I love to write religious humor/satire and was wondering if yall thought something like the following is funny or not. (I will also post this on the non-Christian humor page as I want to see how the reaction varies between audiences.)
THE FUNNY THING ABOUT STUDYING JOB
The first Bible study didn’t go precisely like I had planned. In my theological wisdom, I thought we would do well to kick off the Old Sinner’s Bible study with the book of Job. To me that book confronts all the illusions about God’s will for us. Are our lives intended to be free from trouble and suffering or are we destined to eat a crap sandwich much of the time we’re in this world? Personally, I knew which way I was leaning, but I thought a little Biblical discussion on the matter was in order.
The school bell rang at 6:30 Wednesday evening with about 15 people in attendance. We all gathered in our downstairs rec room. Cara was in her baby swing and Daniel was plugged into a Barney movie in the bedroom next door. John and I were set. I positioned myself on a chair at the front of the room. Everyone else was seated on the couches or on the Berber carpeted floor (it really does have a tight weave).
“I thought we’d start off our Bible study with the book of Job,” I began
“Job?” Grant asked, taken aback by my choice. “Isn’t that a little depressing?”
“What do you mean depressing?” I asked leaning forward. “Job confronts the issue of suffering and God’s part in it.”
“Yeah,” Grant replied while leaning back on the sofa. “Depressing.”
Sandra smirked and John grinned while my eyes darted around the room.
“Well depressing or not, I thought we’d discuss Job.” Everyone nodded or shrugged and I began the tutorial. “Job is the fable of a righteous man’s suffering.”
“Fable?” Jessica asked. “He wasn’t a real person?”
“We don’t really know,” I explained. “We only know that the book of Job was written to expound upon a commonly known story about a righteous man who suffered numerous tragedies.” I received some surprised glances and curious nods. “The book begins by telling us of Job’s righteousness.”
John interrupted from the back of the room where he was sitting on the floor with his knees bent and back against the wall. “But are there really any who are righteous?”
“No,” I told him. “But the term righteous used in the Old Testament does not always have the strict definition Paul ascribes to it. It’s like saying something is good. In the strict sense, only God is good. But let’s face it, we all use the term good for many things that aren’t purely good. Love is also similarly tossed around, meaning different things in different contexts.” I think everyone got that analogy as the group seemed uniformly pleased with my explanation.
I returned to the Biblical discussion. “So first we establish Job as righteous. Then the book goes on to describe the interview between God and Satan.”
Sandra interjected. “Okay, that bothers me. I thought Satan was banned from God’s presence. He’s the disobedient one, right? So how is it that he just pops in on God whenever he feels like it?”
“Maybe he’s got a standing invitation,” Jerry quipped with a self-assured smile.
Everyone chuckled and smiled, despite the fact that it was a moronic comment. Jerry thought he had a sense of humor. This was a painful bit of self delusion, but one the rest of us tolerated for the sake of Christian charity.
“Perhaps Jerry,” I politely smiled. “But I think it’s better to remember that this story should not be taken too literally. And remember, God is the creator. He is everywhere He wants to be, so it’s not like Satan is ever really beyond God. He is always haunted by His presence even if he fails to recognize that fact. I suppose you could say his is the ultimate self-deception.” The group looked bewildered. “It’s like this. Satan doesn’t just roam around without God’s knowledge or tolerance. Job is clear that evil is first and foremost beholden to good for its very existence. In this way it is included with all the other angels, even if it doesn’t recognize itself as such. That’s the real issue, not if Satan is really subservient to God but whether he wants to admit he’s subservient to God.”
“Alright,” John said. “But why did God mention Job to Satan? Sounds like he was setting Job up?”
Everyone nodded and I shrugged. “Yeah,” I ceded. “It does sound like that.”
“Well?” Grant beseeched. “What’s that about?”
I shrugged again. “I don’t know. Maybe God was setting Job up.”
Everyone glanced at one another. Carrie piped up. “But God doesn’t set people up.”
I leaned back in my chair and crossed my legs. “Yes He does.”
Grant laughed. “What the hell do you mean?”
“I mean God sets us up,” I repeated.
“But He loves us,” Sandra pleaded leaning forward. “He doesn’t set us up to fail.”
I rolled my eyes. “Sandra, are you perfect?”
“No,” she admitted.
“Were you born perfect?”
“No,” she repeated.
“Then how can God ask you to be perfect if He knows you’re already configured to be imperfect?” I held my hands out in invitation.
“But…” she stammered. “That’s… God’s…”
One of Carrie’s stripper friends piped up. “But God doesn’t ask you to be perfect,” she declared while pointing at me. “He only asks that you love Him.”
“Oh really?” I countered, hearing Cara’s muffled cry emanate from the bedroom next door. “He doesn’t mind if we yell at our children when they annoy us by their very existence? He doesn’t mind it when we dream of putting a pillow over their puffy faces until they stop moving? He’s okay with all of that?” I saw some harrowed expressions in the crowd. John knit his brow in a look of concern. I threw up my hands. “So God gives us sexual desire, then after we act on it after we’ve obeyed His stupid rule about premarital sex, He ‘blesses’ us with children who arouse in us the most demonic thoughts and desires. Then He tells us we’re wrong for thinking the crap in the first place. What kind of love and mercy is that, I ask you?!”
I tried to make eye contact with the group but everyone averted my stare. Scott finally broke the silence. “Is this a Bible study or a ***** session, cause I’ve got some issues too?” He had a faint smile on his face as though the question was intended as a light-hearted musing. I found it strangely unfunny.
“Well Scott,” I said uncrossing my legs and leaning forward. “I didn’t know my troubles were so amusing to you.”
“Oh crap,” Grant moaned looking up at the ceiling.
“Ugh,” John groaned massaging his temples.
“Oh, so the book of Job is just some great fairy tale,” I began to rant. “Is that what you all think?” I stood up and placed my hands on my hips. “Well let me assure you, it is no fairy tale of how we all get great things in this crap-covered world. It’s about getting screwed and learning to accept it. It’s about the fact that God doesn’t guarantee you rose petals and orgies. He gives you ungrateful and difficult children, fickle friends and husbands who liked your breasts before you nursed two kids. But that’s what we’ve got, so suck it up and praise Him.”
A stunned and uncomfortable silence swept across the room. All you could hear was the annoying Barney “I love you” song wafting out of the adjacent room. Finally I turned around and left the room ostensibly to check on the kids, but mostly to get the hell out of there. I knew I had made a colossal *** of myself and no one really wants to stick around after they become of aware of such an embarrassing truth.
Back in the bedroom, I nursed Cara while I sobbed quietly. Daniel came over and snuggled up beside me in a show of affection that I greatly appreciated. Turns out there were some bright spots in this parenting gig. Granted, the positives were few and fleeting, but they were there and at this point, I’d take any I could get.
I heard John mumbling in the rec room and then he walked through the bedroom door.
“Everyone’s leaving,” he informed me while crossing his arms. John sighed as he studied my tearful face. “This has got to change Erika. You can’t even keep it together in front of our friends.”
Tears rolled down my cheeks. “I know,” I whispered.
John came over to the bed and knelt down beside me. “I can’t make you get on medication. But I can hire a nanny and have her come in at least three days a week. And that’s what we’re gonna start doing around here. You got me?” John tried to look in my downcast eyes.
“Yeah,” I mumbled.
“And I’m gonna lead the Bible study. You can give Carrie and Sandra and Grant all the input in the world, but from now on, you’re strictly a behind-the-scenes deaconess. Your job is to nurse, write and worship. Understand?”
I looked into John’s eyes with a heartened expression. “You mean they want to continue the Bible study?”
John smiled. “Yeah, but not with you leading it.” I smiled faintly. “Actually, everyone really liked discussing the book of Job up until the point you decided to blame God for your stubborn refusal to get happy.” John’s head bobbed from side to side. “Up until then, it was a good discussion. The psycho mother bit was a little unnerving, but we all agreed so long as you don’t speak in the future, we think it could be a good Wednesday night.”
John and I laughed and I realized then that post-partum depression has some bright moments. But it's probably not conducive to leading Bible study.
THE FUNNY THING ABOUT STUDYING JOB
The first Bible study didn’t go precisely like I had planned. In my theological wisdom, I thought we would do well to kick off the Old Sinner’s Bible study with the book of Job. To me that book confronts all the illusions about God’s will for us. Are our lives intended to be free from trouble and suffering or are we destined to eat a crap sandwich much of the time we’re in this world? Personally, I knew which way I was leaning, but I thought a little Biblical discussion on the matter was in order.
The school bell rang at 6:30 Wednesday evening with about 15 people in attendance. We all gathered in our downstairs rec room. Cara was in her baby swing and Daniel was plugged into a Barney movie in the bedroom next door. John and I were set. I positioned myself on a chair at the front of the room. Everyone else was seated on the couches or on the Berber carpeted floor (it really does have a tight weave).
“I thought we’d start off our Bible study with the book of Job,” I began
“Job?” Grant asked, taken aback by my choice. “Isn’t that a little depressing?”
“What do you mean depressing?” I asked leaning forward. “Job confronts the issue of suffering and God’s part in it.”
“Yeah,” Grant replied while leaning back on the sofa. “Depressing.”
Sandra smirked and John grinned while my eyes darted around the room.
“Well depressing or not, I thought we’d discuss Job.” Everyone nodded or shrugged and I began the tutorial. “Job is the fable of a righteous man’s suffering.”
“Fable?” Jessica asked. “He wasn’t a real person?”
“We don’t really know,” I explained. “We only know that the book of Job was written to expound upon a commonly known story about a righteous man who suffered numerous tragedies.” I received some surprised glances and curious nods. “The book begins by telling us of Job’s righteousness.”
John interrupted from the back of the room where he was sitting on the floor with his knees bent and back against the wall. “But are there really any who are righteous?”
“No,” I told him. “But the term righteous used in the Old Testament does not always have the strict definition Paul ascribes to it. It’s like saying something is good. In the strict sense, only God is good. But let’s face it, we all use the term good for many things that aren’t purely good. Love is also similarly tossed around, meaning different things in different contexts.” I think everyone got that analogy as the group seemed uniformly pleased with my explanation.
I returned to the Biblical discussion. “So first we establish Job as righteous. Then the book goes on to describe the interview between God and Satan.”
Sandra interjected. “Okay, that bothers me. I thought Satan was banned from God’s presence. He’s the disobedient one, right? So how is it that he just pops in on God whenever he feels like it?”
“Maybe he’s got a standing invitation,” Jerry quipped with a self-assured smile.
Everyone chuckled and smiled, despite the fact that it was a moronic comment. Jerry thought he had a sense of humor. This was a painful bit of self delusion, but one the rest of us tolerated for the sake of Christian charity.
“Perhaps Jerry,” I politely smiled. “But I think it’s better to remember that this story should not be taken too literally. And remember, God is the creator. He is everywhere He wants to be, so it’s not like Satan is ever really beyond God. He is always haunted by His presence even if he fails to recognize that fact. I suppose you could say his is the ultimate self-deception.” The group looked bewildered. “It’s like this. Satan doesn’t just roam around without God’s knowledge or tolerance. Job is clear that evil is first and foremost beholden to good for its very existence. In this way it is included with all the other angels, even if it doesn’t recognize itself as such. That’s the real issue, not if Satan is really subservient to God but whether he wants to admit he’s subservient to God.”
“Alright,” John said. “But why did God mention Job to Satan? Sounds like he was setting Job up?”
Everyone nodded and I shrugged. “Yeah,” I ceded. “It does sound like that.”
“Well?” Grant beseeched. “What’s that about?”
I shrugged again. “I don’t know. Maybe God was setting Job up.”
Everyone glanced at one another. Carrie piped up. “But God doesn’t set people up.”
I leaned back in my chair and crossed my legs. “Yes He does.”
Grant laughed. “What the hell do you mean?”
“I mean God sets us up,” I repeated.
“But He loves us,” Sandra pleaded leaning forward. “He doesn’t set us up to fail.”
I rolled my eyes. “Sandra, are you perfect?”
“No,” she admitted.
“Were you born perfect?”
“No,” she repeated.
“Then how can God ask you to be perfect if He knows you’re already configured to be imperfect?” I held my hands out in invitation.
“But…” she stammered. “That’s… God’s…”
One of Carrie’s stripper friends piped up. “But God doesn’t ask you to be perfect,” she declared while pointing at me. “He only asks that you love Him.”
“Oh really?” I countered, hearing Cara’s muffled cry emanate from the bedroom next door. “He doesn’t mind if we yell at our children when they annoy us by their very existence? He doesn’t mind it when we dream of putting a pillow over their puffy faces until they stop moving? He’s okay with all of that?” I saw some harrowed expressions in the crowd. John knit his brow in a look of concern. I threw up my hands. “So God gives us sexual desire, then after we act on it after we’ve obeyed His stupid rule about premarital sex, He ‘blesses’ us with children who arouse in us the most demonic thoughts and desires. Then He tells us we’re wrong for thinking the crap in the first place. What kind of love and mercy is that, I ask you?!”
I tried to make eye contact with the group but everyone averted my stare. Scott finally broke the silence. “Is this a Bible study or a ***** session, cause I’ve got some issues too?” He had a faint smile on his face as though the question was intended as a light-hearted musing. I found it strangely unfunny.
“Well Scott,” I said uncrossing my legs and leaning forward. “I didn’t know my troubles were so amusing to you.”
“Oh crap,” Grant moaned looking up at the ceiling.
“Ugh,” John groaned massaging his temples.
“Oh, so the book of Job is just some great fairy tale,” I began to rant. “Is that what you all think?” I stood up and placed my hands on my hips. “Well let me assure you, it is no fairy tale of how we all get great things in this crap-covered world. It’s about getting screwed and learning to accept it. It’s about the fact that God doesn’t guarantee you rose petals and orgies. He gives you ungrateful and difficult children, fickle friends and husbands who liked your breasts before you nursed two kids. But that’s what we’ve got, so suck it up and praise Him.”
A stunned and uncomfortable silence swept across the room. All you could hear was the annoying Barney “I love you” song wafting out of the adjacent room. Finally I turned around and left the room ostensibly to check on the kids, but mostly to get the hell out of there. I knew I had made a colossal *** of myself and no one really wants to stick around after they become of aware of such an embarrassing truth.
Back in the bedroom, I nursed Cara while I sobbed quietly. Daniel came over and snuggled up beside me in a show of affection that I greatly appreciated. Turns out there were some bright spots in this parenting gig. Granted, the positives were few and fleeting, but they were there and at this point, I’d take any I could get.
I heard John mumbling in the rec room and then he walked through the bedroom door.
“Everyone’s leaving,” he informed me while crossing his arms. John sighed as he studied my tearful face. “This has got to change Erika. You can’t even keep it together in front of our friends.”
Tears rolled down my cheeks. “I know,” I whispered.
John came over to the bed and knelt down beside me. “I can’t make you get on medication. But I can hire a nanny and have her come in at least three days a week. And that’s what we’re gonna start doing around here. You got me?” John tried to look in my downcast eyes.
“Yeah,” I mumbled.
“And I’m gonna lead the Bible study. You can give Carrie and Sandra and Grant all the input in the world, but from now on, you’re strictly a behind-the-scenes deaconess. Your job is to nurse, write and worship. Understand?”
I looked into John’s eyes with a heartened expression. “You mean they want to continue the Bible study?”
John smiled. “Yeah, but not with you leading it.” I smiled faintly. “Actually, everyone really liked discussing the book of Job up until the point you decided to blame God for your stubborn refusal to get happy.” John’s head bobbed from side to side. “Up until then, it was a good discussion. The psycho mother bit was a little unnerving, but we all agreed so long as you don’t speak in the future, we think it could be a good Wednesday night.”
John and I laughed and I realized then that post-partum depression has some bright moments. But it's probably not conducive to leading Bible study.
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I wasn't at all offended. I was just trying to analyze why I didn't find it funny.
