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Gravity
12-09-2015, 12:48 AM
Okay, everyone has their favorite seasonal movie. Let's flip that. What's the one holiday movie you HATE? The one you loathe with every fiber of your being? The one that's utter anathema to the season? The one that, when you consider it was made by supposedly rational human beings, makes you weep for mankind?

I'll begin: Santa and the Christmas Bunny. Yes, it's a real kids movie (look it up; I dare ya), and yes, it'll make you want to toss yourself from the highest parapet.

So what's yours? :evil

Maryn
12-09-2015, 01:37 AM
Jack Frost, starring Michael Keaton. I cringe if I even pass it while flipping channels.

shakeysix
12-09-2015, 02:25 AM
Does anyone remember an old black & white movie "All Mine to Give"? It stars Cameron Mitchel and maybe Glynis Johns--not sure but I don't want to look it up because even the IMDB makes me cry. I think it is set in Canada. Cameron Mitchel is a Scottish lumberjack. The story begins with his courting a newly arrived woman. The story is heartwarming. They are a cute couple and you follow them through twelve or so years and six or seven kids, always thinking things have to get better for Cam and Glynnis because they are so damned appealing but NOOOO. There is a scene where the father takes most of the kids and takes them to live in a miserable deserted cabin in the woods to avoid a plague--Typhoid? Diphtheria? Cholera? Spanish Influenza? Who even knows. You are crying too hard to freaking care! Of course the father dies!

So the mother carries on, a poor, plucky widow with umpteen children. She insists that the oldest boy continue his education and does all kinds of humiliating jobs to keep him in school. So he grows up to be a lawyer and then goes on to become a judge or at least a dashing singer like Ian Tyson....but NOOOO. She dies on the night of the school Christmas program. And he has to go to work at the mines or the textile factory or somewhere awful. My own dad had to go to work at 14 because his father died so of course I was coyote howling by then.

The last scene is the oldest boy trudging through a snow storm, pulling a sled full of his siblings, stopping at houses to give his little brothers and sisters away. ON FREAKING CHRISTMAS EVE!

Who would show slop like this to 1950s kids for a Christmas treat on the last day of school before Christmas vacation? The sorry assed Dominican nuns that ran the school that my sibs and I attended. So I saw that damned thing every year for at least 5 years.

When we cried--we all cried-- it was the baby boom; we all had siblings, naturally we cried! Unfortunately I was the blondest of the little blonde girls so my nose was extra snotty red and drew extra attention from the nuns. To comfort us the nuns would tell us that the movie was based on a true story and we should be HAPPY because we had so much for Christmas. like families. Then they would back up their claims with even sadder stories of whole families freezing to death back in the Kansas dugout days. Stiff as freaking ice statues, with their rosary beads frozen in their hands! (Guess you can't pray the rosary in mittens.)

My siblings were younger, Kimmie and Johnny. I hated them back then. They still drive me nuts. And they rightly hated me--except for about a week after we saw that godawful movie. Then we slept together in one twin bed, our arms wrapped around each other while the snow howled outside our window. In fact,( mff, mff, snort, sob), I think I'll call them now!---s6

Gravity
12-09-2015, 02:25 AM
I forgot about that one!

alleycat
12-09-2015, 02:31 AM
Christmas Town

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1330015/

hutton1323
12-09-2015, 02:42 AM
I'll be home for Christmas

Dennis E. Taylor
12-09-2015, 02:43 AM
Christmas with the Kranks. My daughter thinks it's hilarious. It makes me cringe.

Maryn
12-09-2015, 03:35 AM
They probably switched babies at the hospital or something.

Wye Pen
12-09-2015, 04:15 AM
Holiday : A soldier is never off duty by A.R. Murugadoss is the top of Bollywood

MaryMumsy
12-09-2015, 06:50 AM
I remember that movie, Shakey, although I saw it on tv not in Catholic school. It was indeed Glynnis Johns. In the 1850s in Wisconsin. The screenplay was written by a grandson of the original couple. From his IMDB credits he had a fairly successful career as a screenwriter and lived to around 97. So it wasn't all horrible. Oh, and the disease was supposedly typhoid, and there were six kids.

MM

shakeysix
12-09-2015, 07:17 AM
So glad things turned out for the oldest boy. I just saw Glynnis Johns in "While You Were Sleeping." Love her.

Maybe it was the pressure of being the oldest child but "All Mine to Give" gave me bad dreams. I watched "Susan Slept Here" this week. I think it might be considered a Christmas movie. I only watch it because she sets the table with my china--inherited from my aunt. The movi always makes me angry because it is so mired in the fifties. A 17 year old girl falls in love with 40ish Dick Powell? Marriage to a wealthy man will straighten out any mixed up delinquent girl? Talk about a load of macho crap...but it has never given me a nightmare. --s6

Brightdreamer
12-09-2015, 08:59 AM
What, no hate for 1985's Santa Claus: The Movie (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089961/)? (IMDB link) Talk about an overblown clunker...

The recently-Rifftraxed Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (http://www.rifftrax.com/santa-and-the-ice-cream-bunny)was a turkey, too - plus, it was aired at least two years, because there are two versions with different fairy tale interludes in the middle. (The whole thing was an ad for Florida's defunct Pirate's World theme park.)

Speaking of Rifftraxed flicks, The Magic Christmas Tree (http://www.rifftrax.com/christmas-with-rifftrax-featuring-magic-christmas-tree) is quite atrocious.

And then, there is the horror that was The Star Wars Holiday Special, (http://www.rifftrax.com/the-star-wars-holiday-special) if we're counting TV atrocities.

Also, ages ago, I saw part of a holiday movie on VHS whose name I can't recall - I think it was It Happened One Christmas, but I can't remember, and may be accusing an innocent movie by using that title. Anyway, there was a woman with a horrible life who kept having terrible things happen to her. All I remember is that we gave up on it halfway through because it was just too depressing.

regdog
12-09-2015, 03:43 PM
Does anyone else remember The Little Matchstick Girl. While it takes place on New years Eve, She's afraid of her abusive father who makes her sell matches on the street. She huddles in a doorways and lights the matches to stay warm as she dreams of a happy Christmas and when the last match goes out she freezes to death.

M.N Thorne
12-09-2015, 05:25 PM
Every holiday movie created by the Hallmark network after 1999. They are all too sweet and gross :( Forgive me for wanting realistic holiday movies.

cray
12-09-2015, 05:51 PM
Does anyone else remember The Little Matchstick Girl. While it takes place on New years Eve, She's afraid of her abusive father who makes her sell matches on the street. She huddles in a doorways and lights the matches to stay warm as she dreams of a happy Christmas and when the last match goes out she freezes to death.


this is what the holidays are all about!

alleycat
12-09-2015, 06:04 PM
Does anyone else remember The Little Matchstick Girl. While it takes place on New years Eve, She's afraid of her abusive father who makes her sell matches on the street. She huddles in a doorways and lights the matches to stay warm as she dreams of a happy Christmas and when the last match goes out she freezes to death.

The Little Match Girl by Hans Christian Anderson. Hey, she gets to go see her dead grandmother!

shakeysix
12-09-2015, 06:25 PM
I remember Matchstick Girl as a story that my grandmother used to tell me, right after she told me the one about the grasshoppers eating their whole farm so all they got for Christmas was a pound of coffee and horehound drops. Then there was the one about her 14 year old uncle who went out to fetch the cattle and came home with a rattlesnake bite. He died and of course it was Christmas.

What is it with Christmas and sad? Oh, yeah--and I did get bamboozled into watching the Star Wars Christmas Special. Anyone ever see Emmet Otters Jugband Christmas? Another stupid special. --s6

Tazlima
12-09-2015, 07:09 PM
What, no hate for 1985's Santa Claus: The Movie (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089961/)? (IMDB link) Talk about an overblown clunker...



When I was a kid we had that one on VHS and I freakin' LOVED it. I know it was silly, but doggone it, I wanted one of those chewy lollipops that would make you fly. Heck, I wanted one even if it wouldn't make you fly; to little-kid me they looked like the most delicious thing I'd ever seen.

Looking back, I still really like the visuals of the elves and Santa's workshop in that film, too. In some movies the North Pole visuals come across as slightly creepy (I'm looking at you, The Santa Clause and Polar Express). That film though, was exactly (to me) what Santa's workshop should be: Warm and colorful, a bit old-fashioned, and utterly welcoming.

Marian Perera
12-09-2015, 07:23 PM
There's this awful Christmas movie whose title I've forgotten, but here's what I remember: A woman is stressed out at Christmas, rather than being all cheerful and grateful and Stepford wife-y. So an angel arranges for her husband to be fatally shot in a robbery and her kids to disappear. She believes the kids are dead too.

As a result, she becomes much more humble and appreciative, so the angel presses a reset button and gives her the husband and kids back. Cue tearful reunion and happy ending. It was so grotesquely manipulative that I never want to even think of it again.

hester
12-09-2015, 07:28 PM
There's this awful Christmas movie whose title I've forgotten, but here's what I remember: A woman is stressed out at Christmas, rather than being all cheerful and grateful and Stepford wife-y. So an angel arranges for her husband to be fatally shot in a robbery and her kids to disappear. She believes the kids are dead too.

As a result, she becomes much more humble and appreciative, so the angel presses a reset button and gives her the husband and kids back. Cue tearful reunion and happy ending. It was so grotesquely manipulative that I never want to even think of it again.

That sounds...just terrible :D.

I don't know if it's Lifetime or Hallmark, but I keep seeing ads for this awful looking movie where a woman meets a dude who--gasp--just happens to be a prince. Every time I see the ads I want to hurl either the contents of my stomach or my remote at the television...

Gilroy Cullen
12-09-2015, 08:45 PM
*builds bunkers, prepares defenses*

Elf
A Christmas Story

Two horrible holiday movies.

Myrealana
12-09-2015, 08:50 PM
Jingle All The Way - Arnold Swarzenegger and Sinbad as the worst dads in the world fighting over some lame Christmas toy like 2-year-olds.

Not fun, not funny, not heartwarming. Just Bad.

hester
12-09-2015, 09:29 PM
No!!!! Not Elf!!!!

Okay, my vote-Fred Claus. Painful in just about every way.

Myrealana
12-09-2015, 09:32 PM
I love Elf, and I'm not a Will Farrell fan. It's one of only two movies I've liked him in.

I've never understood the love for A Christmas Story. It's OK, but it doesn't affect me in any particular way. It's meh.

KTC
12-09-2015, 09:42 PM
Christmas with the Kranks. My daughter thinks it's hilarious. It makes me cringe.

This, by far, is the worst movie ever made. It makes me want to give Showgirls an Oscar.

- - - Updated - - -

I love ELF!!!!!!!!!!!!! Watched it again Monday. It's so utterly delightful!

KTC
12-09-2015, 09:46 PM
Weirdly, my favourite Christmas movie is a made for TV one. It has such 70s staples as Ed Asner, Maureen Stapleton, Gregory Harrison, Varonica Hamil, and, Stephanie Zimbalist.

THE GATHERING (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0076067/?ref_=ttfc_fc_tt). Kills me every time. From 1977. Dying father (Ed Asner) pulls his torn family together for a last Christmas.

Brightdreamer
12-10-2015, 08:46 AM
I've never understood the love for A Christmas Story. It's OK, but it doesn't affect me in any particular way. It's meh.

I think the appeal has a lot to do with nostalgia, though a fair bit of today's devotees never lived through the kind of Christmas memories the movie recounts. It's a time capsule of a long-ago American holiday, exaggerated by childhood memory. (I recently downloaded the Jean Shepherd book it was based on; it's supposed to be roughly autobiographical, if given a satirical twist. ETA: Actually, it's an excerpt from Shepherd's original essay collection, containing the four essay stories on which the movie was based.)

Personally, I enjoy it more as an adult than as a kid; some of it felt to me like they were making fun of Ralphie's obsession and imagination, and as a kid with an overactive imagination it struck a little too close to home. And some of the scenes are classic, plus it captures the feeling of childhood obsession and frustration (as the things that mean so much to you mean little to nothing to the grown-ups around you). I don't get the day-long marathoning of it, though. Once every few years is fine for me. (I'll take A Christmas Story over National Lampoon any day of the week - never found those movies funny, particularly their tendency to abuse and kill animals for humor. It's very, very hard to get me to laugh at that...)

DancingMaenid
12-10-2015, 09:14 AM
I think the Star Wars Holiday Special is one of the worst I've seen. I didn't even feel like it was entertaining, on its own, as a "so bad it's good" sort of thing. It's just dull. So much time is devoted to lackluster sketches and musical numbers that feel thrown together without much thought. I actually fast-forwarded through most of the musical numbers because they weren't that great. The story is flimsy and sometimes nonsensical--like, there's a cartoon mini-story about Luke, Han, Chewbacca, and some other characters, but it's framed as Chewbacca's son watching the cartoon. Why is Chewbacca's son watching a cartoon about his own dad? Who are we supposed to believe made this cartoon? The Rebel Alliance? In another scene, Chewbacca's father watches some sort of extremely softcore porn in the living room while the family is nearby. It's played in a virtual reality device that only he can see and hear, but still, kind of weird. Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, and Mark Hamill all seem like they really don't want to be there, and might be on drugs.

I can see why Lucas disowned it.

Alessandra Kelley
12-10-2015, 05:02 PM
"It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie"

Jim Henson's muppets have made many fine Christmas movies and specials, from "Emmett Otter's Jug Band" to "A Muppet Christmas Carol."

Not this one.

"It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie" is an egregious misfire based on "It's a Wonderful Life". It includes deeply disturbing scenes of Kermit trying to commit suicide, Miss Piggy as a lonely miserable phone sex operator and fake psychic reader, Bunsen Honeydew as a punk club manager and Beaker as his pumped-up bodybuilder muscle enforcer, and Fozzie Bear as a homeless pickpocket.

They totally missed the boat on the tone. This movie is dark, dark, dark. The coincidences that make everything all right again seem more forced than whimsical. And the voices just don't sound right.

smokymountainlvr
12-10-2015, 06:21 PM
*builds bunkers, prepares defenses*

Elf
A Christmas Story

Two horrible holiday movies.

I've tried watching Elf twice, and disliked it both times. ALSO ... Love Actually. So many things I hate about that movie.

Introversion
12-10-2015, 06:45 PM
I've never seen it, but based on reviews I've read, I'm surprised no one's mentioned the Jim Carrey live-action remake of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas".

Or "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians". :evil

regdog
12-10-2015, 09:59 PM
Prancer is a right big pile of holiday gloom.


I won't even attempt to watch Elf, I don't like Will Ferrell at all. Nor will I attempt Jim Carrey's How The Grinch Stole Christmas. Several times I've tried to watch The Polar Express and that is another big nope.

jlmott
12-10-2015, 10:39 PM
I've never seen it, but based on reviews I've read, I'm surprised no one's mentioned the Jim Carrey live-action remake of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas".

Or "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians". :evil

God I hate that Jim Carrey movie. I ranted about it on the "Things I hate about December thread". I rant about it at home and the endless times that it is shown on ABC Family (they just roll their eyes now when I go off on a tear about it).

As for "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians"-- the MST3000 version is just a whole lot of awesome.:)

heza
12-10-2015, 11:02 PM
I also don't get the love for A Christmas Story. My husband loves it... I never saw it as a child, so it's just a weird, old movie to me. I figured it was nostalgia, like he watched it growing up and it just means Christmas to him, but I recently found out my sister loves it now. *shrugs*


Several times I've tried to watch The Polar Express and that is another big nope. I just can't with the CGI Tom Hanks. *shudders*

Introversion
12-10-2015, 11:11 PM
As for "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians"-- the MST3000 version is just a whole lot of awesome.:)

Pretty much any turkey film that gets MST3Kized becomes that. ;)

WriterDude
12-10-2015, 11:47 PM
Home Alone.

NanMartin
12-11-2015, 12:36 AM
Every holiday movie created by the Hallmark network after 1999. They are all too sweet and gross :( Forgive me for wanting realistic holiday movies.

Ditto! I wrote short contemporary romances back in the day, and I was thinking as I watched a Hallmark movie the other day--unless they're horribly bad, I watch them anyway; just cuz I can--that that's what romance novels look like as movies. Every book I didn't write, every scenario I ever considered seems to show up there and seems even more hokey on screen. No disrespect intended for romance writers. I applaud you; you give your readers what they want.

Maryn
12-11-2015, 01:58 AM
I have an online friend who wrote one of those Christmas movies for Hallmark. He told them he could write a better movie than the draft which was exactly what they'd asked for. They didn't want a better movie, they wanted a movie that was exactly what they asked for. I watched it once, because Bob. But it was too sweet for me, like a sandwich make of white bread, butter, and sugar. (Not to mention there were no extras who were not white, which bothered me. Where were the black people? And people walking down the streets of the lovely town in the Christmas movie don't have to look like they observe Christmas, do they?)

My friend did say the Hallmark people were a pleasure to work with, quite reasonable and pleasant. He's worked for much worse, I gather.

Maryn, who needs to see It's a Wonderful Life one day soon

Marian Perera
12-11-2015, 02:38 AM
Where were the black people?

In a movie about Kwanzaa.

Brightdreamer
12-11-2015, 03:24 AM
Pretty much any turkey film that gets MST3Kized becomes that. ;)

Emphasis on "pretty much." There are a few - such as The Starfighters - that I barely got through once, even with the 'bots for company, and I could never be convinced to try again.

Introversion
12-11-2015, 04:31 AM
Maryn, who needs to see It's a Wonderful Life one day soon

I'm actually impressed that you've managed to avoid it, bastion of Xmas-time TV programming that it's been for decades. Well done!


Emphasis on "pretty much." There are a few - such as The Starfighters - that I barely got through once, even with the 'bots for company, and I could never be convinced to try again.

Heh. That episode had a (very) few of my favorite MST3K episodes. "Poopy suits" comes to mind. :evil

But yeah, it was awful even after being MST3Kized.

Shadow_Ferret
12-11-2015, 05:49 AM
Die Hard.

Just because it happens around Christmastime does NOT make it a @$#@^%! Christmas movie!

regdog
12-11-2015, 05:20 PM
Another movie from my childhood that I never understood why it was considered a Christmas movie was Rikki Tikki Tavi. Don't get me wrong, Rudyard Kipling wrote a great book, but how in Primus' core does vengeful, homicidal, widowed King cobra equate Christmas movie?

Alessandra Kelley
12-11-2015, 08:41 PM
Ditto! I wrote short contemporary romances back in the day, and I was thinking as I watched a Hallmark movie the other day--unless they're horribly bad, I watch them anyway; just cuz I can--that that's what romance novels look like as movies. Every book I didn't write, every scenario I ever considered seems to show up there and seems even more hokey on screen. No disrespect intended for romance writers. I applaud you; you give your readers what they want.

I'm not a romance reader, but I'm pretty sure they are way more nuanced than that.

One of my rules of thumb is that every subgenre is more complex and more interesting than it looks from the outside.

Another one is that movies and TV are always simpler and hokier than literature.

NanMartin
12-18-2015, 09:10 PM
I'm not a romance reader, but I'm pretty sure they are way more nuanced than that.

One of my rules of thumb is that every subgenre is more complex and more interesting than it looks from the outside.

Another one is that movies and TV are always simpler and hokier than literature.

You're so right. My sis wrote romances far better than I ever dreamed of doing, which is probably why I only did three and she did something like 33. Hers, I could read over and over. Hers, I'd love to see Hallmark do.

Captcha
12-18-2015, 09:31 PM
We watched a horrible movie every year at Xmas when I was in elementary school - made me sob every time. I just googled what I remembered of the plot, and it really seems to have been based on "The Happy Prince" by Oscar Wilde.

I'd love to say more about it, but I don't want the tears to rust my keyboard. Horrible movie, and horrible teachers for wounding my young soul with its sadness!

cornflake
12-18-2015, 09:31 PM
The Holiday - in which the director spends two hours in a desperate, failed attempt to make Jack Black seem not only charming, but like someone Kate Winslet would be interested in. So cringeworthy.

MaryMumsy
12-19-2015, 12:02 AM
The Holiday - in which the director spends two hours in a desperate, failed attempt to make Jack Black seem not only charming, but like someone Kate Winslet would be interested in. So cringeworthy.

Opinions vary.

MM

BenPanced
12-19-2015, 12:14 AM
Also, ages ago, I saw part of a holiday movie on VHS whose name I can't recall - I think it was It Happened One Christmas, but I can't remember, and may be accusing an innocent movie by using that title. Anyway, there was a woman with a horrible life who kept having terrible things happen to her. All I remember is that we gave up on it halfway through because it was just too depressing.

It Happened One Christmas, starring That Girl Marlo Thomas (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0076213/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_26). It was a made-for-TV remake of It's A Wonderful Life.

Alessandra Kelley
12-19-2015, 03:24 AM
It Happened One Christmas, starring That Girl Marlo Thomas (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0076213/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_26). It was a made-for-TV remake of It's A Wonderful Life.

Is there any remake of "It's A Wonderful Life" that is not horrifyingly traumatic?

regdog
12-20-2015, 05:18 PM
Scrooged. What a mean spirited pile of ick.

NanMartin
12-23-2015, 04:45 PM
The Holiday - in which the director spends two hours in a desperate, failed attempt to make Jack Black seem not only charming, but like someone Kate Winslet would be interested in. So cringeworthy.

I'm so schmaltzy! (Can I be schmaltzy? Or do I just love schmaltz? Was that movie even schmaltzy? Whatever, I loved the movie. Still watch it every year.)

Ian_Else
12-26-2015, 09:49 AM
Christmas with the Kranks. But I do believe it's probably already been said. I'm not really good on reading all the posts. I guess that kinda makes me a bad guy. But reading all the posts make my eyes hurt.