So close, but still so far away.

I think the latter is a fantastic rejection - keep sending it out, it's all you can do.

Manxom Vroom said:

My last two rejections:

I felt the story was smaller and quieter than I hoped. (At least in the first 30 pages, which is the time I need to feel hooked.) I'm sorry to say I have to pass on this since it's not quite what I'm looking for and I feel I would have a hard time marketing it. It's charming though,

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I agree with Cath, that the second rejection was the best of two evils.

However, you've invested a lot of time already with this ms, have you considered saving it under another name and pursuing what the agent said about giving her more of a hook and resending it to her? After all, she's telling you what she needs from it here.

Good luck with it!

We all need to vent, that's what pressure gauges are for. Heck, without them, things would just blow !

I trust you haven't exhausted the list of potential agents for this work yet? If not, keep on plugging! Someone's gonna fall in love with it. If you think you have, then maybe it's time to take a step back, and a deep breath, and give those first 30 pages a serious looksee.

Maybe it's a simple matter of -- not rewriting - - but repositioning? Can things be moved around, reworked, and if so, would that give it the punch that agent was missing?

Most important -- never give up, never surrender

Just a point, since no one seems to have noticed: The first one is a pure form reject.

The second is better, however. Still a no, and it still doesn't guarantee ultimate acceptance (trust me on this, I know). But better.

caw.

I think I agree with what MidnightMuse said, if I'm understanding correctly. If that particulat agent said "the story was smaller and quieter than I hoped" would you consider making it bigger and louder?

One agent rejected my MS, saying it was "too much of the same thing." I made some minor cosmetic changes and got it rejected twice more before his words finally clicked. Pre-revisions, my MC only thinks about doing certain things. In the revised MS, she actually does those things, making for a much bigger and louder story. I revised with the notion of: what's the worse that can happen? Make it worse! (For example, she's a little worried her credit card might be rejected when she's shopping. Old: it clears, ho hum. New: it's rejected.) I've found a number of ways, big and small, to increase the volume.

And as MidnightMuse says: Most important -- never give up, never surrender!!

I'm sorry about the rejections, Manxoom. For me, close calls always both hurt and helped the most, so I can understand a part of what you're feeling.

I'll be cheering you on from my corner of the world. Keep on going!

I agree with Scrawler. Now you know what your novel needs to make it saleable. This kind of rejection is a gift for it guides you in making needed changes. It's just like hearing a negative critique of your work. At first you are really miffed but then you begin to see that the critiquer is right - you do need to change it. When I first came to AW a very experienced member here read the intro to my novel and made the comment that I told rather than showed and that made it simplistic. Those words hurt but it led me to make urgently needed changes. And you know what? I'm still changing it, changing it every day. A good critique like that does you far more good than praise or comments that it is perfect. Well, if it's perfect, why isn't it selling? That's the way I view it now. I've got past (I hope) my personal feelings and can look at what is best for the novel.
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Scrawler said:

I think I agree with what MidnightMuse said, if I'm understanding correctly. If that particulat agent said "the story was smaller and quieter than I hoped" would you consider making it bigger and louder?

One agent rejected my MS, saying it was "too much of the same thing." I made some minor cosmetic changes and got it rejected twice more before his words finally clicked. Pre-revisions, my MC only thinks about doing certain things. In the revised MS, she actually does those things, making for a much bigger and louder story. I revised with the notion of: what's the worse that can happen? Make it worse! (For example, she's a little worried her credit card might be rejected when she's shopping. Old: it clears, ho hum. New: it's rejected.) I've found a number of ways, big and small, to increase the volume.

And as MidnightMuse says: Most important -- never give up, never surrender!!

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Oh, do not despair on this one. I would take that second rejection, post it and the first chapter of you work on the Share Your Work Board, with the specific request that the readers find that problem where the "ho-hum" element resides, and offer suggestions on how to "pick it up and give it a good shove."

The critique people here at AW are devastatingly effective. It is SO worth the effort to let others see what might ail you. You sound like a very promicing writer, and you are so close.

Tri

Enjoy your vacation.
When you get back, you should post on the 'share your work' board.
Have you tried Llewellyn?