Bad time in Mirandaland so I need a laugh about it!

Mirandashell,

I am sorry to hear that you are still unemployed. It is not easy being unemployed and it can be a very stressful situation, especially if you have financial obligations and responsibilities in your life. There are many places where you can find a job, but providing a C.V/Resume is essential, especially if you want to get a job. A resume is like a piece of paper that you give to someone selling yourself to a company and showing them how you can benefit them and help them with their business. It is a very good idea to have a resume, as well as a cover letter for each job you apply for, as it looks very professional and it will increase your chances of finding employment.

Suck it up, Buttercup.

Even if you don't need it for this, you'll need it for something. Start with the most recent and work backwards. I'm older than you, and those jobs back in the sixties and seventies are fading away.

MM

In customer service training I had a long time ago, I was once asked, "Do you want to be right, or be employed?" That was talking about resolving issues with customers, but I think it applies here.

You're absolutely within your rights to refuse to do this, and I agree with your reasoning.

But if you could produce such a CV that you can reasonably say you told the truth to the best of your ability, would the flaws matter, as long as you were as ethical as you could be?

It's not so much a question of surrendering your ethics, but of seeing if you can live up to them within the criteria presented.

And maybe the answer is that yes, you can, but it's not worth the effort. I think that's legit, too.

There's consequences to whichever choice you make. As long as you accept that, it's totally your call.

mirandashell said:

Thank you to everyone who has replied so far but the fuck am I going to suck it up. I don't actually need to work in the NHS and I think you've missed my point.

As for the explanation of what a resume is, well thanks. I've only been working for 35 years so I'm glad that you're around to explain to me.

I'm going before I say something I will really regret.....

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just print this out and it'll be a golden ticket of charm and reason that will open any door you desire.

This thread is like an 8 foot deep pool of mucilage with sharp things mixed in it.

I must have a death wish to be posting here.

Miranda. I utterly and totally sympathize with your reaction to that soul-killing stupid rule change. GAH! Bureaucracies exist to drive us insane, there is no other reason for their existence. Somewhere the architect of these systems is feeding on our souls at this moment, mark my words.

Here's something amusing: I actually did try, more than once, to suck it up, and they STILL spit me out as undigestible and ineducable and undesirable and all manner of bad words. (Not the same "they", of course, different "they" entirely, different country, different agencies, different decades. But, hey, "they" is "they" and there is no other!)

It's really amazing I am still alive, when I come to think of it. Huh!

I hear there's pizza on the Other Side.

http://www.jeffbridges.com/because.html

Bureaucracy. *throws up on shoes*

mirandashell said:

One more thing before I go, there's a reason this thread is in Office Party and not Conquering Challenges........

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Let me guess. Is it because you know I'm an OP moderator and you think I won't notice you just scolded a couple of members who tried to offer advice? If you don't like the advice people give you, just don't take it. But to attack someone who's trying to help won't work here.

I'm sorry you're in a crappy situation. I know especially well that being older and being out of work is an awful place to be. Please don't take it out on people who are trying to help.

There's not enough laughing in this thread whose title promised me laughing... so here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=320P-k6oFr

ETA: To address the OP... to be honest, the idea of not having an updated resume/CV at all times is a foreign concept to me. I don't know if it's an American thing, a generation thing, or a corporate thing, but at the first sign of not being completely satisfied in any given job or at the first rumor that the company might be floundering, everyone I know updates their resume.

I also think, Miranda, even if this event was a real annoyance and you don't want to do it for this particular thing, it's something you should think about gradually doing for the future, to the best of your ability. You don't know if you might need it for something else. I'm currently in the process of trying to better inventory my entire medical history and every place I've ever lived. I'm pretty sure I might need the second one if I ever try to get a job that requires government clearances (and I've moved around a lot). The first, I actually did need when I applied for individual health insurance. It was a nightmare that took 3 months. I'm battling my husband on it right now because he's healthy and hasn't had many doctor's visits. I'm trying to get him to write down what he remembers before too much time passes or the visits start piling up and he gets confused. If we're ever both self employed, we'll need to apply for individual insurance again. He doesn't see the point, but I think these are all things, like a CV, that are just good to have before you need them.

Miranda, I agree. It's ludicrous. I'm 36, and I'd never be able to remember exactly every job I've done. Much less dates, and times. Mind you, I'm pretty dyslexic. If this is what is required to work a 'normal' job these days, I think I'll remain a self-employed artist from here on out.

mirandashell said:

My problem is I've done a lot of work for agencies over the years and would not remember all of them or the roles. In fact, a few of the agencies I've worked for are no longer in business!

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You business killer, you!

Really, it should just be the last three jobs and any before if they are relevant to the position. Bureacracy is one thing, but outsourced bureaucracy -- which exists only to make a profit -- is an abomination.

If they want it to be 'approximate', you could always mention the year you were a river guide on the Orinoco, specialising in hoatzins, and that time you spent re-painting dhows in the Andamans. Good times.

Um, nobody needs a resume going back 35 years. Here in Australia any resumes longer than 2 pages are strongly discouraged. Last 3 positions or 10 years is more than sufficient to show your relevent experience and skillset.

I wanted to marry a woman who lived overseas and I had to write down every address I every lived at (for over 50 years). I did the best I could do and never had a problem. I lived an a lot of rented rooms when I was a young dude.
I once got a real estate license and they wanted the same info and that was years later.
Don't sweat the small stuff and it's all small stuff.

I am retired but plan to do some substitute teaching next school year. In order to be a substitute--understand I am a teacher with 20+ years experience-- I need to be fingerprinted and pay 60$ for a background check. Fingerprinted? I am a 66 year old grandmother with a 50 year work history!

I recently applied for a job teaching at the local junior college. I had to provide references from every job I have ever had. I am 65 years old! I did manage to dig up two ex-principals but most are dead or doddering! I had to supply transcripts dating back to 1970--my first college is now defunct. I can get a paper transcript not an e-transcript--and there is one from the University of Puebla, in Mexico. I called the business office and tried to explain about the transcript but the person taking the call insisted that they would only take e-transcripts. She kept explaining over and over, slowly and patiently, how to get an e-transcript. I tried to explain that there were only paper transcripts to be had for two of my universities but she wasn't having any of it. I finally gave up on that one although I see that they are still advertising for the position.

In complete frustration I drove to the big city of Great Bend and tried to apply for something at a state run job service. I worked for the State of Kansas as a social worker for 6 years. I should have known better. The whole office was gone to a training. The only people working were from another office in another county, sent to cover the Great Bend office for the day. They insisted that I register online. The computers were old and rickety. The lady helping me had no idea how to register someone because she was a supervisor. The State of Kansas has a strict rule concerning promotions. They never promote people who can preform the job. They only promote those who cannot do the job so they can go on to another job they can't do and get paid more for not doing it. Consequently a supervisor is always the person who mucks up the worst. No surprise that my online registration kept freezing up and kicking out.

The lady advised me to come back when the real workers were there. We did have a nice visit. She was pleasant company for the afternoon, as are so many incompetent folks. She and her husband were renovating an old farmhouse. I had gone through a similar reno the summer before and so we traded wiring, plaster, plumbing and refinishing nightmares. Then she told me a cute ghost story about a door locking, window waving, gray haired, farm lady ghost.

I never checked back with the job search agency. Instead I wrote a short story about the reno ghost. Can't sell the fucking thing but at least I had the time to write it--S6

Can you just go directly to the NHS and explain? Or is that silly?

Anyway, approximate? Really? Is that agency asking to be cited for fraud? Whatever the case, they're not helpful. And jumping through so many hoops? Order and send to the agency:

• hoola-hoops x 100
• round trampolines (self-assembly) x 100
• few dolphin hoops x 50
• instructions on how to set up the hoops and trampolines
• instructions on how to pass the course
• score sheet
• invoice

No, not funny. I'm being ridiculous.

In other news, I think I might have sushi tomorrow.