Lantern Jack and Celia Cyanide are an item at last!

Finally, after teetering on the brink for many a month, resident cantankerous kook, Lantern Jack, and local psychotropic flower child, Celia Cyanide have toppled into Love, and it's a looooooooooong way down. Some are ecstatic about the entangling of these most moony hearts. Lucifer abandoned his throne in the boiling pits of Hades to come up and offer his full and flaming support for the torrid twosome:

At last, the final key to the Door of Armageddon has been slipped and twisted, the Dark Lord (aka William Haskins) was reported chortling.

Others are less gleeful about this most controversial coupling. Celia Cyanide's myriad groupies have started a hunger strike, threatening to waste away until Celia 'junks the Jack (***, off, etc.')

The only thing I'll chew on is my bile-soaked tongue until that foul fiend releases fairest Celia from his dastardly clutches, Shadow Ferret was anonymously quoted.

Love 'em or loath 'em, this cockeyed couple have the following to say to AW and its high priestess, Jenna Glatzer (and her attendant fays, the Mods)...

Behold the mighty evil you have wrought!

No, just messing!

Seriously, this is proof positive Absolute Write can not only galvanize muses and get quills prancing, but also work awesome miracles.

Much love. Be blessed all!

It's been absolutely fantabulous (wait, can use that word, I'm in hetero mode at the mo), Rachel and I. First, I got to play the hero. Rachel went into this super-chic salon to have her split ends snipped and hair dyed and walked out with the start of a severe contact allergy. Last time this happened, she ended up in the hospital, hooked up to IV drips, ears like burst tomatoes. Now when she came to me, head full of fire ants, I instantly sprang to Google and got her in the shower, doused her head with diluted hydrogen peroxide to oxidize the PPD, scrubbed the dregs of it away with a mild soap, then slathered the raw flesh with copious amounts of hydrocortisone. Next day, what could of been an ER affair was averted with a couple of bottles of Aloe-enriched, 10-moisturizer Benadryl cream.

So, yay me!

Then Rachel was kind enough to take me along to a shoot at a feature film. They were shooting in a sports bar for tool boxes, pretty sweet classic Guiness ads on the wall, barber poles, bi-planes on the ceiling. So we spent the morning sitting across from each other mouthing horrible dialogues---me breaking up with Rachel because she turned out to be my sister/a man/cheating on me with the other three girls at the table. Since there weren't any certified bartenders on the premises and it was 6 in the morning, we couldn't have real beer, so Rachel got a water cocktail with olives she was eyeing the whole while, while I got a frothy seidel of non-alcoholic beer (even though there's no such damn thing!) Then the director, a real Kubrick, had us cross and re-cross the floor with a mess of other couples for a dolly shot. We tramped across that floor so many times, I wanted to poke him in the eyeball with that little, plastic sword skewering the olives in Rachel's pseudo-martini.

But there was a good spread there: cheese danishes and cinnamon donuts and powdered-sugar muffins for breakfast and gourmet meatballs and mini-sausages on toothpicks and palm slices of pepperoni and sausage pizza. I confess to over-indulging, but I was suffering for art, and it wasn't even my art. I deserved compensation!

Then we curled up and watched Ginger Snaps, the sweetest and most disturbing lycanthropy-as-a-symbol-for-female-adolescent-angst movie I've ever seen.

Poor Sam! That's what you get for playing Van Helsing, dudinsky.

Anyhoo, PRAYERS, PLEASE!!!

I'm going after a $10-an-hour, benefits, full-time job at a bookstore in the Mall of America tomorrow. My ap and resumes in and I'm hitting up the hiring manager first moment the gate scrolls up tomorrow. I want this dream. It's the final piece in the jigsaw of long-sought bliss to be clicked into place. I adore books, total bibliophile. I've got retail experience. This is my first chance for what I never dreamed of---absolute happiness.

So prayers, let the welkin ring with your pleadings! I want this so badly. I shall be eternally grateful.

Celia and I---love's a gateway drug, gateway to heaven. Me, I'm quavering with mystic transport.

Any advice for us dewy-eyed lovers?

Thanks all, and much love!