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View Full Version : Seeking Beta/swap- Contemporary Romance 65K



jorodo
08-24-2018, 10:41 PM
I am in desperate need for some Beta's who will actually return work!

I've done several read through's myself and usually like to have a few friends or family be my first round of beta's. Unfortunately it seems everyone is too busy this time around. I've had 13 people agree to read since JAN!!! and not a single person has given me any feedback accept a bunch of verbal "omg I love it" :/

Please help a desperate author! Willing to swap or sell kidney to get some feedback. Looking for all forms, general beta, critique, tear it apart, whatever.

Rough first attempt at a blurb (don't judge)-

Media attention has haunted Robin's life. Growing up in a small town with the only thing people knowing about you being lies tore her childhood apart. All she wanted to do was be forgotten. When Caleb Woods, the Lead singer of the Rock band Reverberation sets his eyes on Robin she's terrified of the media attention. Caleb, who hides a dark past of his own has to help Robin overcome her fear in order to find love and redemption.


Opening lines -
There it was again, the look. It was black. It was red. It was hotter than stepping on white hot beach sand barefoot on a summer afternoon. It made me two parts giddy, and one part envious. He cant keep his eyes off of you. I leaned over to shout at Annie. Tonight I was playing wing woman although there wasnt much to do except watch him undress her with those ridiculous blue eyes. Every eye in the house was fixated on him and he was fixated on the woman to my left. I feel like his stare would burn a hole through me to get to you! There was no need to attempt to keep my voice down. Id be lucky if she heard half of the words I screamed to her since she insisted we position ourselves directly in front of the amplifier. Considering the stage was low enough to not even come to my hip, the mammoth thudding speaker was perfectly even with my head. Booms from the bass tuned to maximum mixed with an electric whine of rock music and shot straight into my eardrums. Or, I should say former eardrums. I was certain they were bleeding from the noise right now. Surly Id suffer irreversible damage after tonight. The songs were super catchy though so I couldnt help but hop around and dance with the beat. Annie called what I did flailing around like a fish on dry land, but whatever.

Maryn
08-25-2018, 01:04 AM
You know, I haven't been able to do much to help other writers for a while now--too much else going on--but I will be happy to critique your first chapter, so long as it's under 5000 words. PM me and I'll give you an email for it.

This isn't a genre I read widely, but I do read it a bit, and I see stuff in your opening I'd like to address. If you're like me, whatever weaknesses are in the first part run throughout the whole manuscript.

So if a critique of the first chapter would be helpful, just holler.

Maryn, who should warn you she's sometimes slow but does get back to people

jorodo
08-25-2018, 02:17 AM
Chompers if you wouldn't mind pointing out where the issue lies with ' on my opening lines I'd be really appreciative.

Maryn- sent message. Anything is welcome and helpful! I'll happily take it through the rest of my novel.

elindsen
08-25-2018, 03:01 AM
I'd be happy to take a look. There's a few points I see that need addressing, like others have mentioned. Send me a PM if interested.

Velvet27
08-25-2018, 12:46 PM
If you're not in a big rush, I'll be more than happy to beta it, I'm a big reader of contemporary romance, and I love rock romances as well so this will be right in my wheelhouse. I've got a couple of other beta reads in my line at the moment, so could get to it after that. If that works okay, feel free to PM me. If you want to do it chapter by chapter, then I can do that straight away in small bites :-)

Hayley Lane
08-25-2018, 03:09 PM
How long is your manuscript? I can free up some time the next couple of weeks, so unless it is extraordinarily long I'd be happy to help you out! I write and read romance myself, both contemporary and historic, and a rock romance suits me well (I used to play in a rock band myself :ROFL:). Throw me a PM if you're still interested!

jorodo
08-25-2018, 09:56 PM
I'm sorry, I did not edit my forum post. I write fast to get everything out then go back and edit my novel several times over to clean things up so this sort of thing should not appear in my novel. I do not polish my forum posts.

Thank you for taking the time to explain, I am happy it does not appear in the opening lines.

Also thank you Hayley and Velvet! PM's sent.