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sunandshadow
07-03-2006, 11:14 AM
This is a surreal fantasy which explores the concept of 'race as a sexually transmitted disease', and also has (hermaphroditic) people requiring a sexual trigger to go through a pregnangy-like matamorphosis from teenager to adult.

I am urgent looking for opinions about whether Thorn should be introduced in scene 3, or not until later; this is the decision I need to make to complete this outline and move on to writing the actual script. Also, opinions/suggestions on the names would be great because I'm uncertain about them.


Hybridize (tentative title)
Surreal m/m Plant People Erotic Manga Outline
c. Mare Kuntz 2006

Scene 1: Zephrel had POTENTIAL. Or at least that's what everyone used to tell him. At 16 and 17 they had all admired his tall athletic form, his pure yellow markings, and told him he would do great things when he grew up. But now, all his age-mates were already adults their wings hatched, they could barely be seen in the distance, their golden forms soaring alone against the brilliant blue sky. Perhaps they had a word or two to say to each other, but none for the adolescents stuck on the ground. And stuck was exactly what Zephrel was at 22 he still had the form of an adolescent because he had never found someone who could trigger his metamorphosis. He was sterile, since only those who had blossomed into adulthood could conceive children; sterile, barren, stale, frustrated, and starting to get desperate. [Images for this scene show Zeph alone, looking tired and sad, gazing at the sky and frowning at his body, alternating with images of Zeph as a popular younger teen and the imagined adult body he would have.]

Scene 2: Zephrel's did have one true friend remaining to him, and this was probably what had kept him waiting patiently like a well-behaved young plant person for so long. But now like a favorite blanket that comfort was starting to wear thin. Zephrel's friend was Tine, a yellow-blue hybrid. Like all hybrids, he was looked down on for being tainted he had been totally amazed that the then-popular pureblood Zephrel would be his friend. So Tine looked up at Zephrel with hero worship, and Zeph wanted to protect the gentle Tine from the bullies who insulted and mistreated him and also though his hybrid taint was exotic and interesting. Since part of protecting Tine meant rescuing him from being a lonely virgin, they became lovers. They could not be passionate lovers, because neither was really suited for the other Tine was a natural-born follower who craved to be claimed and possessed by a dominant leader, while Zeph did not want authority or the responsibility that came with it, he wanted a companion who would be an equal and also craved to have smart philosophical conversations with someone more intelligent and daring-to-be-different than Tine, who instead longed to be normal, hating his hybridness.

Their relationship was never equal, could never be equal, because if Tine had ever topped Zeph his blue taint could have contagiously spread, and Tine absolutely refused to risk 'ruining' his admired friend. Zeph thought that the idea of being tainted was an interestingly forbidden possibility, but at first he agreed that it was smart to avoid it, since being a hybrid was not only socially despised, but carried the practical risk that when hybrids metamorphosed to their adult form their wings often turned out twisted and useless. But the more stuck and frustrated Zeph got the more he felt the need to do something drastically different. So Zeph asked Tine to taint him, and tine refused, saying Zeph was crazy. Zeph explained why he wanted to be tained and begged, and Tine refused again, saying he would never be able to forgive himself for if he did to someone else the thing he hated so much for having been done to him. So Zeph quit asking, and tried not to feel (but did not entirely succeed) that his only friend was part of what was keeping him trapped, because maybe if he was willing to expand his interest to other colors of people and accept the taint that came with that, maybe he could finally find someone who could trigger his metamorphosis. So now there was a permanent disagreement between Zeph and Tine, awkwardly covered over with a brittle silence about the topic of hybridization. [Images for this scene show Zeph and Tine meeting, Tine looking concerned and touching Zeph's shoulder, Zeph dredging up a smile and embracing Tine, Zeph screwing Tine from behind, and afterwards Tine sleeping and Zeph looking pensively off into the distance again.]

Scene 3: Zeph goes into town, looks at people of other colors, and pursues the idea of being tainted some more. Does Zeph meet Thorn first, or not until after sleeping with Venom? If so, insert two scenes with Thorn here. Zeph hears that Venom, a pureblood black, is offering a pile of money for a pureblood non-black who will let him taint them, because Venom has a fetish for this. Zeph rolls the idea around in his mind, then decides to go meet Venom and decide after meeting him whether he wants to do it.

Scene ?: Zephrel sees Venom for the first time and is immediately overwhelmed with the realization that this man is the one who can trigger him. He's a little hesitant because he doesn't know for sure, but he definitely thinks that letting himself be tainted is fine if it gives him a real chance at metamorphosing. But, when Zeph talks to Venom to arrange the deal, Zeph is a bit disconcerted and saddened that Venom doesn't seem to be as struck by him, and is more interested in the fetishy aspect of deliberately tainting a pureblood than in Zeph as an individual. However, Zeph is game for the fetishy part too, he starts getting into it so he'll be on the same wavelength as Venom. Zeph tells Venom about his friend Tine, and that he's not doing this for the money, as Venom expects, but instead because he really wants to be tainted. He is afraid Venom will reject him because maybe Venom is only interested in tainting people against their wills, but Venom treats it more as a puzzle, a dare to see whether Zephrel will still be willing when he gets to the moment of truth.

Scene ?: Venom screws Zeph (Zeph reflecting that he hasn't bottomed in a while) and they talk to each other emphasizing the fetishy aspects as well as how good it feels to Zeph and how amazed Venom is by Zeph's responsiveness. Big climax and Zeph is simultaneously triggered and tainted his belly begins to grow as the first black markings appear around his belly button. Venom is fascinated because he never triggered anyone before.

Scene ?: They make love again, playing with Zeph's growing belly and spreading taint, and talking about what will happen to Zeph as he metamorphoses. Zeph is eager to dive into his new life and tentatively mentions to Venom how cool it would be if he could get further tainted with more colors. Venom finds that stunningly erotic and strongly wants to watch someone else taint Zeph. He asks if Zeph had Tine in mind and the discuss the problems of this, and Thorn is brought up as an alternative, and they decide to ask him first.

Scene ?: Zeph acquires Thorn's red taint, leaving only blue, which he decides to share the good news of his metamorphosis starting with Tine, show him his taint, and if Tine is not too horrified, ask him one last time if he will contribute his blue taint to make Zeph a gorgeous rainbow, or whether Zeph has to ask someone else to do it. Tine hesitantly agrees, and the go back to Venom's house so he can watch, and Thorn is still there too. Thorn and Tine eye each other with nervous curiosity, having rarely met other hybrids. Tine is coached through hesitantly topping Zephrel, and Zeph tries to make things easier by telling Thorn to caress Tine from behind. Tine blushes furiously and Thorn says that Tine probably doesn't like him, and Tine immediately protest that he definitely does like Thorn, then blushes more, and says, but if Thorn doesn't like him, he doesn't have to... and Thorn says he thinks Tine is really cute and sweet... at any rate, Tine does manage to taint Zeph, but he's if anything more interested in Thorn who tops him, pulling out at the last moment so as not to doubly taint Tine, and Tine finishes him off orally, while Venom has reclaimed Zephrel and they are back to admiring his growing belly (now about 5 months pregnant) and spreading rainbow of taint.

Scene ?: Tine and Thorn shyly talk to each other about their hybridism. Thorn wonders whether it would be any worse to be multiply tainted. Tine shyly says that he wouldn't care what kind of hybrid he was if he just had someone who really loved him and would stay by his side. They begin screwing again without having really come to a decision, and Tine, in the heat of passion, finds himself begging Thorn to claim him. Thorn responds strongly to the idea of possessing Tine and tells Tine he belongs to him. As opposed to Zephrel and Venom's artistic and teasing lovemaking earlier, Tine and Thorn's is rough and elemental, they are both on fire and have forgotten about the rest of the world. When they get close to climax Tine tells thorn to come in him, and Thorn says only on the condition that Tine will taint him afterward, because it must be fair, they must do it together. Tine agrees, so Thorn taints him, and amazingly enough Tine also begins to go through metamorphosis, which throws a new monkey wrench in the works because Thorn is afraid Tine will become an adult and leave him behind, maybe returning to Zephrel. Tine swears and pleads that he won't, adult or teenager he wants to stay with Thorn and be hybrids together, like they just promised to. Thorn remains internally doubtful by moved by Tine's tears and his own sense of honor about keeping a promise, he agrees. They screw with Thorn riding Tine in cowboy position to emphasize the fact that Thorn is still the dominant one, and, (you knew it was cumming ;) ) Thorn also begins to metamorphose, and they coo and cuddle joyfully together and promise to stay together forever.

Scene ?: Meanwhile Zeph's metamorphosis has continued to progress, he's pretty much immobilized by his belly, lounging hedonistically in a nest of pillows, being waited on by Venom. They discuss how Zeph is sort of like Venom's pet. Venom is thinking about what will happen when this is over he doesn't want to go back to being alone except when he can bribe someone into his bed, and he's liking the feel of having Zeph as his pet, whereas his other lovers were more like wild animals who hated being caged. Then Tine and Thorn come in to show off the exciting new that they are both metamorphosing too, and Venom is struck by how madly in love with each other they seem to be, then after they have gone back to their own room again Venom notices that Zeph looks at him kind of the same way. Venom also reflects that he is somehow not annoyed that he missed Thorn and Tine getting tainted by each other, because he would rather have been here with Zephrel anyway. Because of Zeph's growing belly his dick is no longer reachable, and Venom reflects that he missed the chance for Zeph to screw him, and how he's glad it will be possible again after Zeph is done transforming... then pauses to realize this would imply that he, who has always been the pureblood who felt superior to the whores he tainted, is somehow subconsciously willing to let Zeph taint him.

Scene ?: Zeph is an egg now, so Venom is temporarily shut away from him he can look at the egg and pat it, and even talk to it but he knows Zeph can't hear him. He also goes and briefly looks in on Thorn and Tine, who are cuddling so closely they seem like two halves of one mystical rainbow being. Venom goes back and caresses Zeph's egg and realizes that he wants Zeph to taint him after he hatches, because Venom's mindset has reversed, he now sees rainbow hybrids as being a new amazing form of life which is a lot more exotic, cool, and special than just being a pureblood. Venom hesitates, suddenly afraid that Zeph and the others will turn out twisted cripples because of their extreme taint. He confesses his affection to Zeph's egg and pleads for him to come out healthy. On cue, Zeph hatches and is gorgeous he can't fly, but he doesn't care, because he says flying is solitary and he never wants to shut himself away from other people like that. Venom flings himself on Zephrel and babbles that he missed Zeph so much and he was worried but Zeph turned out so beautiful and please would Zephrel make him a rainbow because he wants to be the best, and he has realized now that rainbows are the best, not purebloods. Zephrel is surprised, then gets a very soft look, sweeps the smaller Venom off his feet into Zephrel's arms, then lays Venom down and gently begins to make love to him. Venom asks if this make's him Zeph's pet now, and Zephrel laughs that Venom can be Zeph's pet if Zeph can be Venom's pet. The story ends with wordless images of Thorn and Tine's eggs nestled together (maybe even merged together???) and a rainbow of taint emerging around Venom's navel as he arches in climax under Zephrel who is wearing a very loving look.

sunandshadow
07-03-2006, 11:17 AM
Also, here are some character design ideas, any opinions are welcome. :)
http://home.comcast.net/~wickeddelight/plantmansilhouettes4.jpg
A=Tine
M=Zephrel
R=Thorn
L=Venom
(just ignore the one in the lower right)

Giles English
07-06-2006, 07:43 PM
It's not really an outline because it doesn't describe what actually happens. So can't help you at this stage. Sorry.

sunandshadow
07-07-2006, 05:35 AM
What do you mean it doesn't describe what happens? Zephrel has sex with three people, acquires a spreading rainbow taint, turns into an egg, hatches, and acquires Venom as a permanent lover. And meanwhile Tine and Thorn have sex with Zephrel, fall in love with each other, taint each other and turn into eggs, and presumably will hatch shortly after the story ends. That's what happens in the story.

Giles English
07-07-2006, 02:58 PM
Sorry! Strangely I missed the stuff in square brackets:

Scene 2: Zephrel's did have one true friend remaining to him, and this was probably what had kept him waiting patiently like a well-behaved young plant person for so long. But now like a favorite blanket that comfort was starting to wear thin. Zephrel's friend was Tine, a yellow-blue hybrid. Like all hybrids, he was looked down on for being tainted – he had been totally amazed that the then-popular pureblood Zephrel would be his friend. So Tine looked up at Zephrel with hero worship, and Zeph wanted to protect the gentle Tine from the bullies who insulted and mistreated him and also though his hybrid taint was exotic and interesting. Since part of protecting Tine meant rescuing him from being a lonely virgin, they became lovers. They could not be passionate lovers, because neither was really suited for the other – Tine was a natural-born follower who craved to be claimed and possessed by a dominant leader, while Zeph did not want authority or the responsibility that came with it, he wanted a companion who would be an equal and also craved to have smart philosophical conversations with someone more intelligent and daring-to-be-different than Tine, who instead longed to be normal, hating his hybridness.

Their relationship was never equal, could never be equal, because if Tine had ever topped Zeph his blue taint could have contagiously spread, and Tine absolutely refused to risk 'ruining' his admired friend. Zeph thought that the idea of being tainted was an interestingly forbidden possibility, but at first he agreed that it was smart to avoid it, since being a hybrid was not only socially despised, but carried the practical risk that when hybrids metamorphosed to their adult form their wings often turned out twisted and useless. But the more stuck and frustrated Zeph got the more he felt the need to do something drastically different. So Zeph asked Tine to taint him, and tine refused, saying Zeph was crazy. Zeph explained why he wanted to be tained and begged, and Tine refused again, saying he would never be able to forgive himself for if he did to someone else the thing he hated so much for having been done to him. So Zeph quit asking, and tried not to feel (but did not entirely succeed) that his only friend was part of what was keeping him trapped, because maybe if he was willing to expand his interest to other colors of people and accept the taint that came with that, maybe he could finally find someone who could trigger his metamorphosis. So now there was a permanent disagreement between Zeph and Tine, awkwardly covered over with a brittle silence about the topic of hybridization.
I'm new to scriptwriting too, but I have been looking at how stories work in graphic novels, and there's a lot of similarity with prose.

The snag is you're still "telling not showing". What you have in this scene is a pageant: "Here's Robin Hood. He's happy in the greenwood, but also lonely. Here's Maid Marion..." Albiet yours has sexy people and what looks to be exquisite artwork.

If there's conflict between them, you need to dramatise it. That also has the benefit of not having to write screeds of motivation and background.

Here by way of example is how I introduce Corwin, a pushy bottom, and Brigit who would make a great top if only he stopped micromanaging her (I've substituted lame euphemisms since this is a public forum):

Cheap hotel room. A resentful Brigit teases and intermittently... [I]stimulates a bound Corwin. He begs for her to make him come, but is disappointed when she does. Now his manhood's disarmed, she feels sensual, but he’s angry with her– she was supposed to be in control. She takes him at his word and tortures him to use his tongue on her most personal place. This turns him on, but he accuses her of being a monster. Now she has to prove his hypocrisy.
Hope that helps...

sunandshadow
07-07-2006, 09:37 PM
Hmm, well in scene 2 I wanted to emphasize the dissociation from life Zephrel is feeling by putting the narrative thread in his interior monologue and making it have almost unrelated to the physical actions which are going on. Generally when I am watching a movie or reading a non-humor graphic novel I am always frustrated that the characters' thoughts aren't revealed enough, and in novels also I prefer telling to showing because I get confused seeing actions portrayed with no words to tell me how the author wanted me to interpret it. Without instructions I usually interpret things wrong, and then the story makes no sense. Actions are vague and confusing, words nail them down and frame them neatly; like actions are gemstones and words are the gold you wrap around them to turn them into jewelry, and you have to wrap them tightly so they don't slide around and get out of place or even fall out completely. So when I write my instinct is to limit actions to only those which are strongly symbolic and easy to interpret, and handle everything else with words.

Giles English
07-08-2006, 01:11 AM
In this context, "show" = "dramatise" or "demonstrate". There's nothing in your Scene 2 that couldn't be demonstrated through showing the two characters in conflict with each other, or their situation.