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CassandraW
11-24-2015, 08:41 PM
.

Stew21
11-25-2015, 06:43 PM
nicely done. clean and clear. beautiful work.

(good to see you back, btw).

Kylabelle
11-25-2015, 07:15 PM
What she said. Plus I have been thinking of doing a response poem to this, though if I do that I won't post in your thread here.

I like "washed" with its implication of "washed up" though that may not be what you intended there.

Thanks for sharing this, Cass.

CassandraW
11-25-2015, 10:50 PM
Thank you both for reading.

Yes, the word "wash" was intended to evoke washed up, and I'm pleased it came through.

Also, of course, I meant it to allude to Odysseus's sea journey. And finally, I wanted a word that lent a certain hapless, aimless, weak, wish-washy quality to my would-be hero's return -- as opposed to having him sail in, stride in, or steer his way there. I used "washed" rather than "washed up" because I also wanted to convey a certain (albeit not particularly forceful) emotion pushing him there. I felt taking out the "up" (which was in an earlier draft) allowed these other connotations to better come through.

Let me know if you post the response poem, Kyla! I also have a couple of related poems still in the embryo stage. I'm hoping to turn it into a narrative series in which each poem hopefully stands alone, but also functions as part of the larger story. it will be interesting to see if your take resembles any of my planned pieces, or heads off in antirely different direction.

ETA: thank you for the welcome. it's good to be back. I've missed you people and the discussions.

Kylabelle
11-29-2015, 02:44 AM
http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?313523-Too-Long-Away&p=9647534#post9647534

Apologies for the inelegance of the link. Cass, that's my "response" poem, in the Crit room. Title is "Too Long Away". It's from his point of view. All flowed from that word "washed". Thank you for the inspiration, and I'd love your comments.

Demeter
12-02-2015, 02:59 AM
It's the pared-down language that makes this poem so strong and effective. I'm glad Kyla brought it to my attention. Her poem acts as a counterpoint to yours. They both deserve
publication.

CassandraW
12-02-2015, 04:06 AM
thank you so much.

Magdalen
12-02-2015, 04:18 AM
Yes, I've read this and enjoyed it, and especially this:

her loom
.....as dusty
..........as her tears.

Very nice.Thank You.

Sarita
12-08-2015, 08:00 PM
Lovely. Very powerful images and clear language. Thanks for sharing this!

CassandraW
12-08-2015, 09:21 PM
Thank you so much, Mag and Sara.

CassandraW
12-10-2015, 08:51 PM
If anyone is interested, I've posted a related poem, Undone (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?313912-Undone&p=9662179#post9662179).