inevitable urgin'
So she sent out a plea,

talkwrite
03-20-2008, 01:38 AM
Two weeks ago Sue was a virgin
'Til she got that inevitable urgin'
So she sent out a plea,
"Someone de-flower me!"

HeronW
03-20-2008, 01:46 AM
Two weeks ago Sue was a virgin
'Til she got that inevitable urgin'
So she sent out a plea,
"Someone de-flower me!"
She can get renewed by a surgeon.

An unbathed chap name of Keith

otterman
03-20-2008, 01:50 AM
An unbathed chap name of Keith,
Was strolling one day on the heath,

talkwrite
03-20-2008, 01:52 AM
An unbathed chap name of Keith
Was of the Naturalist belief

HeronW
03-20-2008, 02:31 AM
An unbathed chap name of Keith
Was of the Naturalist belief
"All soap is unclean,

otterman
03-20-2008, 02:53 AM
An unbathed chap name of Keith,
Was strolling one day on the heath,
"All soap is unclean,

Autodidact
03-20-2008, 05:54 AM
An unbathed chap name of Keith,
Was strolling one day on the heath,
"All soap is unclean,
you know what I mean?"

Nymtoc
03-20-2008, 12:01 PM
An unbathed chap name of Keith,
Was strolling one day on the heath,
"All soap is unclean,
you know what I mean?"
Then Keith scratched himself underneath.

:Huh:

There once was a dolly from Bali

oneblindmouse
03-20-2008, 01:13 PM
There once was a dolly from Bali
Who shacked up with Seamus O'Malley

donroc
03-20-2008, 03:21 PM
There once was a dolly from Bali
Who shacked up with Seamus O'Malley
But she wouldn't wear green

Woof
03-20-2008, 04:20 PM
There once was a dolly from Bali
Who shacked up with Seamus O'Malley
But she wouldn't wear green
She thought it obscene

donroc
03-20-2008, 04:31 PM
There once was a dolly from Bali
Who shacked up with Seamus O'Malley
But she wouldn't wear green
She thought it obscene
And with him no longer would dally.

A curmudgeonly Scot most dour

Woof
03-20-2008, 04:47 PM
A curmudgeonly Scot most dour
Preferred his haggis made sour

donroc
03-20-2008, 05:18 PM
A curmudgeonly Scot most dour
Preferred his haggis made sour
But drank single malt

Woof
03-20-2008, 05:27 PM
A curmudgeonly Scot most dour
Preferred his haggis made sour
But drank single malt
And then would assault

donroc
03-20-2008, 05:37 PM
A curmudgeonly Scot most dour
Preferred his haggis made sour
But drank single malt
And then would assault
Any Sassanach who at him would glower.

A horrible child aged two

talkwrite
03-20-2008, 06:41 PM
A horrible child aged two
Threw tantrums whenever on view

Autodidact
03-20-2008, 07:09 PM
A horrible child aged two
Threw tantrums whenever on view.
His mum thought it cute

rosebud1981
03-20-2008, 07:11 PM
A horrible child aged two
Threw tantrums whenever on view.
His mum thought it cute
Til he spat on her boot

Nymtoc
03-20-2008, 07:33 PM
A horrible child aged two
Threw tantrums whenever on view.
His mum thought it cute
Til he spat on her boot
So she gave him a whack. Wouldn't you?

:hat:

The Amazon warriors were strong

Autodidact
03-20-2008, 08:28 PM
The Amazon warriors were strong,
their eyelashes lovely and long,

HeronW
03-20-2008, 09:11 PM
The Amazon warriors were strong,
their eyelashes lovely and long,
their bosoms were steel

Kurlumbenus
03-20-2008, 09:15 PM
The Amazon warriors were strong,
their eyelashes lovely and long,
their bosoms were steel
Even if only 1 was real,

Autodidact
03-20-2008, 09:27 PM
The Amazon warriors were strong,
their eyelashes lovely and long,
their bosoms were steel
Even if only 1 was real,
alas, they eschew the schlong.


There once was a fairy named Bob,

Kurlumbenus
03-20-2008, 09:30 PM
There once was a fairy named Bob,
named for the motion of his head when on the job.

Autodidact
03-20-2008, 09:34 PM
[*Do you think that a collection of the best of these limericks would be publishable?]

Kurlumbenus
03-20-2008, 09:35 PM
[*Do you think that a collection of the worst of these limericks would be punishable?]

Woof
03-20-2008, 10:41 PM
There once was a fairy named Bob,
named for the motion of his head when on the job.
He had a magic wand

rosebud1981
03-20-2008, 11:41 PM
There once was a fairy named Bob,
named for the motion of his head when on the job.
He had a magic wand
And an aide who was blonde

Woof
03-20-2008, 11:57 PM
There once was a fairy named Bob,
named for the motion of his head when on the job.
He had a magic wand
And an aide who was blonde
Who was a right awful snob


A man with a horse and a duck

donroc
03-21-2008, 12:27 AM
A man with a horse and a duck
Faced his enemy with plenty of pluck

Autodidact
03-21-2008, 01:44 AM
A man with a horse and a duck
Faced his enemy with plenty of pluck,
mounting duck, holding horse,

HeronW
03-21-2008, 03:35 AM
A man with a horse and a duck
Faced his enemy with plenty of pluck,
mounting duck, holding horse,
he wandered off course

Autodidact
03-21-2008, 07:00 AM
A man with a horse and a duck
Faced his enemy with plenty of pluck,
mounting duck, holding horse,
he wandered off course,
muttering, "Christ, but these limericks suck."


There once was a hooker from Reno,

Kerr
03-21-2008, 07:36 AM
There once was a hooker from Reno,
when eating would always take Beano.

donroc
03-21-2008, 07:37 AM
There once was a hooker from Reno,
Who repeatedly serviced Jay Leno ( it rhymes on paper)

Nymtoc
03-21-2008, 12:21 PM
There once was a hooker from Reno,
Who repeatedly serviced Jay Leno ( it rhymes on paper)
But Leno denies it

Autodidact
03-21-2008, 06:59 PM
There once was a hooker from Reno,
Who repeatedly serviced Jay Leno ( it rhymes on paper)
But Leno denies it,
the hooker defies it,

Nymtoc
03-21-2008, 07:05 PM
There once was a hooker from Reno,
Who repeatedly serviced Jay Leno ( it rhymes on paper)
But Leno denies it,
the hooker defies it,
To hell with it. Let's go play Keno.

Today I saw ten purple horses.

Autodidact
03-21-2008, 07:52 PM
Today I saw ten purple horses,
three dragons and tiny armed forces,

talkwrite
03-21-2008, 08:03 PM
Today I saw ten purple horses,
three dragons and tiny armed forces,
A blissful battleground

donroc
03-21-2008, 08:26 PM
Today I saw ten purple horses,
three dragons and tiny armed forces,
A blissful battleground
Where cries of death abound

Autodidact
03-21-2008, 08:30 PM
Today I saw ten purple horses,
three dragons and tiny armed forces,
A blissful battleground
Where cries of death abound,
From reality I've gotten divorces.


Writers who like making limericks

donroc
03-21-2008, 08:35 PM
Writers who like making limericks
Are more amusing than Soviet apparatchniks

Kurlumbenus
03-21-2008, 09:27 PM
Writers who like making limericks
Are more amusing than Soviet apparatchniks
Perhaps driven by ego,

Autodidact
03-21-2008, 09:35 PM
Writers who like making limericks
Are more amusing than Soviet apparatchniks
Perhaps driven by ego,
or driven from Oswego,