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William Haskins
12-17-2015, 09:03 AM
One grows unwise
through fluttering eyes.
Half-awake is merely
half-asleep, deep
in a dream that deceives.

So we'll set aside
these matters of
sadness, these
perfect madding
agonies that dot
our distant minds
like stars that
dance a thousand years
before they dare
to stir our sight—
then only come at night.

I've seen the universe
scrawled across my ceiling.
There used to be an arrow
("you are here"),
possibly imagined, but
soothing in the way
that pain sets your
brain on edge and life
is the least of your worries.

Steppe
12-17-2015, 09:32 AM
William. Is line three of stanza three correct? "there"?

Superb as usual and much to think on.

jaus tail
12-17-2015, 12:42 PM
I think there's a 'be' missing in third paragraph:

I've seen the universe
scrawled across my ceiling.
There used (be) to an arrow

kennyc
12-17-2015, 04:26 PM
Love it!

Undercover
12-17-2015, 04:39 PM
Just tripped up on the third stanza as others have mentioned. But wow! This is a thrilling read. I loved it. What a rush!

William Haskins
12-17-2015, 04:43 PM
sorry for the dumb omission. fixed now.

thank you all for reading.

Stew21
12-17-2015, 06:18 PM
it's beautifully crafted and it makes me sad.

wonderful poem.

CassandraW
12-17-2015, 09:47 PM
This is heartbreaking and haunting. This bit in particular --

these
perfect madding
agonies that dot
our distant minds
like stars that
dance a thousand years
before they dare
to stir our sight—
then only come at night.

-- is wonderful.

Perks
12-18-2015, 12:40 AM
I've seen the universe
scrawled across my ceiling.
There used to be an arrow
("you are here"),
possibly imagined

This killed me.

kennyc
12-18-2015, 12:51 AM
This killed me.

Please don't die.

Sarita
12-18-2015, 12:59 AM
Please don't die.

Yeah, this.

Also, this poem is gold. Can we hand out reddit gold here?

Magdalen
12-18-2015, 07:59 AM
This is heartbreaking and haunting. This bit in particular --

these
perfect madding
agonies that dot
our distant minds
like stars that
dance a thousand years
before they dare
to stir our sight—
then only come at night.
. . . [is wonderful]

Agree, this - the whole thing along with above quoted - touched deeply and felt profound and wise and comforting - hey, you know it felt to me quite personal - and tweaked my blues a moody shade or two! Lovely to read you again my friend.+

CassandraW
12-19-2015, 01:10 AM
I've seen the universe
scrawled across my ceiling.
There used to be an arrow
("you are here"),
possibly imagined


This killed me.

Me too. And I know the feeling well.

The wit in this line makes it all the more poignant for me.