In need of a snarky Norwegian translation.

[...has been set for the Monday the 19th]

"Yeah, thanks for the timely heads-up. I already was wondering how to best spend my weekend."

[I want you to make no mistake; the defendant is a victim of circumstance, and her actual complicity is beyond uncertain.]

"Oh, of course. I want to believe... but no. Just no."

[I do not want you to perceive this task not as a mandatory court-appointed counsel.]

"If that makes you feel any better, I don't. Mandatory court-appointed counsels make me feel CLEAN by comparison!"

[We are not in the process of ‘closing the stable door after the (metaphorical) horse has bolted’.] This is a (very bad) pun on the defendant's equestrian hobby.

"I see what you did there. Shame on you."

[Should you experience any ‘qualms’ or ‘moral complications’ about carrying out your duties, now would be the best time to swallow them]

"You silly humans and your silly emotions!"

[alternately, you might want to make an appearance in my office next thing tomorrow]

"Why? Do you have a gun hidden in your drawer?"

[the parts of the soldiers will be played, nolens volens, by the defence and the prosecution.]

"Wait, what?! Is... is this going where I think it's going?"

[fabricated evidence, abuse of court assets, perversion of court protocol, slander, personal attacks, or even threats against the defendant and the team, cannot be ruled out!]

"Murder, arson, tax evasion... Fear your enemy, for they are evil."

[In light of this, a little soldierly wariness on your behalf would certainly not go amiss.]

"I knew it! And I can't even tell whether this is supposed to be a pep talk or a Reichstag rally..."

[...to prevent any leaks that might, in any shape or form, damage our progress in the investigation.]

"...more than already."

[Do not discuss any details of your work with friends, family...]

"But whatever should I talk to my mother about instead, huh?"

[All communication between the defendant and you will from now on flow through me...]

"Really? You don't trust your own defence team? I wonder when you'll start purging us, you paranoid ass."

[Make backup copies of every document you come in contact with, and keep a close eye on existing copies.]

"Thanks for clarifying that. Because, I have never worked with files before."

['Both as a political leader and a mother...']

"Are we REALLY going to channel the 'merciful mother spirit' here? Is that gonna be our defence?"

['As a matter of fact, she looks forward to aiding the court...']

"And why shouldn't she! She's a dear. She has such a trustworthy snarl..."

[supplying the yellow press with fodder is not going to make them change their attitudes towards us.]

"But what if we kiss-ass really really hard?"

[Despite this, I’d like to say: Thank you for your continued work.]

"Really? That's it? ...You're welcome? I guess?"

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