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Need Some Tough Love for an MG Fantasy, Will Dispense the Same

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GeneBWell

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Hey folks, I'm trying to iron out some wrinkles in my MG fantasy and I feel like another set of eyes will help me see what needs fixed. I've done quite a few rewrites and revisions myself, but I don't feel like I can go any further without getting more opinions about it. I will gladly return the favor. I'm looking for some real honest, unfiltered opinions and I don't mind if they're harsh as long as you don't get snarky on me. I'd also like criticism to come with suggestions on how the rough spots could be improved. That's what I offer as well. I never tell a person I don't think something works without offering some advice on how I think it could work better.

I can't go line-by-line, but I will give general notes on each chapter as well as a final overall opinion on the plot and characters as a whole. If you could promise the same, that would be wonderful.

Here's the pitch for what you'd be reading:
POKÉMON x MASTERCHEF JR. There’s something wrong with Soufflé’s cooking magic. It shines a sickly grayish-green and makes food explode. When it starts to corrupt her magical animal partner, she’ll face the darkness in her own heart to save him.

If that sounds like something you want to take a look at, and you've got an MG fantasy or sci-fi (or maybe horror) MS you'd like me to look at, please let me know!
 

Vatnip

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Just about to send you a pm too :)
 
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