For the last FREAKIN' time...

Lantern Jack · May 3, 2006

...I AM NOT A WOMAN!!! I AM A DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For the past two weeks I've been working at Office Max, every customer who has referred to me has thought me a woman. And not just normal people, like me, but Hell's Angels, Marines, THE FREAKIN' AMISH!!! FOR CRI-YI-YI, horse-and-buggy in tow!!! I've been ma'am-ed more times than my mother AND SHE'S 49! A septuagenarian pinched my rear and called me "pretty lady"! Okay, I understand I never went through puberty---well, all the way through---and I'm the size of a Munchkin with a pituitary problem, and very androgynous-looking to boot, but I'm VERY boyish. Little boyish! I like earthmovers and karate chopping things and pulling girls' pigtails. True, my dubious sexual charms have made me the top seller in 5 different sales goals, despite my only having 12 days of sales experience, but c'mon! Not one person! Old, young! Myopic or 20/20 vision! And since I can't pour molten lead on them, I'm venting here. And if one more customer calls me "Miss" or "Her".........................I'm going to piss and moan in my head and do nothing at all. But I tell you what I'd like to do, only the Feds would be swarming me inside of a micro-second. Let me just say it entails some rusty fish hooks, duct tape and a book of Paris Hilton love poems :e2chain:

Sarita · May 3, 2006

I was called "sir" once in my life. I was 15, in the Washington Dulles Airport, coming home from Hawaii in a Hawaiian floral print dress, with my D cups as prominent as D cups tend to be. I could not have looked more like a girl if I tried. Yet, some guy walked up and said "Could you move your bag off of that seat, Sir?" So, I blinked, looked up at him, coughed, and said "Sure." He turned every shade of red. It was wonderful.

Don't feel bad, LJ. Some people just don't look when they speak.

Lantern Jack · May 3, 2006

Saritams8 said:
I was called "sir" once in my life. I was 15, in the Washington Dulles Airport, coming home from Hawaii in a Hawaiian floral print dress, with my D cups as prominent as D cups tend to be. I could not have looked more like a girl if I tried. Yet, some guy walked up and said "Could you move your bag off of that seat, Sir?" So, I blinked, looked up at him, coughed, and said "Sure." He turned every shade of red. It was wonderful.

Don't feel bad, LJ. Some people just don't look when they speak.

Ahhh, but you've never had your bottom pinched by a 76-year-old man. Or have you? Yes, you probably have. That's a common female complaint. Female. We should not have that in common, and I find it mildly disturbing that we probably do

robeiae · May 3, 2006

Wear a giant disco medallion in the shape of a male symbol...and put 'Mr.' on your name tag.

Rob

Sarita · May 3, 2006

Lantern Jack said:
Ahhh, but you've never had your bottom pinched by a 76-year-old man. Or have you? Yes, you probably have.

Indeed. They like to call me Honey, too. And yes, it is mildly disturbing that out of everything we could have in common, this has to be it.

Haggis · May 3, 2006

Wear a pair of those Groucho Marx glasses. You know. The one's with the mustache.

Bravo · May 3, 2006

drink milk to get taller, and workout.

you're welcome.

pconsidine · May 3, 2006

I feel your pain, LJ. I've been ma'am-ed more times that most old ladies (I have hair down to the middle of my back - a hold over from the rock star days - so it's not like it's totally uncalled for). What really gets me is that I also have a beard and I've still been called Miss by people looking right at me. I mean, how Italian do you think I am?

"Think before you speak" should be our new national motto.

eldragon · May 3, 2006

For the past two weeks I've been working at Office Max, every customer who has referred to me has thought me a woman. And not just normal people, like me, but Hell's Angels, Marines, THE FREAKIN' AMISH!!! FOR CRI-YI-YI, horse-and-buggy in tow!!! I've been ma'am-ed more times than my mother AND SHE'S 49! A septuagenarian pinched my rear and called me "pretty lady"! Okay, I understand I never went through puberty---well, all the way through---and I'm the size of a Munchkin with a pituitary problem, and very androgynous-looking to boot, but I'm VERY boyish. Little boyish! I like earthmovers and karate chopping things and pulling girls' pigtails. True, my dubious sexual charms have made me the top seller in 5 different sales goals, despite my only having 12 days of sales experience, but c'mon! Not one person! Old, young! Myopic or 20/20 vision! And since I can't pour molten lead on them, I'm venting here. And if one more customer calls me "Miss" or "Her".........................I'm going to piss and moan in my head and do nothing at all. But I tell you what I'd like to do, only the Feds would be swarming me inside of a micro-second. Let me just say it entails some rusty fish hooks, duct tape and a book of Paris Hilton love poems

You cannot be serious.

Your mom is only 49?

RG570 · May 3, 2006

I have hair almost down to my butt, and I'm used to getting that. I just ignore it now, as I sure as hell am not going to lose sleep or change anything I do so that people can make quick assesments of my gender.

eldragon · May 3, 2006

AT least they aren't asking you when your due date is.

A common complaint from girls carrying some bulk in their mid-section, not always linked to pending motherhood.

Lantern Jack · May 3, 2006

Bravo said:
drink milk to get taller, and workout.

you're welcome.

That's the thing, dudinsky. I drink a glass of milk a day and take calcium pills, and I work out and run every day. I've put on 15 pounds of muscle and I still only weigh 110 pounds.

[shrugs]

Lantern Jack · May 3, 2006

eldragon said:
You cannot be serious.

Your mom is only 49?

Yeah, I'm 26. She had me when she was 23. I shall be informing her posthaste you are totally mystified by her age :tongue

Lantern Jack · May 3, 2006

KTC said:
Jack is losing her cool again!

That's it...CRUCIO!!!

Oh, wait, I need a wand for that, don't I? And to not be a Muggle. And for the Harry Potter books to be biographies, not historical fiction :tongue

NeuroFizz · May 3, 2006

Okay, I'm a father of two young children (six and three years), and I'm in my mid-fifties. Three times now, store clerks have referred to me as grandpa. It doesn't help that my salt-and-pepper hair is suddenly going sodium chloride.

eldragon · May 3, 2006

Yeah, I'm 26. She had me when she was 23. I shall be informing her posthaste you are totally mystified by her age

Well, the math does add up. Still, it's hard to believe a 49 year old could have a grown man working at Office Max, aged 23, as offspring.

I'm 42 and have a 17 year old daughter - so when I'm 49, she'll be 24.
And she works at McDonalds.

There is something going on here. Not sure what.

robeiae · May 3, 2006

KTC said:
Jack is losing her cool again!

Lantern Jack said:
That's it...CRUCIO!!!

Catfight! Meowrrr...

Bravo · May 3, 2006

Lantern Jack said:
Yeah, I'm 26.

ahh.

sadly, you wont be growing then.

i honestly always got a very teenage vibe from you.

GPatten · May 3, 2006

Lantern Jack said:
Ahhh, but you've never had your bottom pinched by a 76-year-old man. Or have you? Yes, you probably have. That's a common female complaint. Female. We should not have that in common, and I find it mildly disturbing that we probably do

I’m a 71-year-old man and I’ve never pinched a woman I didn’t know on her bottom. LOL

Haggis · May 3, 2006

GPatten said:
I’m a 71-year-old man and I’ve never pinched a woman I didn’t know on her bottom. LOL

Heh. Yeah. That's what I tell 'em too. They'll never be able to prove it, either.

GPatten · May 3, 2006

But officer. I know her, she has her name on her employment badge.

LOL

tjwriter · May 3, 2006

KTC said:
My daughter is getting married Saturday and I still get IDed.

I think I am going to have that problem too. Last week my husband had a dentist appointment and the baby and I were waiting for him. When I was making my appointment, she asked my birth date and then told me I looked like I was 16 or 17, which with a baby and stuff, God knows what she was thinking about us. I've always been told I look young though.

Poor LJ. You need to find something to wear that makes it unmistakable that you are a man.

pconsidine · May 3, 2006

tjwriter said:
Poor LJ. You need to find something to wear that makes it unmistakable that you are a man.

Sadly, TJ, the only thing that would do that would be a Saran Wrap shirt and pants. Damn this unisex world!

tjwriter · May 3, 2006

Now THAT would be an interesting outfit.

reph · May 3, 2006

LJ, people will always make superficial judgments. I regularly get mistaken for a man in posts here and elsewhere. I don't look sexually ambiguous, but apparently my prose style does.

If your voice is high, people are using that to decide.

For the last FREAKIN' time...

My kitten knows kung-fu!

carpe noctem

My kitten knows kung-fu!

Touch and go

carpe noctem

Evil, undead Chihuahua

Socialitest

Too Adorkable for Words

in a van down by the river

in a van down by the river

My kitten knows kung-fu!

My kitten knows kung-fu!

My kitten knows kung-fu!

The grad students did it

in a van down by the river

Touch and go

Socialitest

Dang...

Evil, undead Chihuahua

Dang...

Emerging Anew

Too Adorkable for Words

Emerging Anew

Fig of authority