The Humor of Minor Hearing Loss

I've got it! The asterisks game has infected your ears.

Maryn said:

Is that it? Speak up!

Maryn, snorting

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What's that? Did you say, "Maryn, *****ing?"

So there's this old guy who thinks that his old wife is losing her hearing. One day he sees her sitting in the living room, knitting. He stands by the doorway and says to her, "Honey, can you hear me?" But he doesn't get an answer.

He comes a few steps closer and says again, "Honey, can you hear me?" Again, he hears no answer.

He comes a few steps closer still and again asks if she can hear him, and again he gets no answer.

Finally, he walks right up to her and shouts in her ear, "Honey, can you hear me?"

And she says, "For the fourth time, yes."

Maryn said:

There's that aspect, too. Mr. Maryn is learning not to take offense if I don't call out a greeting when he comes home, because I do but he doesn't always hear it.

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LOL, “is learning” vs “has learned”: nuff said!

I’m the deaf one and Mrs NM not as bad but definitely in denial. This example is from maybe three years ago and you will see why I have never forgotten it:

I’d had toast for breakfast and it didn’t go down properly because old people have multiple humorous afflictions other than hearing, e.g. eating a piece of toast. Anyway, I saw Mrs NM later that day.

Me: “I’ve got a crumb in my throat.”

She: “How did you get *** in your throat?” *

I took me so long to stop laughing that she almost gave up on me. Once the misunderstanding was cleared up she went one better: “Well how was I to know?”

FYI, these kinds of conversations are more than just every now and then.

*(censored for the young ‘uns, though they probably know what rhymes with crumb better than any of the rest of us)

Maryn said:

Mr. Maryn is learning not to take offense if I don't call out a greeting when he comes home, because I do but he doesn't always hear it.

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In our house, where only one of us has "minor hearing loss,*" we press the door button twice when entering. If it's me arriving, chimes tell Kay I'm home. If it's her, strobe lights throughout our rooms tell me the lady of the house is home.

To get attention in a room, we switch overhead lights on and off. Lots of deafies stamp a foot on the floor.

*And one of us is deaf as a cedar post.

At work, if I answer the phone first I might pass the caller on to my boss thus:

me: It's Robert, for you
boss: Who's Robert?
me: I don't know
boss, taking call: Hello? Oh, hello Colin.
me: erm

Not hearing loss, just ambient noise issues, but after we walked out of a novelty store onto a busy street, my friend said to me, "I didn't see any Betty Boop in there," and I heard, "I didn't see anybody poop in there."