From the How To Explain to Your Child That Life's Not Fair Files

Perks · Aug 19, 2015

First day of school woes.

My oldest daughter is a junior in high school this year. She's signed up for several Advanced Placement courses this year. For the AP US History class, they had a summer assignment. There was 400-page book of very dense (but often interesting, according to Julia) history, and then detailed charts to create for the end of every chapter. The whole project took about twenty hours to complete.

My daughter is a goody-little-two-shoes. It's awesome. She plans out her work into manageable sections and she's very diligent in getting stuff done inside a cushioned block of time to keep the stress to a minimum. She does this on her own. She parceled out her time over the last month to get all of her summer work done. (She also had work to complete for AP English.) She finished on schedule, early yesterday. Today was the first day of school.

It was made completely clear, at the end of last year, that this assignment had to be done by the time school started. The notebook was to be turned in on the second day of school, and there would be a test that same day in class on the material.

Today, Day One, the teacher kind of shrugged it off, saying that he'd give some extra time since a lot of people didn't finish the work. My daughter is, shall we say, displeased. She has been nose-to-the-grindstone over many summer hours that she would rather have been doing something else. Frankly, she's pissed. All those kids who couldn't be bothered won't see any consequence, and I don't have much in the way of words of wisdom to make her feel any better about it.

Kylabelle · Aug 19, 2015

Welp. It may not help any, but, desiring negative consequences for the slackers of the world will only wear her down eventually, so it's good to practice letting that one go. And she has an extremely valuable skill and some equally valuable practice applying it, in terms of self-discipline, and pacing herself. This is literally too cool for school.

Sucks, though.

patskywriter · Aug 19, 2015

I suspect that her work will outshine the others' by far, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. Her teacher knows that she's got the stuff.

C.bronco · Aug 19, 2015

In the end, she will probably score a 5, and that is the reward. Big picture, less worry!

Brightdreamer · Aug 19, 2015

Well, while the other kids are scrambling to complete the assignment, she can focus on other things.

Yeah, it sucks that the goalpost was moved and the bar lowered, especially after she worked so hard to reach it. It's not worth the aggravation to hold on to that, though. She's done her work. It no longer affects her. (If this kind of expectation-lowering and lack of concern by the teacher becomes chronic, though, that might be something to be concerned about. She's supposed to be getting an AP education in that class, isn't she?)

C.bronco · Aug 19, 2015

I make graphs of my students' ap scores for fun! I'm supposed to do it anyway, but that doesn't make it less fun. Colleges will put more stock in the final outcome, a very difficult nationally standardized test, than they will care about how her peers did comparatively.

Colleges will see her AP score, if you choose to share it, in the college admissions process. That carries more weight than her grade in the class.

Albedo · Aug 19, 2015

Being pissed is character-forming.

Being the kid that demanded all the other kids be punished, and having the other kids find out, is character-forming as well, in a very different way.

She will do well in life no matter what befalls the slackers around her.

Let her know these things in whatever manner befits her personality.

Perks · Aug 19, 2015

Albedo said:
Being the kid that demanded all the other kids be punished, and having the other kids find out, is character-forming as well, in a very different way.

I'm not sure it would be fair to characterize her reaction as thinking that a lowered grade for late work is punishment.

Perks · Aug 19, 2015

And then I have to decide if I want to compose a very kindly worded note to the English teacher who has promised extra credit to the kids who buy their own copies of the novels they'll read this year in class.

As someone who waited at the bottom of the stairs for the class-change rush to get past me so that no one would see my bare heels coming through the silver dollar-sized holes in the bottom of my shoes, that pointedly impossible opportunity would have hurt me quite a lot in 1985. I don't know what this teacher is thinking.

It's been a weird day.

Albedo · Aug 19, 2015

Perks said:
I'm not sure it would be fair to characterize her reaction as thinking that a lowered grade for late work is punishment.

(Me neither. The whole situation isn't fair to her. But what's fair might not matter to her classmates.)

Perks · Aug 19, 2015

Albedo said:
(Me neither. The whole situation isn't fair to her. But what's fair might not matter to her classmates.)

Why would it matter to them?

Brightdreamer · Aug 19, 2015

Perks said:
And then I have to decide if I want to compose a very kindly worded note to the English teacher who has promised extra credit to the kids who buy their own copies of the novels they'll read this year in class.

As someone who waited at the bottom of the stairs for the class-change rush to get past me so that no one would see my bare heels coming through the silver dollar-sized holes in the bottom of my shoes, that pointedly impossible opportunity would have hurt me quite a lot in 1985. I don't know what this teacher is thinking.

It's been a weird day.

My guess: they weren't thinking of anything but their own inconvenience... or their pocketbook, if they have to personally pay for the novels used in class. Which I wouldn't be surprised at, given the lack of funding for education these days.

It might be worth a polite reminder that teacher convenience shouldn't merit extra credit.

(I don't suppose there's any way to donate a few extra copies of novels for those kids behind the economic curve... for the extra credit they'd be denied by their socioeconomic status.)

cornflake · Aug 19, 2015

The other kids had it reinforced that not doing their work on time won't have any consequence. That will become increasingly less the case through college, any further schooling, and work.

Albedo · Aug 19, 2015

Perks said:
Why would it matter to them?

Depends on the kids. Maybe they didn't do the assignment on time because they all knew the teacher has a history of leniency. Maybe they were all working summer jobs and the teacher is aware of that, and that's why the leniency. Maybe they all won't care a bit because they know they're in an AP class and they understand the consequences. But in my own experience, just because kids are smart doesn't mean they're any less mean when they can be.

Roxxsmom · Aug 19, 2015

I agree it's unfair, and the teacher should have stuck by his/her guns. But I have a sneaking suspicion your daughter will still do better on this assignment, on the test, and in the class in general, and on the AP exam at the end of the year, than the slackers will. They'll still be scrabbling to catch up and will probably find new ways to slack, even with the extra time.

And she's already gotten more out of the assignment, and will undoubtedly learn more in this class than the others too. And while we focus so much on grades and test scores as rewards, the real reason for all that stuff is to foster learning and learning skills that will be with the students for the rest of their lives.

These things have a way of coming home to roost.

gingerwoman · Aug 19, 2015

Tell her it won't be like that out in the work force, so she should keep doing what she's doing.

VeryBigBeard · Aug 19, 2015

At some point, she will hit a subject that, for whatever reason, she just needs extra time on. It happens to everyone. With me, it was physics. The flipside was that I was ahead of a lot of my peers in language classes, and I used the extra time to write. That's largely why I'm a writer now. It was frustrating, I agree, but it gives one extra time to do interesting things (I also skipped almost all of Law class, which was a breeze, to run a newspaper, which consequently taught me a lot more about law than Law class) and teachers will find ways to reward that. My English teacher took extra time in commenting on my stories and gave me real writing feedback (she was an ex-journalist) that made me a better writer. There are hidden rewards.

I also do project management on small game development teams. Good quality work is not a race, and different people will do different things at different speed. It is much, much more important that an artist I'm working on a team with tell me that they need an extra week and then deliver superb work than rush to finish something second-rate by deadline and end up having to do it all over again. It's great that your daughter figured out how to manage her own time for her own work--that's the takeaway skill here, and it's an important one because it means when she's free to help others, take her work a step further, or experiment with something interesting that might lead somewhere new.

shadowwalker · Aug 19, 2015

I started telling my son when he was little and, at 33, I'm still telling him: "It doesn't matter what other people do or don't do. You worry about what you do."

(I hope she turns in her work on the original due date - no fan fair, of course, just hands it in. LOL)

mccardey · Aug 20, 2015

Perks said:
And then I have to decide if I want to compose a very kindly worded note to the English teacher who has promised extra credit to the kids who buy their own copies of the novels they'll read this year in class..

What fresh hell is this?

Fruitbat · Aug 20, 2015

If she is going to continue to shine in life, she will have to get used to keeping to higher standards among all the muttonheads who require extra chances and special babying.

I would say how great it is that she doesn't have to bother with it during the start of the school year since she did her work when she was supposed to. Maybe take her shopping at the mall or out for a pizza to enjoy some of that luscious extra time she has now because of it.

Perks · Aug 20, 2015

Fruitbat said:
I would say how great it is that she doesn't have to bother with it during the start of the school year since she did her work when she was supposed to. Maybe take her shopping at the mall or out for a pizza to enjoy some of that luscious extra time she has now because of it.

Yeah, that's the only thing I could think of, too. And she is happy about that. These first few days are filled with a lot of tumult and reacclimating to the stricter schedule, so not having to do that now is a good thing. A few of the kids were very smirky about not having any consequences for not having done the assignment yet, but they really don't know what they're in for. It's a ton of work.

backslashbaby · Aug 20, 2015

I hope she turned it in already!

We had a bad one right before senior AP English, also with summer work

. Not only did we have several fictional books to read, but we had to read all of the major religious texts, and then some fat nonfiction works, too. It was crazy, but I could see the logic. We knew we'd be tested the first day, and we were on maybe the second or third. The quiz was so basic I nearly tore my hair out. Then there were zingers that were so picky that nobody remembered them, lol.

But we all laughed about it together. There were probably folks who didn't do what so many of us did, but I didn't chat with them about it. Your daughter needs to find the fellow workers in the class to commiserate with, I think. The ones who have a totally different work ethic were the ones I enjoyed talking to about things other than coursework.

Usually it all pans out in the final grades. OTOH, in college, I got the 'unfair' lesson hard when it was clear that things weren't so straightforward at my little private school! 'Legacy' type grade inflation did royally piss me off, because I worked my ass off instead, yeah. They say it builds character, so go with that

Tazlima · Aug 20, 2015

Perks said:
And then I have to decide if I want to compose a very kindly worded note to the English teacher who has promised extra credit to the kids who buy their own copies of the novels they'll read this year in class.

As someone who waited at the bottom of the stairs for the class-change rush to get past me so that no one would see my bare heels coming through the silver dollar-sized holes in the bottom of my shoes, that pointedly impossible opportunity would have hurt me quite a lot in 1985. I don't know what this teacher is thinking.

It's been a weird day.

Whether the kids can afford it or not isn't even the point. This is nothing more or less than purchasing extra credit. Heck, why not cut out the bookstore middleman and just have them hand her cash? Extra credit work is supposed to be...work. They should have to do something, not just buy something.

I'd definitely write that letter if I were you.

Re: the unfairness of the extended deadline, as my father always said, "Quality will out." Yeah, the other kids may get more time for this particular assignment, but the teacher knows who did the work and who didn't. Someday it will be an employer recognizing who gets stuff done and who's slacking off. If she continues to be awesome, in the long run she'll draw the attention of the people who matter.

cmi0616 · Aug 20, 2015

Not a parent. so maybe I just don't know better, but my first reaction would be to say "Yeah, sorry honey, sometimes you work hard and it doesn't matter. That's just how it goes."

But upon a moment's further reflection, I think there's something to be said here: "It's how you look at it. Why are you working so hard? If it's simply to graduate from high school and go to a good college and get a good job, there could be a thousand things that go wrong and prevent that from happening, no matter how hard you work. I know this sounds a little cynical, but it's true. We do not in fact live in a meritocracy, and you might 'do everything right' and still wind up without a good job. The rewards of learning, then, are self-evident. You'll never get a plaque or a good report card for reading a book, but you will (hopefully) come away with something valuable from it. You will know more about the world and be able to understand it better. Even if it doesn't help you on the test, it still seems worthwhile."

Of course, the former response is always a valid option.

tiakall · Aug 21, 2015

Perks said:
And then I have to decide if I want to compose a very kindly worded note to the English teacher who has promised extra credit to the kids who buy their own copies of the novels they'll read this year in class.

Uh, that's basically buying your grade. Surely that's against the school board rules? So yeah, I'd definitely say something to her, if not the principal.

That said, my mom was a teacher for 32 years, and I know what their budgets are like (she bought her own paper for something like the last twenty years of that - and possibly more, but I was too young to notice.) So I would definitely be down with a reward for donating a copy of a novel she plans to use in future teachings. Just... not extra credit. Perhaps an extra hall pass or an absence forgiveness?

From the How To Explain to Your Child That Life's Not Fair Files

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unaccounted for

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Just Another Lazy Perfectionist

practical experience, FTW

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Preparing for winter

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