More horror? Okay. What's horror?

Status
Not open for further replies.

Nangleator

Rep Point Whore
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 4, 2005
Messages
408
Reaction score
59
Location
Dracut, Massachusetts
I've gotten a good rejection, with a suggestion I'd like to implement, but I'll need some help from horror writers.

My novel is SF, but I've got a scene early on (I consider it the novel's hook) where something bad happens. The publisher recommended I "ratchet up the initial horror" of this scene.

So, here's a basic question: What makes a scene horrifying?

Here's my specific scene: An asteroid miner searches for his son and finds him inside an apparently ancient, derelict alien spacecraft. The son, dressed fully in a spacesuit, is unresponsive. Then, the father gradually realizes that: 1) It's not his son inside the spacesuit; 2) His son must have been killed by what is in the suit; and 3) The father is trapped in a small space with this thing.

I thought I filled the scene with good mentions of gore and bloodshed, disgusting sounds from inside the suit, unhuman motions of the arms and legs, and a good sense of the MC being trapped.

But they wanted more. Suggestions?
 

Nangleator

Rep Point Whore
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 4, 2005
Messages
408
Reaction score
59
Location
Dracut, Massachusetts
Wouldn't that be telling instead of showing? I've got my MC looking around like a caged animal, going all cold, and being paralized by emotional shock. (Probably not in that order.)

Would lengthening the scene do it? Build up the tension, maybe?
 

Haggis

Evil, undead Chihuahua
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 14, 2005
Messages
56,228
Reaction score
18,311
Location
A dark, evil place.
Nangleator said:
Would lengthening the scene do it? Build up the tension, maybe?

Hard to say without seeing what you have already written. Perhaps you could post part of that particular section in SYW.
 

three seven

(Graeme Cameron)
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 12, 2005
Messages
3,084
Reaction score
525
Location
Norfolk, England
Website
www.facebook.com
If I'm reading this, I want to know what it feels like being trapped in a room with a thing in a space suit that's just savagely killed my son. Looking around like a caged animal is only a symptom of an emotional reaction. Conveying the emotions themselves will build tension far more effectively than a bucket of blood and guts.

And without wishing to get into a show vs tell debate, there's nothing with using words like 'fear' and 'dread'.
 

Cathy C

Ooo! Shiny new cover!
Kind Benefactor
Absolute Sage
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Jun 5, 2005
Messages
9,907
Reaction score
1,834
Location
Hiding in my writing cave
Website
www.cathyclamp.com
Have you ever read the novel, Relic by Child/Preston? The opening scene, in the museum with two children was terrific for building that growing sense of horror. The link here is to a version that has a "search inside" feature. You might pop by and take a look at about the middle of the first chapter. :)
 

GuatDad

Registered
Joined
Jul 22, 2006
Messages
14
Reaction score
1
Location
NC
Make me FEEL the breath from this thing. Make my hair on the back of my neck stand up. Make it REAL for me. I want to know the horror of being in a small enclosed space with this thing...no knowing if my sone is dead or alive, or if i will be within the next second. Make me FEEL it.
 

darkness

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 25, 2006
Messages
74
Reaction score
4
Location
Phila.
you can have him showing fear without telling it. Think of the physical responses you experience when frightened. It is also very important to leave the reader many details of this monster, even if you don't show him right to our eyes. Some scattered evidences of him. You'll figure it out.
Good luck with this,
darkness
 

dclary

Unabashed Mercenary
Poetry Book Collaborator
Requiescat In Pace
Registered
Joined
Oct 17, 2005
Messages
13,050
Reaction score
3,524
Age
55
Website
www.trumpstump2016.com
A great way to do it... is to ratchet up the tension. reveal slowing... build up to a false conclusion... then overwhelm us with grief and fear.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.