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Rob-rite
05-05-2005, 06:53 PM
I wish I could play the trombone
While eating a cherry snow cone
Down my arm it could drip
as i wipe off my lip
and fuse jazz with i-taly-oan

There once was a lady whose dog

rhymegirl
05-05-2005, 07:57 PM
There once was a lady whose dog
Turned into a strange-looking org

BlakeOvard
05-05-2005, 07:57 PM
I wish I could play the trombone
While eating a cherry snow cone
Down my arm it could drip
as i wipe off my lip
and fuse jazz with i-taly-oan

There once was a lady whose dog
Sort of ressembled a frog

poetinahat
05-09-2005, 11:31 AM
I wish I could play the trombone
While eating a cherry snow cone
Down my arm it could drip
as i wipe off my lip
and fuse jazz with i-taly-oan

There once was a lady whose dog
Sort of ressembled a frog
Its distended throat

Rob-rite
05-09-2005, 10:01 PM
There once was a lady whose dog
Sort of ressembled a frog
Its distended throat
And slimy green coat

Marisa Louise
05-09-2005, 10:39 PM
There once was a lady whose dog
Sort of ressembled a frog
Its distended throat
And slimy green coat
...Just a minute! I want more egg nog!

They say that the more beans you eat

Rob-rite
05-10-2005, 03:49 AM
They say that the more beans you eat
Your farts become so hard to beat

rhymegirl
05-10-2005, 03:53 AM
They say that the more beans you eat
Your farts become so hard to beat,
So I ate a whole can

Rob-rite
05-10-2005, 03:55 AM
They say that the more beans you eat
Your farts become so hard to beat,
So I ate a whole can
And a large bowl of bran

rhymegirl
05-10-2005, 04:08 AM
They say that the more beans you eat
Your farts become so hard to beat,
So I ate a whole can
And a large bowl of bran
Later on I won't smell very sweet!

I'm a writer but can't always write

Mr Underhill
05-10-2005, 04:21 AM
I'm a writer but can't always write
My ideas never seem to take flight

Rob-rite
05-10-2005, 04:23 AM
I'm a writer but can't always write
My prose veers from genius to trite

BlakeOvard
05-10-2005, 06:28 AM
I'm a writer but can't always write
My ideas never seem to take flight
In haste my fingers stroke the keys

Solatium
05-13-2005, 02:26 AM
I'm a writer but can't always write
My ideas never seem to take flight
In haste my fingers stroke the keys
And I cry out, "Oh, please,

rhymegirl
05-13-2005, 02:32 AM
I'm a writer but can't always write
My ideas never seem to take flight
In haste my fingers stroke the keys
And I cry out, "Oh, please,
Don't let me be writing ALL NIGHT!"

I've been sneezing my head off all day

Solatium
05-13-2005, 06:25 AM
I've been sneezing my head off all day
And I wish that I could find a way

poetinahat
05-13-2005, 06:41 AM
I've been sneezing my head off all day
And I wish that I could find a way
to continue my typing

Solatium
05-13-2005, 07:51 AM
I've been sneezing my head off all day
And I wish that I could find a way
to continue my typing --
But instead, I'm just griping

poetinahat
05-18-2005, 10:04 AM
I've been sneezing my head off all day
And I wish that I could find a way
to continue my typing --
But instead, I'm just griping
which, unlike crime, doesn't pay.

The world isn't all black and white

Mr Underhill
05-19-2005, 07:41 AM
The world is not all black and white
Not every critique is a slight

Solatium
05-20-2005, 12:36 AM
The world is not all black and white
Not every critique is a slight
It may irritate you

JoeEkaitis
05-20-2005, 02:07 AM
The world is not all black and white
Not every critique is a slight
It may irritate you,
Make you cry, "Oh, boo-hoo!"

PattiTheWicked
05-20-2005, 07:12 AM
The world is not all black and white
Not every critique is a slight
It may irritate you,
Make you cry, "Oh, boo-hoo!"
And pound the keyboard with all of your might.


I'm disturbed by the tone of my work

poetinahat
05-20-2005, 09:30 AM
The world is not all black and white
Not every critique is a slight
It may irritate you,
Make you cry, "Oh, boo-hoo!"
And pound the keyboard with all of your might.


I'm disturbed by the tone of my work
My proofreader scoffs, "You're a jerk!"

JoeEkaitis
05-20-2005, 05:04 PM
I'm disturbed by the tone of my work
My proofreader scoffs, "You're a jerk!"
"It's the whiskey," I mutter.

Yeshanu
05-20-2005, 10:10 PM
I'm back on the limerick thread.
Bet most of you though I was dead!
But I'm here so it's time
To concoct a new rhyme,
After which, I'll go off and get fed.





I'm disturbed by the tone of my work
My proofreader scoffs, "You're a jerk!"
"It's the whiskey," I mutter.
"And my head's full of clutter.

JoeEkaitis
05-20-2005, 11:09 PM
I'm disturbed by the tone of my work
My proofreader scoffs, "You're a jerk!"
"It's the whiskey," I mutter.
"And my head's full of clutter.
But at least I am published," I smirk.

Some coffee would be great right now

Yeshanu
05-21-2005, 06:18 PM
Some coffee would be great right now
Along with some really good chow

JoeEkaitis
05-22-2005, 12:04 AM
Some coffee would be great right now
Along with some really good chow.
So I get in the car

PattiTheWicked
05-23-2005, 08:00 AM
Some coffee would be great right now
Along with some really good chow.
So I get in the car
But I won't get too far

Marisa Louise
05-23-2005, 08:03 AM
Some coffee would be great right now
Along with some really good chow.
So I get in the car
But I won't get too far
I just got in an accident-- POW!

Me knee has been bothering me

poetinahat
05-23-2005, 11:09 AM
Some coffee would be great right now
Along with some really good chow.
So I get in the car
But I won't get too far
I just got in an accident-- POW!

Me knee has been bothering me
It flexes spontaneously

Marisa Louise
05-24-2005, 03:35 AM
Me knee has been bothering me
It flexes spontaneously
Can't stop the twitching

Cassie88
05-24-2005, 04:03 AM
Me knee has been bothering me
It flexes spontaneously
Can't stop the twitching
And then there's this itching

rhymegirl
05-24-2005, 04:18 AM
Me knee has been bothering me
It flexes spontaneously
Can't stop the twitching
And then there's this itching,
I look like a freakin' mon-key.

I'm so far behind on my work

Cassie88
05-24-2005, 05:41 AM
I'm so far behind on my work
My boss thinks I'm kind of a jerk

Mr Underhill
05-24-2005, 05:43 AM
Here's how I completed the "black and white" limerick from the last page:


The world is not all black and white
Not every critique is a slight
But if you should choose
The wrong brand of shoes
You'd better prepare for a fight!

Stand by for the next line in sequence as we resume your regularly scheduled limericking...

Mr Underhill
05-24-2005, 05:50 AM
I'm so far behind on my work
My boss thinks I'm kind of a jerk
So I'm keeping track

PattiTheWicked
05-24-2005, 06:59 AM
I'm so far behind on my work
My boss thinks I'm kind of a jerk
So I'm keeping track
I wish he'd get off my back

Marisa Louise
05-24-2005, 09:14 AM
I'm so far behind on my work
My boss thinks I'm kind of a jerk
So I'm keeping track
I wish he'd get off my back
While on these boards I constantly lurk.

I am craving a little beef jerky

poetinahat
05-24-2005, 09:49 AM
I'm so far behind on my work
My boss thinks I'm kind of a jerk
So I'm keeping track
I wish he'd get off my back
While on these boards I constantly lurk.

I am craving a little beef jerky
Got hooked on it in Albuquerque

Marisa Louise
05-26-2005, 03:51 AM
I am craving a little beef jerky
Got hooked on it in Albuquerque
Bus ride was too long

PattiTheWicked
05-31-2005, 07:57 AM
I am craving a little beef jerky
Got hooked on it in Albuquerque
Bus ride was too long
Until I broke into song

Mr Underhill
05-31-2005, 08:28 AM
I am craving a little beef jerky
Got hooked on it in Albuquerque
Bus ride was too long
Until I broke into song
This lack of meter is making me berserky!

The mad scientist Nikola Tesla

Solatium
05-31-2005, 09:55 AM
The mad scientist Nikola Tesla
Had a brawl with an ill-tempered wrestler

TomHarrington
05-31-2005, 11:44 AM
The mad scientist Nikola Tesla
Had a brawl with an ill-tempered wrestler
Nikola lunged with her beaker

Pat~
06-01-2005, 04:56 PM
The mad scientist Nikola Tesla
Had a brawl with an ill-tempered wrestler
Nikola lunged with her beaker
Missed her mark and killed her sneaker
And then took a midday siesta.




An editor's driving me crazy

PattiTheWicked
06-01-2005, 06:44 PM
An editor's driving me crazy
But I'm feeling incredibly lazy

Solatium
06-01-2005, 09:47 PM
An editor's driving me crazy
But I'm feeling incredibly lazy
So I'll unplug my phone

poetinahat
06-07-2005, 03:22 AM
An editor's driving me crazy
But I'm feeling incredibly lazy
So I'll unplug my phone
and watch Twilight Zone

Solatium
06-07-2005, 03:46 AM
An editor's driving me crazy
But I'm feeling incredibly lazy
So I'll unplug my phone
and watch Twilight Zone
and wait till the whole world grows hazy.

---

I soaked two clean washcloths in gin

rhymegirl
06-07-2005, 04:00 AM
I soaked two clean washcloths in gin,
And now let the fun times begin!

PattiTheWicked
06-07-2005, 06:56 AM
I soaked two clean washcloths in gin,
And now let the fun times begin!
I set one cloth on fire

poetinahat
06-07-2005, 07:56 AM
I soaked two clean washcloths in gin,
And now let the fun times begin!
I set one cloth on fire
and yelled to the choir,

Pat~
06-10-2005, 04:46 AM
I soaked two clean washcloths in gin,
And now let the fun times begin!
I set one cloth on fire
and yelled to the choir,
"And now for our sermon on sin!"


I packed up my suitcase last night

Yeshanu
06-14-2005, 10:22 PM
I packed up my suitcase last night
With a ball and a board and a kite

PattiTheWicked
06-14-2005, 10:56 PM
I packed up my suitcase last night
With a ball and a board and a kite
And then I recalled

poetinahat
06-15-2005, 02:30 AM
I packed up my suitcase last night
With a ball and a board and a kite
And then I recalled
my pet turtle, who'd crawled

Pat~
06-15-2005, 03:01 AM
I packed up my suitcase last night
With a ball and a board and a kite
And then I recalled
my pet turtle, who'd crawled
To some hiding place quite out of sight


The magician pulled out of his hat

Solatium
06-15-2005, 05:53 AM
The magician pulled out of his hat
A rabbit, a bass, and a bat

PattiTheWicked
06-15-2005, 06:18 AM
The magician pulled out of his hat
A rabbit, a bass, and a bat
But to his surprise

poetinahat
06-15-2005, 06:38 AM
The magician pulled out of his hat
A rabbit, a bass, and a bat
But to his surprise
and gut-wrenching cries,

Solatium
06-19-2005, 12:42 PM
The magician pulled out of his hat
A rabbit, a bass, and a bat
But to his surprise
and gut-wrenching cries,
They pulled out a bit more than that.

---

Stop doing that, please; I might faint

Pat~
06-19-2005, 07:12 PM
Stop doing that, please; I might faint
I can't stand the smell of that paint

PattiTheWicked
06-19-2005, 10:43 PM
Stop doing that, please; I might faint
I can't stand the smell of that paint
It was supposed to be blue

Solatium
06-20-2005, 01:44 AM
Stop doing that, please; I might faint
I can't stand the smell of that paint
It was supposed to be blue,
But, because of you,

poetinahat
06-20-2005, 02:55 AM
Stop doing that, please; I might faint
I can't stand the smell of that paint
It was supposed to be blue,
But, because of you,
Folks think I'm a colour I ain't

My dog ate my homework, Ms Brown

Solatium
06-20-2005, 05:41 AM
My dog ate my homework, Ms Brown
He wolfed all twelve pages right down

PattiTheWicked
06-20-2005, 05:54 AM
My dog ate my homework, Ms Brown
He wolfed all twelve pages right down
I'd write it all out again

poetinahat
06-20-2005, 05:59 AM
My dog ate my homework, Ms Brown
He wolfed all twelve pages right down
I'd write it all out again
But the cat has my pen

Solatium
06-20-2005, 11:15 AM
My dog ate my homework, Ms Brown
He wolfed all twelve pages right down
I'd write it all out again
But the cat has my pen
And the vet -- well, she's going to town.

---

I once met a film buff from Leeds

PattiTheWicked
06-21-2005, 12:02 AM
I once met a film buff from Leeds
Who told me of such naughty deeds

poetinahat
06-21-2005, 04:03 AM
I once met a film buff from Leeds
Who told me of such naughty deeds
that I stopped the projector

Pat~
06-21-2005, 04:45 AM
I once met a film buff from Leeds
Who told me of such naughty deeds
that I stopped the projector
and moved to eject her

Solatium
06-21-2005, 08:25 AM
I once met a film buff from Leeds
Who told me of such naughty deeds
that I stopped the projector
and moved to eject her --
but didn't. A fellow has needs.

---

I promise you, no more last lines

Pat~
06-24-2005, 06:17 PM
I promise you, no more last lines
Said poet Solatium Heinz

Solatium
06-25-2005, 08:09 AM
I promise you, no more last lines
Said poet Solatium Heinz
I'll just leave that to you-all

poetinahat
06-26-2005, 08:18 AM
I promise you, no more last lines
Said poet Solatium Heinz
I'll just leave that to you-all
and proclaim the renewal

Meaney
06-29-2005, 08:03 AM
I promise you, no more last lines
Said poet Solatium Heinz
I'll just leave that to you-all
and proclaim the renewal
of hive thinking in humankind.


Fast Eddie's statistical text says

poetinahat
06-29-2005, 08:39 AM
Fast Eddie's statistical text says
It's uncouth to make love in a fez

Meaney
06-29-2005, 10:55 AM
Fast Eddie's statistical text says
It's uncouth to make love in a fez
Fastidious abstinence

Meaney
06-30-2005, 06:24 PM
Fast Eddie's statistical text says
It's uncouth to make love in a fez
Fastidious abstinence
from sex prevents accidents

PattiTheWicked
06-30-2005, 09:05 PM
Fast Eddie's statistical text says
It's uncouth to make love in a fez
Fastidious abstinence
from sex prevents accidents
As does gobbling the Pill like it's Pez.


Everything that I thought I once knew

Pat~
06-30-2005, 11:38 PM
Everything that I thought I once knew
Evaporated like the morning dew

Meaney
07-02-2005, 06:02 PM
Everything I thought I once knew
Evaporated like morning dew
And I saw with fresh eyes

poetinahat
07-04-2005, 09:25 AM
Everything I thought I once knew
Evaporated like morning dew
And I saw with fresh eyes
That, to be truly wise,

Pat~
07-04-2005, 10:31 PM
Everything I thought I once knew
Evaporated like morning dew
And I saw with fresh eyes
That, to be truly wise,
The 'knowledge' of God I'd pursue.


A thought wandered into my mind

Meaney
07-05-2005, 06:36 AM
A thought wandered into my mind
"Why is knowledge of God so enshrined?"

Meaney
07-13-2005, 04:08 PM
(bump! No takers?) :guns:

A thought wandered into my mind
"Why is knowledge of God so enshrined?"

Yeshanu
07-13-2005, 07:00 PM
hmm...

A thought wandered into my mind
"Why is knowledge of God so enshrined?"
We don't know it all

poetinahat
07-14-2005, 02:42 AM
A thought wandered into my mind
"Why is knowledge of God so enshrined?"
We don't know it all
There's no hotline to call

Meaney
07-14-2005, 06:19 AM
A thought wandered into my mind
"Why is knowledge of God so enshrined?"
We don't know it all
There's no hotline to call
and the game's rules remain undefined.

But to you this conundrum I put:

poetinahat
07-15-2005, 10:54 AM
But to you this conundrum I put:
Is danger ahead or afoot?

Meaney
07-16-2005, 01:32 PM
But to you this conundrum I put:
Is danger ahead or afoot?
Without common sense...

poetinahat
07-19-2005, 04:50 AM
But to you this conundrum I put:[/font]
Is danger ahead or afoot?
Without common sense...
Within? violence!

Meaney
07-19-2005, 07:04 AM
But to you this conundrum I put:
Is danger ahead or afoot?
Without common sense...
Within? violence!
Withal, nevertheless, understood.

There once was a girl from Nantucket

Yeshanu
07-19-2005, 04:59 PM
There once was a girl from Nantucket
Who got a new poster. She stuck it

poetinahat
07-21-2005, 03:19 AM
There once was a girl from Nantucket
Who got a new poster. She stuck it
on the bow of her dinghy

reph
07-21-2005, 08:55 AM
There once was a girl from Nantucket
Who got a new poster. She stuck it
on the bow of her dinghy
Whose red paint looked quite zingy

poetinahat
07-21-2005, 09:12 AM
There once was a girl from Nantucket
Who got a new poster. She stuck it
on the bow of her dinghy
Whose red paint looked quite zingy
But it leaked; she'll not sail in that bucket!

This rhyme isn't written in French

watcher
07-23-2005, 08:02 AM
This rhyme isn't written in French (Is this enough beats?) or is this..

This old rhyme wasn't written in French
But it was written on a green bench

katiemac
07-23-2005, 08:06 AM
This old rhyme wasn't written in French
But it was written on a green bench
Neither yellow nor blue

Pthom
07-24-2005, 11:16 AM
This old rhyme wasn't written in French
But it was written on a green bench
Neither yellow nor blue
Such a pastoral hue

poetinahat
07-25-2005, 04:49 AM
This rhyme isn't written in French (Is this enough beats?) or is this..

This old rhyme wasn't written in French
But it was written on a green bench


It was right the first time.

Carry on....

Pat~
07-25-2005, 04:57 AM
Hey, while we're at it, can we fix the number of beats in line 2?? :-)

Pat~
07-25-2005, 07:24 AM
This rhyme wasn't written in French
But it was written on a green bench
Neither yellow nor blue
Such a pastoral hue
For a seat that spring showers would drench.

An ear-splitting scream pierced the air

poetinahat
07-25-2005, 07:35 AM
An ear-splitting scream pierced the air
in the church at the edge of Nowhere

Pthom
07-25-2005, 01:27 PM
An ear-splitting scream pierced the air
in the church at the edge of Nowhere.
"Not a lim'rick again!"

Pat~
07-25-2005, 10:52 PM
An ear-splitting scream pierced the air
in the church at the edge of Nowhere.
"Not a lim'rick again!"
Bawled young Darien,

poetinahat
07-26-2005, 04:38 AM
An ear-splitting scream pierced the air
in the church at the edge of Nowhere.
"Not a lim'rick again!"
Bawled young Darien,
"This isn't the Folies Bergères!"

While singing "Addicted to Love"

Melina
07-26-2005, 04:07 PM
While singing "Addicted to Love"
A lightning bolt shot from above

pconsidine
07-26-2005, 05:05 PM
While singing "Addicted to Love"
A lightning bolt shot from above
It struck Robert Palmer

ANNIE
07-26-2005, 06:41 PM
While singing addicted to love
a lightning bolt shot from above
it struck Robert Palmer
Who dropped on the spot

pconsidine
07-26-2005, 11:54 PM
While singing addicted to love
a lightning bolt shot from above
it struck Robert Palmer
Who dropped on the spot


Aren't the 3rd and 4th lines supposed to rhyme? Or is free verse limerick allowed?

I'd have gone with:

While singing addicted to love
a lightning bolt shot from above
it struck Robert Palmer
with the force of a bomber

Sara Rachael Hope
07-27-2005, 12:08 AM
Good question!
Maybe that's why the limmerick is locked in mid-limmerick...
Periods (.) might help!

poetinahat
07-27-2005, 03:55 AM
While singing addicted to love
a lightning bolt shot from above
it struck Robert Palmer
Who dropped on the spot


Aren't the 3rd and 4th lines supposed to rhyme? Or is free verse limerick allowed?


The 4th line is short on syllables as well. Then again, John Lee Hooker made a career out of setting up an expected rhyme, then not rhyming it!

While singing Addicted to Love
a lightning bolt shot from above
it struck Robert Palmer
with the force of a bomber
To the strains of The Smiths' Hand in Glove

My blind date went sadly awry

reph
07-27-2005, 04:17 AM
Yes, limericks have a specified meter and rhyme scheme. I tried to explain all that earlier in the thread. It didn't help my popularity.

My blind date went sadly awry,
I expected a girl, got a guy,

Pthom
07-27-2005, 10:46 AM
My blind date went sadly awry,
I expected a girl, got a guy.
Not only that, but

reph
07-27-2005, 11:08 AM
My blind date went sadly awry,
I expected a girl, got a guy.
And not only that, but Syllable added for metric reasons
He works as a flatfoot

Pthom
07-28-2005, 01:56 AM
pedant

the syllable isn't missing, it's just felt, not expressed aloud...like a rest in music.

but anyway

My blind date went sadly awry,
I expected a girl, got a guy.
And not only that, but
He works as a flatfoot
Because his is a non-public eye.

poetinahat
07-28-2005, 03:26 AM
pedant

Play nicely, everyone.

From recent posts, it's clear that some people understand the limerick structure better than others. In my opinion, that third line could've worked either way, but the fifth line needs to have a syllable removed. Having said that, I like how it's turned out; very clever. Applause to both the finishers!

So, who's starting the next one?

Pat~
07-28-2005, 04:12 AM
I left on a two-week vacation

poetinahat
07-28-2005, 04:19 AM
I left on a two-week vacation
to a faraway, warm destination

reph
07-28-2005, 06:31 AM
I left on a two-week vacation
to a faraway, warm destination
Where no one could phone me

(Used to be, whoever supplied the fifth line started the next limerick)

Sara Rachael Hope
07-28-2005, 08:07 AM
I left on a two-week vacation
to a faraway, warm destination
Where no one could phone me
and tell me bologna (you know how to say it properly I hope!)

reph
07-28-2005, 11:59 AM
I left on a two-week vacation
to a faraway, warm destination
Where no one could phone me
and tell me bologna
And give me a day's aggravation.

The ostrich said this to the kiwi:

Sara Rachael Hope
07-28-2005, 05:17 PM
I left on a two-week vacation
to a faraway, warm destination
Where no one could phone me
and tell me bologna
And give me a day's aggravation.

The ostrich said this to the kiwi:
"I'm glad I got u to help see me!"
and the kiwi said:

poetinahat
07-29-2005, 03:23 AM
The ostrich said this to the kiwi:
"I'm glad I got u (i mean me!) to help see me!"
and the kiwi said:

Okay, I'll be the pedant for the day!

Sara, a couple of things:
- one line at a time, please, so the next person gets a turn.
- line #2 has too many syllables. Would you mind taking out the parenthetical phrase?

That would leave us with:

The ostrich said this to the kiwi:
"I'm glad I got u to help see me!"

Thanks!

reph
07-29-2005, 05:06 AM
The ostrich said this to the kiwi:
"I'm glad I got u to help see me!"
When the kiwi replied,

Sara Rachael Hope
07-29-2005, 08:35 AM
The ostrich said this to the kiwi:
"I'm glad I got u to help see me!"
When the kiwi replied, she finally sighed
and laid down in her own featherbed!
The kiwi did this for the ostrich
(as she dreamed and continually 'watched it')

reph
07-29-2005, 08:53 AM
Excuse me, Sara, you seem to be working on a different kind of poem. A limerick has exactly five lines, and the rhythm goes like this:

da DA da da DA da da DA (da)
da DA da da DA da da DA (da)
(da) da DA da da DA (da)
(da) da DA da da DA (da)
da DA da da DA da da DA (da).

The das in parentheses are optional syllables.

In this game, each person adds only one line at a time. That's how we take turns.

Honey Nut Loop
07-29-2005, 10:38 PM
Um i'm jsut gonna take this from where reph left off.
(btw i'm still struggling to make sense of the line '"I'm glad I got u to help see me!"':faint:


The ostrich said this to the kiwi:
"I'm glad I got u to help see me!"
When the kiwi replied,
"Well they eat me worldwide!"

reph
07-30-2005, 02:01 AM
The ostrich said this to the kiwi:
"I'm glad I got u to help see me!"
When the kiwi replied,
"Well they eat me worldwide!"
An eavesdropping buzzard squawked, "Dreamy!"

(Incidentally, in case it wasn't clear, I meant a kiwi bird, not a kiwi fruit. Speaking of fruit...)

There's no substitute for bananas

Pthom
07-30-2005, 02:50 AM
There's no substitute for bananas
But their leaves aren't that good for bandanas

Solatium
07-30-2005, 03:00 AM
There's no substitute for bananas
But their leaves aren't that good for bandanas.
For that you need cotton

Pat~
07-30-2005, 07:13 AM
There's no substitute for bananas
But their leaves aren't that good for bandanas.
For that you need cotton
Though it may be hard-gotten

reph
07-30-2005, 08:01 AM
There's no substitute for bananas
But their leaves aren't that good for bandanas.
For that you need cotton
Though it may be hard-gotten
Whether homespun, bought retail, or Grandma's.

"How long do I have?" said a patient.

Solatium
07-30-2005, 09:15 AM
"How long do I have?" said a patient.
"I must have an abortifacient,


(Sorry, I racked my brains and that was the only rhyme I could come up with.)

Sara Rachael Hope
07-30-2005, 09:36 AM
"How long do I have?" said a patient.
"I must have an abortifacient,


(Sorry, I racked my brains and that was the only rhyme I could come up with.)
abortivacationt (may be better!) Vacation anyone?
WOULD BE NICE!!!!!!!

reph
07-30-2005, 10:34 AM
"Patient" is an even harder rhyme than I thought. The rhyming dictionary at poetry.com gives only "impatient" and "abortifacient," which gets into territory that's definitely not your typical lighthearted limerick material. I'll start over.

My first draft is here for critiquing

Honey Nut Loop
07-30-2005, 09:09 PM
My first draft is here for critiquing,
I pray it does not end up reeking,

Pat~
07-30-2005, 11:14 PM
My first draft is here for critiquing,
I pray it does not end up reeking;
Though I need your advice

Honey Nut Loop
07-31-2005, 01:49 AM
My first draft is here for critiquing,
I pray it does not end up reeking;
Though I need your advice,
It doesn't have to be nice,

watcher
07-31-2005, 09:11 AM
My first draft is here for critiquing,
I pray it does not end up reeking;
Though I need your advice,
It doesn't have to be nice,
If it's bad I'll refrain from peeking.

There was an old saxophone lady

reph
07-31-2005, 09:27 AM
There was an old saxophone lady
Who insisted her name wasn't Sadie

Solatium
07-31-2005, 10:08 AM
There was an old saxophone lady
Who insisted her name wasn't Sadie
She called herself Nora

Pat~
07-31-2005, 08:59 PM
There was an old saxophone lady
Who insisted her name wasn't Sadie
She called herself Nora
With surname Tedora

Sara Rachael Hope
08-01-2005, 08:05 AM
There was an old saxophone lady
Who insisted her name wasn't Sadie
She called herself Nora
With surname Tedora
And hoped that she kindly won't bore ya'!

Solatium
08-01-2005, 09:38 AM
There was an old saxophone lady
Who insisted her name wasn't Sadie
She called herself Nora
With surname Tedora
And hoped that she kindly won't bore ya'!
(One line too many? Don't be afraid, eh?)

I can't get the hang of this system

reph
08-01-2005, 10:35 AM
I can't get the hang of this system
If there were instructions, I missed 'em

Honey Nut Loop
08-01-2005, 07:06 PM
I can't get the hang of this system,
If there were instructions, I missed 'em,
Were they flushed down the bog?

Sara Rachael Hope
08-01-2005, 07:12 PM
I can't get the hang of this system,
If there were instructions, I missed 'em,
Were they flushed down the bog?
Well "No!.", 'cause they're 'logged!

Pat~
08-01-2005, 08:49 PM
I can't get the hang of this system,
If there were instructions, I missed 'em,
Were they flushed down the bog?
Well "No!.", 'cause they're 'logged!
So this poster will now try to list 'em!

1. Enter one line only.
2. Each line should fit the pattern for a limerick (Lines 1,2, and 5 rhyme, and lines 3 and 4 rhyme; see above postings for meter)
3. Poster of line 5 also posts line 1 of next limerick.

And now we will all write a lim'rick

reph
08-01-2005, 10:47 PM
And now we will all write a lim'rick
Let athletes show off with a gym trick

pconsidine
08-01-2005, 10:58 PM
And now we will all write a lim'rick
Let athletes show off with a gym trick
A writer's best muscle

reph
08-01-2005, 11:09 PM
And now we will all write a lim'rick
Let athletes show off with a gym trick
A writer's best muscle
Lies next to her bustle

pconsidine
08-02-2005, 01:38 AM
And now we will all write a lim'rick
Let athletes show off with a gym trick
A writer's best muscle
Lies next to her bustle
And can't be done in with a pin prick.


A kindly young man from Easthampton

poetinahat
08-02-2005, 03:09 AM
A kindly young man from Easthampton
Liked listening to Peter Frampton

PattiTheWicked
08-02-2005, 08:05 AM
A kindly young man from Easthampton
Liked listening to Peter Frampton
But he found out one day

Pat~
08-02-2005, 08:13 AM
A kindly young man from Easthampton
Liked listening to Peter Frampton
But he found out one day
No guitar could he play

poetinahat
08-02-2005, 09:27 AM
A kindly young man from Easthampton
Liked listening to Peter Frampton
But he found out one day
No guitar could he play
So he sang about caves he'd camped in

An adulterous, lecherous dude

Sara Rachael Hope
08-02-2005, 09:27 AM
A kindly young man from Easthampton
Liked listening to Peter Frampton
But he found out one day
No guitar could he play
So he twiddled his thumbs in a mansion.

A beautiful young maiden approached him
and of course saw that he needed some 'coaching' (by the way)!

Pat~
08-02-2005, 10:31 AM
(Sara--you did a great limerick, but I think poetinahat just beat you to the punch, so we'll go with his...)

An adulterous, lecherous dude
Gave Sally a sideways glance lewd

reph
08-02-2005, 11:08 AM
(We can have two going at once. When one of them ends, the game gets back on track.)


As a beautiful young maiden approached him
He recalled how his father had coached him


An adulterous, lecherous dude
Gave Sally a sideways glance lewd
Now, Sally was willing

(This one makes me chafe against the "one line only" rule. I wish I could finish it.)

poetinahat
08-02-2005, 11:12 AM
(We can have two going at once. When one of them ends, the game gets back on track.)


As a beautiful young maiden approached him
He recalled how his father had coached him


An adulterous, lecherous dude
Gave Sally a sideways glance lewd
Now, Sally was willing

(This one makes me chafe against the "one line only" rule. I wish I could finish it.)

Go ahead, Reph. You've earned it!

Sara Rachael Hope
08-02-2005, 11:35 AM
The rule was that if the last person posted the 4th line, they would be able to start the 1st!!!!
Remember?:Lecture:

reph
08-02-2005, 12:08 PM
The rule was that if the last person posted the 5th line, they would be able to start the 1st!!!!
The problem is, what happens when people post at the same time? poetinahat finished a limerick in post #411, and you finished the same one in post #412. The one he started goes like this:

An adulterous, lecherous dude
Gave Sally a sideways glance lewd
Now, Sally was willing
For less than a shilling
So he gave her tuppence, and they scr...


The one you started has this much so far:

As a beautiful young maiden approached him
He recalled how his father had coached him

poetinahat
08-02-2005, 12:24 PM
An adulterous, lecherous dude
Gave Sally a sideways glance lewd
Now, Sally was willing
For less than a shilling
So he gave her tuppence, and they scr...
Now that's a limerick!
(for mine, the rhythm works a bit better with "two bob" instead, but now I'm just being a wet blanket)

Now for Sara's (Wet blanket asks: can we remove one syllable from first line?):

As a beautiful young maiden approached him
He recalled how his father had coached him
"Prepare yourself, Junior,

pconsidine
08-02-2005, 05:44 PM
As a beautiful young maiden approached him
He recalled how his father had coached him
"Prepare yourself, Junior,
She'll be looking to prune your

Sara Rachael Hope
08-02-2005, 06:01 PM
Now that's a limerick!
(for mine, the rhythm works a bit better with "two bob" instead, but now I'm just being a wet blanket)

Now for Sara's (Wet blanket asks: can we remove one syllable from first line?):

As a beautiful young maiden approached him
He recalled how his father had coached him
"Prepare yourself, Junior,
SHAME ON YOU!:idea: cAN i SEE MORE???? OF THIS ONE?!

Sara Rachael Hope
08-02-2005, 06:04 PM
(Sara--you did a great limerick, but I think poetinahat just beat you to the punch, so we'll go with his...)

An adulterous, lecherous dude
Gave Sally a sideways glance lewd
It figures. He's a man, re(member)?
Although Wo/Man is always 1st!

Sara Rachael Hope
08-02-2005, 06:12 PM
As a beautiful young maiden approached him
He recalled how his father had coached him
"Prepare yourself, Junior,
She'll be looking to prune your
roses off the top (of) your head"-oops!
Sorry, couldn't help myself 'listen'.
There is quite often something I'm not willing to be missin'!
It's too much fun and keeps me from putting myself to sleep.
YAK yAK Yak!

reph
08-02-2005, 10:27 PM
poet-hat, isn't two bob more than a shilling?

Pat~
08-03-2005, 02:27 AM
As a beautiful young maiden approached him
He recalled how his father had coached him
"Prepare yourself, Junior,
She'll be looking to prune your
Azaleas, though no plant's encroached 'em."

He slipped on the soap in the shower

poetinahat
08-03-2005, 02:35 AM
poet-hat, isn't two bob more than a shilling?

Hadn't thought of that....

He slipped on the soap in the shower
and didn't wake up for an hour

Pat~
08-03-2005, 03:19 AM
He slipped on the soap in the shower
and didn't wake up for an hour;
The knot on his head

PattiTheWicked
08-03-2005, 07:08 AM
He slipped on the soap in the shower
and didn't wake up for an hour;
The knot on his head
Said "Hi, my name's Fred!"

gp101
08-03-2005, 04:26 PM
He slipped on the soap in the shower
and didn't wake up for an hour;
The knot on his head
Said "Hi, my name's Fred!"
And "Flintstone!" was all he could holler.



There was a spaceship from Uranus

pconsidine
08-03-2005, 07:41 PM
There was a spaceship from Uranus
Whose captain became rather famous

Solatium
08-03-2005, 07:44 PM
There was a spaceship from Uranus
Whose captain became rather famous
Though known for his wisdom

reph
08-03-2005, 10:20 PM
There was a spaceship from Uranus
Whose captain became rather famous
Though known for his wisdom
He kept goats, and he kissed 'em

Pat~
08-04-2005, 12:25 AM
There was a spaceship from Uranus
Whose captain became rather famous
Though known for his wisdom
He kept goats, and he kissed 'em
Which all but his wife thought quite heinous.


A nanny was scolding young Billy

Pthom
08-04-2005, 02:42 AM
A nanny was scolding young Billy
For staying too long out in Philly

poetinahat
08-04-2005, 03:38 AM
A nanny was scolding young Billy
For staying too long out in Philly
Without his inhaler

PattiTheWicked
08-04-2005, 03:50 AM
A nanny was scolding young Billy
For staying too long out in Philly
Without his inhaler
In a doublewide trailer

poetinahat
08-04-2005, 03:53 AM
A nanny was scolding young Billy
For staying too long out in Philly
Without his inhaler
In a doublewide trailer
And dancing to Milli Vanilli

The underground poetry slam

reph
08-04-2005, 05:31 AM
The underground poetry slam
Will be followed by free cheese and ham

PattiTheWicked
08-04-2005, 07:14 AM
The underground poetry slam
Will be followed by free cheese and ham
For those who consider

Solatium
08-04-2005, 08:19 AM
The underground poetry slam
Will be followed by free cheese and ham
For those who consider
Prosciutto too bitter,

reph
08-04-2005, 08:36 AM
The underground poetry slam
Will be followed by free cheese and ham
For those who consider
Prosciutto too bitter,
We'll grudgingly serve up some Spam.

O Lord, I'm an underpaid writer

gp101
08-04-2005, 10:49 AM
O Lord, I'm an underpaid writer
and forced to sell cheap cider

pconsidine
08-04-2005, 05:30 PM
O Lord, I'm an underpaid writer
and forced to sell cheap cider
My one saving grace

rhymegirl
08-04-2005, 05:57 PM
O Lord, I'm an underpaid writer
and forced to sell cheap cider
My one saving grace
is a beautiful face

Solatium
08-04-2005, 07:49 PM
O Lord, I'm an underpaid writer
and forced to sell cheap cider
My one saving grace
is a beautiful face
and this trick I can do with a lighter.

The secret to making it big

Pat~
08-04-2005, 07:50 PM
O Lord, I'm an underpaid writer
and forced to sell cheap cider
My one saving grace
is a beautiful face
and the guts of a boxing-ring fighter.

My laptop made ominous sounds

Pat~
08-04-2005, 07:52 PM
The secret to making it big
Is not giving riches a fig

Solatium
08-04-2005, 09:58 PM
The secret to making it big
Is not giving riches a fig,
a raisin, a date, or

reph
08-04-2005, 10:19 PM
My laptop made ominous sounds
It began to expel coffee grounds

The secret to making it big
Is not giving riches a fig,
a raisin, a date, or
A french-fried potater

poetinahat
08-05-2005, 03:33 AM
The secret to making it big
Is not giving riches a fig,
a raisin, a date, or
A french-fried potater
Just Zag when convention says Zig

My laptop made ominous sounds
It began to expel coffee grounds
So I hit Control-C

Solatium
08-05-2005, 04:16 AM
My laptop made ominous sounds
It began to expel coffee grounds
So I hit Control-C
And the thing said to me:

poetinahat
08-05-2005, 04:41 AM
My laptop made ominous sounds
It began to expel coffee grounds
So I hit Control-C
And the thing said to me:
"Get off - You weigh 200 pounds!"

The worst thing about X-ray vision

Meaney
08-05-2005, 07:24 AM
The worst thing about X-ray vision
is reading the Sunday edition

PattiTheWicked
08-05-2005, 07:40 AM
The worst thing about X-ray vision
is reading the Sunday edition
Especially regarding

poetinahat
08-05-2005, 07:49 AM
The worst thing about X-ray vision
is reading the Sunday edition
Especially regarding
the dearly departing

reph
08-05-2005, 08:49 AM
The worst thing about X-ray vision
is reading the Sunday edition
Especially regarding
the dearly departing
Through a page that tells where to go fishin'.

If you find a live mouse in your shoe

Meaney
08-05-2005, 09:23 AM
If you find a live mouse in your shoe
While before a judicial review

Solatium
08-05-2005, 10:31 AM
If you find a live mouse in your shoe
While before a judicial review
For God's sake, don't kill it

reph
08-05-2005, 11:04 AM
If you find a live mouse in your shoe
While before a judicial review
For God's sake, don't kill it
Just scatter some millet

Meaney
08-05-2005, 11:23 AM
If you find a live mouse in your shoe
While before a judicial review
For God's sake, don't kill it
Just scatter some millet
And plead "Framed by a rat!" (What a coup.)

"Daddy, where's Mommy?" asked Bobby

Pthom
08-05-2005, 09:42 PM
"Daddy, where's Mommy?" asked Bobby
Said Dad, "Why, she's out in the lobby."

Solatium
08-05-2005, 11:22 PM
"Daddy, where's Mommy?" asked Bobby
Said Dad, "Why, she's out in the lobby."
She wasn't, in fact; she

katiemac
08-06-2005, 01:32 AM
"Daddy, where's Mommy?" asked Bobby
Said Dad, "Why, she's out in the lobby."
She wasn't, in fact; she
was in the loo to pee.

PattiTheWicked
08-06-2005, 01:49 AM
"Daddy, where's Mommy?" asked Bobby
Said Dad, "Why, she's out in the lobby."
She wasn't, in fact; she
was in the loo to pee.
Stealing Charmin was her favorite hobby.


I'm feeling rather comfortably numb

Solatium
08-06-2005, 01:58 AM
(I cut out a word for the metre's sake; it's still not perfect.)

I'm feeling comfortably numb,
Just sitting here, sucking my thumb,

Pat~
08-06-2005, 04:01 AM
I'm feeling comfortably numb,
Just sitting here, sucking my thumb;
The Prozac's kicked in,

reph
08-06-2005, 04:04 AM
Aside: what I couldn't use, a few steps up:

"Daddy, where's Mommy?" asked Bobby.
Said Dad, "Why, she's out in the lobby.
The room-service clerk
Was a bit of a jerk,
And berating young men is her hobby."

Back on track:

I'm feeling quite comfortably numb,
Just sitting here, sucking my thumb;
The Prozac's kicked in,
With a tumbler of gin,

rhymegirl
08-06-2005, 04:27 AM
Aside: what I couldn't use, a few steps up:

"Daddy, where's Mommy?" asked Bobby.
Said Dad, "Why, she's out in the lobby.
The room-service clerk
Was a bit of a jerk,
And berating young men is her hobby."

Back on track:

I'm feeling quite comfortably numb,
Just sitting here, sucking my thumb;
The Prozac's kicked in,
With a tumbler of gin,
I don't care if the world thinks I'm dumb.

I'm writing an x-rated novel

PattiTheWicked
08-06-2005, 04:49 AM
I'm writing an x-rated novel
The hero of which likes to grovel

Meaney
08-06-2005, 06:42 AM
I'm writing an x-rated novel
The hero of which likes to grovel
When down on her knees

reph
08-06-2005, 07:50 AM
I'm writing an x-rated novel
The hero of which likes to grovel
When down on her knees
Crying "Sir, if you please,

Pthom
08-06-2005, 10:20 AM
I'm writing an x-rated novel
The hero of which likes to grovel
When down on her knees
Crying "Sir, if you please,
Spank me with the flat side of the shovel!"

The Latvian Princess from Riga

reph
08-06-2005, 10:35 AM
The Latvian Princess from Riga
Did not wish to be thought very eaga.

Honey Nut Loop
08-06-2005, 05:16 PM
The Latvian Princess from Riga,
Did not wish to be thought very eager,
So she rolled in the mud,

reph
08-07-2005, 01:10 PM
The Latvian Princess from Riga
Did not wish to be thought very eager,
So she rolled in the mud,
Called her tutor a dud,

gp101
08-07-2005, 03:00 PM
The Latvian Princess from Riga
Did not wish to be thought very eager,
So she rolled in the mud,
Called her tutor a dud,
and said, "Teacher, your staff is much bee-gah!"


A nun was repulsed by Greg Brady,

pianoman5
08-07-2005, 03:55 PM
A nun was repulsed by Greg Brady,
Who asked, "Are you penguin, or lady?"

Solatium
08-07-2005, 04:16 PM
A nun was repulsed by Greg Brady,
Who asked, "Are you penguin, or lady?"
"I am neither," she sneered,

PattiTheWicked
08-07-2005, 11:43 PM
A nun was repulsed by Greg Brady,
Who asked, "Are you penguin, or lady?"
"I am neither," she sneered,
which was just as he feared.

rhymegirl
08-07-2005, 11:49 PM
A nun was repulsed by Greg Brady,
Who asked, "Are you penguin, or lady?"
"I am neither," she sneered,
which was just as he feared.
She was somebody crazy or shady.


I'm really quite sick of hot weather

PattiTheWicked
08-08-2005, 12:02 AM
I'm really quite sick of hot weather
So everyone yell out together

katiemac
08-08-2005, 12:41 AM
I'm really quite sick of hot weather
So everyone yell out together
We would like some ice cream

rhymegirl
08-08-2005, 12:57 AM
I'm really quite sick of hot weather
So everyone yell out together
We would like some ice cream
And a cold winter dream

PattiTheWicked
08-08-2005, 01:02 AM
I'm really quite sick of hot weather
So everyone yell out together
We would like some ice cream
And a cold winter dream
We want long johns, our parkas and leather!


There's a photograph in front of me

rhymegirl
08-08-2005, 01:05 AM
There's a photograph in front of me
that's as scary and strange as can be

PattiTheWicked
08-08-2005, 01:06 AM
There's a photograph in front of me
that's as scary and strange as can be
It was taken one day long ago

rhymegirl
08-08-2005, 01:22 AM
There's a photograph in front of me
that's as scary and strange as can be
It was taken one day (shortened for syllables)
in a land far away

PattiTheWicked
08-08-2005, 02:51 AM
There's a photograph in front of me
that's as scary and strange as can be
It was taken one day
in a land far away
When I was naked and smiling with glee


Be still, my poor aching heart

reph
08-08-2005, 03:00 AM
Be still, my poor aching heart
Though I can't finish poems that I start

poetinahat
08-08-2005, 03:07 AM
Be still, my poor aching heart
Though I can't finish poems that I start
The ones I complete

rhymegirl
08-08-2005, 03:08 AM
Be still, my poor aching heart
Though I can't finish poems that I start
The ones I complete
are as hot as the heat

poetinahat
08-08-2005, 03:11 AM
Be still, my poor aching heart
Though I can't finish poems that I start
The ones I complete
are as hot as the heat
On my five-alarm chili Pop Tart

My countrymen, lend me your ears

Meaney
08-08-2005, 06:58 AM
My countrymen, lend me your ears
I need some stalwart volunteers

rhymegirl
08-08-2005, 07:13 AM
My countrymen, lend me your ears
I need some stalwart volunteers
to kill off some bugs

Marisa Louise
08-08-2005, 08:17 AM
My countrymen, lend me your ears
I need some stalwart volunteers
to kill off some bugs
I shall call them my "thugs"

poetinahat
08-08-2005, 08:51 AM
My countrymen, lend me your ears
I need some stalwart volunteers
to kill off some bugs
I shall call them my "thugs"
and dangle them from chandeliers.

The limerick form is pedantic

Meaney
08-08-2005, 10:21 AM
The limerick form is pedantic
Ambiguous in its semantic

gp101
08-08-2005, 02:24 PM
The limerick form is pedantic
Ambiguous in its semantic
But if I drink my ale

poetinahat
08-08-2005, 03:57 PM
The limerick form is pedantic
Ambiguous in its semantic
But if I drink my ale
and stay out of gaol

Meaney
08-08-2005, 04:04 PM
The limerick form is pedantic
Ambiguous in its semantic
But if I drink my ale
and stay out of gaol
My girlfriend will think I'm romantic:

"Your eyes are like limpid blue pools"

rhymegirl
08-08-2005, 04:20 PM
"Your eyes are like limpid blue pools"
What a line by some poetic fools!