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Cath
08-08-2006, 04:38 PM
The best way to kill limerick thread
Is never to post; to assume that it's dead

clockwork
08-08-2006, 05:03 PM
The best way to kill limerick thread
Is never to post; to assume that it's dead
Or subjects complex

MidnightMuse
08-08-2006, 06:11 PM
The best way to kill limerick thread
Is never to post; to assume that it's dead
Or subjects complex
Rhymes that do vex,

clockwork
08-08-2006, 06:19 PM
The best way to kill limerick thread
Is never to post; to assume that it's dead
Or subjects complex
Rhymes that do vex,
Put this limerick thread to bed.

"Flight one-twenty-five is delayed,"

PattiTheWicked
08-08-2006, 07:09 PM
"Flight one-twenty-five is delayed,"
said the pilot, and now I'm dismayed.

MidnightMuse
08-08-2006, 07:12 PM
"Flight one-twenty-five is delayed,"
said the pilot, and now I'm dismayed.
I purchased my ticket.

clockwork
08-08-2006, 07:14 PM
"Flight one-twenty-five is delayed,"
said the pilot, and now I'm dismayed.
I purchased my ticket.
Now they've told me to stick it.

Pat~
08-08-2006, 09:33 PM
"Flight one-twenty-five is delayed,"
said the pilot, and now I'm dismayed.
I purchased my ticket.
Now they've told me to stick it.
(Next they'll tell me my bags are waylaid.)

I found a surprise in the mail

MidnightMuse
08-08-2006, 11:08 PM
I found a surprise in the mail
An ant, two cards and a pail.

Cath
08-08-2006, 11:09 PM
I found a surprise in the mail.
An ant, two cards and a pail,
a pack of green jello,

Godfather
08-09-2006, 12:30 AM
I found a surprise in the mail.
An ant, two cards and a pail,
a pack of green jello,
a frog who said hello,

Kate Thornton
08-09-2006, 12:44 AM
I found a surprise in the mail.
An ant, two cards and a pail,
a pack of green jello,
a frog who said hello,
A computer, a boat, and a sail.

With Cavendish right by my side

clockwork
08-09-2006, 03:52 AM
With Cavendish right by my side
With Corky, Skip and McBride,

(sorry, I don't know who Cavendish is :idea:)

Unique
08-09-2006, 03:54 AM
With Cavendish right by my side
With Corky, Skip and McBride,
We skipped to the loo

clockwork
08-09-2006, 03:56 AM
With Cavendish right by my side
With Corky, Skip and McBride,
We skipped to the loo
It was like a "Who's Who"

MidnightMuse
08-09-2006, 04:09 AM
With Cavendish right by my side
With Corky, Skip and McBride,
We skipped to the loo
It was like a "Who's Who"
But now we could sure use a ride!

The fan in my ceiling has paddles.

clockwork
08-09-2006, 04:24 AM
:tongue

The fan in my ceiling has paddles.
Is MM taking the pisch-taddle?

Cath
08-09-2006, 04:26 AM
The fan in my ceiling has paddles.
Is MM taking the pisch-taddle?
She's known as a joker

clockwork
08-09-2006, 04:29 AM
The fan in my ceiling has paddles.
Is MM taking the pisch-taddle?
She's known as a joker
I say we revoke her

K1P1
08-09-2006, 07:24 AM
The fan in my ceiling has paddles.
Is MM taking the pisch-taddle?
She's known as a joker
I say we revoke her
And then everyone should skedaddle.

When walking out in the rain
My knees they gave me a pain

Cath
08-09-2006, 02:42 PM
When walking out in the rain
My knees they gave me a pain
They buckled, I fell

clockwork
08-09-2006, 03:14 PM
When walking out in the rain
My knees they gave me a pain
They buckled, I fell
(Bad luck, down a well!)

Kate Thornton
08-09-2006, 05:53 PM
When walking out in the rain
My knees they gave me a pain
They buckled, I fell
(Bad luck, down a well!)
Guess I won't be walking again

Kate Thornton
08-09-2006, 05:54 PM
In a midsummer storm I sat down

Unique
08-09-2006, 06:36 PM
In a midsummer storm I sat down
held onto a tree, lest I drown

MidnightMuse
08-09-2006, 06:38 PM
In a midsummer storm I sat down
held onto a tree, lest I drown.
I saw fish pass me by,

K1P1
08-09-2006, 07:44 PM
In a midsummer storm I sat down
held onto a tree, lest I drown.
I saw fish pass me by,
And birds in the sky

clockwork
08-09-2006, 07:57 PM
In a midsummer storm I sat down
held onto a tree, lest I drown.
I saw fish pass me by,
And birds in the sky
What on earth's going on with my town?

They tell me I've got scoliosis :tongue

K1P1
08-09-2006, 08:23 PM
They tell me I've got scoliosis.
It's a terribly sad diagnosis.
If I want clothes to fit

clockwork
08-09-2006, 10:43 PM
They tell me I've got scoliosis.
It's a terribly sad diagnosis.
If I want clothes to fit
It costs quite a bit

MidnightMuse
08-09-2006, 11:12 PM
They tell me I've got scoliosis.
It's a terribly sad diagnosis.
If I want clothes to fit
It costs quite a bit.
It'd be easier if I'd just caught pertussis.

My feet are beginning to stink.

clockwork
08-09-2006, 11:15 PM
My feet are beginning to stink.
After ten laps round the roller-skate rink

threedogpeople
08-09-2006, 11:53 PM
My feet are beginning to stink.
After ten laps round the roller-skate rink
my armpits are sweating

Cath
08-09-2006, 11:55 PM
My feet are beginning to stink.
After ten laps round the roller-skate rink
my armpits are sweating.
Didn't look, but I'm betting

threedogpeople
08-09-2006, 11:58 PM
My feet are beginning to stink.
After ten laps round the roller-skate rink
my armpits are sweating.
Didn't look, but I'm betting
that I really could use a big drink.

My Ibizan Hound is trying to fly

Cath
08-09-2006, 11:59 PM
My Ibizan Hound is trying to fly
It's very strange. I don't know why.

MidnightMuse
08-10-2006, 12:00 AM
My Ibizan Hound is trying to fly
It's very strange. I don't know why.
He caught sight of a squirrel,

threedogpeople
08-10-2006, 12:02 AM
My Ibizan Hound is trying to fly
It's very strange. I don't know why.
She caught sight of a squirrel,
that was trying to hurl,

Kate Thornton
08-10-2006, 12:33 AM
My Ibizan Hound is trying to fly
It's very strange. I don't know why.
She caught sight of a squirrel,
that was trying to hurl,
And promptly took off for the sky


A kitten the size of Damascus

threedogpeople
08-10-2006, 12:43 AM
A kitten the size of Damascus
(how it got that size, don't even ask us)

MidnightMuse
08-10-2006, 12:43 AM
A kitten the size of Damascus
(how it got that size, don't even ask us)
I just changed his litter.

threedogpeople
08-10-2006, 12:45 AM
A kitten the size of Damascus
(how it got that size, don't even ask us)
I just changed his litter,
as the bird started to twitter,

clockwork
08-10-2006, 02:05 AM
A kitten the size of Damascus
(how it got that size, don't even ask us)
I just changed his litter,
as the bird started to twitter,
Now it's time for his Baked Alaskas.

(Shut up, I don't know...)

The movie got two thumbs up,

K1P1
08-10-2006, 02:48 AM
The movie got two thumbs up,
But I hope "why" never comes up.
You see, I was drunk
And there was this skunk...

clockwork
08-10-2006, 02:58 AM
The movie got two thumbs up,
But I hope "why" never comes up.
You see, I was drunk
And there was this skunk...
One line each is probably enough!

:tongue

Just kidding...

I'll let you (or someone else) start the next one.

K1P1
08-10-2006, 03:01 AM
Sorry, I got carried away. It was so stressful waiting for someone to find a rhyme for "thumbs up." And there was such a wonderful, evil feeling as that 2nd and 3rd line flowed through my fingers into the keyboard.



My child would only eat porridge

clockwork
08-10-2006, 03:04 AM
Sorry, I got carried away. It was so stressful waiting for someone to find a rhyme for "thumbs up." And there was such a wonderful, evil feeling as that 2nd and 3rd line flowed through my fingers into the keyboard.

I was just kidding, really. Knock yourself out. There are only a few of us die-hard limerickers here so the more the merrier! :)

My child would only eat porridge
Better, I guess, than having to forage

K1P1
08-10-2006, 03:07 AM
I was just kidding, really. Knock yourself out. There are only a few of us die-hard limerickers here so the more the merrier!

I was halfway kdding myself. Except about the tension and the evil feeling...


My child would only eat porridge
Better, I guess, than having to forage
With honey and raisins

clockwork
08-10-2006, 03:11 AM
My child would only eat porridge
Better, I guess, than having to forage
With honey and raisins
So sweet it was brazen

K1P1
08-10-2006, 03:15 AM
My child would only eat porridge
Better, I guess, than having to forage
With honey and raisins
So sweet it was brazen
Tomorrow I lock the oats up in storage



Do you get the feeling we're the only ones here?

You should probably start one - I have to go pick up a juvenile member of the family.

clockwork
08-10-2006, 03:19 AM
Try and set a trickier one. Maybe it'll still be here when you get back...
(btw, I like your web page and your book looks neat. I get your username now. ;) )

So,

The teacher said "It's osmosis,"

MidnightMuse
08-10-2006, 03:36 AM
The teacher said "It's osmosis,"
and that's how I caught psittacosis.

clockwork
08-10-2006, 03:40 AM
The teacher said "It's osmosis,"
and that's how I caught psittacosis.
A nasty bacterium,

MidnightMuse
08-10-2006, 03:41 AM
The teacher said "It's osmosis,"
and that's how I caught psittacosis.
A nasty bacterium,
I feel a delirium!

clockwork
08-10-2006, 03:44 AM
The teacher said "It's osmosis,"
and that's how I caught psittacosis.
A nasty bacterium,
I feel a delirium!
What if it's also tuberculosis!?

(Edgar Alan Poe, eat your nob off...)

Cath
08-10-2006, 03:44 AM
The teacher said "It's osmosis,"
and that's how I caught psittacosis.
A nasty bacterium,
I feel a delirium!
And I smell rather like halitosis.


My bottom is feeling quite sore

(doh - beaten by a Peanut)

clockwork
08-10-2006, 03:45 AM
Ooo! Close call Cath. That wasn't the start of the next one, btw. Unless you want to rhyme something with 'nob off.'

MidnightMuse
08-10-2006, 03:50 AM
My bottom is feeling quite sore.
That nob-off was just such a snore!

clockwork
08-10-2006, 03:52 AM
My bottom is feeling quite sore.
That nob-off was just such a snore!
My nob and my bottom,

(I'm crying with laughter right now... :roll:)

Cath
08-10-2006, 03:53 AM
My bottom is feeling quite sore.
That nob-off was just such a snore!
My nob and my bottom,
Are now swathed in cotton.


I dread to think where this is going to end up!

clockwork
08-10-2006, 03:55 AM
My bottom is feeling quite sore.
That nob-off was just such a snore!
My nob and my bottom,
Are now swathed in cotton.
Please sir, can I have some more?

(Aw, man, we're going to hell for sure... honestly, I was unable to type for about a minute there, you know when you laugh so hard it hurts? I'm waking up the whole house here.)

Who knew limericks could be so much fun?

MidnightMuse
08-10-2006, 03:56 AM
(phoey)

I found kitty litter in my shoe.

Unique
08-10-2006, 03:57 AM
I found kitty litter in my shoe.
It was used; what should I do?

clockwork
08-10-2006, 04:03 AM
I found kitty litter in my shoe.
It was used; what should I do?
I put my foot in,

Cath
08-10-2006, 04:12 AM
I found kitty litter in my shoe.
It was used; what should I do?
I put my foot in,
It felt like a small pin

MidnightMuse
08-10-2006, 04:13 AM
I found kitty litter in my shoe.
It was used; what should I do?
I put my foot in,
It felt like a small pin.
Thank goodness there was no poo!

I once stubbed my toe on a hose.

clockwork
08-10-2006, 04:20 AM
I once stubbed my toe on a hose.
How on earth, God only knows.

Cath
08-10-2006, 04:22 AM
I once stubbed my toe on a hose.
How on earth, God only knows.
I swore and I cussed.

clockwork
08-10-2006, 04:24 AM
I once stubbed my toe on a hose.
How on earth, God only knows.
I swore and I cussed.
f*** and s*** were a must

K1P1
08-10-2006, 05:21 AM
I once stubbed my toe on a hose.
How on earth, God only knows.
I swore and I cussed.
f*** and s*** were a must
Then with disgust I fell on the rose

K1P1
08-10-2006, 05:22 AM
When speaking extempore

Cath
08-10-2006, 05:24 AM
When speaking extempore
Becomes too much of a chore

K1P1
08-10-2006, 05:38 AM
Now wait a minute. Are there any rules here? I thought the first two lines were supposed to rhyme? Oops. Is there a rule I'm not allowed to complain?

K1P1
08-10-2006, 05:50 AM
When speaking extempore
Becomes too much of a chore
I pull out my notes

Cath
08-10-2006, 06:05 AM
When speaking extempore
Becomes too much of a chore
I pull out my notes
On sheep and on goats


(I can't say I've ever heard extempore spoken so I'm not sure how it sounds - anyway, I was trying to make it scan. Just call it a freeform limerick)

K1P1
08-10-2006, 06:11 AM
When speaking extempore
Becomes too much of a chore, hey
I pull out my notes
On sheep and on goats
And I think of my friend Gustav Dore'



I'm going to sleep in the dingy



(Ah. It's pronounced ex-tem-por-ay)
(And I really am going to bed. Good-night!)

Jabs
08-10-2006, 09:16 AM
I'm going to sleep in the dingy
but before that I think I will sing-y

Unique
08-10-2006, 02:18 PM
I'm going to sleep in the dingy
but before that I think I will sing-y
a lighthearted song

Cath
08-10-2006, 02:21 PM
I'm going to sleep in the dingy
but before that I think I will sing-y
a lighthearted song
We can all sing along

Unique
08-10-2006, 02:23 PM
I'm going to sleep in the dingy
but before that I think I will sing-y
a lighthearted song
We can all sing along
and chant while I'm waving my thing-y.


Alone on the wide open sea

PattiTheWicked
08-10-2006, 04:34 PM
Alone on the wide open sea
It's just ol' Spongebob and me

K1P1
08-10-2006, 04:58 PM
Alone on the wide open sea
It's just ol' Spongebob and me
I'll sing out, "Ahoy!"

MidnightMuse
08-10-2006, 06:51 PM
Alone on the wide open sea
It's just ol' Spongebob and me
I'll sing out, "Ahoy!"
(So, is that thing a boy?)

Kate Thornton
08-10-2006, 08:37 PM
Alone on the wide open sea
It's just ol' Spongebob and me
I'll sing out, "Ahoy!"
(So, is that thing a boy?)
No, Spongebob's a toy, don't you see?

The Suffragan Bishop of York

MidnightMuse
08-10-2006, 08:46 PM
The Suffragan Bishop of York
Swore, never once, to eat pork.

Tricksie-ish
08-10-2006, 08:47 PM
The Suffragan Bishop of York
Had to help his boss with a fork

K1P1
08-10-2006, 09:43 PM
The Suffragan Bishop of York
Had to help his boss with a fork
It weighed a good ton
And his truss came undone

Unique
08-10-2006, 09:49 PM
The Suffragan Bishop of York
Had to help his boss with a fork
It weighed a good ton
And his truss came undone
He wore it because he's a dork.


When hustling red beans and rice

Kate Thornton
08-10-2006, 09:58 PM
When hustling red beans and rice
The atmosphere has to be nice

Tricksie-ish
08-10-2006, 10:24 PM
When hustling red beans and rice
The atmosphere has to be nice
You will need a strong breeze

MidnightMuse
08-10-2006, 10:25 PM
When hustling red beans and rice
The atmosphere has to be nice
You will need a stronge breeze
In case someone should sneeze.

Tricksie-ish
08-10-2006, 10:49 PM
When hustling red beans and rice
The atmosphere has to be nice
You will need a stronge breeze
In case someone should sneeze.
And knock jamb'laya on scurrying mice
_________________________________
Sometimes I think I can rhyme

dobiwon
08-10-2006, 10:54 PM
Sometimes I think I can rhyme
At least one line at a time

Tricksie-ish
08-10-2006, 11:07 PM
Sometimes I think I can rhyme
At least one line at a time
Oh no, it's line three

MidnightMuse
08-10-2006, 11:08 PM
Sometimes I think I can rhyme
At least one line at a time
Oh no, it's line three
Hang on, whilst I pee.

K1P1
08-10-2006, 11:13 PM
Sometimes I think I can rhyme
At least one line at a time
Oh no, it's line three
Hang on, whilst I pee.
I'm only the fourth one in line!


(see - I can't rhyme)

If I were a bright red pear

Cath
08-10-2006, 11:27 PM
If I were a bright red pear
With skin both soft and fair

K1P1
08-10-2006, 11:34 PM
If I were a bright red pear
With skin both soft and fair
I'd throw a party
With wine and havarti

K1P1
08-12-2006, 03:21 PM
If I were a bright red pear
With skin both soft and fair
I'd throw a party
With wine and havarti
And chocolate would crash the affair.

(If there's anthing sadder than a limerick without an ending, languishing sad and alone for days at a time, it's having to finish it all by myself. I hope it wasn't something I said...)

Unique
08-12-2006, 06:18 PM
The tiger was stalking through grass

K1P1
08-12-2006, 07:06 PM
The tiger was stalking through grass
Pouncing too soon would be crass

Tricksie-ish
08-12-2006, 08:29 PM
The tiger was stalking through grass
Pouncing too soon would be crass
His prey looked quite yummy

Unique
08-12-2006, 08:30 PM
The tiger was stalking through grass
Pouncing too soon would be crass
His prey looked quite yummy
but smelled a bit rummy

K1P1
08-12-2006, 09:24 PM
The tiger was stalking through grass
Pouncing too soon would be crass
His prey looked quite yummy
but smelled a bit rummy
Marinated? Humph! He decided to pass.

K1P1
08-12-2006, 09:25 PM
Finnegan taught me to pray

clockwork
08-13-2006, 12:05 AM
Finnegan taught me to pray
But not in the usual way

PattiTheWicked
08-13-2006, 05:28 AM
Finnegan taught me to pray
But not in the usual way
Once I bent over

clockwork
08-13-2006, 05:30 AM
Finnegan taught me to pray
But not in the usual way
Once I bent over
Oh Lord, was it over

Unique
08-13-2006, 04:21 PM
Finnegan taught me to pray
But not in the usual way
Once I bent over
Oh Lord, was it over
I landed face down in the hay.


The cows went out juking last night

Cath
08-13-2006, 06:24 PM
The cows went out juking last night
Sad to say it ended with a fight

clockwork
08-13-2006, 06:44 PM
The cows went out juking last night
Sad to say it ended with a fight
One said, "Steers and queers,"

K1P1
08-14-2006, 04:05 PM
The cows went out juking last night
Sad to say it ended with a fight
One said, "Steers and queers,"
Shouldn't mix gins and beers

Cath
08-14-2006, 04:11 PM
The cows went out juking last night
Sad to say it ended with a fight
One said, "Steers and queers,"
Shouldn't mix gins and beers
And I'm sorry to say, they were right!


A limerick that doesn't scan

Unique
08-14-2006, 04:12 PM
A limerick that doesn't scan
is just like a flash in the pan

PattiTheWicked
08-14-2006, 04:21 PM
A limerick that doesn't scan
is just like a flash in the pan
it sits and it founders

Unique
08-14-2006, 06:14 PM
A limerick that doesn't scan
is just like a flash in the pan
it sits and it founders
the rhythmless bounders

K1P1
08-14-2006, 06:39 PM
A limerick that doesn't scan
is just like a flash in the pan
it sits and it founders
the rhythmless bounders
Can't scan? Oh man, what's your plan?

K1P1
08-14-2006, 06:40 PM
Morning sneaks on little cat feet

MidnightMuse
08-14-2006, 07:05 PM
Morning sneaks on little cat feet
Watching them creep can be such a treat.

K1P1
08-14-2006, 08:35 PM
Morning sneaks on little cat feet
Watching them creep can be such a treat.
But if you don't see them

dobiwon
08-14-2006, 09:55 PM
Morning sneaks on little cat feet
Watching them creep can be such a treat.
But if you don't see them
Then how can you free them?

Kate Thornton
08-15-2006, 12:16 AM
Morning sneaks on little cat feet
Watching them creep can be such a treat.
But if you don't see them
Then how can you free them?
And that cat without feet isn't sweet

The bedcovers all in a heap

Tricksie-ish
08-15-2006, 12:21 AM
The bedcovers all in a heap
The bull**** had gotten so deep

MidnightMuse
08-15-2006, 12:59 AM
The bedcovers all in a heap
The bull**** had gotten so deep.
I got me a shovel,

Unique
08-15-2006, 12:59 AM
The bedcovers all in a heap
The bull**** had gotten so deep.
I got me a shovel,
to clean up this hovel

MidnightMuse
08-15-2006, 01:05 AM
The bedcovers all in a heap
The bull*** had gotten so deep.
I got me a shovel,
to clean up this hovel.
From that guy, 'nary a peep!

There once was a flyin' green toad.

K1P1
08-15-2006, 01:11 AM
There once was a flyin' green toad.
Who was caught, poached and served a la mode!

Tricksie-ish
08-15-2006, 01:22 AM
There once was a flyin' green toad.
Who was caught, poached and served a la mode!
It tasted like chicken

PattiTheWicked
08-15-2006, 01:59 AM
There once was a flyin' green toad.
Who was caught, poached and served a la mode!
It tasted like chicken
And was ripe for the pickin'

trumancoyote
08-15-2006, 02:03 AM
There once was a flyin' green toad.
Who was caught, poached and served a la mode!
It tasted like chicken
And was ripe for the pickin'
right off the asphalted road.

I have to smoke now or you'll die

Tricksie-ish
08-15-2006, 02:24 AM
I have to smoke now or you'll die
The Surgeon General has told us a lie

clockwork
08-15-2006, 02:28 AM
I have to smoke now or you'll die
The Surgeon General has told us a lie
Smokes are for smoking

Tricksie-ish
08-15-2006, 02:38 AM
I have to smoke now or you'll die
The Surgeon General has told us a lie
Smokes are for smoking
And then the docs will be poking

clockwork
08-15-2006, 02:48 AM
I have to smoke now or you'll die
The Surgeon General has told us a lie
Smokes are for smoking
And then the docs will be poking
Heroin too, by the by.

My RayBans from ebay are fake!

Tricksie-ish
08-15-2006, 02:59 AM
My RayBans from ebay are fake!
My Oakleys fell in the lake,

PattiTheWicked
08-15-2006, 03:03 AM
My RayBans from ebay are fake!
My Oakleys fell in the lake,
My Serengetis are cracked

clockwork
08-15-2006, 03:04 AM
My RayBans from ebay are fake!
My Oakleys fell in the lake,
My Serengetis are cracked
My Aviators whacked

Tricksie-ish
08-15-2006, 03:10 AM
My RayBans from ebay are fake!
My Oakleys fell in the lake,
My Serengetis are cracked
My Aviators whacked
My Pradas were smahed by a rake.
_______________________________

I ran everyone off from this thread

clockwork
08-15-2006, 03:12 AM
I ran everyone off from this thread
Maybe they've all gone to bed?

rhymegirl
08-15-2006, 03:34 AM
I ran everyone off from this thread
Maybe they've all gone to bed?
Or watching TV?

clockwork
08-15-2006, 03:46 AM
Uh-oh...

clockwork
08-15-2006, 03:47 AM
I ran everyone off from this thread
Maybe they've all gone to bed?
What on earth did I do?
Was it me or you?

and...

I ran everyone off from this thread
Maybe they've all gone to bed?
Or watching TV?
God I'm lone-ly

(may as well finish 'em both)

K1P1
08-15-2006, 06:46 AM
I ran everyone off from this thread
Maybe they've all gone to bed?
What on earth did I do?
Was it me or you?
Nope - they're having a party with Fred.

and...

I ran everyone off from this thread
Maybe they've all gone to bed?
Or watching TV?
God I'm lone-ly
"Single malt scotch is the answer," he said.


So, how far down did he fall?

Cath
08-15-2006, 06:56 AM
So, how far down did he fall,
When old Humpty fell off of the wall?

K1P1
08-15-2006, 06:59 AM
So, how far down did he fall,
When old Humpty fell off of the wall?
His measuring tape

AnnMB
08-15-2006, 07:02 AM
So, how far down did he fall,
When old Humpty fell off of the wall
His measuring tape
Got stuck in his cape

Pat~
08-15-2006, 07:11 AM
So, how far down did he fall,
When old Humpty fell off of the wall
His measuring tape
Got stuck in his cape
So the distance would be a tough call.

It's time for a limerick lesson

Rob-rite
08-15-2006, 07:30 AM
It's time for a limerick lesson
Cut right to the chase no more messin'

AnnMB
08-15-2006, 07:42 AM
It's time for a limerick lesson
Cut righ to the chase no more messin'
Get with the beat

Unique
08-15-2006, 12:22 PM
It's time for a limerick lesson
Cut righ to the chase no more messin'
Get with the beat
you don't have to cheat

threedogpeople
08-15-2006, 02:50 PM
It's time for a limerick lesson
Cut righ(t) to the chase, no more messin'
Get with the beat
you don't have to cheat
so there's no need for confessin'.

A boat and a motor are fun

Rob-rite
08-15-2006, 03:00 PM
A boat and a motor are fun
Especially when drove by a nun

threedogpeople
08-15-2006, 03:12 PM
A boat and a motor are fun
Especially when drove by a nun
her wimple is flaggin'

Rob-rite
08-15-2006, 03:25 PM
A boat and a motor are fun
Especially when drove by a nun
her wimple is flaggin'
her boobies are saggin'

K1P1
08-15-2006, 03:34 PM
A boat and a motor are fun
Especially when drove by a nun
her wimple is flaggin'
her boobies are saggin'
Don't you love to see nuns on the run?

If the moon was a great big orange

dobiwon
08-15-2006, 03:48 PM
If the moon was a great big orange
Seen over the back door flange



(OK, stretch the pronounciation a bit...after all it is "orange")

K1P1
08-15-2006, 04:20 PM
If the moon was a great big orange
Seen over the back door flange
I'd dance on the grass


(excellent try, way better than misprononcing "borage" or "porridge" and it was perverse of me to start it anyway)

dobiwon
08-15-2006, 04:29 PM
If the moon was a great big orange
Seen over the back door flange
I'd dance on the grass
Fall flat on my ***


(you really are leading people into trouble this morning, aren't you? :) )

poetinahat
08-15-2006, 04:42 PM
If the moon was a great big orange
Seen over the back door flange
I'd dance on the grass
Fall flat on my ***
and lament that my vision has poor range.

A typical typist from Tampa

K1P1
08-15-2006, 04:47 PM
A typical typist from Tampa
Took her portable down to the ramp, a
Plan to catch rays while she worked

threedogpeople
08-15-2006, 04:48 PM
A typical typist from Tampa
Took her portable down to the ramp, a
Plan to catch rays while she worked
then her right hand jerked

Unique
08-15-2006, 05:48 PM
A typical typist from Tampa
Took her portable down to the ramp, a
Plan to catch rays while she worked
then her right hand jerked
twas the leash attached to her grampa.


When visiting the old folks at home

K1P1
08-15-2006, 06:14 PM
When visiting the old folks at home
I've the implacable urge to roam

MidnightMuse
08-15-2006, 06:38 PM
When visiting the old folks at homne
I've the implacable urge to roam
So I borrow the carraige,

K1P1
08-15-2006, 08:17 PM
When visiting the old folks at homne
I've the implacable urge to roam
So I borrow the carraige,
They bought on their marriage

Tricksie-ish
08-16-2006, 01:12 AM
When visiting the old folks at homne
I've the implacable urge to roam
So I borrow the carraige,
They bought on their marriage
And wander off to write them a poem.
_______________________________

When they see their ride's missing they call

Unique
08-16-2006, 01:16 AM
When they see their ride's missing they call
'You can't take that thing to the mall!'

MidnightMuse
08-16-2006, 01:21 AM
When they see their ride's missing they call
'You can't take that thing to the mall!'
But Orlando, he's signing!

K1P1
08-16-2006, 01:22 AM
When they see their ride's missing they call
'You can't take that thing to the mall!'
But Orlando, he's signing!
All the girls will be pining.

K1P1
08-16-2006, 05:52 AM
When they see their ride's missing they call
'You can't take that thing to the mall!'
But Orlando, he's signing!
All the girls will be pining.
If I stay home I'll be climbing the wall.

K1P1
08-16-2006, 05:52 AM
I driven them all away
No one at all wants to stay

clockwork
08-16-2006, 06:46 AM
I driven them all away
No one at all wants to stay
Sorry Maggie, been busy!
Work's made me dizzy
I'll make it up to you all some day!

The first line is tricky to write,

AnnMB
08-16-2006, 07:22 AM
I stopped to sniff at a rose
But a bumblebee flew up my nose

K1P1
08-16-2006, 03:15 PM
The first line is tricky to write,
Now that there're TWO limericks in sight.
If I don't smell the flowers
The gardener glowers



I stopped to sniff at a rose
But a bumblebee flew up my nose
With the bee up my conk
I gave a great honk

Cath
08-16-2006, 03:18 PM
The first line is tricky to write,
Now that there're TWO limericks in sight.
If I don't smell the flowers
The gardener glowers
And the insects are waiting to bite.



I stopped to sniff at a rose
But a bumblebee flew up my nose
With the bee up my conk
I gave a great honk
And blew all the flowers off the rose.



A duel between Danny and Martin

Unique
08-16-2006, 03:18 PM
A duel between Danny and Martin
got cancelled due to the fartin'

Cath
08-16-2006, 03:20 PM
A duel between Danny and Martin
got cancelled due to the fartin'
The smell was repulsive

K1P1
08-16-2006, 04:31 PM
A duel between Danny and Martin
got cancelled due to the fartin'
The smell was repulsive
My laughs were convulsive

Meaney
08-16-2006, 05:33 PM
A duel between Danny and Martin
got cancelled due to the fartin'
The smell was repulsive
My laughs were convulsive
and amicable was the partin'.

The Man With No Name is in town

clockwork
08-16-2006, 05:39 PM
The Man With No Name is in town
To take those cattle rustlers down

Godfather
08-16-2006, 05:42 PM
The Man With No Name is in town
To take those cattle rustlers down,
he'll run away giggling

clockwork
08-16-2006, 05:44 PM
The Man With No Name is in town
To take those cattle rustlers down,
he'll run away giggling
Though a thought may be niggling

Godfather
08-16-2006, 05:48 PM
The Man With No Name is in town
To take those cattle rustlers down,
he'll run away giggling
Though a thought may be niggling
and he'll leave you wearing a frown.


Tommy told Mary 'I hate you'

clockwork
08-16-2006, 06:06 PM
Tommy told Mary 'I hate you'
She's boring, just like a statue

Godfather
08-16-2006, 06:08 PM
Tommy told Mary 'I hate you'
She's boring, just like a statue
"you are ever so dull"

clockwork
08-16-2006, 06:11 PM
Tommy told Mary 'I hate you'
She's boring, just like a statue
"you are ever so dull"
"you talk so much bull"

Godfather
08-16-2006, 06:19 PM
Tommy told Mary 'I hate you'
She's boring, just like a statue
"you are ever so dull"
"you talk so much bull"
Nonetheless, I want to date you


It was on the 6th of July

clockwork
08-16-2006, 06:21 PM
Tommy told Mary 'I hate you'
She's boring, just like a statue
"you are ever so dull"
"you talk so much bull"
Nonetheless, I want to date you

It was on the 6th of July
That Mary discovered Tom's lies

Godfather
08-16-2006, 07:01 PM
It was on the 6th of July
That Mary discovered Tom's lies,
so she gave him a smile

MidnightMuse
08-16-2006, 07:03 PM
It was on the 6th of July
That Mary discovered Tom's lies,
so she gave him a smile,
and schemed for a while,

clockwork
08-16-2006, 07:21 PM
It was on the 6th of July
That Mary discovered Tom's lies,
so she gave him a smile,
and schemed for a while,
Before feeding him to bears, oh my!

I had an audition today

Godfather
08-16-2006, 07:30 PM
I had an audition today
I had to fight Cassius Clay!

clockwork
08-16-2006, 07:32 PM
I had an audition today
I had to fight Cassius Clay!
I started quite well

Godfather
08-16-2006, 07:45 PM
I had an audition today
I had to fight Cassius Clay!
I started quite well,
then I tripped and I fell

clockwork
08-16-2006, 07:54 PM
I had an audition today
I had to fight Cassius Clay!
I started quite well,
then I tripped and I fell
I didn't get the job, suffice to say.

Is Pluto a planet or not?

Cath
08-16-2006, 08:27 PM
Is Pluto a planet or not?
In the universe it's just a spot.

clockwork
08-16-2006, 08:28 PM
Is Pluto a planet or not?
In the universe it's just a spot.
But there have always been nine

MidnightMuse
08-16-2006, 08:29 PM
Is Pluto a planet or not?
In the universe it's just a spot.
There have always been nine,
and we think that's fine.

clockwork
08-16-2006, 08:30 PM
Is Pluto a planet or not?
In the universe it's just a spot.
There have always been nine,
and we think that's fine.
But plenty of people do not.

They've cut off my gas supply!

Godfather
08-16-2006, 08:31 PM
They've cut off my gas supply
and I honestly don't know why

clockwork
08-16-2006, 08:38 PM
They've cut off my gas supply
and I honestly don't know why
I paid off the bill

MidnightMuse
08-16-2006, 08:39 PM
They've cut off my gass supply
and I honestly don't know why
I paid off the bill
man was that a thrill

clockwork
08-16-2006, 08:42 PM
They've cut off my gass supply
and I honestly don't know why
I paid off the bill
man was that a thrill
Those bastards are sucking me dry!

(I think this needs a second verse)

How will I cook dinner tonight?

Godfather
08-16-2006, 08:54 PM
They've cut off my gass supply
and I honestly don't know why
I paid off the bill
man was that a thrill
Those bastards are sucking me dry!

How will I cook dinner tonight?
No gas after the Cassius fight

clockwork
08-16-2006, 08:55 PM
They've cut off my gass supply
and I honestly don't know why
I paid off the bill
man was that a thrill
Those bastards are sucking me dry!

How will I cook dinner tonight?
No gas after the Cassius fight
Looks like cold cuts again

clockwork
08-16-2006, 08:56 PM
Oh no!! Yours was better Maggie. :)

K1P1
08-16-2006, 08:57 PM
How will I cook dinner tonight?
No gas after the Cassius fight
Looks like cold cuts again
Or that old pickled brain

K1P1
08-16-2006, 08:57 PM
Fair is fair in war and penmanship.

Godfather
08-16-2006, 08:59 PM
How will I cook dinner tonight?
No gas after the Cassius fight
Looks like cold cuts again
Or that old pickled brain,
and that week-old coca cola lite

clockwork
08-16-2006, 09:00 PM
How will I cook dinner tonight?
No gas after the Cassius fight
Looks like cold cuts again
Or that old pickled brain
Still it's better than Angel Delight. (for the Brits)

Gah! Die, Godfather, die!!

Godfather
08-16-2006, 09:01 PM
Oh dear, I lost it once again

clockwork
08-16-2006, 09:03 PM
Nah, mate. You got in first. You start the next one.

K1P1
08-16-2006, 09:03 PM
Gah! Die, Godfather, die!!
That saddle's a bit too fly.

[what's Angle Delight?]

K1P1
08-16-2006, 09:04 PM
Just to add the the confusion. My network connection died and slowed me down, so just ignore mine.

clockwork
08-16-2006, 09:07 PM
(No way! I like where this is headed. Revenge!)

Gah! Die, Godfather, die!!
That saddle's a bit too fly.
He posts too quick

(Angel Delight is a sort of gelatinous flavoured pudding you make by combining milk with powder from a packet.)

MidnightMuse
08-16-2006, 09:09 PM
Gah! Die, Godfather, die!!
That saddle's a bit too fly.
He posts too quick,
and my fingers are thick.

clockwork
08-16-2006, 09:11 PM
Gah! Die, Godfather, die!!
That saddle's a bit too fly.
He posts too quick,
and my fingers are thick.
Again, die Godfather, die!!

Here's Angel Delight;

http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h134/clockwork9/angel.jpg

K1P1
08-16-2006, 09:13 PM
No one likes a double dactyl
They think it's complex like a fractal

clockwork
08-16-2006, 09:16 PM
No one likes a double dactyl
They think it's complex like a fractal
To rhyme dactyl's a b*tch

K1P1
08-16-2006, 09:17 PM
No one likes a double dactyl
They think it's complex like a fractal
To rhyme dactyl's a *****
It just takes a real witch

clockwork
08-16-2006, 09:20 PM
No one likes a double dactyl
They think it's complex like a fractal
To rhyme dactyl's a *****
It just takes a real witch
Dactyl, dactyl, dactyl.

(sorry)

This one's open to interpretation...

When I stubbed my toe I yelled ****

K1P1
08-16-2006, 09:21 PM
When I stubbed my toe I yelled ****
The skin peeled back in a flap.
The blood dripped out


[sorry to abandon you - back to work]

clockwork
08-16-2006, 09:25 PM
(how restrained of you, Maggie!)

When I stubbed my toe I yelled ****
The skin peeled back in a flap.
The blood dripped out
I staggered about

K1P1
08-16-2006, 09:27 PM
When I stubbed my toe I yelled ****
The skin peeled back in a flap.
The blood dripped out
I staggered about
F**k, this is worse than the c**p

[just the first rhyme I thought of - now I really am leaving]

Godfather
08-16-2006, 09:29 PM
Look at all this I went and missed

clockwork
08-16-2006, 09:31 PM
I know, you missed us roasting you and everything

Godfather
08-16-2006, 09:33 PM
you know, I've done two starting lines.... and you haven't noticed that they're starting lines!

clockwork
08-16-2006, 09:42 PM
Maybe they're lousy. We're pretty selective here, you know.

In honour of your fallen lines...

Oh dear I've missed it once again,
Is that nine times now or ten?
I went and missed
Am I dizzy or p*ssed?
Or just going round the bend?


Let's give a shout out to the 'Father

MidnightMuse
08-16-2006, 11:42 PM
Let's give a shout to the 'Father.
'Cause really, it ain't no bother.

Godfather
08-16-2006, 11:45 PM
Let's give a shout to the 'Father.
'Cause really, it ain't no bother.
In one word, I'd say he's....

clockwork
08-16-2006, 11:55 PM
Can that be....

Let's give a shout to the 'Father.
'Cause really, it ain't no bother.
In one word, I'd say...
He's cool, f*ckin' A

K1P1
08-17-2006, 12:59 AM
Let's give a shout to the 'Father.
'Cause really, it ain't no bother.
In one word, I'd say...
He's cool, f*ckin' A
We'll work ourselves into a lather.

[only works with a British Accent]


I once took a bus to Khartoom

Godfather
08-17-2006, 01:13 AM
I once took a bus to Khartoom
but this guy on the bus went boom

MidnightMuse
08-17-2006, 01:22 AM
I once took a bus to Khartoom
but this guy on the bus when boom.
There arose such a clatter,

Godfather
08-17-2006, 01:23 AM
I once took a bus to Khartoom
but this guy on the bus when boom.
There arose such a clatter,
of this terrorist matter

clockwork
08-17-2006, 01:35 AM
I once took a bus to Khartoom
but this guy on the bus when boom.
There arose such a clatter,
of this terrorist matter
Who brought us all to our doom

At the restaurant I ordered my steak rare

Unique
08-17-2006, 02:44 AM
At the restaurant I ordered my steak rare
I didn't know that they only served bear

clockwork
08-17-2006, 03:10 AM
At the restaurant I ordered my steak rare
I didn't know that they only served bear
But when in Rome,

AnnMB
08-17-2006, 06:01 AM
At the restaurant I ordered my steak rare
I didn't know that they only served bear
But when in Rome
Pretend you are home

K1P1
08-17-2006, 06:35 AM
At the restaurant I ordered my steak rare
I didn't know that they only served bear
But when in Rome
Pretend you are home
And eat your chopped parsley with pear.

"No thank you," was all that she said.

clockwork
08-17-2006, 06:46 AM
"No thank you," was all that she said.
When our hero asked her to bed

K1P1
08-17-2006, 07:38 AM
"No thank you," was all that she said.
When our hero asked her to bed
I'd rather not sleep
With two pigs and a sheep

Cath
08-17-2006, 03:18 PM
"No thank you," was all that she said.
When our hero asked her to bed
I'd rather not sleep
With two pigs and a sheep
And a straw pillow under my head.


Once, long ago, in the West

Godfather
08-17-2006, 03:28 PM
Once, long ago, in the West,
there was a man who wore a green vest

K1P1
08-17-2006, 03:57 PM
Once, long ago, in the West,
there was a man who wore a green vest
With purple pants
And red shoes to dance

Godfather
08-17-2006, 04:04 PM
Once, long ago, in the West,
there was a man who wore a green vest
With purple pants
And red shoes to dance,
he wouldn't let the cowboys rest.


I was born in a convoy of trucks

threedogpeople
08-17-2006, 07:25 PM
I was born in a convoy of trucks
'cause my mom was down on her luck

PattiTheWicked
08-17-2006, 07:41 PM
I was born in a convoy of trucks
'cause my mom was down on her luck
As the highway rolled past

dobiwon
08-17-2006, 10:17 PM
I was born in a convoy of trucks
'cause my mom was down on her luck
As the highway rolled past
I grew up real fast
As a wandering son-of-a-schmuck.




He auctioned his wife on Ebay

K1P1
08-17-2006, 10:25 PM
He auctioned his wife on Ebay
'Cuz she always had too much to say.