Menstruation Fact and Fiction

JohnnyGottaKeyboard

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I have a young girl in the ms and was wondering if any women out there might be willing to share at what age they learned the factual truth about menstruation. The character is an only girl (has a much older male sibling). Also, I'd be interested in hearing any erroneous preconceived notions you (or people you know) held before learning the facts. My instinct says young girls discussed this among themselves in the same way young boys talked about "stuff".

I realize this is/may-be-viewed-as a very personal subject (I posted to twitter and facebook, and apparently even my sisters didn't want to answer!), so feel free to PM me. Since this site is more anonymous, I'm hoping to glean a bit more understanding here.

Thanks!
 

Cindyt

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I was about 8 when a friend, who was nine, gave me the low down. She was right about the function, but dead wrong about everything else. Also,at least some boys talk about these this. My oldest nephew was 5 when his 4 year old friend told him. :roll:
 
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Cyia

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How young? I grew up in a state that's loathe to instruct on much of anything relating to human bodily functions and we got "the filmstrip" in fifth grade, so 9-10 years old for school-curriculum / clinical facts.
 

horrorchix89

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I remember my mother talking to me about this as if I was going to be exiled from the community. She said I'd have to wear black/dark clothing. Then they made us watch that horrible video in elementary about puberty and gave us sample pads and pamphlets to take home. Other than that, I don't remember much about when I first started or who I spoke to. I was too scared to talk about it until I was in college.
 

MadAlice

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My mother told us almost nothing, but somehow my sister and I got the idea from her that some blood came out when you used the bathroom once a month. School was vague. My older sister started before me, and from what I could gather at the time, lots of blood came from...somewhere...and she was in terrible pain and sickness for a few days. My dad said something embarrassing to her. By time I started a couple years later, I figured out where the supplies were and didn't even tell my mom until a couple days in.
So yeah I didn't talk to anyone about it.
 

Marlys

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We got the filmstrip at the age of 9 or 10, and teen magazines also ran plenty of articles about menstruation. My mother was open about most things, but when I was 12-ish she put some odd contraption in my underwear drawer without mentioning what it was. I had no idea, and eventually asked. It was some sort of pad-holding belt, which I thought was odd because even then pads were adhesive--and besides, I never used them anyway (unless I was desperate and had to borrow something from a friend).

My friends and I talked about periods, and one of them even showed me a used pad because she couldn't describe the difference between menstrual blood and what comes out when you get cut. I remember some mothers wouldn't let their daughters use tampons because they thought they might damage their hymen. That seemed bizarre to me, as all the literature said you could use them with or without a hymen--and who cared, anyway?

Oh, fiction was another source of info. There always seemed to be some "now you're a woman" speech when a fictional character got her first period. Is it MARJORIE MORNINGSTAR where the MC's mother slaps her in the face to mark her transition into womanhood? A Jewish tradition that may not be so common these days.
 

Maythe

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I was quite a late starter and thinking about it I can't even remember when it was - I was 14 or 15. Given how fraught the whole thing was it's so strange that I can't remember that detail. Among young girls (in my experience) there's an element of competitiveness and pride about starting since its seen as a mark of maturity. Girls who start very early and very late are likely to be uncomfortable about the whole thing and they may even be bullied by their peers. Early starting girls may have to deal with disgust (eeew it's sooooo gross) and late ones with being 'a child' (particularly if they're beginning to have sexual relationships - 'eew your bf must be a pedo'). So much fun.

I can't remember any myths though I'm sure there must have been some.
 

lizmonster

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I don't remember when I learned. I got age-appropriate information from my mother (and my dad, although to a much lesser extent) all along, so my memory is of always knowing.

My female friends and I didn't discuss it among ourselves, though. It would sometimes come up in conversation when we were older and sexually active, but then only tangentially. At that point (age 14-18), I learned that an awful lot of my friends were ignorant of the biology behind menstruation. Even so, there was far more ignorance around conception than there was around dealing with your own cycle.

The biggest misconceptions were mostly of the "everybody experiences the same thing" type: everyone's cycle is exactly 28 days, everyone experiences PMS (and in the same way), everybody gets cramps, every month is identical.

My daughter discusses this with a few of her friends (they are 12), but a surprising number of them will not talk about it at all. It seems it's still a taboo subject in a lot of families. This may change as they all get older.
 

Laurasaurus

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My mum showed me where the pads etc were in the bathroom cupboard and told me to go tell her when something happened. Kind of no-nonsense, but not all that much info. Probably didn't want to scare/depress me! Around age 12 I do remember asking her if a woman could still pee if they had a tampon in. I was very confused about what was going on down there before I started having to use any of it.

I read in a book back then (maybe Judy Blume?) about a character whose mum made a congrats cake when she started her period, I kind of hoped that might happen, but it didn't. :(

The main thing my friends and I would talk about re periods was constantly asking each other if anything was showing. We were apparently paranoid that there could be visible blood on our clothes (not that it ever happened).
 

TellMeAStory

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In the 1950s, we learned at school in Hygiene class (a portion of girls' gym.) We girls watched a film called "Polly Grows Up." Polly was counseled not to swim during "those days" but reassured that the need to avoid other activities was an "old wives' tale."

My oldest daughter refused to learn from me, deferring to her peers. Consequently, she was confident that flow happened only at night, and as a result, embarrassed herself mightily. It was, of course, my fault.
 

JulianneQJohnson

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We got the film strip in 4th grade, which was only the biology of the thing and none of the 'how do I handle this when it happens' thing. No one much talked about it. Periods were still considered gross and something that people didn't talk about. My mom put a outdated pamphlet in my room that mentioned the basics of what to do, but didn't really discuss it with me. It was like this horrible thing that made you 'unclean' once a month.

Girls talked a little about it when younger. Just that blood comes out of you. And I remember one girl was convinced that babies came out of one's butt and "you pooped them out." I thought this was wrong, and gross.

Not all girls can wear tampons, as I found out the hard way. It depends on what kind of hymen you have. My mom also gave me the weird belt thing, even though no one wore them anymore. This would have been in the late 70's.

My friends and I did discuss mood swings and cramps freely, but quietly amongst ourselves. We did not talk about the blood at all. It was mortifying if any boys knew you were on your period. It was something only discussed between close female friends. Not male friends, not parents either.
 

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Hmmm, the rundown of my education on this matter.

When I was very young (maybe 4-5) I saw blood in the toilet after my mom peed (maybe she'd forgotten to flush) and asked why. She said she had her "period," which was something grown up ladies got monthly. 2-3 years later, I got a book that explained all the facts of life in a very dry, serious manner. So after that, I knew about sperm and eggs and uterine linings and that menstruation was when the latter sloughed off at the end of a woman's cycle when she didn't conceive.

I remember my friends and I talked about periods and sex in a sort of smutty, poo-poo/potty way when we were younger, and we knew what those sanitary products our moms had in the bathroom (and in certain aisles in the store) were for. But we didn't think or talk about these things more seriously until we got to the age where some of us were "starting," so late grade school (5th or 6th grade maybe). We certainly talked about these things then and were curious. Still lots of jokes about sex. I was never ignorant about the facts of life (because of above-mentioned book and parents who answered questions), but one friend when I was little thought babies got inside women via the belly button (and came out from there too). She didn't believe me when I told her the truth.

My cousin was 12 when she started her menses, and I was two years younger. She let me watch her change her tampon once. When I was in 6th grade, they had a special movie and seminar the girls got to attend alone (no boys) where the school nurse told us that this was a very sacred and private thing we were about to embark on, something we should never talk about it front of men (even our dads). She was a bit old fashioned. When I was in second grade, I was kicked in the crotch by another girl and bled some, and according to my mom, the nurse offered to write a letter explaining the accident, in case I ended up not bleeding on my wedding night when I grew up.

Yeah, because so many brides were put to death for this reason in 1970s-era US. I didn't know about this at the time. I learned (if being exposed to all the myths about said membrane could be called learning) about the hymen when I started reading torrid romances around age 12-13.

Needless to say, there was nothing about actual sex in the movie or talk by the nurse, just the "miracle" of menstruation and a Q and A about things like, yes you can dance and take baths when you are on your period, and no, no one would be able to tell as long as we changed our pads frequently (we were told tampons were only for "grown-up" ladies.

I didn't "start" myself until fairly late--nearly age 15, but I very much knew what to expect by then. I would have if I'd started much younger too.

I grew up in CA, though, and my family was very matter of fact about sex and so on.
 
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Cindyt

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My mother told me when I was 10, after I already knew, and before the talk at school.

Mama told me to be "careful." I guess she was afraid I'd get pregnant at 10 or anytime after. And I did. At 43. :roll:

A girl in my class asked "Do boys have to do anything once a month?" And the teacher goes "They have to shave most every day."
8083c9_e4654976c556471eb4e41c4145c1ff7d.gif
 

Silva

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When I was about eleven, my mom took me for a walk and was very awkward until we were almost home again, at which point she asked, "So, you know you have a womb, right?"

I heard "wound" and eventually decided to answer yes, because I was a very active, tomboyish sort of kid and concluded that I probably did have a scratch or bump somewhere, though I wasn't really sure.

She then went on to explain that when women weren't pregnant, they bled from their womb/wound once a month.

That was the first time I had ever heard anything about periods (no older sisters, no friends, no school, no internet) and it was very, very confusing until it clicked a few hours later that she had said "womb." (To this day, I have never heard her use the word "uterus" lol)

It was a very taboo subject and I learned everything else I know about menstruation/fertility from the encyclopedia set we owned (I would keep my finger at a different word to flip to quickly if anyone asked what I was reading about, and this is also where I learned the very basic mechanics of sex, which was never discussed), some forbidden YA fiction (forbidden because cross-dressing/girls being rebellious, they didn't know there was periods/vague references to sex in it) and my mom's Taking Control of Your Fertility (a book about how to get pregnant/avoid pregnancy naturally, which she kept in her room, where we weren't allowed, and that I read on the sly when my parents weren't home). The last was actually medically accurate and detailed how the entire cycle works, while my other sources were limited/vague, so that was lucky for me.

I didn't discuss it with friends or really anyone except one of my sisters, which was good for her I guess because my mom never said anything to her and she got hers before I did. I don't think I knew tampons were a thing, or that some women had very painful cycles that kept them from their normal activities, until I was in my late teens and developed a few internet friends.

I also thought having sex during periods was wrong/bad/probably unhealthy/something because it was forbidden in the Old Testament. :tongue
 

Cobalt Jade

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I went to a private Catholic school, and I think it was at the beginning of 5th grade (after I came back from Hawaii) that they invited all the girls of the class to the cafeteria where they showed a film about it and displayed various sanitary products on one of the lunch tables. I'm sure the thing was sponsored by Kotex ;)

I don't remember the film, or filmstrip, but I was very interested in the science of it and afterward was always examining my underwear for signs of blood and that I was beginning to mature. There were many false alarms before I knew for sure. I was surprised at the amount of it, the immediacy of it, and the bright red color. My mother was always very supportive and factual about it. When I wanted to switch to tampons at age 13, she was supportive of that, too (I had been invited to a health spa by a friend and wanted to swim, so I couldn't wear a napkin.)
 

rhymegirl

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Interesting topic. It was many years ago for me and back then it was a pretty taboo subject to be talking about. People only whispered about it in public. I was in sixth grade when I started (11 I think) and I had no idea if other girls had started menstruating or not. I had a male teacher so that made me very uncomfortable because I worried if I had an accident or needed a pad or something, how would I be able to tell him? At home, my mother gave me a little talk about it but she left out a lot of details. My erroneous thinking? I thought the blood would come pouring out! That terrified me. So I asked my older sister about it since she had already started menstruating. She laughed and said, "No, no, no. It's more like a slow dripping faucet." That helped!
 

KateSmash

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I'm going to be an outlier and say I don't recall ever not knowing. If I had questions, my mother gave me very frank answers. She didn't see the use in hiding things like menstruation and sex from me. (And yes, the information was in fact age appropriate. When I asked where babies came from, she simply said something along the lines of "Dad and I had sex. You and your brother grew in my belly. You came out of me later.")

Even if she hadn't been A+ on reproductive education, I would have learned early. I got my first period just before my 8th birthday. Yay precocious puberty! This was a full year and a half before the special movie they took you out of class for. (By the way - did anyone else get the movie of the two girls at a sleepover and the one girl gets her period overnight and the mom explains everything by making a very detailed 2D rendering of the uterus et al out of pancakes?) Smart ass kid that I was, I actually corrected the teacher's misinformation.

As far as discussing it with other girls goes? I really don't recall that happening. It only seemed to ever come up if someone needed supplies.
 

Deb Kinnard

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My mom was very reticent about such things. I was the only kid in the household and her only daughter. With the rest of my girls' P.E. class, I got The Filmstrip and the booklet. No sample products at all. In the 60s everything was big and bulky and kind of embarrassing, and it wasn't unknown in that age of shrunk-tight jeans for something to "show."

I did get The Filmstrip about a year too late. I remember exactly when the teachers held that session, and I was like, "What's the fuss?" since I'd been familiar with things for months. Mom never told me anything to the point, so like Meggie in "The Thorn Birds," I was afraid I was dying.

When I had daughters I made sure they knew what was what, well ahead of time. No surprises.
 

neandermagnon

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I don't remember when I first learned about periods. I've had an interest in biology since I was a kid so had lots of books on it and also had parents who would give straight, factual answers to my questions. So by the time all the girls were talking about periods and stuff, I was the one correcting other girls' misunderstandings about periods. There was even this one girl in my class when I was 13 who still didn't know anything at all about periods, so I explained it all to her (as opposed to making fun of her for it like some other girls did) and told her she had to ask her mum to explain it to her and make sure she had pads. I was pretty shocked that her mother hadn't already told her about it.

The Samaritans (UK suicide helpline/helpline for anyone to call if they're in distress and have no-one to talk to, whether suicidal or not) was started by a vicar after conducting the funeral of a teenage girl who killed herself because when she got her period, she didn't know what was going on and thought she had a serious illness but was too scared to talk to her family or ask them for help. Just having someone to explain that it's normal would've saved this girl's life, hence why he started the Samaritans helpline and charity. Anyway, my mum told me that, and loads of other stuff about periods and facts of life (emotional and sociological issues, not just the plain biology) - I already knew this about the Samaritans at the time I explained to the above mentioned friend about periods.
 
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Tinuviel

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Maybe I'm one of the few, but I had NO idea. Having lived on a farm all my life I could always answer the question: where do babies come from? But when it came to the female cycle, I had no clue. I had seen my sister's stash of feminine products, but didn't know what they were for since she's 11 years older than I am and I wouldn't be the person she would talk to about that stuff. When I was about 12 my mom told me: "you're going to see some blood pretty soon; when you do, tell me." about 6 months later I started menstruating, I told her and she said, "that means you're growing into a woman!" and was quite happy about it. She showed me how to use a pad and that was all.

A month later, I got another flow (of course!) and I'm like "what the heck? I did this last time, I thought it was supposed to turn me into a woman. Why do I have ANOTHER one?" I went to the internet and asked my question and got all the details. For many years I was quite annoyed and puzzled by the fact that my mom had not given me that vital information...until I realize that she was waiting for me to ask. She figured I'd ask when I was ready to know. From my perspective I was quite embarrassed and grossed out by the whole thing and would rather have died!
 

Cindyt

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I remember being so embarrassed--and can relate a story or too that's just TMI--even into adulthood. Then I met the love of my life and all that shame evaporated.
 

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I don't remember learning at any particular time. It just came up often enough in enough different settings that I knew about it in advance of getting my first period.
 

Brightdreamer

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Just out of curiosity, in what place and/or era is this girl living? In modern times, even if her mother's reticent to talk (or not available), a girl might hit the internet - not an infallible source of information itself, but a place most modern kids would think to look. Depending on the community, the local library might be an option. Isolated and/or very conservative areas may have a religious-based (often mis-)education, with emphasis on original sin and Eve's mistake and so forth. Then you get into various countries and cultures with different takes on the matter; IIRC, some rural areas in India still require menstruating women to live alone and not "stain" the house or other people while bleeding, and it was only a year or so ago (again, IIRC) that a woman ran a marathon without a pad during her period to address the stigma attached to menstruation around the world and specifically in her home country (may have been Africa or Asian.)

The book many girls encountered periods in was, IIRC, Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret, by Judy Blume. (Menstruation also plays a role as a womanhood rite-of-passage in the MG sci-fi tale Saturday, The Twelfth of October, by Norma Fox Mazer, about a girl who travels back in time to meet prehistoric humans. And then there's Stephen King's Carrie...)

As for my own experience, mostly I remember fifth grade health class talking about it, with the usual "girls watch the one video, boys go elsewhere to watch another" setup, and a school nurse answering questions in a rather bored fashion. (She was an older woman, and still seemed to consider the old midcentury bulky pad with the belt strap a viable option when it was rather obsolete.) I also remember hoping against hope I wouldn't get one - I never wanted to be a mom anyway, so it seemed like a pointless and messy complication - and being hacked off as heck when it finally arrived, round about seventh grade. (Middle of the school day, too - didn't realize until I got home. Very hacked off, embarrassed, etc.) It wasn't a big Thing in our house; no "celebration of womanhood" or anything. Mostly an inconvenience, though not as bad as some relatives got - two have (or had; one's postmenopausal) a tendency to debilitating cramps, and one has heavy bleeding issues that exceed capacity of most hygiene products.

As for misconceptions, I didn't have much of a social circle, and gossiping friends and friends-of-friends tended to be the big sources of info as a kid (pre-internet days), so I can't say I had much thought at all on the matter of menstruation. One was more likely to hear giggly, generally inaccurate things about sex than about periods, but that was just my experience.

Oh, and if you're looking for older "educational" matter on periods and don't mind some laughs, Rifftrax has a few riff-augmented vintage shorts available.
 

Tinuviel

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Just out of curiosity, in what place and/or era is this girl living?

I was also wondering about that. It would definitely make a difference in how and when she hears about it, and from whom.