Social Anxiety?

I have long-term, chronic social anxiety problems and yes, I do this. Of course, I hate to limit myself, so sometimes I'll do this even while I'm talking, no matter how interested or engaged the other people appear. At work I'm known for being particularly vivacious with my customers, and my coworkers are vocal about how funny I am...and yet, even as I'm talking to them, I'm thinking I should really just shut up. Intellectually I know I can't really be that bad -- nobody cringes noticeably when I come in the room or anything. But it's still something I can't shake.

My anxiety has ramped up recently for reasons that are as yet unknown (thanks, brain chemistry?) and something like that has been part of the problem. Like, I'll send a post or finish a task with someone, we'll part ways, and my brain will go "oh god did we thank them enough was I rude maybe I misspelled something they're going to be mad at me for something I haven't figured out yet or maybe there's not a reason at all to be anxious but I'mma still do it okay?"

Stuff like this doesn't help my lurking habit. >_<

I have diagnosed anxiety and mine has always manifested itself the same as yours. I don't get too anxious during social events, but often before and pretty much always afterwards. I go over and over everything I said, wondering if I looked stupid or gave the wrong impression.

Well, now that I'm on citalopram I don't often do that, but it used to be a given. As soon as I was in bed with the lights off, I'd start to worry.

Yes, I get it sometimes after the fact. When I'm nervous, I tend to brag, and I really don't like when I do that... but I can't keep myself from doing it. I generally get "social-post-anxiety" after that.

Yes. I replay everything I said and did in my head. It's not that I want to, it's uncontrollable. And then I wince and torture myself with every possible statement or action that might have been misconstrued misinterpreted or misrepresented. My wife does the same thing. We're both extremely introverted, so we generally don't go out anyway. Dealing with other humans in person is difficult. Most of my social interaction is limited to work (known schemas help there) and email where I can obsessively re-read everything before I click send.

Holy crap, YES. After meeting people, a dinner out, whatever, I stay awake and analyze everything I said. When I get nervous, I tend to babble.

I'm OK making a presentation, or giving a little speech. It's the small talk I can't handle.

I did this so much in high school it wasn't funny. I have social anxiety a lot of the time, and I would lose sleep at night analyzing little social interactions. I don't do it so much anymore, but I still slip into it a little sometimes.

I used to have a lot of social anxiety like that, to the point of beating myself up until the only "right" answer was just sitting still and quiet by myself at home. Medication never really helped get rid of the core issues, so, I've done a lot of internal work, looking into why I couldn't just let myself be. Comparing ourselves to others can be a cruel pursuit and you never really win. Projection is not just about our "negative" qualities and seeing them in other people, but also in giving our potential away and somehow believing that everyone else fits a standard that we can't reach; we do not recognize or own our own positive attributes. I realized a lot of what was holding me back was things I was told as a child about being loud or obnoxious or not being good enough, that were affecting my own perceptions in my ability to be funny or charming as I truly am. A lack of empathy for the self is the root of all hatred. Once we realize we have the potential for all bad and all good and own it, then we see how others can get to where they are in their lives and the decisions they make no longer seem so alien or outlandish.

You never get to a place where you're "done" with a trait and have owned it completely. It's a daily struggle to recognize when I am not owning my gifts but giving them away and it is always at least a little painful to look in the mirror when I'd much rather tell myself "this isn't normal; it's because other people are better, isn't it?" But I haven't taken meds in years and I no longer accept the treatment from myself wherein I'd rather tear myself down for being this vague concept of "not good enough." Compared to what? Is everyone else on this sacred perfect journey? Am I literally the only worm writhing in the dirt over here? Why is greatness achievable for others but not me? Who made that rule? Can I disobey it?

Granted, this is something that has worked for me but everyone is different. I only share in hopes that something might be helpful to others. Because it's not fun being forced into immobility by your internal critic. It's not fun to regret every genuinely good social interaction you've had and to never allow yourself to be the truly fun and interesting person that other people see. It's not fun to hear how much people idolize you and want to be around you and all you can say is "why?" If something else works for you, then do that instead. :rose:

I do this all the time. Shoot, I do this with regard to the woman who's about to become my fiancé. I always worry I did something wrong, said something wrong, chased her off. In the moment, when together, everything is fine. Feels right.

Once we've parted... THEN the brain goes nutz.

Fruitbat said:

This is not a huge deal but I think it may be strange. Why bother getting social anxiety after the fact? That is a very stupid time to get social anxiety. Anyway, I probably just talked too much haha.

Does anyone else do this?

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I tend to think of this as a form of "checking." A symptom of OCD. It's checking for a "mistake" as defined by...? You, probably. Other people probably see no mistake/misbehavior at all.


Also: --because I get everything everyone has said. And struggle with it too.

*checks post 25 times*
*previews post*
*fixes 3 things*
*previews again*
*publishes*
*bangs head on desk*
*edits post*

Yes! Now that I am retired I avoid social occasions like the plague and not just any plague--the Bubonic plague. I will do funerals, graduations, family stuff and I will manage the floriculture booth at the Stafford County Fair next month but that is where I draw the line. I constantly overthink everything I say or do socially and it is damned exhausting. --s6

The one thing that helps me is that, by and large, no one remembers what anyone else says! It's quite liberating.

Raindrop said:

The one thing that helps me is that, by and large, no one remembers what anyone else says! It's quite liberating.

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I think that's the key. We all remember what we said far better than what anyone else said. Just knowing that is a help.

Sounds familiar, though I've never been officially diagnosed with anything. (It doesn't help having a mild speech impediment related to Evil R's, so even when I do have something I want to say, it's not easy actually making myself make the effort to say it. Apparently, the R issue runs in the family, though I'm the only idiot who hasn't shaken it.) I'm generally not so bad in "known quantity" situations, but dealing with strangers or talking in front of others (or a camera), I want to crawl into a hole and hide until everyone's gone and forgotten I exist.

I do it too.

If things go well, the over thinking every aspect of the encounter usually results in mild, "Why did you say that? You are such an idiot. You shouldn't be wasting other people's oxygen.", self berating.

If things go bad, the thinking becomes progressively more terminal.

I've been actively trying to be more social in real time lately, or at least staying physically busy to the point of exhaustion (hence, my absence from AW). The "permanent solution" thinking was becoming alarmingly too frequent, and intense.

WOW. I never thought of this as any kind of anxiety. I have a similar symptom, but I've just attributed it to social awkwardness. Interesting.

I get bad into this, no fun.

For me it's that 'space alien' feeling, which can be self-reinforcing and goes down some pretty bad holes. Definitely the kind of thing that can wake me up in the middle of the night, and even if it's totally forgotten by everyone else.I think the nice thing about getting older (I'm in my thirties, so judge this wisdom accordingly) is that you finally do start to feel better about yourself, and accept that on some days and in some instances you might actually be a charming person. It's still hard though.

I think every smart/sensitive person is going to feel this way to an extent. Agree all around with the sentiment that most people don't care what you said, I'm always shocked by what people remember and don't. And hugs to all y'all.

I do the pre- and post-social thing all the time. Didn't realise it's part of social anxiety. Huh; learned something very new, but it's not shiny.

Yes, I do this all the time. Every time. And it usually happens 30 seconds before or after the event; there's nothing I can do that stops it. During the event? I used to (and sometimes still do) clam up or say the wrong thing at the wrong time, shut down the conversation, and then some. Result: say nothing and/or don't attend the event if I have a choice. Not because I don't want to go, but because I don't want to be crappy, embarrass myself, and ruin the event for everyone else.

Raindrop said:

The one thing that helps me is that, by and large, no one remembers what anyone else says! It's quite liberating.

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If only this worked for me. Le Sigh.

I'm glad it works for you and for many others.

Aaaaand just got back from a party tonight and going through it all now...

Me too, me too!

I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder, and it was causing me significant problems.

CBT has given me all sorts of help, and was very quick, too: just four or five sessions helped me know for sure that this excessive rumination was damaging, why it happened, and how to stop doing it. I still find myself slipping into the old habits but I can now bring it to a swift halt when I recognise it, and it's great to be able to do that. Really great. It might be worth trying, if you think it could help you too.

This happens to me occasionally. Sometimes it's so bad I'll seemingly question whether certain things even happened. And like your case, it tends to be a little worse after very good events/memories. I've learned to manage this in recent years by telling myself everything's going to be okay, and realizing that my brain has limitations. This has led to more trust in myself and a greater well-being in general.

I used to think like that but now I realize people don't even notice so I don't bother thinking about it lol