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Stew21
08-14-2015, 09:31 PM
Of Unknown Origin

She did not spring forth from her father’s forehead,
fully-armed and itching for a fight.
She’s not that brave.

She wasn’t marble, carved then blessed
made flesh
on the flaming altar of a goddess.
She has never been this beautiful.

She did not rise from unknown depths, and sprout feet.
Or grow from dirt (or rib).
She’s never been very fond of mud,
(or being so derivative).

Most of all, she’s not a child
of the elements or otherwise
dependent on fate, good weather, or low tides.

She’s not even stardust.

So when you write about her,
to her,
first, look into her eyes.
And when you’re tempted -
oh, you will be tempted -
to mysticize,
remember

no secret sadness lingers there
no ancient desire hides.
Their wolfish amber
doesn’t reveal her soul,
or reflect yours.
They are not seas or mirrors,
not eternity, or magic.
Just eyes.

And she’s been looking for you.

William Haskins
08-14-2015, 09:37 PM
holy fuck. this is beautiful. will re-engage when i have time to be more thoughtful with my words.

but holy fuck.

Stew21
08-14-2015, 09:41 PM
Wow. thank you!

William Haskins
08-14-2015, 09:42 PM
no, thank you.

zarada
08-15-2015, 12:16 AM
i love this. especially the opening and the closing, very powerful.

CassandraW
08-15-2015, 12:31 AM
I agree -- this is lovely, Trish. I especially love the first three stanzas. I couldn't resist comparing a few lines of it to William's most recent poem (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?309999-I-swear-it-was-you&p=9527248&viewfull=1#post9527248).

Brandt
08-15-2015, 12:42 AM
This is stunning Stew. My take--we are all looking to be understood because we 'are', and for what/who we are. When all the preconceptions, which might be portrayed in the subject as so many 'misconceptions', are stripped away... we still 'are', and in need of being known. There is a lonely, but courageous and independent tone that characterizes 'her', and that last line is killer... like she is waiting on him to get past his own ideas before he can truly see her. She knows it, he doesn't yet, but he will realize she's been waiting for him to get there whenever that time arrives. Wow. Great piece. Thanks for posting.


And when you’re tempted -
oh, you will be tempted -
to mysticize,
remember
no secret sadness lingers there
no ancient desire hides.


this is gorgeous.

btw, don't know if my take is close, but wanted to share my reaction.

Stew21
08-15-2015, 12:44 AM
Zarada, thank you!

Cass,
That's really an interesting comparison. I dig it. that totally put a smile on my face.

I've been working on this idea for a couple of weeks, but nothing was really meshing. I hadn't been able to turn it into much. This iteration, (several drafts of it, actually) is the first of it that actually felt right. I hate when they are so slow to emerge. so, while it would be LOVELY to have actually written a poetic response to William's poem, I'm more inclined to call this good timing. ;)

The comparisons you made in his thread are really interesting though. Love that. Thanks!

Stew21
08-15-2015, 12:48 AM
and Brandt, I always appreciate your take on my work. Thank you for reading and commenting.

CassandraW
08-15-2015, 12:49 AM
Yes -- I did not think it was deliberate. And I'm not sure if it would have struck me the same way if I hadn't read them both in the same afternoon. But as it was, they made very lovely foils to one another (in my eyes at least).

Perks
08-15-2015, 12:53 AM
Wow, Trish. This is wonderful. Fantastic.

Stew21
08-15-2015, 01:00 AM
They do! As I said, it's a fun comparison, and gave me a great big smile (even if it wasn't on purpose).

I think it's perfectly ok to sympathize with and even crave the perspective of both. Even if it seems like they are opposite. I'm not so sure they are.

Now I'm going to have to think on it more. :)

- - - Updated - - -

thanks, Jamie!

William Haskins
08-15-2015, 01:16 AM
the last thing anyone wants is some 90s-style rap beef. so many times those end up with bullet-riddled bodies and velvet paintings on the side of the road.

Stew21
08-15-2015, 01:22 AM
Ha! 8 Mile mic drops not included.

Sarita
08-15-2015, 01:23 AM
Trish! Wow. William stole my line, so I'll just go back to my standard. "Well, fuck it. I'll never be this good." I'll mull and come back with better words. Guh. Wow.

Stew21
08-15-2015, 02:16 AM
Thanks Sara.
I love that you are in this room again. So glad you're here.

B.D. Eyeslie
08-15-2015, 04:00 PM
I love this, Stew.

Stew21
08-15-2015, 04:11 PM
Thank you so much. :)

Stew21
08-17-2015, 05:58 PM
The audio (https://soundcloud.com/trish-stewart-4/of-unknown-origin) of it.

Magdalen
08-22-2015, 06:18 AM
Finally had time to give this a good reading over (digression into linkage over time) and it is quite fine! Also finding a further bit of linkage lately, with best wishes for continued enjoyment and depth of discernment from each reading. I really like the abrupt change in tone at the last line and additionally felt quite at ease with the rhythm of this each and every time! including the final turn. Very nice work!

skelly
08-22-2015, 06:45 AM
Wow Trish. Thank mags for bringing this back this is the shit. Pure Dee nailed it the first time out. That last line was the twist that blew me away from where I thought you were headed. Loved it, start to finish.

Stew21
08-22-2015, 07:45 PM
Thank you both so much!

:)

I'm so glad you like it.

Matty lll
08-24-2015, 01:52 AM
Fantastic!!

Kylabelle
08-24-2015, 03:34 AM
Hey, Matty, nice to see you! I was just wondering where you'd got to. :)

Stew21
08-24-2015, 05:27 PM
I was also wondering where Matty had got off to.

Welcome back and thanks for reading and commenting.

Matty lll
08-24-2015, 05:36 PM
Hello! I have just been busy doing things over the summer, have been reading a lot but not writing very much. Still browse here though, especially if there are poems as good as this being posted!

Kylabelle
08-24-2015, 06:53 PM
Hello! I have just been busy doing things over the summer, have been reading a lot but not writing very much. Still browse here though, especially if there are poems as good as this being posted!

:) Well, I hope to see some more of your own poems posted at some point.

Stew21
08-27-2015, 05:39 AM
I saw this on facebook today. Gave me a good laugh. Thought of stanza 3. Thought I'd share.
http://i1068.photobucket.com/albums/u452/stewfamilypics/FB_IMG_1440629366462_zpskncxkvdm.jpg (http://s1068.photobucket.com/user/stewfamilypics/media/FB_IMG_1440629366462_zpskncxkvdm.jpg.html)

poetinahat
08-27-2015, 10:59 AM
I'm a lyric man, to a large extent - I like my rhythm and my poetic devices. But I like cinnamon too, and I wouldn't put it in everything I eat. What stunned me here is this:

The truth, lurking like a whale. It murmurs inside, a call you can feel but not hear, much less name. It takes a poet's call to bring it to surface.

I'm struck by the idea, the thought - that we so often layer myths and legends on people, on things, on beauty. We're offered a lily, and we're compelled to gild it, without reading the card attached.

This is beautiful and intimate, Trish. Thank you.