Afraid Of Rejection

All I can say is it gets easier. First rejection left me in a cold sweat. The 70th? Not so much. Eventually you realise that it isn't YOU getting rejected, it's a subjective piece of work - a commodity - that is being rejected. And eventually you realise that it could be rejected for 1000 reasons. And rejections don't automatically mean it is crap. Great things get rejected a ton. It's all subjective. We all have different favourite books, and submitting to agents or publishers is the same. They all have different tastes.

so in a nutshell, it gets easier. A hell of a lot easier. Just gotta be persistent, because rejection will happen. I can 100% guarantee it. And at every stage too. Writing is fun! Lol best of luck with it

Getting used to rejection is just part of it. It sucks at the beginning. Then you realize it is just part of the process like any other.

If you can't get rejected, you can't get critiqued. And if you can't be critiqued than the only thing you are ever going to get is rejection.

I know that's probably not what you want to hear, but it is the truth. And it gets so much easier. By the time I got an agent, it got to the point that I assumed a new email started with the words "Thank you for your submission, but." Being not rejected was frankly more shocking to me. And that makes it so much better when you succeed.

Lonegungrrly said:

All I can say is it gets easier. First rejection left me in a cold sweat. The 70th? Not so much. Eventually you realise that it isn't YOU getting rejected, it's a subjective piece of work - a commodity - that is being rejected. And eventually you realise that it could be rejected for 1000 reasons. And rejections don't automatically mean it is crap. Great things get rejected a ton. It's all subjective. We all have different favourite books, and submitting to agents or publishers is the same. They all have different tastes.

so in a nutshell, it gets easier. A hell of a lot easier. Just gotta be persistent, because rejection will happen. I can 100% guarantee it. And at every stage too. Writing is fun! Lol best of luck with it

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Exactly this. It's 100% part of the job. Think of it like a job.

Truth is, though, I'm terrible with it too. Fear of taking the public step has killed whole projects for me, and I'm sad about that. I think I've worked through it, but I still have to remind myself every once in awhile.

Rest easy. You will never receive a single rejection. A story or two you write may receive rejections, but you never will be. Agents and editors do not reject writers, they only reject words.

I have received over 500 rejections. Meh, don't care. However, I do think part of the problem is sending them submissions. Perhaps if we start sending them dominations, things will go better!

Hi everyone! I'm a newbie here, still learning the ropes! I am in the same boat though (fear of rejection), and find that it's pretty hard to overcome. I've had good feedback from family/friends who have read my work but there is a pat of me that wonders, 'do they feel they have to say good things', or 'how much of what they are saying is what they really think...' It's good to know that most people go through this stage at some point!

Here's to overcoming the fear of rejection!

Friends and family are not usually a reliable source of criticism, for the reasons you stated.

mkaylam said:

Hi everyone! I'm a newbie here, still learning the ropes! I am in the same boat though (fear of rejection), and find that it's pretty hard to overcome. I've had good feedback from family/friends who have read my work but there is a pat of me that wonders, 'do they feel they have to say good things', or 'how much of what they are saying is what they really think...' It's good to know that most people go through this stage at some point!

Here's to overcoming the fear of rejection!

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Even if friends and family are being honest, they almost certainly have no clue what editors want, what good, bad, or publishable even mean. Neither do strangers, or other new writers, for that matter. The only way you will ever know whether you're writing is good enough is to start submitting it. Agents and editors can not only tell you whether your writing is good enough, they can also tell you how to fix it, if it isn't good enough.

OP, just take the first step and put your work out there. It gets easier as time goes by. The life of an artist is chock full of rejection…so get used to it.

https://danielteolijr.wordpress.com/2015/05/25/the-reality-of-being-an-artist/

You can get help in critique groups, crit partners, and beta readers to make sure your MS is in good shape to query. Also, try Query Letter Hell to make sure your query is okay before you start. That can toughen you up for rejections in a hurry!

I dreaded rejection, but I got used to it. But there are different kinds of rejections. The form ones either make me mad, or I shrug and move on. The ones that make me sob into my Scotch are the ones that are kind, detailed, and so, so close to a Yes.

The worst form rejections are the ones that sound like they've slipped some personal advice in when they're really not. That one from an agent who suggested I hire a professional editor or at least get some beta readers (after they requested a partial after a pitch contest) almost had me in tears. What? Haven't I mastered the the basics of grammar, punctuation, syntax, and scene building after all? Does my craft really suck too much to be subbing my work after all? Were the other people who've complimented me on my skills lying or incompetent? Do I need better beta readers?

Turns out she gave the same "personal advice" in her rejection slip to other people she'd requested material from too (thank God for AW and Query Tracker, where people can compare notes on rejections slips). I understand why agents send form rejections most of the time, but I wish they wouldn't try to mask them as real feedback or advice. Especially when it's potentially demoralizing, even harmful. What if some perfectly competent writers who'd simply written a novel that wasn't what she thinks she can sell actually believed that she was telling them their craft sucked too badly to sub materials without hiring a professional editor first (something many of us can't afford to do) and gave up completely?

"This isn't what I'm looking for but please be aware that this business is very subjective" covers pretty much any reason an agent could have for rejecting without giving an impression of personalization.

Give me a form rejection any day, as opposed to those "Not quite . . . " rejections. Any day. I've had sooooo damn many of the NQ types, never getting to the Q level. I've abandoned expectations that any submission ever will. Which has led to largely abandoning the submission "process" (whatever the hell that really is).

caw

You're not alone, everyone is. It gets easier -- be brave and temper expectations.

It gets easier XD

That's all I can really tell you. You just gotta put yourself out there and bare it. You'll get used to it eventually

I'd second getting into a writing group first and getting feedback in a supportive environment. I used to be very frightened of anyone reading whatI wrote but once I got used to it, it was okay. Take small steps, build up enough evidence that all is not a disaster and then any rejections - and you will get them, we all do - get easier.

I'd keep in mind, if you do join a writing group or get beta readers, etc is that people have vastly varying tastes. Try to keep a mind as to what might be good criticism, and what is just someone's personal preference coming through.

If I wrote a magical novel about fantastical creatures, not sure it helps to have someone who's cup of tea is quick thrillers and spy novels. You can get feedback that I feel will hurt more than help.

Hands up for the Hundreds Of Rejections Before Success crew. Praise Hands all!

I'm not so much afraid of getting rejected, but afraid of getting no response at all. The suspense is frustrating, and mostly I find myself trying to decide how long before I consider a submission "never getting a response".

I think the best thing to focus on is that you will get rejected. There, the suspense is over! You don't have to think or worry about it, it will happen. Now the positive is, that the only way you will succeed at ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING is failing. You honestly have to be willing to fail in order to succeed. I believe Thomas Edison would back me up on this.

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SamuelKristopher said:

I'm not so much afraid of getting rejected, but afraid of getting no response at all. The suspense is frustrating, and mostly I find myself trying to decide how long before I consider a submission "never getting a response".

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Yeah i can see this. Its not knowing and constantly wondering that is annoying to think about. I think it depends on what it is. For children's books they say to way at least 12 weeks. I would assume that for a novel you may have to wait longer. I have heard as long as 6 months but I don't know how common that is.

I think what I plan on doing is not focusing on getting a response so much as getting my letters and samples out to many different publishers/agents and then focusing my time and attention on working on another project.

Lonegungrrly said:

All I can say is it gets easier. First rejection left me in a cold sweat. The 70th? Not so much. Eventually you realise that it isn't YOU getting rejected, it's a subjective piece of work - a commodity - that is being rejected. And eventually you realise that it could be rejected for 1000 reasons. And rejections don't automatically mean it is crap. Great things get rejected a ton. It's all subjective. We all have different favourite books, and submitting to agents or publishers is the same. They all have different tastes.

so in a nutshell, it gets easier. A hell of a lot easier. Just gotta be persistent, because rejection will happen. I can 100% guarantee it. And at every stage too. Writing is fun! Lol best of luck with it

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Love this, I never thought about it quite like that.

You can survive being rejected. Your career will be determined by what you do on your lowest day. Always keep that in mind.

I fear rejection too. We put our hearts and souls into our work, and seeing door-after-door close in our faces can be rather traumatic. However, I agree with the previous posters: to quote Yoda, "do or do not - there is no try". Without some rejections, we would never really have successes, and vice-versa.