On femininity & loss/return...

Prince_Alecksiiz said:

OK... not entirely sure how to address this, for all the flak I may or may not get, so here goes...

This is addressed primarily to (cis-)women (and others, too, if you've had to help friends through this sort of a thing):

1) How would you feel if, because of long term (i.e. whether acute/occasional or 'low' level/persistent) significant stress to both mind and body, you became amenhorreic (for the purposes of this question: prior to the age of 25)?
2) How do you think this would affect your femininity (whether perceived or actual)?
3) How would you feel upon experiencing a second menarche (as it were) several years later (i.e. after the stress, both cause of it and the stress itself, ends)?

Please note: question 1, without the stipulation, I'm sure answers might be a bit different, but it is important that the amenorrhea comes about because of the mentioned significant stress itself, and the long period of time over which it occurs (3-5 years, for the sake of providing a range).

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My answer to all of those questions is, "it depends". There are far too many variables involved. But if the lack of periods was caused by stress I would not be worried about how feminine I was, I would just want to reduce the stress in my life.

I wonder: why are you assuming that having periods is a mark of femininity, and that without periods, women are somehow no longer feminine? Do you assume that women who have had to have hysterectomies, or who have gone through the menopause--usually older women--are therefore automatically unfeminine?

Speaking only for myself:

Prince_Alecksiiz said:

1) How would you feel if, because of long term (i.e. whether acute/occasional or 'low' level/persistent) significant stress to both mind and body, you became amenhorreic (for the purposes of this question: prior to the age of 25)?

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Annoyed, mostly. Every single month I'd be freaking out that I was pregnant. Even after I had a doctor verify I wasn't deathly ill (because I'd go to my gynecologist with this within a few months), I'd still be anxious.

Prince_Alecksiiz said:

2) How do you think this would affect your femininity (whether perceived or actual)?

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I wouldn't have thought about it in these terms. I would have been, now and then, when I was able to be philosophical about the pregnancy anxiety, able to enjoy not having to deal with the practicalities every month.

Prince_Alecksiiz said:

3) How would you feel upon experiencing a second menarche (as it were) several years later (i.e. after the stress, both cause of it and the stress itself, ends)?

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Relieved, because I would no longer have that constant worry about pregnancy. (And probably irritated that I'd have to go buy supplies again.)

I'm with Old Hack: equating femininity with periods seems really weird to me. They have nothing to do with each other.

Agree with everything Old Hack said.

Personally, I've never really considered menses to be a defining element of my feminity. I felt plenty feminine before I hit puberty, and I'll still feel feminine after menopause.

As for the age-range in question, I had neither the desire for children at that age, nor the means to care for them properly, so my biggest concern at missing a period would have been a pregnancy scare. If it had become clear it was an ongoing condition that would actually prevent me from being pregnant, I would have considered it a positive. One less thing to stress about, plus saving on the cost of birth control? (Assuming the character is sexually active). Sign me up!

Now if the character DID want children and/or was actively trying to get pregnant, a scenario like that could be devastating, but if their life is that stressful, I doubt the character would be interested in adding a child to the mix. Generally under severely stressful situations, people are just trying to survive and find some way to improve their situation.

That said, the situation in question would have to be extraordinarily stressful. You hear all the time about women who are fleeing war-torn countries, or sold into sex slavery, or kidnapped and held prisoner, or other really, REALLY stressful situations that, nevertheless, wind up pregnant during their ordeal. Periods are tough to stop.

(Unless the stress also involved starvation that caused extreme weight loss or some other secondary issue that caused the amenhorrea. In that situation, IF I were still concerned about "feeling feminine," and that's a big "if," I'd be far more bothered by being unhealthily thin or sickly-looking. Honestly, though, at that point, I'd be too focused on finding a way to fill my belly to worry about much else.

Prince_Alecksiiz said:

1) How would you feel if, because of long term (i.e. whether acute/occasional or 'low' level/persistent) significant stress to both mind and body, you became amenhorreic (for the purposes of this question: prior to the age of 25)?

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I would've danced in the streets and had the biggest party my friends had ever seen. My period was hell on wheels since I was 13, with horrible, debilitating cramps. It was also never on a standard schedule so there was no telling when it would show up. If stressing out would keep it at back, I'd stay as max-stressed as possible.

That's serious, BTW. I absolutely hated, loathed, despised every monthly cycle from the time I was 11 until menopause hit. The only blessed relief I got was my two pregnancies.

2) How do you think this would affect your femininity (whether perceived or actual)?

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I'm assuming the OP is male because there's nothing that makes you feel less feminine than having your period. You feel gross. Many times, you swear you smell (even when you don't). Not having it would've been a release from feeling disgusting for a week.

3) How would you feel upon experiencing a second menarche (as it were) several years later (i.e. after the stress, both cause of it and the stress itself, ends)?

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On that day, I'd spend the day alone and crying. This isn't kidding. The return of killer cramps and not feeling clean, of wondering when it was going to show up again would make me seriously depressed.

I might be an extreme case, but I've always considered periods to be the worst thing about being female.

Having or not having a period doesn't have squat to do with being or feeling feminine, or identifying as female.

And stress of various sorts (ranging from physical labor to athleticism to nutrition to emotional/psychological stress) can stop periods.

DeleyanLee said:

I might be an extreme case, but I've always considered periods to be the worst thing about being female.

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I'm with you. Mine aren't nearly as severe as what you describe but they're crampy and messy and just generally a nuisance.

And that's WITH the benefit of easy access to showers and maxi pads. Thinking of "extremely stressful" situations again, maxi pads and tampons 1) aren't cheap and, 2) may be controlled by someone else (i.e. a jailer) and doled out at their whim, or simply not available at all. In those scenarios, too, cessation of menses would be a positive.

Tazlima said:

I'm with you. Mine aren't nearly as severe as what you describe but they're crampy and messy and just generally a nuisance.

And that's WITH the benefit of easy access to showers and maxi pads. Thinking of "extremely stressful" situations again, maxi pads and tampons 1) aren't cheap and, 2) may be controlled by someone else (i.e. a jailer) and doled out at their whim, or simply not available at all. In those scenarios, too, cessation of menses would be a positive.

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Count me in on this "periods are the worst part of 'femininity'" party. They're a massive stressor that we have to deal with for a week every month. You get it, you stress about blood, pads, tampons, clothing, bedsheets, furniture, there's nothing that's safe. You miss it, why, am I pregnant, is it late, when am I gonna get it, is it gonna surprise me and ruin my favorite clothes? If you want kids and get your period, it's massively depressing and on top of that, you get to feel like someone's kicking you in the gut for a week. If you don't want kids and get your period, hooray, I'm not pregnant but now I get to feel like I'm getting kicked in the gut for a week.

If I were super-stressed about something and discovered my periods had just stopped and were continuing to stay away, holy hallelujah and praise be. The best thing that's ever happened to me IRL is switching my birth control and discovering that this new method cuts my period off entirely. I haven't had one since last August and it's WONDERFUL. I still have stress in my life but counting the days to my period and trying to plan trips, holidays, and birthdays around it is GONE and it makes everything else so much easier, and if it comes back at any point, I will cry. No joke. I'm not at all less feminine over it. I'm less stressed and in less pain.

Prince_Alecksiiz said:

That's understandable... while you do mention 'too many' would you mind listing those that you (whether specifically to yourself, should you take no issue with doing so, or what you would consider general) think most impactful?

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The fact that I said "TOO MANY" should give you an idea of how manageable that would be. Please pay attention.

I'm not making any assumptions, merely asking the question of what the individual woman would feel, drawing no judgement for any answer. Further, I do not wish to make any assumptions, especially unconsciously or unintentionally.

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You are making assumptions, though.


You titled this thread "On femininity & loss/return...", and then asked us how we'd feel if our periods stopped. You directly equated a cessation in periods with the loss of femininity.

Perhaps I phrased the question poorly or too simply,

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I'd go with very poorly.

but what I wished to inquire was how a woman would feel (and, if so inclined, why) if there was an effect on her femininity (if there was one).

My opinion of said answer(s) is neither here nor there, because it is up to whoever chooses to answer the question to decide whether "having periods is a mark of femininity"... and as the inquirer, I will accept that answer which is forthcoming, irrespective of what it may be.

In any event, I apologise if I've taken the issue too lightly.

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You're still doing it. You're still suggesting that a person's femininity is reliant upon her having periods.

It has nothing to do with periods. Nothing at all.

AW Admin said:

Having or not having a period doesn't have squat to do with being or feeling feminine, or identifying as female.

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Damn right.

Prince_Alecksiiz said:

If it would help provide a fuller answer: full disclosure of fictional background (setting: steampunk (if that makes any difference), technologically early 20th century)

The main character is a girl who volunteers for the army because her friends are as well. She becomes a combat medic and experiences roughly six years of near constant warfare against a relentless (if morally decent) enemy. Enough of her friends and squadmates die or are invalided as a result of the war that it takes its inevitable toll, one of which is the loss of her period (quite when this occurs isn't shown, but it becomes increasingly inconsistent over time, but she's in no position to care owing to her duties, responsibilities and the sheer strain of frontline existence). She gains some renown as a war hero, but predictably, not much comfort.

After the war, she suffers PTSD and survivor's guilt. By this time, she's forgotten when her last period was and that's even a thing. Out of concern, her mother asks her when her last one was. (Question: realistically, how would/should she react to this inquiry from her mother?)

Some years later, reconnecting with what few war friends remain (including being romantically involved with one of them, with whom she does, eventually, wish to have a family), her periods start again. (Question: again, realistically, how would/should she react to this recommencement of her periods?)

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Not intended as an antagonistic question: why is this detail relevant to your story? It's not clear from your summary that it has any relevance to your character or your plot.

Also, what's her mother's reason for asking that question? If the MC said something like "Wow, it's been a while since THIS happened," I'd expect if her mother remarked on it at all, she'd say something like "No wonder, given what you were doing."

But I'm mostly wondering why it's a Thing at all.

AW Admin said:

And stress of various sorts (ranging from physical labor to athleticism to nutrition to emotional/psychological stress) can stop periods.

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If this was addressed to me, I apologize if I came across as stating otherwise. As I wrote my previous post, I was, for the purposes of discussion, mentally drawing a line between psychological/emptional stress and physical stress.

I know pure psychological stress can cause amenhorrea, but it's relatively uncommon. It's far more likely to occur when there's an associated physical cause. Even physical stressors such as labor and athleticism don't in and of themselves generally cause amenhorrea. Rather they're associated with an extremely low level of body fat, which in turn causes the amenhorrea.

However, this is sematic nitpicking, since if A causes B, and B causes C, it's reasonable to state that A caused C.

Regardless, I definitely didn't mean to imply that stress (mental or physical) never causes amenhorrea.

Prince_Alecksiiz said:

The main character is a girl who volunteers for the army because her friends are as well. She becomes a combat medic and experiences roughly six years of near constant warfare against a relentless (if morally decent) enemy. Enough of her friends and squadmates die or are invalided as a result of the war that it takes its inevitable toll, one of which is the loss of her period (quite when this occurs isn't shown, but it becomes increasingly inconsistent over time, but she's in no position to care owing to her duties, responsibilities and the sheer strain of frontline existence). She gains some renown as a war hero, but predictably, not much comfort.

After the war, she suffers PTSD and survivor's guilt. By this time, she's forgotten when her last period was and that's even a thing.

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You said this was set early in the 20th century: PTSD wasn't an available diagnosis then.

Leaving that aside, having been involved in a war for so many years it's very possible that she'd have had cPTSD rather than PTSD, as it's likely that she'd have encountered a number of traumatic circumstances. I have cPTSD due to severe and prolonged trauma, and my periods were not affected by it. Trauma doesn't automatically result in your periods stopping. It has lots of negative effects, for sure, but this isn't often one of them.

Out of concern, her mother asks her when her last one was. (Question: realistically, how would/should she react to this inquiry from her mother?)

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I'd tell my mother it was none of her business; friends of mine would be glad that their mother was looking out for them, others would be horribly embarrassed and not know what to say. You're writing this character: you should know how she'd react if her mother asked her that.

Honestly, in the situation you describe, the last thing I would think a woman would be thinking about would be her period (unless she was afraid she'd gotten pregnant, but that has nothing to do with how feminine she feels). What goal are you trying to achieve my addressing it in your story? I would think you'd want to focus on her military experience, her relationships, her PTSD, etc. Unless you have a very specific narrative purpose, why address menstruation at all?

If I were in your characters shoes, I certainly wouldn't be thinking about my period (especially since it isn't happening. out of sight out of mind). In one sense, I can kind of understand why one might mistakenly equate periods with femininity, given the efforts people have gone though to destigmatize it recently. But the only time I've ever even heard of periods being associated with womanhood (not even femininity per se, just being an adult woman) is in books dealing with girls going through puberty. It can become a bit of a rite of passage in that context. But that's adulthood, not femininity. (ETA: specifically adult cis-womanhood)

Is military service coded masculine in your world? If so, maybe read about real world soldiers and how they've dealt with gender presentation and issues in the military, if you really want to address this issue.

Old Hack said:

I'd tell my mother it was none of her business; friends of mine would be glad that their mother was looking out for them, others would be horribly embarrassed and not know what to say. You're writing this character: you should know how she'd react if her mother asked her that.

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Lol, this. It's a pretty weird question if it's coming out of the blue. If my mother asked, I'd be like, "Uhh, why do you want to know?"

Now my mother's an RN, so if I broached the subject first and indicated there was a problem, (Gee, I haven't had my period in sooo long,") then sure, she'd likely ask how long had it been. But if I didn't mention there was an issue, she wouldn't think to ask about something so banal.

It would be like if your father, out of the blue, asked you one day, "Hey, Son, when was the last time you took a really great dump?"

See? Weird.

Now "When are you and *insert name here* going to have a baby/give me a grandchild?" THAT'S a question intrusive relatives (and sometimes strangers) everywhere have been asking since time immemorial.

For what it's worth, PTSD was called "shell shock" around WWI. It was coined in 1915. So if you ever read works of the period, and you come across a character who suffers from "shell shock" or "war neurosis", you can mentally translate that into "PTSD".

Me, I do natural family planning, so periods are just one sign that I look at my body to figure out where I am in my cycle, so I can decide what's a prudent way of acting. On the times when they've been absent or disrupted-- due to, say, childbirth-- it's a bit annoying, because I've lost that insight into what my body's doing. But it's also nice, because you don't have to worry about a long trip coinciding with a heavy flow. And at the same time, it's a bit irritating, because you don't have any clues to tell you when it will resume again, so you can't ever quite let your guard down.

Other times when they've been absent or disrupted, it's stressful and sad-- because not only have I lost that insight into what my body's doing, but I'm worried that I'm getting old. So for me, it's more like not being able to see the calendar for a stretch and trying to figure out if today's supposed to be Tuesday or Wednesday.

But it's not really a subject of casual conversation. Or at least, I tend to keep my private business my private business. It's not really a subject I'd ever discuss with my parents, once I've left home. I'll tell my husband, "Hey, I'm probably fertile around now," because it affects him, but he already can tell that just by pheromones.

So-- in a situation where someone wants a family, it would be stressful to not have a period. In a situation where someone's in their late 30's/early 40's, skipping a period can be a stressful reminder of getting older, and you wonder what else isn't running normally inside. If someone's been sexually active, it can be stressful, because they don't know if all is normal, or if they're missing a sign of pregnancy-- although for both times I've been pregnant, I've usually had a suspicion of it within the first three days. But then you read news stories about people who are pregnant for 7 months and are clueless and you wonder how in the world. But my femininity exists separate from my bodily functions, just like I won't suddenly stop being feminine when I hit menopause. But fertility is a normal part of life, and a period is a sign of that fertility-- so losing your fertility is something that would be mourned by someone who is anxious to procreate, and would be celebrated by someone who is anxious to NOT procreate, regardless of their gender.

Sat Nam! (literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

First question the woman would ask: Am I pregnant?
If that's not even a possibility, the first thought would be: What's the medical problem?
Neither has anything to do with being a woman or feminine.
Some, as indicated above, would dance in the streets. Some would mourn the loss of the potential to bear children. Depends on the woman.

FWIW, some women, maybe even most women, in the Nazi death camps lost their periods and then regained them (if they survived). They'd have been worried about survival and the survival of their loved ones...and not about their body's femininity.

And btw, I'm glad you asked this question. I'd rather you took the brick bats and corrected the problem, than have you write something stupid that would get you even bigger brick bats later on.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal

Prince_Alecksiiz said:

(Question: realistically, how would/should she react to this inquiry from her mother?)

<<snip>>.

(Question: again, realistically, how would/should she react to this recommencement of her periods?)

Even though everything I've said thus far would suggest otherwise, I would like to treat this material with the sensitivity that it deserves, hence, for all my now blatantly obvious ignorance and subsequently deserved ire.

Apologies again...

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I don't think you're being deliberately troublesome or anything, OP, but you might be digging yourself a bigger hole that is strictly necessary by assuming that there is one set way that all women realistically respond to situations involving periods. There really isn't. This character will respond the way she responds, and as this thread already shows, that's as individual as anything else about people, regardless of where they sit on the gender spectrum. So your task isn't to make her response fit in with the universal woman response, but to make it fit in with your character's hopefully rich and complex personhood.

I don't know if I should answer this since I'm not 100% cisgendered, and also this post will get kind of TMI, but I did stop having periods for several years in my early twenties. I did it deliberately, though, through skipping the placebo pills in my BC packs. Eventually I stopped doing this and started having periods again, mainly because there haven't been a lot of studies done on the long-term effects of taking hormonal BC this way...though the generally consensus seems to be that it's not really medically necessary to have a period.

As others have said--for most women, getting periods has nothing to do with gender identity or feelings of being female, it's just a physical nuisance, like getting a cold. (Though there may be exceptions, and this probably varies by historical period and culture as well.) The main advantages of it are the continual reassurance that you're not pregnant, and it's a sign that things are more or less working normally in there; if periods stop abruptly and it's not caused by a pregnancy, there's usually a reason, and that reason may be a health problem, so it could cause worry and stress from that angle.

For me, the main psychological effect of stopping my periods was that I suddenly started to have weird dreams involving menstruation.

That's a thing no one has mentioned I don't think --

People routinely do that now, take bc pills without a break, to avoid periods. I think there are brands that advertise their pills as having the advantage of not having a period for years or whatever, or they used to advertise that (on television, in print), because they sold the packs that way.

So if it's a marketed advantage...

Prince_Alecksiiz said:

OK... not entirely sure how to address this, for all the flak I may or may not get, so here goes...

This is addressed primarily to (cis-)women (and others, too, if you've had to help friends through this sort of a thing):

1) How would you feel if, because of long term (i.e. whether acute/occasional or 'low' level/persistent) significant stress to both mind and body, you became amenhorreic (for the purposes of this question: prior to the age of 25)? I think I would be so consumed by the long-term significant stress that the loss of my period would just be a small drop in a sea of crap.
2) How do you think this would affect your femininity (whether perceived or actual)? Honestly, that afore-mentioned significant stress would likely affect my perceived femininity more so than the loss of my period. Also, *TMI* imagine emptying a full Diva/Moon cup, or pulling out a full tampon with globs of blood, or sitting on a pad full of blood. Especially with pads, sometimes the blood goes up your ass crack and dries there and...yeah. It really doesn't add to me feeling particularly feminine. It only makes me feel disgusting.
3) How would you feel upon experiencing a second menarche (as it were) several years later (i.e. after the stress, both cause of it and the stress itself, ends)? Since your MC wants kids, she'll probably feel relieved/hopeful. But if I don't want any kiddoes, then I'd be like, FUCKING HELL WHY ARE YOU BACK.

Please note: question 1, without the stipulation, I'm sure answers might be a bit different, but it is important that the amenorrhea comes about because of the mentioned significant stress itself, and the long period of time over which it occurs (3-5 years, for the sake of providing a range).

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It depends on how your MC perceives "femininity". Different women perceive it differently. But I'm trying to think of a woman who links her menstruation to femininity and I'm struggling. Even women I know who have had hysterectomies haven't really mourned the loss of their menstruation, and are as comfortable with their femininity as before. So I dunno that there's a link between the two.

For myself, I thought of my period as a sign of womanhood the very first time it happened. As in, "Ooohhhh I am now A WOMAN, DUN DUN DUUUNNN!" Subsequent periods quickly lost their sheen (period-shits, 'nuff said).

Prince_Alecksiiz said:

After the war, she suffers PTSD and survivor's guilt. By this time, she's forgotten when her last period was and that's even a thing. Out of concern, her mother asks her when her last one was. (Question: realistically, how would/should she react to this inquiry from her mother?)

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Sounds to me like it hasn't really registered with her, which seems natural given all the other stresses in her life. I'm assuming she's not sexually active, given that the possibility of pregnancy hasn't occurred to her. In those circumstances, the main concern might be that there's something medically wrong. Depending on her personality, that might worry her or she might brush it off. Her reaction to her mother's inquiry depends on their relationship and her age; as a teenager, I'd have been excruciatingly embarrassed by such a question from my mother, but as an adult I would have been less bothered.

Prince_Alecksiiz said:

Some years later, reconnecting with what few war friends remain (including being romantically involved with one of them, with whom she does, eventually, wish to have a family), her periods start again. (Question: again, realistically, how would/should she react to this recommencement of her periods?)

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Probably first reaction would be relief that everything is "working correctly", especially given that she wants children. And following that, annoyance with all the nuisance (and possibly pain) that she'd forgotten was part of the experience.

But if the lack of periods was caused by stress I would not be worried about how feminine I was, I would just want to reduce the stress in my life.

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This, x100000

I wonder: why are you assuming that having periods is a mark of femininity, and that without periods, women are somehow no longer feminine? Do you assume that women who have had to have hysterectomies, or who have gone through the menopause--usually older women--are therefore automatically unfeminine?

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Also this.

Finally, in everything I've ever experienced, and considering everyone I've ever known, stress is more likely to make periods different than make them go away altogether. It's pretty tough to stop a period.

Having your MC drop considerable weight, like < 18% body fat, would make this plausible to me. The only cases I've heard of complete cessation of periods for extended periods of time (barring pregnancy/health condition) is in female athletes who have extremely low body fat. Even then, it's rare.

Also, feeling beautiful and radiant is a huge component of the feminine energy - speaking as someone with a day job in the beauty industry. During a period, all sorts of hormones and neutrotransmitters cyclically crash and a lot of women feel really nasty because of it. I'm not suggesting this as an absolute, but it's harder to feel prettier when you're breaking out, bloated, and feel like staying under the blankets all day.

Putputt said:

It depends on how your MC perceives "femininity". Different women perceive it differently. But I'm trying to think of a woman who links her menstruation to femininity and I'm struggling. Even women I know who have had hysterectomies haven't really mourned the loss of their menstruation, and are as comfortable with their femininity as before. So I dunno that there's a link between the two.

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The only thing I can think of that would equate femininity and periods would be sort of round about if you live in a society where your only value as a human is in being able to provide offspring for a man. Value = Fertility = Proper Menstrual Cycle. If you lose your periods, you know you can't reproduce at the moment, and then, you have no value to your society. This might equate to a loss of femininity if you believe femininity is the way one advertises fertility. Fortunately, as a society, we've moved way past that (and I hope that holds with the current administration trying to return us to medieval times). Given the woman is a soldier, it sounds like that's not how the OP's society works, either.

For myself, I thought of my period as a sign of womanhood the very first time it happened. As in, "Ooohhhh I am now A WOMAN, DUN DUN DUUUNNN!" Subsequent periods quickly lost their sheen (period-shits, 'nuff said).

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When I had to tell my parents so I could get the essentials on the shopping list, I was given the whole "you're a woman, now!" etc. speech. Mothers I know, now, don't do that kind of thing anymore. They're telling their daughters early and there's been no awe about it. One girl actually got the explanation and the various options, then said, "Seriously? That's what's going to happen? You're saying we can send people to the moon, but we haven't figure out a better way to deal with this?!"

autumnleaf said:

Sounds to me like it hasn't really registered with her, which seems natural given all the other stresses in her life. I'm assuming she's not sexually active, given that the possibility of pregnancy hasn't occurred to her. In those circumstances, the main concern might be that there's something medically wrong. Depending on her personality, that might worry her or she might brush it off. Her reaction to her mother's inquiry depends on their relationship and her age; as a teenager, I'd have been excruciatingly embarrassed by such a question from my mother, but as an adult I would have been less bothered.

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In my twenties, my mother would have been told nothing--not when it stopped and not when it started back up. That's between me, my doctor, and my partner (strictly on a need-to-know basis). I, personally, would have been worried about a medical problem if it suddenly stopped. Given there's a military doctor about who could tell me there was nothing wrong with me but stress, I would stop worrying about the period and start focusing on doing my job and staying alive. Also, I'd be thrilled about no longer needing to deal with my period in a war zone. If only my period would just stop anytime I was too stressed out to deal with it... Let's all work on that as our next evolutionary leap!

IF I were desperately trying to get pregnant, I'd be sad that I'm not ovulating... not that my period is gone. The period isn't the THING; it's a side effect of fertility. You don't get upset when inconvenient side effects go missing. You get upset about systems not working as they're supposed to.

blackcat777 said:

Also, feeling beautiful and radiant is a huge component of the feminine energy - speaking as someone with a day job in the beauty industry. During a period, all sorts of hormones and neutrotransmitters cyclically crash and a lot of women feel really nasty because of it. I'm not suggesting this as an absolute, but it's harder to feel prettier when you're breaking out, bloated, and feel like staying under the blankets all day.

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If femininity is associated with being "pretty" and dainty and delicate and lacy and dolled up, etc., in this world, then just being in a constant war zone, wearing military gear, going without makeup or complicated hairstyles, being dirty all the time, not having my my nails done... would make me feel much less feminine than losing my period would.

If I'm older, then, out of the war and in a relationship with someone I know wants to start a family (and I also want to start a family), then I might be concerned about still not having ovulated, and I'd worry a bit about how to tell him that I wasn't sure I could get pregnant. If I started ovulating again, I'd probably feel relieved.



Is it necessary that this woman feel like she's lost her femininity? I don't see why losing your period or being a soldier, for that matter (even though I gave the example) should make you feel that you've lost your femininity. Femininity is a state of mind, and every woman's version of feminine is different.

Personally speaking, unless I'm eleven and expecting one or trying to get pregnant, I don't want to read about periods. Without knowing how greatly this whole plot point affects your story, I'd say just leave out the talk about periods. Everyone reads for different reasons, but for me, reading is about escapism, and periods are the opposite of escapism. Like, a line maybe about how she wasn't even having periods anymore (The End) would be okay, but as woman, if it went on very long, I'd be all, "OMG, why is she thinking about her period all the time! Pay attention to the war!"