View Full Version : In need of a snarky Norwegian translation.

06-09-2016, 08:20 PM
Hello there, dear Cool Water Drinkers.

I'm currently writing a story chapter in which a lawyer writes an internal memo to his defence team concerning an upcoming trial (the defendant is a shady politician who is very probably guilty as charged), and publishes it over Google Docs.
A junior secretary, a young Norwegian called Lars Krogstad, can't help being a smart-aleck about it and decides to add sarcastic little comments of his own throughout the text, not realising that everyone can see them, including the lawyer.

Below are the comments, and I'd like to write them in actual Norwegian, since it would make sense that he'd be writing it in his native tongue.
I listed them below, preceded with little excerpts from the memo (in square brackets) for orientation purposes:

[...has been set for the Monday the 19th]

"Yeah, thanks for the timely heads-up. I already was wondering how to best spend my weekend."

[I want you to make no mistake; the defendant is a victim of circumstance, and her actual complicity is beyond uncertain.]

"Oh, of course. I want to believe... but no. Just no."

[I do not want you to perceive this task not as a mandatory court-appointed counsel.]

"If that makes you feel any better, I don't. Mandatory court-appointed counsels make me feel CLEAN by comparison!"

[We are not in the process of ‘closing the stable door after the (metaphorical) horse has bolted’.] This is a (very bad) pun on the defendant's equestrian hobby.

"I see what you did there. Shame on you."

[Should you experience any ‘qualms’ or ‘moral complications’ about carrying out your duties, now would be the best time to swallow them]

"You silly humans and your silly emotions!"

[alternately, you might want to make an appearance in my office next thing tomorrow]

"Why? Do you have a gun hidden in your drawer?"

[the parts of the soldiers will be played, nolens volens, by the defence and the prosecution.]

"Wait, what?! Is... is this going where I think it's going?"

[fabricated evidence, abuse of court assets, perversion of court protocol, slander, personal attacks, or even threats against the defendant and the team, cannot be ruled out!]

"Murder, arson, tax evasion... Fear your enemy, for they are evil."

[In light of this, a little soldierly wariness on your behalf would certainly not go amiss.]

"I knew it! And I can't even tell whether this is supposed to be a pep talk or a Reichstag rally..."

[...to prevent any leaks that might, in any shape or form, damage our progress in the investigation.]

"...more than already."

[Do not discuss any details of your work with friends, family...]

"But whatever should I talk to my mother about instead, huh?"

[All communication between the defendant and you will from now on flow through me...]

"Really? You don't trust your own defence team? I wonder when you'll start purging us, you paranoid ass."

[Make backup copies of every document you come in contact with, and keep a close eye on existing copies.]

"Thanks for clarifying that. Because, I have never worked with files before."

['Both as a political leader and a mother...']

"Are we REALLY going to channel the 'merciful mother spirit' here? Is that gonna be our defence?"

['As a matter of fact, she looks forward to aiding the court...']

"And why shouldn't she! She's a dear. She has such a trustworthy snarl..."

[supplying the yellow press with fodder is not going to make them change their attitudes towards us.]

"But what if we kiss-ass really really hard?"

[Despite this, I’d like to say: Thank you for your continued work.]

"Really? That's it? ...You're welcome? I guess?"

For any of you brave souls who'd like to help this poor monolingual fool in his errands, I thank in advance!

06-10-2016, 02:25 PM
If you're looking for all that translation, you may need to pay someone. Translation is hard, and the translator would probably need to look at your whole manuscript to match the tone.

Ellaroni on here is Norwegian and she writes snarky YA protagonists. So maybe give her a shout?

06-10-2016, 06:00 PM
Actually, I was looking for someone interested in doing it pro bono. I'm an occasional translator myself, so I know it's doable.
But thanks for the tip.