Age Differences In Relationships

There is a 16 year age difference between my husband and myself and the gap has never caused a problem. It was something we thought about at first, but quickly decided it was much more important for us to be together. Any conflicts we have had have never been a result of our age difference. We married for love--neither of us had any money to speak of.

1. Yup--anyone can make it if it's right and they try.

2. No, although the whole anna nicole smith--old dude was a very weird. There has to be physical attraction as well as mental, and I find it difficult to believe a 20-something stripper was attracted to a decrepit man who couldn't even wipe his own butt. She may have loved him, but I doubt she was ever "in-love" with him.

3. Depends on their maturity level of each person and how old they were when they got together.

4. If she is mature enough, yes.

5. I never assume unless the woman is obviously a prostitute, although as a writer I do speculate

6. Yes, although timing has more to do with this. If my husband and I had gotten together when I was 16, that would have been highly inappropriate, but at 25 it was no big deal.

7. I have a 20 yr old stepson. He was 13 when his dad and I got married. I was lucky that he really liked me(and I him) from the get go. I have never tried to be his parent, just a friend. I have also never tried to get between my husband and my stepson.

8. I can't vouch for everyone, but we are very happy

Feel free to PM me if you want further info.

My last girlfriend was 20 years younger than I.

Interesting topic, since May-December relationship is not uncommon these days.

These are only my opinions:

1. do you think a male of 50 and a female of 30 have a chance of making it or a female of 50 and a male of 30? (or ages between - I am sure you get the drift!)

Anything is possible. I have seen both. It depends on the people involved and their situations. Do they live together? Is it a long distance relationship? Are they financially secure? Etc. However, I think it would be easier for an older man and a younger female if you consider maturity levels as well as financial. Men are * in general * more immature than women their same age. So maturity-wise, I think a 50yo man and a 30yo woman would get along better than a 50yo woman and a 30yo man (that's almost like a mother/son relationship as far as maturity is concerned!).


2. Do you think there should be a maximum age difference between two people?

100?

I think anything more than 20 years would be a problem. The difference would be more difficult to overcome. It also depends on the starting point, though. I mean it's easier for a 60yo and a 40yo to get along than for a 40yo and a 20yo.


3. What problems would you think such a couple of would face?

Energy levels. Interest levels. Is one a homebody and the other a social butterfly? How about experience and maturity? I think it has more to do with the intelligence, experience and personalities than the actual age. One real problem, though: aging. As the couple ages, the difference might become difficult to handle. For example, when one partner is 65 and the other is only 45. If children are involved, it can be really tricky.

One of my parents' friend was married to an older man. He was 60 years old when they had their last child. The woman was barely over 50 when she had to take care of her 80yo sick husband. He left her to be a widow at age 56, I think.

4. Do you think a woman in her early twenties can truly love and have a long term relationship with a someone 25 years her senior?

Hard to say. But women in her early 20s would have many life issues and questions -- again it depends on the person, but 25 years is a lot. It's like dating your own father in most cases, and it's got to be weird.


5. What is your immediate reaction when seeing such a couple in the street. Is it
"OMG he can be her father - what the hell is she thinking?"
Is it -
"He must be wealthy she just wants his money?"
or is it
"That is really beautiful. And it is great to see something like that."

There is a certain yuck factor for most people to see such a huge difference. If it's a 50yo man with a 20-something woman, money and sex come to mind. If it's a 50yo woman and a 20-something man, most people would think "boy toy." It's silly, but that's how people are.


6. Do you think Love has no age limits?

Love has no age limit. But romantic love might: sex, social status, living habits, etc.

7. The effect on children when a StepMom or GF is closer to age to the children than she is to her Hubby or BF.

It depends. The "mom" could lose her authority as a mother, not to mention the obstacles of being a step-parent. I thin in this case, it's best if the relationship is more of a "friendly" one. Let's be friends.


8. And finally, and not kidding..... do you think sexual relations between the two are better, worse or the same?

It depends. If both are healthy, sexual, romantic, etc. I don't see how it would be any different than any other couples. However, differences in libido, experiences, or interests might be a problem. Also, if the younger partner is too young, he or she might wonder: Is that it? He or she will have plenty of attractive suitors their own age -- can the older partner hold on to the younger person with all the options out there? Or maybe they would have an open relationship...

The thing is, relationships/love/etc. is such a complex thing -- there really is not correct answer. Everything would just be generalization and stereotypes. It really does depend on the people. I have seen multi-generational relationships work and not work. If you ask these couples the same questions, they would give you totally different answers.



ETA: I have dated older women, or women my age who look older. I look younger than my age so sometimes we did get looks from people. People can be unkind. I remember hearing a friend saying something like "she's robbing the cradle." The funny thing was, the age difference wasn't even that great.

1. do you think a male of 50 and a female of 30 have a chance of making it or a female of 50 and a male of 30? (or ages between - I am sure you get the drift!)
Yes. If you're in love, age shouldn't matter. Although as a male I prefer the older man, younger woman scenario, but I have dated women 10 years older than myself.
2. Do you think there should be a maximum age difference between two people?
No. As I said, age knows no age limits.
3. What problems would you think such a couple of would face?
The only problems would be related to memories. By that I mean, their tastes in music would certainly be different. How they relate to current events would be different because of their perspectives.
4. Do you think a woman in her early twenties can truly love and have a long term relationship with a someone 25 years her senior?
Yes. Again, see 1 and 2.
5. What is your immediate reaction when seeing such a couple in the street. Is it
"OMG he can be her father - what the hell is she thinking?"
Is it -
"He must be wealthy she just wants his money?"
or is it
"That is really beautiful. And it is great to see something like that."
Yes. But it ain't about me, is it?
6. Do you think Love has no age limits?
Yes.
7. The effect on children when a StepMom or GF is closer to age to the children than she is to her Hubby or BF.
My dad's girl friends were consistently my age or younger. I razzed him by telling him I had just seen "High Noon." The one with Gary Cooper and Grace Kelly. And I said to my dad, "How unbelievable. He's old enough to be his daughter!" But again, it isn't about the children, it's about the two who are in love. There comes a time in everyone's life when they have to be selfish and just think of their own best interests. Understanding children will accept it if they know the parent is happy.
8. And finally, and not kidding..... do you think sexual relations between the two are better, worse or the same?
Better for the older man, yes, definately. And after all, isn't that all that matters?

TeddyG said:

This is actually some research for an idea of a WIP, though due to its nature it probably belongs on this board.

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I am your man, Teddy.

1. do you think a male of 50 and a female of 30 have a chance of making it or a female of 50 and a male of 30? (or ages between - I am sure you get the drift!)

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I am 56 and my wife is 31. We have a very happy, stable marriage, with two small children, 6 and 3 yrs. I certainly don't act my age, here or elsewhere.

2. Do you think there should be a maximum age difference between two people?

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I don't think you'll get an unbiased answer from me on this. You'll have to wait for responses from others.

3. What problems would you think such a couple of would face?

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None yet. When I start showing my age more, and when it starts to slow me down physically, there may be some issues.

4. Do you think a woman in her early twenties can truly love and have a long term relationship with a someone 25 years her senior?

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You'll have to ask my wife. She is very mature, very stable, and I'm very immature (but stable). There are strong intellectual and emotional ties, and that helps. We both think we make really cool babies. A possible factor--my wife's father and step-mother had a large age difference, so it probably wasn't a big deal to her from the beginning.

5. What is your immediate reaction when seeing such a couple in the street. Is it
"OMG he can be her father - what the hell is she thinking?"
Is it -
"He must be wealthy she just wants his money?"
or is it
"That is really beautiful. And it is great to see something like that."

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Again, my answer will be biased.

6. Do you think Love has no age limits?

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Love just is. It happens in the strangest places and in the strangest of ways. I feel sorry for anyone who tries to put limits on it.

7. The effect on children when a StepMom or GF is closer to age to the children than she is to her Hubby or BF.

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My daughter from my first marriage is the same age as my wife. It was rough on her at first, but she has come around since she's seen the happiness in the union. Whether she has some reserved feelings on this, I don't know. It took her a while to get used to having young siblings.

8. And finally, and not kidding..... do you think sexual relations between the two are better, worse or the same?

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The worst I've ever had was wonderful. (No change)

My only request is please if you are answering try to keep it civil and to the point. (No religion no politics here.) I am truly interested in both the negative and positive reactions that YOU feel. Honest and straightforward. Thank you....

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I, too, will be very interested in the responses.

Okay, here are the biased answers.

2. Do you think there should be a maximum age difference between two people?

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No. Not an age difference. I think there should be a motive limit. Anything besides love should be re-thought.

5. What is your immediate reaction when seeing such a couple in the street. Is it
"OMG he can be her father - what the hell is she thinking?"
Is it -
"He must be wealthy she just wants his money?"
or is it
"That is really beautiful. And it is great to see something like that."

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This is interesting because I have the same throughts others have expressed--she's an arm ornament, a trophy wife. He's a dirty old man. Do I think these apply to me? No. I don't see myself as mid-fifties. I know I am, but I still feel much younger, if you know what I mean. This isn't self-delusional. I'm very comfortable and secure with my age, or I wouldn't be answering this thread question. Also, I've never looked my age. It's coming, but it still surprises people at this point.


I think those are the only two I passed on due to a bias. Happy now?

Hmmm...

My grandfather was 11 years older than my grandmother, but I found that alright.

It's not the age difference, but the age.
A friend of mine is 14, and he's with a 16 year old girl. That's considered a bit of a stretch of the unwritten rules. Also, if it were the other way around, and he was the older, things would be different again.

It would be unheard of for a 16 year old to be with a 13 year old, it's considered wrong. But if the same people waited 7 years, that would be perfectly normal.

I have yet to hear a testimony of an older woman with a younger man. C'mon, fess up!

NeuroFizz said:

Also, I've never looked my age. It's coming, but it still surprises people at this point.


I

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My husband is the same way. It's very difficult to pin an age on him.

I don't look my age at all. I still get carded and have people ask me, "Do you go to school around here?" It makes finding the perfect, older woman more difficult. Seriously, one woman wouldn't date me because she thought I was too young for her. It turned out I was actually 2 years older than she!

Hi Teddy,

Maybe I can help with this. I dated older men in my teens -- without having sex. My input could help understanding the younger girls I'm 25 now, so I'm still close enough to remember what young love was like



1. do you think a male of 50 and a female of 30 have a chance of making it or a female of 50 and a male of 30? (or ages between - I am sure you get the drift!)

Socially, an older man seems more acceptable. It's strange as the numbers are still the same. Younger men with older woman are always seen as "young man wanting a mother figure or sex slave," and younger women are seen as "wanting someone more mature to understand them."

This is the opinion on the passer-by on the street. Family members would feel differently, knowing both people in the relationship.

When I was in relationships with older men (6-10 years older), my parents were satisfied knowing I was happy and not sexually active with them. Mum and Dad were more interested in how I felt with the person, rather than the numbers.

2. Do you think there should be a maximum age difference between two people?
No. For me, anyone over 15 years my senior makes me feel uncomfortable, but that is a personal thing. Your characters could have a special interest they share that makes the age difference fade.


3. What problems would you think such a couple of would face?
- negative family views
- friends trying to break them up, or find someone "more their age"
- legal limitations like marriage age or adoption rights


4. Do you think a woman in her early twenties can truly love and have a long term relationship with a someone 25 years her senior?
Yes, it's quite possible. As I said above, womens' affections are fueled on intelligence or a common bond.

5. What is your immediate reaction when seeing such a couple in the street.
If I saw a young, brunette lady with a grey-haired man, my first thought would be, "WOW! She looks young! Her husband looks like he's in his 50s, yet she looks a day over 30! I wonder if she's had work done?" lol

6. Do you think Love has no age limits?
Love has no age limits. It does, however, dwindle with imperfection. Disability, bad attitudes, children or busy lifestyles can destroy the chances of relationships. It seems love can gloss over age differences or bad skin, but not difficult lifestyles.


8. And finally, and not kidding..... do you think sexual relations between the two are better, worse or the same?

I never had sex with someone substantially older than I, but I would imagine from the kissing stuff that there is no difference. I'm going to let someone with more sexual experience answer this one!

I think you find more younger women with older men because (in generalized terms) a lot of guys just don't have the maturity level some women are looking for at similar ages.

I'm attracted to older men, but I'm also attracted to younger guys - and when that does happen, depending on his age, I actually feel creeped out. Like I'm some kind of perv for thinking that way about a guy 10 years my junior - even though that means he's still of legal age.

I admit when I see big age differences in couples in public - when the man is clearly older - my initial reaction honestly is negative. I do wonder, if they're getting out of a hot sports car, if she's in it for the money and he's just having a mid-life crisis.

But then my rational brain kicks in and I figure "it's not a crime, and they're both clearly happy."

I think also it's the ages of the people at the time I see them that affects my reaction. There's a certain arena there, between your 30's and your 50's where it all seems to equal out. I certainly don't feel my age, and most likely don't act my age, and literally forget my age sometimes.

Which might explain why I'm not in any relationship and really have no business offering up an opinion

Okay Here goes.

Age. I don't think it matters, but I think it MIGHT matter depending on the people. I think we all mature differently.

I am one year older than my husband. In the past I might have said I'd rather marry someone older than me, but now I'm glad I didn't. My parents are ten years apart--my father is older than my mother. It hasn't made any difference in their marriage and they've been married for 53 years.

But now I see how my husband and I are aging and I think I act and look younger than him. I like being around younger people, too because it makes me FEEL younger.

There are certain advantages to being with someone who is close to your own age. When we think back to growing up--the music groups we both remember, the clothes we used to wear, the families we grew up in, how it was in the sixties and seventies, for example--we both can relate. We have similar high school memories and experiences.


Sexual differences--this is very dependent on the people involved. There are 30-something year old men who might have low sex drives AND there are 50--year-old men who have strong sex drives. (and vice versa) They just need a partner who has a similar sex drive, regardless of how old she is. That's why sometimes it's better if it's a 50 year old woman and a 30 year old man if they're both healthy and energetic. It depends on how well you take care of yourself. Sometimes a 50 year old woman doesn't care much about sex anymore because she's let herself go and/or she has immersed herself in family and work. So then maybe her 50 year old husband, if she has one, starts looking around for someone younger.

I basically think you can BE 50 and act 30 or vice versa. Age differences are only a problem if people let them be a problem.

hitler was 55 and eva braun was 33. if those crazy kids couldn't make it work, what chance do the rest of us have?

Also, a couple of examples of an older woman/younger man:

Demi Moore (44) and Ashton Kutcher (28)

Barbara Hershey (58) and Naveen Andrews (37)

Susan Sarandon (59) and Tim Robbins (48)

My husband and I are only a year and a half apart in age, though due to genetics, he looks much older than me, now. So I think even if you marry someone your age, down the road you might still run into that "May-December" response from people. The answer is not to give a flick what people think, of course, either at the outset of your relationship or 25 years down the pike.

I think marriage should be about love and commitment, and age is important only to the extent that it affects compatibility. I've often thought that marriages were strong when the temperaments/personalities were somewhat opposite, but the interests/values were similar. These things can transcend age differences.

i believe that age is not as issue if people truly care for one another, but i also believe there is a point of diminishing returns, where life experiences are so out of whack that it can only be chalked up to ulterior motives.

William Haskins said:

i believe that age is not as issue if people truly care for one another, but i also believe there is a point of diminishing returns, where life experiences are so out of whack that it can only be chalked up to ulterior motives.

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I fully agree, but with the addition that those same ulterior motives can exist in close-age marriages as well. They are not strictly age-difference related, although their likelihood increases with increasing age differences.

indeed.

maestrowork said:

Men are * in general * more immature than women their same age. So maturity-wise, I think a 50yo man and a 30yo woman would get along better than a 50yo woman and a 30yo man (that's almost like a mother/son relationship as far as maturity is concerned!).

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You said "that's almost like a mother/son relationship" but the same type of thing could be said about the 50 year old man and the 30 year old woman. Some might say that is like "a father/daughter relationship." Meaning, is this woman really looking for a father figure?

My parents have a 13 year age difference. I had a moment, many years ago, when I realized that my dad was closer in age to my maternal grandfather than he was to my mom. But I didn't care. My grandfather, on the other hand, cared very much. He didn't like my dad for a long, long time (of course, being a divorced father of three teenage sons probably didn't endear him, either).

My parents have been married for almost thirty years.

My sister is currently living with a man roughly ten years older than her (I never asked his age, so I'm not sure of the precise difference). He is a separated father of two school-aged boys. They have been together a year, and seem happy.

But for a more extreme example, there are Bruce and Ana. Ana and I work together. She is twenty-one years old. He is in his early forties. She desperately wants kids, and to settle into some mythical ideal of the "barefoot and pregnant" lifestyle. He has two teenage children, and he shares custody of them with his ex. They married two years ago, when Ana was nineteen. They have been trying to have a baby for the last year and a half.

I have personal opinions on her decision to start a family so soon, but that is not my call. It's hers and his. But Ana did not have a very supportive family growing up. She moved out of her parents' house and right into Bruce's (after about two unsuccessful years of college). And I fear that she's trying to create an artificially perfect family life for herself at an age where she hasn't really lived yet.

But on to your questions.

1. do you think a male of 50 and a female of 30 have a chance of making it or a female of 50 and a male of 30? (or ages between - I am sure you get the drift!)

Yes. I think that when both parties are of a more mature age, then a twenty year age gap shouldn't be such a huge deal. It's different if she is 16 and he is 36, because one is less mature than the other (not to mention a personal ick factor there).

2. Do you think there should be a maximum age difference between two people?

Only in cases of people like Anna Nicole Smith. Ew.

But no, I don't think you can put an age cap on love.

3. What problems would you think such a couple of would face?

Again, I don't see the 30/50 thing in terms of being a big deal. Not everyone looks their age, so it may not be apparent. I can see family members snickering at first, maybe being against the idea. But they usually come around.

4. Do you think a woman in her early twenties can truly love and have a long term relationship with a someone 25 years her senior?

I think it's possible (see above about Bruce and Ana). But I can also see there being problems when he's closing in on retirement age and wants to travel, but she's still got twenty years of working left in her. Age will always create problems, but (and I'm going the fairy tale ending route here), love can usually conquer those problems. As long as they are dealt with, and not left to fester into something else.

5. What is your immediate reaction when seeing such a couple in the street.

The funny thing is, how do you know it's not just a father and daughter? Or a mother and son? Unless they openly sharing PDA's or have matching wedding bands, we are always assuming. People have mistaken Ana for Bruce's daughter. Sometimes they laugh it off, sometimes he gets angry. But when Ana relays the stories about Bruce getting mad, it's all I can do not to shake my head and say, "What were you expecting? You do look like his daughter!"

6. Do you think Love has no age limits?

Real love, no. The I-Love-Your-Bank-Account/Inheritence, yes.

7. The effect on children when a StepMom or GF is closer to age to the children than she is to her Hubby or BF.

Back to Ana and Bruce. He has a sixteen year old daughter, and a fifteen year old son. Both lived with them when they first got married. Last year, his daughter moved back with her biological mom. She was failing classes, getting into fights. She needed a stronger female role model, and has since shaped up.

The son is a slacker in the nicest possible definition of the word. He tries to get away with stuff, but fails miserably. He doesn't listen to Ana or respect her as an authority, but isn't mean about it (I don't think the kid has a mean bone in his body, he's just lazy and sort of...um, dumb). Ana runs the house (cooks, cleans, does laundry, ect), but she has no real authority over Bruce's kids. They don't see her on the same level as they see their biological mom.

8. And finally, and not kidding..... do you think sexual relations between the two are better, worse or the same?

No comment. Because honestly, I have no point of reference. I don't think I can answer that without having been in both a standard, and a May/December relationship. I can't compare apples to oranges without having tried them both at least once.

rhymegirl said:

You said "that's almost like a mother/son relationship" but the same type of thing could be said about the 50 year old man and the 30 year old woman. Some might say that is like "a father/daughter relationship." Meaning, is this woman really looking for a father figure?

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But the point is maturity level. Most 30yo women I know are very mature. Many 30yo men think they're 16. That's probably why you do see more older men/younger women pair because maturity-wise, they are more in tune. Pairing a 50yo woman with a 20yo man might amplify the mother/son complex.

maestrowork said:

I have yet to hear a testimony of an older woman with a younger man. C'mon, fess up!

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Okay. My fiance is 14 years younger than I. We've been together for 5 1/2 years, we'll be getting married in March '07. I met him when he was 21 and I was 35. We joke now about how I seduced him in his poor little innocence. That's actually not too far from the truth.

1. do you think a male of 50 and a female of 30 have a chance of making it or a female of 50 and a male of 30? (or ages between - I am sure you get the drift!)

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As others have said, it really depends on the people. Though, based on experience, I'd say the older male/younger female have a better chance at making it. There are so many hurdles to overcome in a love relationship, even in ideal circumstances. Society is more accepting of an older man with a younger woman, making that one less hurdle for them. There are more, but I'd be here all day...

2. Do you think there should be a maximum age difference between two people?

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Not if they're both consenting adults.

3. What problems would you think such a couple of would face?

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Societal/familial acceptance, generational differences in cultural experience (he knows squat about the Beatles, has no idea who Jeff Spicoli was) differences in career direction, gaps in life experience, differences in general health (I'm starting to develop arthritis--he simply can't relate).

4. Do you think a woman in her early twenties can truly love and have a long term relationship with a someone 25 years her senior?

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Yes, because women aren't as dependent on visual stimulation.

5. What is your immediate reaction when seeing such a couple in the street. Is it
"OMG he can be her father - what the hell is she thinking?"
Is it -
"He must be wealthy she just wants his money?"
or is it
"That is really beautiful. And it is great to see something like that."

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Usually, it's, "I wonder how his first wife felt when she got dumped?"

6. Do you think Love has no age limits?

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Mostly--when both participants are realistic in their vision of their future together.

7. The effect on children when a StepMom or GF is closer to age to the children than she is to her Hubby or BF.

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My dad's second wife was 3 months younger than I. It bugged me at first, but then we got to be good friends.

8. And finally, and not kidding..... do you think sexual relations between the two are better, worse or the same?

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That's completely dependent on the participants. I don't think age affects drive as much as other life issues--work, children, stress, etc.