Serial Killer Pet Peeves

Folks knocking on my door right in the middle of a really good torture session and asking me to turn the radio down. And I know for danged sure if I did that they'd start complaining about the screaming.

Eesh, some folks are never happy.

You can't believe how annoying it is when right before they die they finally figure it out and THEN try to fight back, and it's like "Dude, you're almost dead, give it up. You didn't fight 2 minutes ago, you're not going to fight now. Sheesh."

TsukiRyoko said:

I know, that use to happen to me before I started going to the KA meetings (killers anonymous) and they showed me how to properly cut out a victims vocal chords. "If they scream, you're not doing it right!" Step 9 of 12...

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I tried that once, but the face contortions without the screaming? That just freaked me out.

I then tried to carve up their face so it wouldn't contort so much but then they died too quickly. Now that my friends is beyond annoying. Talk about unsatisfying.

What annoys me is when they run out the front door and wake up the neighbours instead of bolting up the stairs and hiding in a cupboard. And when they run to their car, get inside without falling over or dropping their keys and the damn thing starts first time. And especially when I'm hiding in some bushes and no one who remotely reminds me of my mother walks past for like three days and I haven't brought any Kendal mint cake or a blanket and I get cramp in my knees and pins and needles in my arse and I end up wetting my panever mind.

I hate it when they finally decide to use the security escort service instead of walking alone in a dark car port. I can't get it. They should not think about what's lurking behind one of the pillars and just go about their business, so I can go about mine.

I hate it when my timing is wrong. Just the other night, as a likely candidate strolled slowly across the dimly-lit parking lot in my direction, I went ahead and soaked the handkerchief with chloroform, and immediately forgot I had done so. While I do remember sneezing, I have no recollection of the rest of the cars leaving.

And then there was the time I forgot the duct tape, and was forced to use some old kite string. Needless to say, she got away. To make matters worse, she didn't even run, she just walked briskly.

I'm sure that, once I get the first kill under my belt, things will go smoother.

When they stay together. oooo, I hate that. I mean, what's one little trip into a dark room by yourself gonna hurt?

I'll tell you what else is irritating: when you've spent a whole evening finding a hooker, finding a quiet spot where no one's smoking crack or setting a car on fire, immobilising and gaffer-taping her and wrapping her in a sack, and then you go to put her in the boot and find you've forgotten to take the shopping out. Note to self: buy larger car.

I get really annoyed when the police do their random drive-by just as I am about to snatch my victim off the street corner with the old "fake car trouble" trick. Stupid coppers are always showing up at the worst times.

whistlelock said:

When they stay together. oooo, I hate that.

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Cheap sawblades. False economy.

Forget the best blade at home. Dull knife blade.

The produce section in grocery stores. They're not what they used to be.

maestrowork said:

The produce section in grocery stores. They're not what they used to be.

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Nice one, rain man.

Something else I REALLY hate is when I sneak into a young girl's bedr.. um... a young woman's bedroom, and I peel back the covers on the bed and there's just a load of rolled-up blankets underneath, because she knew I was coming and she's waiting in the cupboard behind me with a pickaxe. Although, I suppose I did say I'd rather they hid in the cupboard than ran out the door. Swings and roundabouts, I guess.

Freezers. They can't really hold much.

Mason jars aren't very good hiding places for body parts. Learned that lesson the hard way.

What about the bastards in Texas that carry their own guns, when all I have is this bloody icepick?

That annoying begging and whining!

"OH, please let me live! Take my wallet - my jewelry! I have a wife and kids and home! My wife is expecting!"

Wah WAH wah.



Shut up and die already.

robeiae said:

What about the bastards in Texas that carry their own guns, when all I have is this bloody icepick?

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Rednecks who shoot first and ask questions later.

I hate it when they hear my chainsaw and start running!

Don't they know how heavy the bastard is?

crap!

And with gas prices so high - I really don't need to be stopping and starting the thing so often.


No respect!

Finding out your intended victim is a better serial killer than you. Ouch!

maestrowork said:

Freezers. They can't really hold much.

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I'd refer you to the Underground thread on this one, Ray.