Messing With Little Kids / Kids Taking You Literally / Funny Things Kids Say

Quentin Nokov · Mar 30, 2016

Little kids are so trusting and innocent, and they take everything literally! My cousin is 7. She's very smart and mature for her age, but she's at the impressionable age when she'll believe almost anything. The one day when she was over she had been sitting in a chair for a while. "Ugh, my foot fell asleep," she said.

"Yeah, I can tell," I said. "I can see it tingling."

Her eyes grew huge and her jaw dropped. She looked down at her foot. "How can you see that?!"

"It comes with age," I shrugged.

She grabbed her foot and pulled it as close to her face as possible. My sister was doing everything she could to hold back her laugh. I never clarified to her that was joking. I probably should have.

--

I don't see her as often as I would like and I don't have kids of my own so I'd like to know: what have you done to mess with little kids? And after you fooled them did you ever clarify that you were kidding? Do you remember people messing with you when you were little? What funny things have spilled out of kids mouths that left you in stitches? How have kids taken you literally?

I remember when I was about 4 I was afraid of sharks. My parents said not to worry about sharks, they only live in warm water. Well, that didn't help me anyway! The bathwater was warm! I thought a shark might come out of the faucet at any moment and so I would bath in cold water. Occasionally I would turn the hot water one just a little so I wasn't freezing, but I'd twist it off super fast to keep the shark inside the piping! Then twist it on a little and then shut if off super fast again.

Having characters that are children I'd like some material on how my grown-up characters can fool with them or how my little kid characters could take a grown-up's comment literally. What stories do you guys have to share?

Introversion · Mar 30, 2016

When my older daughter was five, I once jokingly told her that when she was first born, she fit in my pocket, and I carried her around like a mother kangaroo carries a joey.

It was a bit of nonsense with very little conscious thought behind it. But she was delighted, and asked for details, and I wove a story about how I had to be careful what pocket I put her in, what else I put in the pocket with her, how she used to pull herself up to peer over the edge of the pocket wherever I went, etc etc.

Many years later, she confessed that 1) she'd happily believed that for many years, and 2) it was a huge disappointment when she realized it couldn't possibly be true. (I did tell her that I used to carry her around in a Snuggli front-pack, which was kind of a pocket, but it wasn't the same.)

Silva · Mar 30, 2016

Haha. I can't think of any specific stories anymore as I haven't been able to mislead my almost-5yo in about a year and I avoid it entirely with my 3yo as he gets perturbed/upset over many things. (I always did let them know when I was kidding them around.)

My 5yo has now learned to tell when I'm being sarcastic, and if she's not sure, she'll assume I'm joking and waggle her eyebrows at me while pulling a fake straight face as if she's in on the joke. That is absolutely hilarious; far more so than when she took me seriously all the time.

Siri Kirpal · Mar 30, 2016

Sat Nam! (literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

I know a man my age who is still upset that his parents lied to him about Santa Claus.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal

Tazlima · Mar 30, 2016

I once convinced my young neighbor that tadpoles were born with fully-developed legs, only they were tucked inside its body. The tail would eventually turn inside-out and go into the body, where it would push the legs out bit by bit. That's why the back legs always start growing before the front legs, they're closer to the tail so they get pushed out first.

That was a fun one.

mirandashell · Mar 30, 2016

When my niece was born, I swore that if she asked me, I would tell the truth. Or at least, as much truth as she could handle at her age. But one day, when she was about 3, she asked me if there really is a man in the Moon. I told her there isn't, it's just the dark patches on the surface look like a face.

She paused for a bit, looking up at the Moon, and then said 'Why did Nanny tell lies?'

'How do you mean?'

'Nanny told me there was a man in the Moon. And he has a house and a car and a Moondog and a Mooncat.'

'Oh.... well.... Nanny didn't *lie* exactly. She just told you a story.'

'Why?'

That one took a while.

And my Mom never forgave me because for years after, whenever she told my niece anything, Erin would look her in the face and say, 'Is that true, Nanny, or is it a story?'

Quentin Nokov · Mar 30, 2016

Introversion, that's too funny, especially since your daughter believed it for years! Silva, sometimes children's expressions are worth more than words! Siri, that's rather humorous, but I suppose I might be upset to have been lied to as well. Tazlima, when ever my Dad sounded 'scientific' (despite joking), I'd always believe him. I mean, older people must know what they're talking about, especially if they through in a big word here or there! Mirandashell, awe, you caused Erin to no longer trust your mother! I guess rightfully so, though!

heza · Mar 30, 2016

My sister is a fair bit older than me and growing up, to get back at me (presumably) for being annoying, she told me several untrue things, for example:

1) That if I ever accidentally covered my head with my blanket at night, I would get "turtle's disease" and die. I slept in terror for many years.

2) That if Mom ever put meat tenderizer on steaks (which she did, quite often) and it didn't completely dissolve and I took a bite with some crystals still on it, my tongue would get mushy and fall off. Had some fights with my parents about suddenly not wanting to eat meat for a while, which they couldn't understand.

And of course when I told them why, their explanations didn't help any. My sister knew things and I trusted her implicitly. She now claims she doesn't recall any of these things.... If she was going to traumatize me in my childhood, she could at least have the decency to remember it.

Snowstorm · Mar 30, 2016

Once I walked my niece, who was about 5 years old, to a gas station to air up her bicycle tire. I used their air hose to pump it up. When I had it full, I coiled up the hose and we started to walk off the property. She started screaming in that high-pitch little-girl scream, "You didn't pay for it! You didn't pay for it!"

Everyone around stopped and stared at me. I couldn't get her to understand it was free! I felt about an inch high...

MaryMumsy · Mar 30, 2016

When I was around 6 or 7 my Dad would tell me stories of his adventures in New Guinea during WWII. Since he was my Dad, and I thought he was the greatest thing ever, I believed him. Then I started telling some of my friends. My Mom found out and had a fit. Pretty much the only parts that were true was that he was in New Guinea. She wouldn't let him tell stories to my little brother. I thought Dad was the greatest thing ever until the day he died. Miss him still.

MM

LJD · Mar 30, 2016

Step on a crack, break your mother's back terrified me as a kid because my mom had serious back problems.

CindyGirl · Apr 4, 2016

When my daughter was three, she told me that at Halloween, she didn't like the scary butterflies.

Roxxsmom · Apr 4, 2016

I don't think I've ever been able to have a little kid on for very long without breaking down and telling them I was kidding.

I did have an older cousin who told me some whoppers when I was a kid. Some I believed, some I kind of believed, and some I wanted to believe. Evidently there were "wear wolves" living in the hills outside Eugene, OR, for instance. "Wear wolves" are just like wolves, but they wear clothes (hence the "wear" part--I was so disappointed to discover, years later, that it was spelled "were"). She also told me about the kidnappers who came and stole children from cars when their mothers went into the store (common practice when I was a kid), so we had to lie on the floor and hold very still to hide from them. The sound from a construction site in the background? That's actually the noise of the machines the kidnappers use to grind up the kids they take. She had her younger brother convinced he was part vampire for a while too.

She should be the one trying to write stories, not me.

LJD said:
Step on a crack, break your mother's back terrified me as a kid because my mom had serious back problems.

Oh, god, my cousin was big on that little ditty too. I didn't really believe it, but she also told me that the little sparklies in some sidewalk concrete (mica was a thing in construction back then) were called "witches candles," and there was a small chance that they would steal your soul when you walked on them.

I wanted to pass these tales on to her kids when they were little, but oh, I just couldn't...

Messing With Little Kids / Kids Taking You Literally / Funny Things Kids Say

Quentin Nokov

King of the Kitties

Introversion

Pie aren't squared, pie are round!

Silva

saucy

Siri Kirpal

Swan in Process

Tazlima

mirandashell

Quentin Nokov

King of the Kitties

heza

Snowstorm

Baby plot bunneh sniffs out a clue

MaryMumsy

the original blond bombshell

LJD

CindyGirl

Roxxsmom

Beastly Fido