Stuff that haunts you

JennaGlatzer · Aug 17, 2006

You ever have something that haunts you?

I was just watching the story about Tracy Dean, the woman who-- based on gut instinct-- called police about a little girl she'd met in a gas station, to say "I'm 99% sure she's not supposed to be with the man she's with." 9 minutes later, the police called her back and said the man was her grandfather, nothing to worry about. So she went home. But it bothered her too much, and she wound up driving something like 250 miles back to that gas station, insisted on looking at the store's video tape, and followed up with police again. Long story short: the couple had been sexually abusing the little girl and a 17-year-old boy, and probably many other kids. No one even knows who the kids are at this point, but they're in foster care.

Anyway. Back when I was about 16, I was on a town bus. In the back of the bus was a trashy couple and a little girl, maybe 3 or 4 years old. The woman was yelling at the girl, shoving her into the back of the bus seat, and saying, "I should have left you at your grandmother's house." The girl cried the whole way, and the woman told her to shut up and said horrible things (I don't remember all the details now... long time ago).

I turned around and was working up my nerve to say something. The woman said, "You like what you see? Unless you like what you're looking at, you'd better turn your *** back around and mind your business."

I got out at the next stop and called police from the nearest pay phone. I told them where I had gotten on the bus, but I wasn't good enough at identifying the bus route-- they asked me where it was going, what the bus number was, what time it picked me up, etc. and I didn't know any of those things. They told me unconvincingly that they'd send police to the end of the bus line, and that was that.

My regrets are that I did it anonymously (I was scared of the couple) and that I didn't follow up. You have no idea how often I think about that little girl and how I know darn well she was being abused and I could have done so much more to stop it.

You have anything like that?

Camilla · Aug 17, 2006

Yep, every time my "friend" said something cruel and belittling to his wife in front of everyone, and I just kept my mouth shut.

I also remember from my highschool years a girl who never had any friends. I don't think I once recall her having a conversation with anyone. I saw her get tormented by other kids though, and I regret now that I never stood up for her.

I wish I'd had more spine then. I'm much better at speaking up now, but argh, sometimes I wish I could turn the clock back!

PattiTheWicked · Aug 17, 2006

About a dozen years ago, when my oldest was just an infant, my then-husband and I were visiting some friends who had a beach house. This was on Carolina Beach, in NC, and the oceanfront houses are fairly close together. It was eight in the morning, and one of the girls and I were sitting out on the porch when we saw a small girl, about four, walking down the street with her little brother, who wore nothing but a diaper. We tore downstairs to see if there was any adults in sight, but there was no one.

These kids were dirty, and scrawny looking. I stayed downstairs and talked to them while the other girl ran up and got some Cheerios and milk, and we fed them breakfast while we waited for the police to arrive. The cops got there, and asked them where they lived, but they didn't know. Finally, a lady from the next building came over and said she thought they lived next door. The police pounded on the house's door for fifteen minutes and got no answer, so they finally called Child Protective Services. At that point, when the social worker loaded these kids up into her car, the door opened and the parents came running out. They had gotten high the night before, passed out, and the kids had gone out "looking for something to eat" because there was no food in the house. All I can remember is that woman screaming "Don't take my babies, oh my god, don't take them away!" as the car rolled down the street.

I never knew their names, but I hope that family got the help they needed.

Shiraz · Aug 17, 2006

Too many moments of regret just like that, Jenna.

Your bus story reminds me so much of a scene that sneaks up on me periodically. I was living with my boyfriend in Milwaukee just after high school and I'll never forget looking out the 3rd floor window of our apartment onto the building's parking lot and watching a woman literally throw her little girl into the back seat of the car by her arm (she couldn't have been more than 3 or 4 years old). I had the most intuitive feeling that that poor little thing was probably the cause of all the terrible ruckus I would hear coming from the apartment above us so frequently. I know I was right, and didn't do anything about it.

Just like you, it haunts me to this day.

Celia Cyanide · Aug 17, 2006

I was waiting for the bus about a year ago when a very drunk and beligerant indigenous woman was harassing and cussing at a Mexican woman with a 6 year old child. They didn't speak English, but the indigenous woman kept saying, "F*cking Mexica, talking sh*t about Indians!" (I don't speak Spanish, but another woman was there, and she said later on, "I'm part Native, and I speak Spanish, and that woman wasn't saying anything offensive.") I tried to say, in as calming a voice as I could muster, "It's okay. She's not bothering you. She's just talking to her little girl." But the woman ignored me and kept on. When we got on the bus, she sat right behind her, and after a while, somebody yelled out, "She just punched her!"

The bus driver stopped the car and asked what had happened. I told him that the drunk woman had been harassing the Mexican woman since she got to the bus stop. But the drunk woman got off the bus and ran away. I tried to see if the Mexican woman was okay, but she was too humiliated to look at anyone. Her little girl was patting her shoulder to comfort her.

The bus driver called the cops, and I stayed to talk to them. They gave me a couple free bus passes for staying, but I really wish I had said something to the driver when I got on the bus. The woman couldn't do it, because she didn't speak English.

Jcomp · Aug 17, 2006

Strangely, no. & I'd know off the top because of so many little things that I beat myself up over regularly. But nothing like the stories above. Interesting...

writerterri · Aug 17, 2006

A confession

It still makes me cry to this day.

I lived in an apartment building where there were kids not being so taken care of or there were struggling single mothers who couldn't make ends meet. A kid came to my house and asked me for something to eat and I said no that he needed to go home and eat. He was a kids who frequented my house and I knew his mother. Well, later that day I found out he had nothing to eat at his house and was looking for food because he was hungry. I felt so bad. When I found out I told my friend and we gave them all the food we could spare. I never turn a kid down without asking now, "is it because you don't have any food at your house?" It ended up paying off a few weeks after that because I asked and was able to give the family a weeks worth of meat to go along with what they had.

I still look back and wish I would have said yes right away, but how was I to know and he ended up getting more than he asked for. But it still makes me want to cry.

Maryn · Aug 17, 2006

A woman I knew from nursery school was born in Iran, where her family was persecuted for their faith. (They're Jewish.) Her culture was very different from my own and from the many Jewish people I know. I didn't like her at all, but I respected her culture.

Anyway, Esther used to go out while her kids were down for their naps. She wasn't doing anything necessary, or even convenient for her, just leaving the house nearly every day to visit friends, shop, etc. She'd leave the door unlocked and tell a neighbor I knew slightly to check on them if she felt like it. (The neighbor is how I knew about this.)

Maybe that was the norm in Iran, but it sure didn't wash with me. However, out of ridiculous respect for a different culture and upbringing, I didn't do or say anything. Neither did my acquaintance, although she sometimes took her own kids over to Esther's to play the entire time Esther was out, so the sleeping ones were not home alone.

Nothing bad happened to the kids, but there could have been a gas leak, a fire, an intruder, sudden illness, anything... The little one didn't even walk yet. I should have called social services. Although the girls are grown and in college, I still feel guilty. It takes a village, and I should have been part of it.

Maryn, who, like Terri, has fed kids who were hungry lots of times

Maryn · Aug 17, 2006

Minutes later...

I'm also reminded that sometimes all it takes for something that would haunt you to get lots better is a kind, understanding word to an extremely frazzled parent. I've done that dozens, maybe even hundreds, of times at stores, museums, etc. when I've seen a parent's growing frustration with a child who can't or won't do what he or she is being told to.

"Boy, it's weird to think that one day we'll look back and miss these days, huh?"
"I think she might be kind of freaked out by the dinosaurs. If it's okay with you, she can sit with us [gesture to my own same-age kids] while you take the big ones through the exhibit."
"Boy, somebody's not happy, huh? Let's not make it Daddy, too. Tell me, you like baseball?"
"Would she like to sit on the floor and be read to while you take a little walk? You could go right on the lawn, watch her the whole time."
"This is why they make 'em cute, so you don't kill 'em. I haven't held a screaming infant in a while. Can I take a turn?"

Maryn, smooth talker

Christine N. · Aug 17, 2006

Maryn, where have you been my whole life. I would LOVE if someone did that for me once in a while. I only have one, but I know he tests my temper. He's so incredibly stubborn. And I KNOW I yell when I shouldn't. I always feel terrible about it, and I promise myself to try harder next time.

You are an angel.

eldragon · Aug 17, 2006

I have alot of stories like that. Here's a short one:

About 4 years ago, my daughter and I were running around, trying to get things ready for a trip we were leaving on the next day. We had just dropped presents off for a friend of hers, and were driving through a neighborhood, on the way to a store.

I saw a man walking a dog and was looking at it (to my left) when all of a sudden - I happened to look to my right.

There - in the road - sat a toddler. He was wearing a diaper and sitting in the street, off of the curb. I never came close to hitting him, but it was just dumb luck that I had been watching the man walk the dog, and had probably steered my car a little in his direction, by accident.

I pulled the car over and immediately got out, shaken up. I told the boy "Dont' ever sit in the street! I could have ran over you!" He got up and ran through a gate and behind a house. I stood there for a moment, but nobody came out of the house.

I was sure he had gone inside, and I drove off, very shaken.

I can't forget how lucky I was not to run over that baby in the street, and how lucky he was that I am a bad enough driver that I was in the wrong lane.

stormie · Aug 17, 2006

Too much stuff haunts me. One thing in particular that truly gets to me every time I remember it.

Reading through all the posts on this thread so far, makes me realize: If those things didn't haunt us, we'd be an emotionless bunch. Not much empathy, either. It probably also makes us better writers. Does that make sense?

eldragon · Aug 17, 2006

We're all talking about near misses, but I knew a woman once who had accidently ran over a boy on his bicycle - and killed him.

She never got over it, even though he had ran into her, and it wasn't her fault.

alleycat · Aug 17, 2006

Yeah, I've got a couple. I don't think I even want to post them. :-(

And I've got some lesser ones that still makes me cringe, things like being a complete and insensitive jerk to someone when I was younger.

Silver King · Aug 17, 2006

I'm haunted by too many things, even small events. The ones which are most haunting keep me awake and tossing, sometimes all night.

The worst was when I lost my youngest son. We were at Tampa airport, my wife and I and our boy. He was five at the time. We were returning from a trip, waiting for an elevator to take us to the parking garage. The airport was busy, and travelers jostled to get on every elevator car as soon as the doors opened. We stood next in line to get on when I noticed my boy was missing. He was there just a moment ago, standing in front of me, holding the seam of my pants.

"Where's Dylan?" I said.

My wife looked around the forest of legs. Then she came undone, her face falling as if the bones had stopped supporting her cheeks. "Go find my son!" she yelled.

She ran to a security phone. I dropped my bags and set off. But I knew I'd never find him. The place was packed. Escalators went up and down. There were too many places to look. I searched everywhere I could and saw nothing but a blur of bodies rushing past. Everyone seemed so busy all of a sudden. I wanted to scream, "Please help me find my boy! Please, everyone, just stop for a second and help me!"

I didn't say anything to anyone. I went outside where cars were lined up awaiting passengers. People were smoking cigarettes and looking around. I imagined the worst had happened, and a shadowy figure was leading him away by the hand at that very moment, and I realized I'd never see my son alive again.

Just then, and I don't know where the idea came from, or why it occurred to me, but I understood where my boy was.

I ran back to my wife. She was still on the security phone, crying into the receiver. When she saw me, she hung up. There was a vacant look in her eyes, and in the space of her gaze, I saw our marriage shift from its center.

"Where's my son?" she said.

I grabbed her arm and we pushed our way to the front of the elevator bank. I pointed to the closed doors. "He's in there," I said.

She didn't believe me. But when the doors finally opened, there was our boy, standing between a young couple who had kept watch over him as the car rose to the top level and came back down.

BradyH1861 · Aug 17, 2006

I have several such memories, but I don't like to dwell on them.

Brady

September skies · Aug 17, 2006

I am so burdened by the burial of two cuddly live hamsters. I feel horrible whenever I think of it.

I came home one day and both of my hamsters (I thought) died. They were in separate cages and curled up. At first I thought they were asleep but they wouldn't wake up. I didn't know what to do. I left them in their cage all day and finally that evening, the children and I took them out and gave them a burial.

About a year later, I discovered that what I had were hibernating hamsters.
I never told my daughter.

I know this is nothing compared to the neglect/abuse of human life that you have all seen/dealt with; but it is stuff that has bothered me.

Elizabeth Slick · Aug 17, 2006

We used to live in Hawaii and moved back to San Diego for my husband's job transfer. The guy that took my husband's place in Hawaii, drowned, a few months later. I feel bad, like we were the cause.

eldragon · Aug 17, 2006

Hey guys, I have a few doozies myself, I posted an easy one.

Lydia Manx · Aug 17, 2006

Things that haunt me.

Watching a plane fall to the earth killing everyone on board (San Diego) I should have been beneath it but wasn't due to chance. The smell is in my head forever.

Watching the live newscasts of September 11, 2001 of people leaping to their death. Later finding out one of the kids I raised had seen and is scarred forever from that event and another person I knew had friend who died there.

Having a friend fly to Scotland to see the world. His plane was the one blown up in Lockerbee (sorry if mispelled).

Yet I still fly. Those are just a few bits.

Elizabeth Slick · Aug 17, 2006

Silver King said:
I'm haunted by too many things, even small events. The ones which are most haunting keep me awake and tossing, sometimes all night.

The worst was when I lost my youngest son. We were at Tampa airport, my wife and I and our boy. He was five at the time. We were returning from a trip, waiting for an elevator to take us to the parking garage. The airport was busy, and travelers jostled to get on every elevator car as soon as the doors opened. We stood next in line to get on when I noticed my boy was missing. He was there just a moment ago, standing in front of me, holding the seam of my pants.

"Where's Dylan?" I said.

My wife looked around the forest of legs. Then she came undone, her face falling as if the bones had stopped supporting her cheeks. "Go find my son!" she yelled.

She ran to a security phone. I dropped my bags and set off. But I knew I'd never find him. The place was packed. Escalators went up and down. There were too many places to look. I searched everywhere I could and saw nothing but a blur of bodies rushing past. Everyone seemed so busy all of a sudden. I wanted to scream, "Please help me find my boy! Please, everyone, just stop for a second and help me!"

I didn't say anything to anyone. I went outside where cars were lined up awaiting passengers. People were smoking cigarettes and looking around. I imagined the worst had happened, and a shadowy figure was leading him away by the hand at that very moment, and I realized I'd never see my son alive again.

Just then, and I don't know where the idea came from, or why it occurred to me, but I understood where my boy was.

I ran back to my wife. She was still on the security phone, crying into the receiver. When she saw me, she hung up. There was a vacant look in her eyes, and in the space of her gaze, I saw our marriage shift from its center.

"Where's my son?" she said.

I grabbed her arm and we pushed our way to the front of the elevator bank. I pointed to the closed doors. "He's in there," I said.

She didn't believe me. But when the doors finally opened, there was our boy, standing between a young couple who had kept watch over him as the car rose to the top level and came back down.

Wow, that is so scary! That happened to us, too, in Hawaii at Toy's R Us. Our son was there one minute, gone the next! He was 3 years old. They did a code Adam through the store and guarded the front doors, but I was sure he was gone for good. They found him 5 LONG minutes later at the train set up. I felt like I was going to dissolve. I try not to think about that and how easy it is for our children to just dissapear, right in front of our eyes.

Elizabeth Slick · Aug 17, 2006

Lydia Manx said:
Things that haunt me.

Watching a plane fall to the earth killing everyone on board (San Diego) I should have been beneath it but wasn't due to chance. The smell is in my head forever.

Watching the live newscasts of September 11, 2001 of people leaping to their death. Later finding out one of the kids I raised had seen and is scarred forever from that event and another person I knew had friend who died there.

Having a friend fly to Scotland to see the world. His plane was the one blown up in Lockerbee (sorry if mispelled).

Yet I still fly. Those are just a few bits.

I remember that day, too in San Diego. I was in school, and we were let out early that day. It was a hot day. Our school principal's aunt was killed on that flight. My aunt was supposed to move to that street, that day. (Felton)

expatbrat · Aug 17, 2006

Every day I see disgusting old men walking along holding hands with young teen boys. I can't stand it. I pray "please let him just be looking after someone’s kid for a few hours, please let that be innocent..." Every week the papers has reports of a few pedophiles been arrested.”

And no – I am not going to hang around the police station informing on people. The pedophiles have police informers and there are weekly reports of people “committing suicide” by shooting themselves three times in the head while driving. A “hit” costs 2000 baht – that’s USD$50.00.

I live in Pattaya (read sex tourist capital of the world... umm we are here for hubs engineering (proper) job and live away from the scum areas). I have been to Phnom Penh in Cambodia – the horrible old men, with really young boys, is so open in PP it is absolutely shocking.

Cat Scratch · Aug 17, 2006

Elizabeth Slick said:
Wow, that is so scary! That happened to us, too, in Hawaii at Toy's R Us. Our son was there one minute, gone the next! He was 3 years old. They did a code Adam through the store and guarded the front doors, but I was sure he was gone for good. They found him 5 LONG minutes later at the train set up. I felt like I was going to dissolve. I try not to think about that and how easy it is for our children to just dissapear, right in front of our eyes.

It's crazy to think about how easily this could happen. I watched the other day as a toddler walked through a restaurant door that someone else opened, and then started walking into a parking garage. The mother hadn't even realized he'd gone outside, and what was strange was that about 15 people were outside this restaurant waiting for a table, yet I was the only one who stopped the kid from wandering away. Everyone else was just sitting there watching it happen.

kristie911 · Aug 17, 2006

There is nothing I hate more than automatic doors. My 2 year old can run right out of the store and into the parking lot without even slowing down. What happened to the big, heavy doors you had to push open? Have we really become so lazy we can't open our own doors anymore?

Oh, don't even get me started!

Stuff that haunts you

wishes you happiness

Unleashing Hell.

New kid, be gentle!

Joker Groupie

It's a dorky day!

Baaa!

Baaa!

haz a shiny new book cover

in a van down by the river

storm central

in a van down by the river

Still around

Megalops Erectus

Hold Fast.

cloud watching

in a van down by the river

Look what we made:

The Peacock Next Door

Happy to be here