This is why I stopped posting here and stopped writing.

I couldn't decide where to post this, but it's mostly about writing, so Roundtable seemed like a good choice.

For those that remember me, thank you! I always enjoyed this community. For those that don't know me, I used to be a regular poster here and just kind of disappeared.

I was a nonfiction regional history author with four books published. After my last book came out in 2010, I decided to concentrate on fiction and stopped writing local history, even though I enjoyed it and very much liked my publisher. Still do.

I was a regular poster here, contributing whenever and wherever I could. I was always writing. I worked very hard on a horror novel that was rejected by everybody and ended up getting trunked. It needs a vast rewrite that I'm not going to do. I wrote a chilren's book that also was rejected, and a huge rewrite could save it, but it's trunked. (Please note, these were endlessly rewritten and were reviewed by beta readers, so they weren't rushed by any means.). I also wrote a YA thriller that I'm still very proud of, but it too was rejected by everyone.

That leads me to my last novel I was working on three years ago, a YA romance that has a complete first draft, but got bogged down during initial rewrites.

As I wrote that YA romance, my family life changed drastically when my then four-year-old wife's nephew, Leo, suddenly moved in with us. Long story short, his mother was put in prison, and he was being sexually abused in the relative's house he was living in. My daughter was 3 at the time and things got very complicated, plus he had therapy, we had family therapy, and we had to start undoing all the damage that was done to him. After over three years, he has improved immensely, but the family had to go through a lot of adjustment to accomodate him.

I continued to revise and post here on AW and send out queries for the YA thriller, but kept getting rejections, and soon feedback from new beta readers was starting to show the cracks in the story. It needed more work, it seemed. However, I was revising the new story, but the heart was starting to go out of it. I would work and rework and rework and rework the first chapter, and never get any further. Over time, I wasted more of my writing time than actually write.

But that's not all. When Leo moved in, I had to give up my private space in the house, which was the back bedroom. I had to box up all my crap and move it to the basement. For the next six months I built a new room in the basement which would become my Man Cave/Library/Writing Room/Hang Out Room. I was also working full time.

I should mention that the same week Leo moved in, I got a new full time job. Soon after I started the new job, I started having daily dizzy spells. Since 2000 my left ear has been ringing, I started losing hearing in that ear, and I was having dizzy spells that led to vertigo. When the new job started, I didn't understand why my periodic huge dizzy spells were now daily small dizzy spells. I saw doctors and a hearing specialist who diagnosed it as Meniere's Disease and he prescribed medication to treat it. I learned from our therapist that I had general anxiety disorder, and with the stress of Leo moving in gave me the daily dizzy spells. I went on the prescribed medication for the Meniere's and anti-anxiety medication for the stress, and things have been mostly okay since.

That brings me to the writing issue.

I've been selling on eBay since around 2000 as a small hobby and a way to bring in extra money. In the last few years, I had to make a choice with my limited time: write or sell on eBay. I would always do either or, but when building the new basement room, I spent my spare time selling on eBay as a way to finance the project. Pretty much the whole project was funded by eBay instead of family finances.

As I worked at the new job, I started selling more and more, really ramping up the business. Then in February 2015 I lost that job (for company reasons) and as I looked for a new job, thrifting and selling became a real part-time job. I reasoned that writing brought in no money, but selling brought in needed income. I got a new job in July 2015 (technical writing! and I loved it!) which lasted until February 2016 when the assignment ended. It was temporary until the project was done.

I've been unemployed since February and haven't written a damn thing. All my time is spent selling. I've averaged $2000 a month selling (after fees), which has REALLY helped family finances. If it weren't for eBay, we would have gone broke as I searched for new job, or I would have taken a lower-paying horrible job that would have probably paid me less than what I make from eBay. I hope to have a new job soon, because I haven't reached the point with eBay yet that I don't need a job.

So, that's it. Writing doesn't bring in money, but selling does. I do love writing and hope to get back to it if ever things even themselves out. For now, though, I have to sell if I want to help support the family. I had to make a choice: write or do something for money, and the money part had to win.

You remember me! Thank you for saying so. And yeah, I butchered the line about my "four year old wife's nephew" which should read "the four-year-old nephew of my wife" or "my wife's four year old nephew." It's been a while since I've written stuff.

I'd like to visit AW more often, maybe even squeezing in some writing time. I've fantasized about self publishing the YA thriller. It seems like self publishing has changed a great deal in the past few years. Has it become more acceptable now? Still, I've seen good books and a lot of, um, not so good self published books, so I wonder if the marketplace has become diluted.

Anyhow, it's good to know I'm remembered round these parts. I'll be posting around, for sure.

I guess I won't be a stranger any longer. And you know what I forgot in my original post? I have a baby boy, born February 14, 2015. He's 20 months old now and is named Zachary. Can't believe I forgot about him!