Hello, I'm currently searching for someone to critique the first chapter to my novel, The Elementalist.
Here's a description: (And thank you!)
Karina Delane has no idea how she’s managed to piss off fate. As if life as an impoverished orphan wasn’t bad enough, now she discovers she’s one of the changed-- an evolved freak of nature. When a magical outburst uncovers her abilities, nearly killing her friend, the entire human region demands her exile. Karina is branded a monster and shipped to Vincam where the other freaks reside.
But Vincam has everything her old home doesn’t: Food, a thriving kingdom, and magic that’s not as unnatural as she was led to believe. It also has Sergeant Caleda, an irritating Elite Soldier who can manipulate the weather and is almost as stubborn as Karina. They’re constantly at each other’s throats—unsure if it’s a blade or their hearts that keep clashing.
When the king of Vincam discovers Karina can control air, marking her one of the rare Elementalists, he is eager to forge her into a weapon. Heeding Sergeant Caleda’s warning, she hides the truth; her control isn’t just over air but over all of the elements. Being gifted in the kingdom is an asset, but being too powerful marks one as a threat.
With the ability to bend the changed to his will, the King is almost unstoppable, and Karina knows it’s only a matter of time before he discovers her dangerous secret. When the people she loves begin to suffer, Karina searches for an unlikely ally in the rebels. If she can only keep her sharp tongue and growing powers in check, then she’ll stand a chance of ending his reign before he ends her life.
Here's a description: (And thank you!)
Karina Delane has no idea how she’s managed to piss off fate. As if life as an impoverished orphan wasn’t bad enough, now she discovers she’s one of the changed-- an evolved freak of nature. When a magical outburst uncovers her abilities, nearly killing her friend, the entire human region demands her exile. Karina is branded a monster and shipped to Vincam where the other freaks reside.
But Vincam has everything her old home doesn’t: Food, a thriving kingdom, and magic that’s not as unnatural as she was led to believe. It also has Sergeant Caleda, an irritating Elite Soldier who can manipulate the weather and is almost as stubborn as Karina. They’re constantly at each other’s throats—unsure if it’s a blade or their hearts that keep clashing.
When the king of Vincam discovers Karina can control air, marking her one of the rare Elementalists, he is eager to forge her into a weapon. Heeding Sergeant Caleda’s warning, she hides the truth; her control isn’t just over air but over all of the elements. Being gifted in the kingdom is an asset, but being too powerful marks one as a threat.
With the ability to bend the changed to his will, the King is almost unstoppable, and Karina knows it’s only a matter of time before he discovers her dangerous secret. When the people she loves begin to suffer, Karina searches for an unlikely ally in the rebels. If she can only keep her sharp tongue and growing powers in check, then she’ll stand a chance of ending his reign before he ends her life.
