View Full Version : Bulwer Lytton wannabes.

07-13-2006, 05:43 PM
So, come on then. There's been a lot of talk lately about the Bulwer-Lytton comp. (http://www2.sjsu.edu/depts/english/2006.htm)

What's the worst you can do? I'll give a rep point for every entry that makes me groan out loud.

Oh, and please remember - it's supposed to be bad not offensive.

07-13-2006, 05:53 PM
Tony, his naked belly jiggling as he laughed at yet another unfunny joke from Emma, spat the remaining food from his mouth which he had yet to fully chew and portions fell on the bar table in front of him. It wasn't as if Emma would be really interested in Tony, she couldn't very well think that he was appealing not when his gut stuck to the wooden table because that would put anyone off and his rotting teeth when he smiled just reminded everyone of the unhygenic slobs inabilty to clean himself properly.

07-14-2006, 03:06 AM
Okay, just checking here. it had to be badly written as well, not just baaad.

FWIW, I did try to write that badly, just in case anyone was wondering, or now thinking, wow that's a bad writer (not that I'm a good one though).

If no-one else posts, do I win?

07-14-2006, 03:13 AM
:D Ah, quit yer whinging - you got a rep point didn'tcha.

Seriously, though - learning to write badly is a great way of learning to write well (honest gov). Here's my attempt.

"It was a dark and stormy night over the blackened harbour where the moon reflected longingly in the deep, deep oceans of the great seas of Martouf - where far away a beautiful maiden was singing for her lost love and bewitching sailors with her silken voice; one of these was Tamarind, a rugged old sea-dog, whose heart twitched rabidly at the velvety undertones of the maiden's lament - and ships tossed in the rough waters, struggling to find their way in the pitch black of the night, guided only by a clear white beam of light from the lighthouse on the far cliff, and the somewhat paler lanterns of the wreckers off the southern shoreline, where young Katie stood, waiting for the return of her dead lover, Adam."