Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

MidnightMuse · Jul 7, 2006

You see, I have two older sisters. One I live with (we'll call her C) and one I don't (we'll call her K).

C, whom I reside with, does not write but reads books constantly. She loves my writing, and she's my best advisor/critic/coach/encourager. She's thrilled that I found this forum and have decided to take getting published seriously.

K, who is married with children, was an English teacher for years, then became a homeschool teacher and ended up running a state-wide chapter of homeschoolers. She's been "writing" since we were kids (as have I) and constantly informs people she has completed her "novel" and will soon publish.

(I believe it to be a non-fiction How To book on feeling superior to one's siblings - but I'm only guessing)

K, as you may imagine, offers me - the youngest of us three - absolutely no respect as a human being, an adult, or a writer-on-a-quest. She has never read a thing I've written, and assumes it all to be drek as I have no English Degree of Superiority. In fact, her assumption of superiority is so supreme, I often fear for her safety during rainstorms, what with her nose pointed upward so.

Alas - it was unfortunately her birthday today, so sister C and I, plus the rest of the family, all went out to dinner. Whereupon the subject of HER "book" comes up, and she announces that she's completed the "fixing up" and is now god. Foolishly, I offered to assist her in a search for an agent.

Okay--horrifically long confession short--she assumes I am an idiot, and this "writing group on the 'net" is absurd and well beneath her. As are agents.

I believe in my heart she's going to vanity the thing. And I'm going to let her.

Am I damned to hell ?

Jenan Mac · Jul 7, 2006

Well, you did offer to help her out, so I think you're in the clear.
However, that does not mean you may point and laugh when she ends up spending $9000 on a badly bound set of ten copies. That may cause your reincarnation as a hamster.

Haggis · Jul 7, 2006

MidnightMuse said:
Am I damned to hell ?

Yes. But only if you point and laugh.

MidnightMuse · Jul 7, 2006

I . . . I can't?

But I LIKE hamsters.

Jenan Mac · Jul 7, 2006

Yes, but really bad siblings come back as hamsters sold to hyperactive five-year-olds.
It wouldn't be pretty.

Aconite · Jul 7, 2006

You attempted to keep your sister from falling into error. All that's required of you is the attempt; you can't help it if she falls through her own actions. So you're in the clear there.

I'm pretty sure there's special dispensation for snickering at her expression when she finally Googles "Desert Rose," "AuthorHouse," or "PublishAmerica," and realizes listening to you could have saved her a lot of trouble.

Angela · Jul 7, 2006

I agree with everyone else. You TRIED to help her, and that's what really matters. I would feel the same way if it was me in your shoes, but you can't force her to accept your help, nor can you force her to visit this wonderful site! (Just don't gloat later and say, "I told you so." when she get taken. Then you probably WOULD go to hell.)

Shwebb · Jul 7, 2006

Since she's your sister, it's a shame you won't be able to point and laugh.

However, if you really want to, when it happens--just let us know, and some of us will point and laugh for you.

Will that help?

DamaNegra · Jul 7, 2006

Everyone says you TRIED to help her, but no one thinks you can do more?

You're not the only member of the family, and I assume she listens to at least your other sister or your parents. Show them the list, tell them about vanity publishing and why it's a bad idea. They'll be sure to tell your sister, and maybe she will trust them. It will also be a good idea if they don't mention you told them about it, just to be sure. It's not a bad idea to try it.

alleycat · Jul 7, 2006

Think of it as . . . tough love.

:e2seesaw:

Ol' Fashioned Girl · Jul 7, 2006

Personally, I think you've been a saint already and you're in the clear.

Seriously, though, anything you do from this point forward will only be seen as your attempt to sabotage her... right or wrong, you can't win this one. It's better to relax and watch from a distance - it's the only way to save yourself and avoid getting hit by the shrapnel when the poop hits the fan.

WDS · Jul 7, 2006

Good advice all around from the others. I am sorry that you have to put up with someone that is so stuck up, but it happens to us all. Continue to try and inform your sister that what she is going to do is a bad idea, do not let up, and tell others in the hopes she listens to them. If you continue to apply pressure (not so much that she pops) she may begin to get the message, or at least look at the list to get you off her back. Good luck to you, your family, and everyone else.

Ps. Don't point and laugh, it would probably just enrage or sadden your sister, and both of those options are nasty things to do to someone.

Cabinscribe · Jul 7, 2006

I'm reminded of an old joke:

Q: What are two things you should never do in bed?
A: Point and laugh.

Anyway, in this case, I really don't think you will go to hell if you point and laugh.

You did offer to help.

If you want to try to maintain some kind of relationship for the sake of the family, try to step away from the situation before it gets really bad, and then when it does, try to be nice without using a lot of emotional energy.

But, don't forget to keep us posted on how bad it gets, because we can laugh all we want because she's not our sister!

DamaNegra · Jul 7, 2006

This is cruel, people. I think she should point all other members of her family to this site and other sites that help new writers, so they can, in turn, point her sister towards them without having the little-sister stigma attached to them.

alleycat · Jul 7, 2006

DamaNegra said:
This is cruel, people.

And your point is? Haven't you visited the TIO forum?

;-)

Branwyn · Jul 7, 2006

What's that saying...."You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink."

A. Hamilton · Jul 7, 2006

I agree with DamaNegra and WDS, you don't really want her to make a huge mistake, do you? Frustrating as it may be to relate to her, she is still your sister, I mean, we're not talking about some puffed up co-worker or something, this is family. It's a good idea to either try to talk to her again about this, maybe in private and make it all about her book and not about her shunning your own efforts? Let her know you are genuinely concerned. Or pass what you know about vanity presses on to your parents in the hopes she will listen to them. Sibling rivalry can suck but this is your chance to step up and be the mature sister.

DamaNegra · Jul 7, 2006

Yeah, if she's as bad as you describe her, you don't want to lower to her level, do you? Show her you are the best of the two.

mdin · Jul 7, 2006

She'll be with Publishamerica in a month.

StoryG27 · Jul 7, 2006

I think your sister's book and where and how it might be published sounds like the least of the problems between you and your sis. It doesn't sound like you even know what the book is about. Maybe if you show some enthusiasm about her work, take an interest in her book, then maybe she'll be more open to discussing agents/publishers with you, and maybe she'll actually show some interest in your work. If not, eh, at least you REALLY tried. From then on, just avoid the subject of your books altogether.

I have a sister who disagrees with me on EVERY fundamental belief I have, and vice versa. It has been a struggle, and we will never be really close or be best friends, but we learned to avoid many subjects and dug up a few things we can chat about without getting angry or defensive. Truthfully, it's taken us nearly a decade just to get where we are now, but it was worth it. I guess I always tried really hard to have some common ground because she would (maybe unintentionally, maybe not) use her kids against me, and I loved the little rugrats (still do). So I sort of had to swallow my pride and grit me teeth just to be around her so I could see my nieces and nephews. Now I'm glad I did, otherwise this fued would be an eternal wall we'd never be able to break. The fued will ALWAYS be there, but at least the wall is small enough that we can hop over it ocassionally and have a nice visit.

writerterri · Jul 7, 2006

Let her know you'll be there for her if she gets frustrated.

oswann · Jul 8, 2006

If you go to hell for that we are all doomed.

Os.

Inkdaub · Jul 8, 2006

Don't sweat it, Muse. Let your sister do as she will.

My family is a little bit different. My father was a writer and so is one of my sisters and myself. Wannabes I should say. But we were always supportive of eachother so that's good. Even though I couldn't stand my drunken buffoon father I always respected and loved the writer in him. My sis and me are about the same...struggling to figure it out and not eat a bullett in the process.

I have other siblings, however. They see the writing in one of two ways. Either it's a hobby like collecting baseball cards or it doesn't exist. They either are surprised when I mention writing...though I've mentioned it a million times...or they look confused like I told them I plan on being successful by making the worlds largest rubber band ball.

The poster above me is right on the money about deeper issues, though. My siblings and I have far more going against our relationships than my choice of vocation...or lack thereof.

SC Harrison · Jul 8, 2006

Send her an e-mail with a link to P&E, with a simple comment like, "This is a good resource."

Godfather · Jul 8, 2006

Ignorance... the essence and damning of us.

Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

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