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JDCrayne
03-21-2007, 07:42 AM
My nerves are not steel; my spine
Has warped into place like a spline.

JDCrayne
03-22-2007, 07:44 AM
My nerves are not steel; my spine
Has warped into place like a spline.
My fingers all shake,

Cath
03-22-2007, 03:18 PM
My nerves are not steel; my spine
Has warped into place like a spline.
My fingers all shake,
and my knees knock and quake

JDCrayne
03-23-2007, 06:56 AM
My nerves are not steel; my spine
Has warped into place like a spline.
My fingers all shake,
and my knees knock and quake
And I'm even too nervous to dine!


Perhaps I could guzzle a malt,

Cath
03-23-2007, 05:28 PM
Perhaps I could guzzle a malt,
or maybe tequila with salt

Unique
03-23-2007, 06:22 PM
Perhaps I could guzzle a malt,
or maybe tequila with salt
an icy cold beer

The Scip
03-23-2007, 08:14 PM
Perhaps I could guzzle a malt,
or maybe tequila with salt
an icy cold beer
would make my whole year

Solatium
03-24-2007, 02:49 AM
Perhaps I could guzzle a malt,
or maybe tequila with salt
an icy cold beer
would make my whole year --
and I would be crazed to a fault.

I am not proficient at puns

JDCrayne
03-24-2007, 06:41 AM
I am not proficient at puns.
I'd rather be scratching me buns!

Solatium
03-27-2007, 07:46 AM
I am not proficient at puns.
I'd rather be scratching me buns!
(You see what I mean?

Kate Thornton
03-27-2007, 06:48 PM
I am not proficient at puns.
I'd rather be scratching me buns!
(You see what I mean?
I'm not even clean

Unique
03-27-2007, 08:22 PM
I am not proficient at puns.
I'd rather be scratching me buns!
(You see what I mean?
I'm not even clean
Be glad I'm not having the runs.


My humor is kind of off beat

Cath
03-27-2007, 08:39 PM
My humor is kind of off beat
but I don't understand why your feet

Solatium
03-27-2007, 11:47 PM
My humor is kind of off beat
but I don't understand why your feet,
though callused and worn

JDCrayne
03-28-2007, 07:45 AM
My humor is kind of off beat
but I don't understand why your feet,
though callused and worn,
With blisters all torn,

Unique
03-30-2007, 04:59 AM
My humor is kind of off beat
but I don't understand why your feet,
though callused and worn,
With blisters all torn,
still smell like perfume so sweet.


In my day what used to be crime

Pat~
03-30-2007, 05:17 AM
In my day what used to be crime
Now hardly is cause to do time

Solatium
03-30-2007, 09:06 AM
In my day what used to be crime
Now hardly is cause to do time.
Standards have shifted;

Unique
03-30-2007, 05:36 PM
In my day what used to be crime
Now hardly is cause to do time.
Standards have shifted;
Truth being sifted

PattiTheWicked
03-30-2007, 08:11 PM
In my day what used to be crime
Now hardly is cause to do time.
Standards have shifted;
Truth being sifted
Try rehab and all will be fine

For bad manners, there's no excuse

JDCrayne
03-31-2007, 06:30 AM
For bad manners, there's no excuse;
Not even if morals are loose.

Solatium
03-31-2007, 09:11 AM
For bad manners, there's no excuse;
Not even if morals are loose.
Appearances matter

JDCrayne
04-01-2007, 07:01 AM
For bad manners, there's no excuse;
Not even if morals are loose.
Appearances matter,
Shut up and don't chatter,

JDCrayne
04-03-2007, 08:17 AM
For bad manners, there's no excuse;
Not even if morals are loose.
Appearances matter,
Shut up and don't chatter,
You sound like a gargling goose!

Where have the rhymers all gone?

JDCrayne
04-06-2007, 04:48 AM
Where have the rhymers all gone?
They're not multiplying; don't even spawn!!

Pthom
04-07-2007, 03:30 AM
Where have the rhymers all gone?
They're not multiplying; don't even spawn!!
Their rhymes are okay

Unique
04-07-2007, 04:59 AM
Where have the rhymers all gone?
They're not multiplying; don't even spawn!!
Their rhymes are okay
Though some people say

Solatium
04-07-2007, 09:42 AM
Where have the rhymers all gone?
They're not multiplying; don't even spawn!!
Their rhymes are okay
Though some people say
They're inspired by -- what's on the lawn.

These cutesy euphemics won't fly

Pthom
04-07-2007, 11:39 AM
These cutesy euphemics won't fly
To a pig, a sty is still just a sty.

Solatium
04-07-2007, 11:44 AM
These cutesy euphemics won't fly
To a pig, a sty is still just a sty.
It's none the less illth

JDCrayne
04-08-2007, 02:15 AM
These cutesy euphemics won't fly
To a pig, a sty is still just a sty.
It's none the less illth,
To plant corn on your tilth,

Pthom
04-08-2007, 07:22 AM
These cutesy euphemics won't fly
To a pig, a sty is still just a sty.
It's none the less illth,
To plant corn on your tilth,
Which'd make a damn good cusser cry!

When you order up eggs in your beer

JDCrayne
04-08-2007, 08:00 AM
When you order up eggs in your beer,
Just smile at the bartender's sneer.

PattiTheWicked
04-08-2007, 06:46 PM
When you order up eggs in your beer,
Just smile at the bartender's sneer.
Pass a bucket along

JDCrayne
04-09-2007, 10:07 AM
When you order up eggs in your beer,
Just smile at the bartender's sneer.
Pass a bucket along,
Take a hit off the bong,

JDCrayne
04-10-2007, 10:13 AM
When you order up eggs in your beer,
Just smile at the bartender's sneer.
Pass a bucket along,
Take a hit off the bong,
And give the cute drunk a good leer.


Join a couple of friends for a drink!

PattiTheWicked
04-10-2007, 04:19 PM
Join a couple of friends for a drink!
Just ignore that unusual stink...

The Scip
04-10-2007, 04:45 PM
Join a couple of friends for a drink!
Just ignore that unusual stink...
Raise your glass in the air

Pthom
04-11-2007, 09:39 AM
Join a couple of friends for a drink!
Just ignore that unusual stink...
Raise your glass in the air
And with consummate flair

Unique
04-11-2007, 03:20 PM
Join a couple of friends for a drink!
Just ignore that unusual stink...
Raise your glass in the air
And with consummate flair
And be thankful the drink isn't pink.

It's Wednesday somewhere in the world

Pthom
04-11-2007, 09:42 PM
It's Wednesday somewhere in the world
The day when I get my hair curled.

Kate Thornton
04-11-2007, 10:06 PM
It's Wednesday somewhere in the world
The day when I get my hair curled.
I used to enjoy it

dobiwon
04-11-2007, 10:54 PM
It's Wednesday somewhere in the world
The day when I get my hair curled.
I used to enjoy it
When I could destroy it

Pthom
04-13-2007, 04:47 AM
It's Wednesday somewhere in the world
The day when I get my hair curled.
I used to enjoy it
When I could destroy it
But now it just won't come unfurled.

"Oh yeah?" she said, staring him down

Unique
04-15-2007, 04:10 PM
"Oh yeah?" she said, staring him down
"Well, you're just a blithering clown!"

Horizon_eyes
04-15-2007, 08:06 PM
"Oh yeah?" she said, staring him down
"Well, you're just a blithering clown!"
"You play such a fool"

JDCrayne
04-17-2007, 02:52 AM
"Oh yeah?" she said, staring him down
"Well, you're just a blithering clown!"
"You play such a fool,
And try to be cool,"

JDCrayne
04-18-2007, 07:11 AM
"Oh yeah?" she said, staring him down,
"Well, you're just a blithering clown!
You play such a fool,
And try to be cool,
But you're a jackass all over the town!"


Let's try to say something nice,


(This thread must have lead weights tied to its ankles, the way it keeps sinking to the third page.)

JDCrayne
04-20-2007, 10:00 AM
Let's try to say something nice,
Put the sarcastic barbs all on ice.






(Definitely lead weights -- plus concrete overshoes.)

JDCrayne
04-21-2007, 08:40 AM
Let's try to say something nice,
Put the sarcastic barbs all on ice.
Be kind to a jerk,






(I think I'll start posting some of the really filthy classic limericks, with the gross parts in asterisks.)

dobiwon
04-23-2007, 07:43 PM
Let's try to say something nice,
Put the sarcastic barbs all on ice.
Be kind to a jerk,
But if it don't work,

Pthom
04-25-2007, 11:41 AM
Let's try to say something nice,
Put the sarcastic barbs all on ice.
Be kind to a jerk,
But if it don't work,
Try filling his shorts with some mice.


When the water is up to your knees

JDCrayne
04-26-2007, 04:22 AM
When the water is up to your knees,
And you think that you're going to sneeze,

Pthom
04-26-2007, 04:58 AM
When the water is up to your knees,
And you think that you're going to sneeze,
But just like a sponge

Cath
04-26-2007, 05:02 AM
When the water is up to your knees,
And you think that you're going to sneeze,
But just like a sponge
that's taken the plunge

threedogpeople
04-26-2007, 09:17 AM
When the water is up to your knees,
And you think that you're going to sneeze,
But just like a sponge
that's taken the plunge
it will suck up a little then freeze.

Don't play rock, paper, scissors with Mike,

K1P1
04-26-2007, 03:45 PM
Don't play rock, paper, scissors with Mike,
All you'll win is a razor backed pike.

JDCrayne
04-27-2007, 04:50 AM
Don't play rock, paper, scissors with Mike,
All you'll win is a razor backed pike.
He's quick with the finger,

threedogpeople
04-27-2007, 08:32 AM
Don't play rock, paper, scissors with Mike,
All you'll win is a razor backed pike.
He's quick with the finger,
always spewing a zinger,

JDCrayne
04-28-2007, 04:40 AM
Don't play rock, paper, scissors with Mike,
All you'll win is a razor backed pike.
He's quick with the finger,
always spewing a zinger,
Then he leaves like he's Alibi Ike!


Never trust Mike in a game!

Cath
04-28-2007, 04:55 AM
Never trust Mike in a game!
His tactics are always the same

K1P1
04-28-2007, 05:49 AM
Never trust Mike in a game!
His tactics are always the same
He's got his own dice

Pthom
04-29-2007, 11:54 AM
Never trust Mike in a game!
His tactics are always the same
He's got his own dice
(They're infected with lice!)

JDCrayne
04-30-2007, 05:10 AM
Never trust Mike in a game!
His tactics are always the same
He's got his own dice
(They're infected with lice!)
House odds he really can maim!


Never let Mike play roulette!

dobiwon
05-01-2007, 07:48 PM
Never let Mike play roulette!
Or any such game where you bet

Pthom
05-04-2007, 12:26 AM
Never let Mike play roulette!
Or any such game where you bet
Keep your feet in your shoes

JDCrayne
05-04-2007, 03:50 AM
Never let Mike play roulette!
Or any such game where you bet.
Keep your feet in your shoes,
Stay off of the booze,

Cath
05-04-2007, 04:04 AM
Never let Mike play roulette!
Or any such game where you bet.
Keep your feet in your shoes,
Stay off of the booze,
And don't take your eyes off the get.*

*Slang for git


What's with all these poems about Mike?

Solatium
05-04-2007, 09:37 AM
What's with all these poems about Mike?
Let's talk about someone we like!

Pthom
05-07-2007, 01:07 AM
What's with all these poems about Mike?
Let's talk about someone we like!
Such as Gladys or Sam

Cath
05-08-2007, 04:20 PM
What's with all these poems about Mike?
Let's talk about someone we like!
Such as Gladys or Sam
Or that guy with a lamb

Pthom
05-09-2007, 04:51 AM
What's with all these poems about Mike?
Let's talk about someone we like!
Such as Gladys or Sam
Or that guy with a lamb
Who voted for old General Ike.

"That guy with a lamb?" he asked Cath.

Cath
05-09-2007, 04:53 AM
"That guy with a lamb?" he asked Cath.
"You remember -- that sociopath"

Pthom
05-09-2007, 04:55 AM
"That guy with a lamb?" he asked Cath.
"You remember -- that sociopath"
"Oh, right. Now I know

Cath
05-09-2007, 04:56 AM
"That guy with a lamb?" he asked Cath.
"You remember -- that sociopath"
"Oh, right. Now I know,"
Said Peter, real slow

Pthom
05-09-2007, 04:59 AM
"That guy with a lamb?" he asked Cath.
"You remember -- that sociopath."
"Oh, right. Now I know,"
Said Peter, real slow.
"He's the one who made chopsticks from lath."

So I wondered: Why birds don't have teeth

Cath
05-09-2007, 05:20 AM
So I wondered: Why birds don't have teeth
And the reason, I think, is beneath

Pthom
05-09-2007, 05:31 AM
So I wondered: Why birds don't have teeth
And the reason, I think, is beneath
The stuff in the nest

Pthom
05-14-2007, 01:31 AM
:bump:

The next line can't be that hard, can it?

Pthom
05-18-2007, 02:48 AM
So I wondered: Why birds don't have teeth
And the reason, I think, is beneath
The stuff in the nest
Which I might suggest
To your mother you shouldn't bequeath.

See? That wasn't so hard, now was it?

Meaney
05-23-2007, 02:07 PM
The behemoth of Pleiades 9

Unique
05-23-2007, 04:30 PM
The behemoth of Pleiades 9
got busted for bootlegging wine

Pthom
05-24-2007, 04:59 AM
I was Meany. Then you came along, but didn't pick up on my prompt. :(

It is in limerick meter. ;)

But anyway...glad to have this brung up from the depths of the detritus of the Office party. Thanks.

The behemoth of Pleiades 9
Got busted for bootlegging wine
With socks for a filter

Meaney
05-24-2007, 08:14 AM
The behemoth of Pleiades 9
Got busted for bootlegging wine
With socks for a filter
and the still out of kilter

Pat~
05-24-2007, 11:50 AM
The behemoth of Pleiades 9
Got busted for bootlegging wine
With socks for a filter
and the still out of kilter
We've nothing to drink while we dine.

There once was a writer from Dallas

akiwiguy
05-24-2007, 12:31 PM
There once was a writer from Dallas
Who once lived a life free of malice

JDCrayne
05-25-2007, 08:37 AM
There once was a writer from Dallas
Who once lived a life free of malice.
He cried, "Nevermore!"

Pthom
05-27-2007, 08:25 AM
There once was a writer from Dallas
Who once lived a life free of malice.
He cried, "Nevermore!"
Till his throat he made sore

JDCrayne
05-27-2007, 09:00 AM
There once was a writer from Dallas
Who once lived a life free of malice.
He cried, "Nevermore!"
Till his throat he made sore,
And developed a right-tonsil callous!


He's taken to drink, sad to say,

Pthom
05-27-2007, 09:50 AM
He's taken to drink, sad to say,
And they won't let him out long to play

Meaney
05-28-2007, 03:45 AM
He's taken to drink, sad to say,
And they won't let him out long to play
He toddles unsteady

JDCrayne
05-30-2007, 05:54 AM
He's taken to drink, sad to say,
And they won't let him out long to play
He toddles unsteady,
His tongue at the ready,

Pat~
05-30-2007, 06:55 AM
He's taken to drink, sad to say,
And they won't let him out long to play
He toddles unsteady,
His tongue at the ready,
As he staggers through each blurry day.

She ran to the mailbox with glee

Meaney
05-31-2007, 09:15 AM
She ran to the mailbox with glee
like some simian zoo escapee

JDCrayne
06-02-2007, 06:38 AM
She ran to the mailbox with glee
like some simian zoo escapee.
An envelope thin,

Cath
06-02-2007, 06:54 AM
She ran to the mailbox with glee
like some simian zoo escapee.
An envelope thin,
she stuck in the bin

Pat~
06-02-2007, 07:21 AM
She ran to the mailbox with glee
like some simian zoo escapee.
An envelope thin,
she stuck in the bin
(another rejection for me!)

The hitchhiker stuck out his thumb

Meaney
06-02-2007, 10:46 AM
The hitchhiker stuck out his thumb:
"I'll take it, whatever may come."

akiwiguy
06-02-2007, 10:53 AM
The hitchhiker stuck out his thumb:
"I'll take it, whatever may come."
But he'd later lament

JDCrayne
06-04-2007, 06:37 AM
The hitchhiker stuck out his thumb:
"I'll take it, whatever may come."
But he'd later lament,
As he saw it all bent,

Pthom
06-08-2007, 12:40 AM
The hitchhiker stuck out his thumb:
"I'll take it, whatever may come."
But he'd later lament,
As he saw it all bent,
That he'd gotten a ride in a drum.

And tympani aren't merely loud

Kate Thornton
06-08-2007, 01:25 AM
"And tympani aren't merely loud,"
Said the maestro, conducting a crowd

Pthom
06-12-2007, 11:20 AM
"And tympani aren't merely loud,"
Said the maestro, conducting a crowd.
"If you press on the pedal

Meaney
06-17-2007, 04:57 PM
"And tympani aren't merely loud,"
Said the maestro, conducting a crowd.
"If you press on the pedal
It sounds like a kettle."

akiwiguy
06-20-2007, 12:57 PM
"And tympani aren't merely loud,"
Said the maestro, conducting a crowd.
"If you press on the pedal
It sounds like a kettle."
With a grandiose flourish then he bowed.

Meaney
06-20-2007, 01:00 PM
Thanks, Kiwi. Now it's your turn to start a new one.

akiwiguy
06-20-2007, 01:05 PM
A magician named Dick had a trick

Unique
06-20-2007, 02:17 PM
A magician named Dick had a trick
Amazing for he's such a prick

Haggis
06-20-2007, 03:32 PM
A magician named Dick had a trick
Amazing for he's such a prick
He picked up his wand,

Unique
06-20-2007, 05:07 PM
A magician named Dick had a trick
Amazing for he's such a prick
He picked up his wand,
and wished for a blonde

PattiTheWicked
06-20-2007, 05:22 PM
A magician named Dick had a trick
Amazing for he's such a prick
He picked up his wand,
and wished for a blonde
And out popped a young man named Nick.

Sweet Nick, however, got bored

Haggis
06-20-2007, 07:08 PM
Sweet Nick, however, got bored
'Twas a readhead instead he adored.

Solatium
06-20-2007, 07:18 PM
Sweet Nick, however, got bored
'Twas a redhead instead he adored.
His strawberry sweetheart

akiwiguy
06-20-2007, 11:07 PM
Sweet Nick, however, got bored
'Twas a redhead instead he adored.
His strawberry sweetheart
Her legs he did part

MidnightMuse
06-20-2007, 11:08 PM
Sweet Nick, however, got bored
'Twas a redhead instead he adored.
His strawberry sweetheart
Her legs did he part
But never did he 'xpect that fjord.

My dog does sag just a bit.

akiwiguy
06-20-2007, 11:21 PM
My dog does sag just a bit.
'Tis the butt of everyone's wit

PattiTheWicked
06-21-2007, 12:24 AM
My dog does sag just a bit.
'Tis the butt of everyone's wit
He has big floppy paws

bluejester12
06-21-2007, 03:30 AM
My dog does sag just a bit.
'Tis the butt of everyone's wit
He has big floppy paws
And elephantine jaws

Meaney
06-21-2007, 06:49 AM
My dog does sag just a bit.
'Tis the butt of everyone's wit
He has big floppy paws
And elephantine jaws
And an astonishing capacity to shut the door behind him.

The giant of twelve foot two spoke:

Unique
06-21-2007, 02:36 PM
The giant of twelve foot two spoke:
"I'll not be the one in that yoke!"

PattiTheWicked
06-21-2007, 05:05 PM
The giant of twelve foot two spoke:
"I'll not be the one in that yoke!"
He drooled when he smiled

Haggis
06-21-2007, 05:15 PM
The giant of twelve foot two spoke:
"I'll not be the one in that yoke!"
He drooled when he smiled
And when he ate a child

Cath
06-21-2007, 06:06 PM
The giant of twelve foot two spoke:
"I'll not be the one in that yoke!"
He drooled when he smiled
And when he ate a child
But frowned when the yoke weren't a joke.


Haggis makes such a pretty wee kitty

MidnightMuse
06-21-2007, 06:55 PM
Haggis makes such a pretty wee kitty
Tho what happened to Rob's such a pity.

Cath
06-21-2007, 11:53 PM
Haggis makes such a pretty wee kitty
Tho what happened to Rob's such a pity.
He's all cuddly and pink

Haggis
06-22-2007, 12:00 AM
Haggis makes such a pretty wee kitty
Tho what happened to Rob's such a pity.
He's all cuddly and pink
And, phew, does he stink

Unique
06-22-2007, 12:11 AM
Haggis makes such a pretty wee kitty
Tho what happened to Rob's such a pity.
He's all cuddly and pink
And, phew, does he stink
Why did they roll him in shitty?

When roaming around in the dark

The Scip
06-22-2007, 12:14 AM
When roaming around in the dark
Please don't end up in the park

MidnightMuse
06-22-2007, 12:21 AM
When roaming around in the dark
Please don't end up in the park
Unless groping's your pleasure,

dobiwon
06-22-2007, 12:28 AM
When roaming around in the dark
Please don't end up in the park
Unless groping's your pleasure,
Use your tape measure

Meaney
06-22-2007, 10:58 AM
When roaming around in the dark
Please don't end up in the park
Unless groping's your pleasure,
Use your tape measure
And not your foot as a benchmark.

That grievously mischievous lout

Unique
06-22-2007, 03:04 PM
That grievously mischievous lout
thought he could bribe me with trout

dobiwon
06-22-2007, 03:41 PM
That grievously mischievous lout
thought he could bribe me with trout
but I detest fish

The Scip
06-22-2007, 04:22 PM
That grievously mischievous lout
thought he could bribe me with trout
but I detest fish
so please make my wish

Unique
06-22-2007, 04:54 PM
That grievously mischievous lout
thought he could bribe me with trout
but I detest fish
so please make my wish
and bring me a tankard of stout.


The elephants went on a hike

PattiTheWicked
06-22-2007, 05:05 PM
The elephants went on a hike
Except Dumbo, who rode on his trike,

dobiwon
06-22-2007, 05:55 PM
The elephants went on a hike
Except Dumbo, who rode on his trike,
His ears got entangled

MidnightMuse
06-22-2007, 06:44 PM
The elephants went on a hike
Except Dumbo, who rode on his trike,
His ears got entangled
And that one bit that dangled -

Kate Thornton
06-22-2007, 09:44 PM
The elephants went on a hike
Except Dumbo, who rode on his trike,
His ears got entangled
And that one bit that dangled -
Caused his blood pressure to spike

Let's all use our sick leave today

PattiTheWicked
06-22-2007, 10:36 PM
Let's all use our sick leave today
and go for a roll in the hay

Meaney
06-25-2007, 06:15 AM
Let's all use our sick leave today
and go for a roll in the hay
but those actually sick

Pat~
06-25-2007, 07:05 AM
Let's all use our sick leave today
and go for a roll in the hay
but those actually sick
please stay home with a flick

JDCrayne
06-26-2007, 08:15 AM
Let's all use our sick leave today
and go for a roll in the hay
but those actually sick
please stay home with a flick;
Don't give away germs with your lay.


While bonking about in the straw,

Meaney
06-26-2007, 11:38 AM
While bonking about in the straw,
He found that he couldn't withdraw

Unique
06-26-2007, 06:14 PM
While bonking about in the straw,
He found that he couldn't withdraw
While closing the gap

JDCrayne
06-27-2007, 05:22 AM
While bonking about in the straw,
He found that he couldn't withdraw
While closing the gap,
He got caught in the trap,

Haggis
06-27-2007, 05:40 AM
While bonking about in the straw,
He found that he couldn't withdraw
While closing the gap,
He got caught in the trap,
Next time, he'll go straight for her maw.

What is it with you pervo folks?

Meaney
06-27-2007, 05:54 AM
What is it with you pervo folks?
It's beyond civil manners, these jokes.

Unique
06-27-2007, 05:07 PM
What is it with you pervo folks?
It's beyond civil manners, these jokes.
but they do make me laugh

PattiTheWicked
06-27-2007, 05:15 PM
What is it with you pervo folks?
It's beyond civil manners, these jokes.
but they do make me laugh
and it's all for Our Craft

Unique
06-27-2007, 06:18 PM
What is it with you pervo folks?
It's beyond civil manners, these jokes.
but they do make me laugh
and it's all for Our Craft
so throw off those stifling yokes!


Let's go out and dance in the rain

JDCrayne
06-29-2007, 05:26 AM
Let's go out and dance in the rain;
Forget all your bunions and pain!

PattiTheWicked
06-29-2007, 05:31 AM
Let's go out and dance in the rain;
Forget all your bunions and pain!
Stick your toes in a puddle

Pat~
06-29-2007, 05:35 AM
Let's go out and dance in the rain;
Forget all your bunions and pain!
Stick your toes in a puddle
Give your wet dog a cuddle

PrettySpecialGal
06-29-2007, 09:57 AM
Let's go out and dance in the rain;
Forget all your bunions and pain!
Stick your toes in a puddle
Give your wet dog a cuddle
just try not to fall down the drain!


This weather's somehow good and bad

Unique
06-29-2007, 03:18 PM
This weather's somehow good and bad
but the heat is driving me mad

Jabs
06-30-2007, 05:24 AM
This weather's somehow good and bad
but the heat is driving me mad
At one-hundred-and-nine

PattiTheWicked
06-30-2007, 05:47 AM
This weather's somehow good and bad
but the heat is driving me mad
At one-hundred-and-nine
I need a Cuervo with lime

JDCrayne
07-01-2007, 03:19 AM
This weather's somehow good and bad
but the heat is driving me mad
At one-hundred-and-nine
I need a Cuervo with lime,
A bath full of ice, and sleeping unclad.

It's so hot that I'm starting to droop

gp101
07-01-2007, 02:20 PM
It's so hot that I'm starting to droop
and since I'm a boob, I'll soon fall in that soup

akiwiguy
07-01-2007, 02:25 PM
It's so hot that I'm starting to droop
and since I'm a boob, I'll fall in that soup
That's no noodle, but a nipple

JDCrayne
07-02-2007, 05:26 AM
It's so hot that I'm starting to droop
and since I'm a boob, I'll fall in that soup.
That's no noodle, but a nipple
That causes the ripple,

akiwiguy
07-02-2007, 12:14 PM
It's so hot that I'm starting to droop
and since I'm a boob, I'll fall in that soup.
That's no noodle, but a nipple
That causes the ripple,
Not enough to feed the whole group


On his hand he had a great callus

Unique
07-02-2007, 05:39 PM
On his hand he had a great callus
from busily engaging his phallus (don't deny you planned that)

JDCrayne
07-05-2007, 01:23 AM
On his hand he had a great callus
from busily engaging his phallus.
He rubbed it quite raw,

Unique
07-05-2007, 05:01 AM
On his hand he had a great callus
from busily engaging his phallus.
He rubbed it quite raw,
but covered in slaw

PattiTheWicked
07-05-2007, 07:22 AM
On his hand he had a great callus
from busily engaging his phallus.
He rubbed it quite raw,
but covered in slaw
he was known from Chicago to Dallas

It had nothing to do with his size,

Unique
07-05-2007, 08:08 AM
It had nothing to do with his size,
but it sure did look like a prize -

JDCrayne
07-06-2007, 11:07 PM
It had nothing to do with his size,
but it sure did look like a prize.
Warty and green,

PattiTheWicked
07-06-2007, 11:59 PM
It had nothing to do with his size,
but it sure did look like a prize.
Warty and green,
(and a little bit mean)

Pthom
07-07-2007, 01:12 AM
It had nothing to do with his size,
but it sure did look like a prize.
Warty and green,
(and a little bit mean)
Yet he always could get it to rise.

While waiting for hours in the queue

PattiTheWicked
07-07-2007, 03:09 AM
While waiting for hours in the queue
all just to visit the loo

Cassiopeia
07-07-2007, 10:56 AM
All just to visit the loo
At Victoria Station with nothing to do

Unique
07-12-2007, 01:47 AM
While waiting for hours in the queue
At Victoria Station with nothing to do
all just to visit the loo
Why did I come to the Zoo?










(an all rhyme is interesting - give it a whirl)

Cath
07-12-2007, 08:07 PM
While waiting for hours in the queue
At Victoria Station with nothing to do
all just to visit the loo
Why did I come to the Zoo?
Without Bobby, Sally, and you?


Young Jock had a tractor for sale

MidnightMuse
07-12-2007, 08:13 PM
Young Jock had a tractor for sale,
along with three ewes and a pale.

PattiTheWicked
07-12-2007, 09:27 PM
Young Jock had a tractor for sale,
along with three ewes and a pale.
His chickens for rent,

Unique
07-12-2007, 10:29 PM
Young Jock had a tractor for sale,
along with three ewes and a pale.
His chickens for rent,
the egg money spent

Meaney
07-13-2007, 06:59 PM
Young Jock had a tractor for sale,
along with three ewes and a pail.
His chickens for rent,
the egg money spent
on regret at the pub -- bitter ale.

The rapid decline of the king

Cath
07-13-2007, 10:40 PM
The rapid decline of the king
Was cause for the locals to sing

PattiTheWicked
07-13-2007, 11:22 PM
The rapid decline of the king
Was cause for the locals to sing
He was a fat libertine

Unique
07-14-2007, 12:23 AM
The rapid decline of the king
Was cause for the locals to sing
He was a fat libertine
but we doused him in beans

PattiTheWicked
07-16-2007, 12:06 AM
The rapid decline of the king
Was cause for the locals to sing
He was a fat libertine
but we doused him in beans
As he nibbled a bucket of wings.

However, the chicken was sticky,

Meaney
07-17-2007, 11:09 AM
However, the chicken was sticky,
and planning, he'd been, for a quickie

Unique
07-17-2007, 06:17 PM
However, the chicken was sticky,
and planning, he'd been, for a quickie
so too bad for you

PattiTheWicked
07-17-2007, 06:20 PM
However, the chicken was sticky,
and planning, he'd been, for a quickie
so too bad for you
and your little dog too

Meaney
07-21-2007, 06:58 PM
However, the chicken was sticky,
and planning, he'd been, for a quickie
so too bad for you
and your little dog too
There's no time left for taking the mickey.*

*The Yanks may not be familiar with this phrase.


My sandwich was snatched by a gull

PattiTheWicked
07-21-2007, 07:22 PM
My sandwich was snatched by a gull;
It's ok though, the flavor was dull.

qwerty
07-21-2007, 07:29 PM
I'd like to play cept my tomarto sandwich won't rhyme with someone else's tomayto one.

Unique
07-21-2007, 09:08 PM
My sandwich was snatched by a gull;
It's ok though, the flavor was dull.
The bread was too tough

Meaney
07-22-2007, 08:35 AM
My sandwich was snatched by a gull;
It's ok though, the flavor was dull.
The bread was too tough
but the bird, sure enough,

Unique
07-22-2007, 03:27 PM
My sandwich was snatched by a gull;
It's ok though, the flavor was dull.
The bread was too tough
but the bird, sure enough,
flew off like a young Jethro Tull.



While doing a concert down South

PattiTheWicked
07-22-2007, 06:54 PM
While doing a concert down South
I caught a large bug in my mouth

Solatium
07-23-2007, 04:00 PM
While doing a concert down South
I caught a large bug in my mouth.
'Twas crunchy and chewy

Unique
07-24-2007, 12:38 AM
While doing a concert down South
I caught a large bug in my mouth.
'Twas crunchy and chewy
but I spit it, 'Ptooi'

Solatium
07-24-2007, 08:54 AM
While doing a concert down South
I caught a large bug in my mouth.
'Twas crunchy and chewy
but I spit it, 'Ptooi':
To swallow it, I was -- well -- loath.

Pronounce it however thou wilt

Unique
07-24-2007, 04:32 PM
Pronounce it however thou wilt
the beer shouldn't be getting spilt

Meaney
07-25-2007, 06:01 AM
Pronounce it however thou wilt
the beer shouldn't be getting spilt
your chin is aslobber

Pthom
07-25-2007, 11:34 PM
Pronounce it however thou wilt,
The beer shouldn't be getting spilt.
Your chin is aslobber
But, like any cobber,

Unique
07-26-2007, 02:33 AM
Pronounce it however thou wilt,
The beer shouldn't be getting spilt.
Your chin is aslobber
But, like any cobber,
it always tastes better sans silt.


So don't drop your beer in the mud

PattiTheWicked
07-26-2007, 03:04 AM
So don't drop your beer in the mud
Especially if drinking a Bud

Meaney
07-26-2007, 04:54 PM
So don't drop your beer in the mud
Especially if drinking a Bud
The slovenly look

Pthom
07-30-2007, 01:22 AM
So don't drop your beer in the mud
Especially if drinking a Bud.
The slovenly look
In that photo they took

Meaney
07-30-2007, 08:13 AM
So don't drop your beer in the mud
Especially if drinking a Bud.
The slovenly look
In that photo they took
Does nothing to show your blue blood.

The ground shook before it appeared:

Suzesea
07-30-2007, 09:28 AM
Saint Nick has a message for you-who
Being naughty is something you will rue
Loving all that is sweet

Solatium
07-30-2007, 10:23 AM
Saint Nick has a message for you-who
Being naughty is something you will rue
Loving all that is sweet
Makes you less than petite

---

The ground shook before it appeared;
It was shagged and shambling and weird

nancy sv
07-30-2007, 01:22 PM
The ground shook before it appeared;
It was shagged and shambling and weird
The earthquake was fierce

Meaney
07-30-2007, 01:59 PM
The ground shook before it appeared;
It was shagged and shambling and weird
The earthquake was fierce
The shrieking did pierce

Suzesea
07-30-2007, 10:20 PM
Saint Nick has a message for you-who
Being naughty is something you will rue
Loving all that is sweet
Makes you less than petite
And your stockings a drag to fill too

---

The ground shook before it appeared;
It was shagged and shambling and weird[/quote]

Suzesea
07-30-2007, 10:24 PM
The ground shook before it appeared;
It was shagged and shambling and weird
The earthquake was fierce
The shrieking did pierce
All were eaten, just as we had feared!

K1P1
07-31-2007, 06:44 AM
I live in a world of my own
But the neighborhood seems to have grown

Cath
07-31-2007, 06:46 AM
I live in a world of my own
But the neighborhood seems to have grown
There are nutters and berks

Meaney
07-31-2007, 04:23 PM
I live in a world of my own
But the neighborhood seems to have grown
There are nutters and berks
and real estate clerks

Suzesea
08-03-2007, 12:30 PM
I live in a world of my own
But the neighborhood seems to have grown
There are nutters and berks
"check your ticket" type clerks

Suzesea
08-03-2007, 12:38 PM
I live in a world of my own
But the neighborhood seems to have grown
There are nutters and berks
and real estate clerks
and lawyers, but who would have known.

Solatium
08-03-2007, 06:14 PM
They all know me there, which I like.
When I go riding by on my bike

PattiTheWicked
08-03-2007, 06:18 PM
They all know me there, which I like.
When I go riding by on my bike
Folks wave and say "hi"

Pat~
08-03-2007, 09:13 PM
They all know me there, which I like.
When I go riding by on my bike
Folks wave and say "hi"
To which I reply,

Meaney
08-04-2007, 11:35 AM
They all know me there, which I like.
When I go riding by on my bike
Folks wave and say "hi"
To which I reply,
"Get bent! You and your fucking Fourth Reich!"

Pardon my French, but it does go in the line perfectly.

Just a reminder of the rule of this thread: each person posts one line, and whoever finishes the limerick has the privilege to begin the next.

And with that:

In the woods there's a creature so fierce

Suzesea
08-04-2007, 12:17 PM
In the woods there's a creature so fierce

Red eyes through murky green do pierce

akiwiguy
08-06-2007, 02:51 PM
In the woods there's a creature so fierce
Red eyes through murky green do pierce
But when I called out "Who's there?"

Tika
08-07-2007, 06:59 AM
Strangers on the lake
they're just a'croakin
Hopping here and there
not one word spoken
They could fall in love
before the night was through

Froggies in the night
just feelin' lonely
Croakin all alone
If they would only
give someone a chance

a long aluring glance

That's all that it would take
Then before you knew it,
you'd have a new job
Hurry before you blow it
Take a look around
Don't be so picky
A frog is a frog,
they aren't that icky

La la la la la
Da da da de dum

Meaney
08-09-2007, 10:33 AM
In the woods there's a creature so fierce
Red eyes through murky green do pierce
I called out "Who's there?" [corrected for meter]
and lo! Fred Astaire!

Meaney
08-15-2007, 05:23 PM
:poke:

Unique
08-15-2007, 06:54 PM
In the woods there's a creature so fierce
Red eyes through murky green do pierce
I called out "Who's there?" [corrected for meter]
and lo! Fred Astaire!
And look at the size of those ... ears!



sorry. you have a better word that rhymes with fierce and pierce - have at it.


I went walking last night in the rain

akiwiguy
08-16-2007, 12:22 AM
I went walking last night in the rain
Dragging my wife along by a chain

Kate Thornton
08-16-2007, 12:58 AM
I went walking last night in the rain
Dragging my wife by a chain
But the look in her eyes

akiwiguy
08-16-2007, 01:12 AM
I went walking last night in the rain
Dragging my wife by a chain
But the look in her eyes
Said "I'm not your prize"

MidnightMuse
08-16-2007, 01:15 AM
I went walking last night in the rain
Dragging my wife by a chain
But the look in her eyes
Said "I'm not your prize"
Then she proved me criminally insane.



Once I conformed, I admit.

Kate Thornton
08-16-2007, 01:28 AM
Once I conformed, I admit
And dressed like a lunatic twit

David Conner
08-16-2007, 01:36 AM
Once I conformed, I admit.
But the act was not fully legit.

Kate Thornton
08-16-2007, 01:51 AM
Once I conformed, I admit.
But the act was not fully legit.
I cheated, you know,

Solatium
08-18-2007, 02:41 AM
Once I conformed, I admit.
But the act was not fully legit.
I cheated, you know,
To get that healthy glow

Yeah, it stinks. Just trying to get things moving again.

Unique
08-18-2007, 03:35 PM
Once I conformed, I admit.
But the act was not fully legit.
I cheated, you know,
To get that healthy glow
But we had such a wonderful fit.

I know that I'm not what you need

akiwiguy
08-19-2007, 11:07 AM
I know that I'm not what you need
That my willy's quite small, I concede

Meaney
08-23-2007, 05:23 PM
I know that I'm not what you need
That my willy's quite small, I concede
But don't underrate

PattiTheWicked
08-23-2007, 05:25 PM
I know that I'm not what you need
That my willy's quite small, I concede
But don't underrate
The pleasure most great

Solatium
08-24-2007, 08:29 AM
I know that I'm not what you need
That my willy's quite small, I concede
But don't underrate
The pleasure most great:
I've got hands that can make your heart bleed.

Being subtle's no longer enough

JLCwrites
08-24-2007, 09:00 AM
Being subtle's no longer enough
So you better get off of your duff

Unique
08-24-2007, 02:58 PM
Being subtle's no longer enough
So you better get off of your duff
Start using your tongue

Meaney
08-26-2007, 10:30 AM
Being subtle's no longer enough
So you better get off of your duff
Start using your tongue,
articulate lung, and

Meaney
08-29-2007, 02:15 PM
Being subtle's no longer enough
So you better get off of your duff
Start using your tongue,
articulate lung, and
sing a Greek hymn off the cuff!

The bloke was a knockabout mug

akiwiguy
08-29-2007, 02:40 PM
The bloke was a knockabout mug
Quite well known as a gangland thug

Pthom
08-31-2007, 05:43 AM
The bloke was a knockabout mug
Quite well known as a gangland thug.
He had his face fixed

Meaney
09-03-2007, 10:16 AM
The bloke was a knockabout mug
Quite well known as a gangland thug.
He had his face fixed
but reactions were mixed

Katol
09-03-2007, 07:01 PM
The bloke was a knockabout mug
Quite well known as a gangland thug.
He had his face fixed
but reactions were mixed
Now he's a thug with an ugly mug


My boss can be really rude

PattiTheWicked
09-03-2007, 07:17 PM
My boss can be really rude
and when he sits around in the nude

Katol
09-03-2007, 08:39 PM
I try not to see
what he's waving at me

akiwiguy
09-03-2007, 09:38 PM
My boss can be really rude
and when he sits around in the nude
I try not to see
what he's waving at me
One foot long, made of rubber, how crude!


She looked in the mirror and cried

Azraelsbane
09-03-2007, 10:05 PM
She looked in the mirror and cried
That bastard, how could he have lied