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Otviss
10-22-2015, 10:35 PM
(Read it in one go, like spoken word)

The unpredictable race

It's identity suffers from a massive magic maniac

on the run with the rod of discomfort

Sliding noses under doors

knowing only what has begun to fail

"Him" and "Her" it says

"There are no wings" it says

"Francine is a name i like sometimes" It says

A drop of cream is all it takes to make a perfect coffee someone believed

A theory of sacred theories

Is a melting

Look

thehairymob
10-23-2015, 06:46 PM
Not sure if you wanting a critque of this. If that is what you are looking for then you shgould post it in the Poetry Critque section. My thoughts on this are you have just one too many "it says" for me. other than that one small thing I love this it has an off beat feel that is strangely refreshing :)

Otviss
10-23-2015, 07:07 PM
My thoughts on this are you have just one too many "it says" for me.

You're absolutely right, the third one i did consider removing. Though i wanted to include francine.. Just wanted to share, no need to critique, but thank you very much.

You should check out my other poems. They're not really poems they are just a...n expression of an expression if that makes sense. Poetry is too romanticised with its structures and must haves. I like free writing like this (:

thehairymob
10-24-2015, 04:41 PM
I like free verse as well much easier to read. Though I do like some more formal verse as well. Poetry, formal or not, is always an expression of a moment, feeling or idea. It can be romantic, depressing, dark, light and even fantasy. No-one can really lock it down to one thing as it is just another way of telling a tale. A tale of a single second in time or a anything else you as the author decide. The most important thing is we enjoy it. Well thats my take on it anyways :)