When will the U, S of A Earn its "United" U back?

MiaPique

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I had written something earlier, but decided to delete it because I had no idea what I was doing to be quite honest haha. But, for now. What is anyone/everyone's opinion on the USA right now? Where do you think it is headed? How do you think it can improve?
 
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chompers

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Did you write this? It's beautiful.
 

MiaPique

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Yes, I did write this. Thank you so much for saying such a nice thing about it, I truly appreciate it :)
 

mccardey

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OK well there is so much wrong with this that I can't even, but seriously - you'll need to cite a source for something. Because you're in this thread and not in SYW.
 
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MiaPique

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Thank you for your advice! Please tell me what is wrong with it so I can improve upon it!
 
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mccardey

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When did the USA become this?
When did it start lying to its citizens to protect only the wealthy?
When did it start incapacitating its people with toxic foods and chemicals?
When did it start taking away and polluting their clean air, water, rivers, and the beautiful places they love the most?
When did it start taking away the health of the common man, the education of the common man, the voice of the common man, and the work of the common man?
But most sadly, when did we become proud of this?
We are no longer the home of the brave, and the land of the free.
Our majority has no say in their government, our people have no true awareness of their freedoms, and the brave are now forced to shut their mouths and believe in limitations.
We outsource community service to make America look great, but we refuse to help our own struggling citizens be their greatest.
We are reluctant to feed our own poor, give our own people jobs and freedom. Yet, we continue to outsource these essentials to different countries.
When did America become this?
When will we allow our country to welcome and respect diversity, and allow our country to flourish in how it was first formed? With the love for different opinions to be heard, for the right of our citizens to become citizens and to continue to build and form this country's masses?
When will our people be healthy, heard, fought for, and accounted for?
When will the United States of America be the greatest country on the face of this Earth again?
Will it take loosing all of our people's voices completely? Dividing the entire nation, yet again? Destroying our environment? Deepening the problems of our poor and minority groups?
No. We are more than that, this is a country that won two world wars, brought a divided nation together, settled differences among races/genders/economic classes and sexualities.
This is the same great country that always moves forward with progression and bravery through its toughest because it builds and welcomes, strong, brave, intelligent, hard working men and women to achieve the greatest of this Nation.
This is a country waiting to be heard, fought for, and looked after by a leader who will give the people the American Dream back.
The American Freedom back.
The American name back.
And allow no limits for America to come back.
Everyone roots for the underdog.
Let's change this pattern, let's remain the undefeated one.
Lets make America the UNITED States of America, once again.
(SOURCE, me, Mia Pique).

Thank you for your advice! Please tell me what is wrong with it so I can improve upon it!

Ok well - um *cough* - it's a little bit US-centric. I think the idea that there was a time when the USA was the greatest country on earth is a wee bit problematic. Also the idea that the idea of the US - or indeed any country - lying to its citizens to protect the wealthy is new. That's not new.

The idea that environmental toxins are a new thing - they're not a new thing. Hang on. I'll start again.
 

MiaPique

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Wow, this is all great feedback. I really appreciate this, because I did fail to recognize all of this. Of course, it is an exaggeration and I am not saying it is the absolute-truth, of course. This is just how I feel, but I understand that what I have said can be misinterpreted, therefore I truly appreciate your thoughts, because I agree with you.
 

MiaPique

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I took what you said into consideration and edited my post. Please tell me what you think? Regardless if you like my piece, does it sound less biased and a bit more well-written?
 

be frank

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In addition to mccardey's points:

No. We are more than that, this is a country that won two world wars,

You did? By yourselves?

brought a divided nation together, settled differences among races/genders/economic classes and sexualities.

You have? I must have been asleep that day.


eta: Also, if this is a piece of writing for critique, you'll need 50 posts before you can put it up in the SYW (submit your work) section. This area isn't for that...
 
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mccardey

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I took what you said into consideration and edited my post. Please tell me what you think? Regardless if you like my piece, does it sound less biased and a bit more well-written?
If you want a critique, get your Fifty Substantial Posts in and then put this up in SYW. You'll get more feedback that way. Welcome to AW.
 

rugcat

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This is a forum for discussing political and current events and commenting on them. When one makes a statement, it is usually considered proper to provide us citation to back up one's opinion. If you think, for example, that the proliferation of guns makes the country less safe you need to have statistics and studies to show whether or not that is accurate.

This is not the place for long, philosophical musings, whether they be brilliant or completely mundane.
 

MiaPique

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Ah, so I see. Thank you greatly. I am going to delete this, improve on it, and perhaps post it again. I was just looking for a website to post my writing. Whether, like you said brilliant or mundane.

- - - Updated - - -
 
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Helix

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Ah, so I see. Thank you greatly. I am going to delete this, improve on it, and perhaps post it again. I was just looking for a website to post my writing. Whether, like you said brilliant or mundane.

Come and join in with some of the other conversations on AW. There's a lot going on around the place.


You are right, sorry for the offense taken.

:rolleyes:
 

be frank

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Spend some time getting to know the forum. There's lots of information, and lots of help to be found, and also plenty of useful features -- like the "reply with quote" button at the bottom RHS of each post. Helps us know which post you're replying to. :)