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William Haskins
08-14-2015, 07:46 AM
I saw you once
in a painting,
rendered by some
slender hand,

anonymous, his
poverty and
longing lost
in strokes

of brushes
guided fearless,
an equally
hungry eye.

I staggered
home to dream
I'd put that
sadness in your smile.

Stew21
08-14-2015, 05:25 PM
The longing in the first stanza is fantastic.
The details and work in the middle stanzas seem subtle at first, but they are so essential. that dedication, the hunger, longing, and poverty, being lost. I like the details and speculation about the anonymous artist. It shows the viewer's appreciation. The artist's work pays off in the last stanza - pulling a lingering feeling. It's a killer last stanza. It internalizes what the viewer sees, speculates and feels. It also tugs those "longing" strings from the first stanza.


I like how quiet this one is. You've let the emotion speak for itself with small details.

I really adore this one.

On another note, I have always enjoyed the poems you've written with art, painting in particular. You have a few. They satisfy something...the cross-inspiration. You have an eye for art's relationship with words. It think it makes both media better in individual pieces.

They always say a picture is worth a thousand words. I think your 40 words paint an amazing picture. They can keep the other 960 for someone else.

William Haskins
08-14-2015, 05:50 PM
On another note, I have always enjoyed the poems you've written with art, painting in particular. You have a few. They satisfy something...the cross-inspiration. You have an eye for art's relationship with words. It think it makes both media better in individual pieces.

i thought about this for a while last night. part of it, i think, is that i've always had painters in my life. my father was a painter, my wife is a painter, my son is shaping up into an extraordinary traditional and digital artist. perhaps that's blurred the line for me between visual imagery and vocabulary, but it is a subject that i find myself returning to periodically.

thank you for reading and commenting. i'm glad you like it.

thehairymob
08-14-2015, 06:04 PM
;)

Magdalen
08-14-2015, 08:20 PM
The longing in the first stanza is fantastic.
...
I really adore this one.

On another note, I have always enjoyed the poems you've written with art, painting in particular. You have a few. They satisfy something...the cross-inspiration. You have an eye for art's relationship with words. It think it makes both media better in individual pieces.

They always say a picture is worth a thousand words. I think your 40 words paint an amazing picture. They can keep the other 960 for someone else.

Agree with Trish and add my appreciation for the subtleties (paint layers) in your work. Enjoyed the read!!

Sarita
08-14-2015, 09:08 PM
I really love this one. The gentle rhythm of the verse, despite the harsh undertones, the realities of an artistic life. Something about the word rendered in this context really caught me by surprise. A lovely surprise. It feels slightly... biblical? Timeless. Your skill for selecting just the right word for the piece always strikes me. Always. The final line reminded me of La Gioconda. And the title adds such a sense of longing.

Thank you for sharing your words with the mortal world. Have you considered another ebook? I swear this isn't me fawning. I'd just like to have another book of your work.

Perks
08-14-2015, 10:28 PM
anonymous, his
poverty and
longing lost
in strokes

of brushes
guided fearless,
an equally
hungry eye.



The whole thing is wonderful, but I love this bit here in particular - the narrator feeling kinship with the painter. Just as taken with the subject who the painting brought to mind as the artist seemed to be with his muse. And also recognizing on the canvas the same brand of heartache.

Brandt
08-15-2015, 12:06 AM
We are not told that the subject was beautiful, but we are, nonetheless, very aware that the narrator beholds someone extraordinary in his view. The encounter 'staggers' him. So much so, he has compared it to a work of art which similarly impressed him once before. I love the kinship to the artist in "an equally hungry eye". It's a beautiful poem William. It creates the private sense of an observer and then invites behind the veil. The close lingers in afterthought until I yield to and intuitive understanding of the 'sadness' line. Wonderful piece, so few words that are a world in their own right. Much enjoyed. Thanks for posting it!

zarada
08-15-2015, 12:12 AM
perfectly executed. a satisfying piece.

CassandraW
08-15-2015, 12:27 AM
We are not told that the subject was beautiful, but we are, nonetheless, very aware that the narrator beholds someone extraordinary in his view. The encounter 'staggers' him. So much so, he has compared it to a work of art which similarly impressed him once before. I love the kinship to the artist in "an equally hungry eye". It's a beautiful poem William. It creates the private sense of an observer and then invites behind the veil. The close lingers in afterthought until I yield to and intuitive understanding of the 'sadness' line. Wonderful piece, so few words that are a world in their own right. Much enjoyed. Thanks for posting it!

As does this one, William's poems often make me wish someone would think and write such things about me. (See also this one (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?303295-A-poet-s-failure-to-do-his-job).)

I enjoyed reading this side by side with Stew's most recent offering (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?310010-Of-Unknown-Origin), which in my fancy seemed almost a retort to it in some way:

I saw you once
in a painting...

I staggered
home to dream
I'd put that
sadness in your smile.

-- versus --

And when you’re tempted -
oh, you will be tempted -
to mysticize,
remember
no secret sadness lingers there
no ancient desire hides.
Their wolfish amber doesn’t reveal her soul,
or reflect yours.
They are not seas or mirrors,
not eternity, or magic.
Just eyes.


ETA:

Forgive me. I'm not expressing my comparison very clearly. William's poem sees a flesh and blood woman in an evocative work of art; both stagger and haunt him. Stew's seems to be saying "She's not a goddess or a muse. She's waiting for you to step up and see her as she is."

As a woman and a poet, I sympathize with the longings expressed in both.

Stew21
08-15-2015, 12:52 AM
I could see exactly what you meant when you first brought the comparison to my attention.


And yes, I also appreciate the longings in both.

Brandt
08-15-2015, 01:00 AM
I had the same thoughts Cassandra. I read them both back to back and cried twice... well, almost.:)

As for this:
William's poems often make me wish someone would think and write such things about me

I think that's proof of poetry's (and William's of course) great ability to speak to the part of us that is often the heart of us.


on a lighter note, I know a couple of local places we could hang a nice portrait and I guarantee a poem or two. Sorry, I can't guarantee the quality of the work :)

Sarita
08-15-2015, 01:16 AM
Astute observations, Cass. Lovely comparison. Very cool to see them side by side. I'm glad you pointed this out.

As does this one, William's poems often make me wish someone would think and write such things about me. (See also this one (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?303295-A-poet-s-failure-to-do-his-job).)
"A poet's failure" makes me ache. Why can't all men write poetry? About me? Ha!

CassandraW
08-15-2015, 01:22 AM
I could see exactly what you meant when you first brought the comparison to my attention.


And yes, I also appreciate the longings in both.

I think, upon reflection, I'd like a man to see me in evocative paintings and splendid fountains, in sunsets and mountaintops, stormy seas and gentle mists, ancient temples and open fields; to find me an inspiration, a pillar beneath his foundations, a rare flower, a deeply-rooted tree, a quenching rain, a warming sun...

...and also to step up and face me, nose-to-nose with all my flaws and needs.


And this, of course, is just one reason why I am single.


ETA:

Also, he must laugh at my jokes.

William Haskins
08-15-2015, 03:59 AM
thank you all for your comments.


Have you considered another ebook? I swear this isn't me fawning. I'd just like to have another book of your work.

i hope to have a new one by christmas, essentially "thorn forest and other poems." we'll see.

Magdalen
08-15-2015, 04:08 AM
I really love this one. . . . Have you considered another ebook? I swear this isn't me fawning. I'd just like to have another book of your work.


thank you all for your comments.



i hope to have a new one by christmas, essentially "thorn forest and other poems." we'll see.

Rockin in the USA!! Thorn Forest itself + other poems/collection sounds like a great idea - please update with details when available!!!

Stew21
08-15-2015, 04:11 AM
Pardon me while I squee.

I try so hard not to do this publicly

But.

:snoopy:

Kylabelle
08-15-2015, 04:41 AM
thank you all for your comments.



i hope to have a new one by christmas, essentially "thorn forest and other poems." we'll see.

Yeah, well, that does it. Someone is going to have to give me a good e reader for Christmas. (And yeah I know there are free apps, just not for this O.S.)

Too many good things going unread. This one, nah, not gonna miss it.

William Haskins
08-15-2015, 05:04 AM
if i make it, it will be available in dead-tree as well.

Ambrosia
08-15-2015, 05:22 AM
Excellent poem, William. I thoroughly enjoyed it. :)

William Haskins
08-15-2015, 08:27 PM
thank you.

Magdalen
08-27-2015, 05:50 AM
Duh. Goes with the other one.