thesis freakout

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gettingby

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Totally freaking out about my MFA thesis. I have about two weeks before my rough draft is due. I'm doing a short story collection for my thesis, but I'm not sure which stories to use and which to leave out. I have some idea, but sometimes I feel like I have no ideal what I'm doing. And then I think I should just write all new stuff that's better than my best. I probably don't have time or the ability to do that. Why is this thesis making me question everything I've written? Why am I doubting that I can do this?

I think the scope of the project is intimidating to me. And just knowing how much work to come over the coming school year is already stressful. Is a thesis supposed to freak you out?
 

veinglory

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If your thesis has never freaked you out, you are probably doing it wrong. But your supervisor is meant to help with this, if not perhaps seek out another faculty member who will.
 

gettingby

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I will start working with my thesis advisor in the fall. I have two weeks to give him my draft. While I got my first choice for my thesis advisor, I picked the person that I thought would be the hardest on me and really make me work. Now, I am like "What did I get myself into?" I know this guy can be tough and is such a brilliant writer himself. His standards are high, maybe too high for me. I guess I am getting ahead of myself a bit. I just keep picturing our first meeting and him saying, "What were you thinking?"

Veinglory -- Did you feel like you were freaking out the whole time you were in thesis mode or does it get any easier?
 

OJCade

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For me, the freak-outs were punctuated - both for my Masters and my PhD. There'd be patches where everything was going fine and I was producing work I was proud of, and then a switch would flip and suddenly all that same work was crap.

The freak-outs are normal. Don't panic, you're experiencing the same thing as every other grad student ever.

Remember that what you're handing in now is a draft. It will get criticism (lots, probably) but that's ok. If I were you, I'd hand in the stuff you've already prepared. Rushing around at the last minute to produce a whole new collection is just going to make you panic more. It won't be helpful, and the whole new collection would still be a rough draft anyway, so you'd be running desperately on a treadmill to reach the same place you are now.

Try ordering your stories within the collection in different ways. Depending on how you order them, you can emphasise overall themes or emotional reactions. If you feel there's a gap, try writing one new story to better link up the collection as a whole.

And breathe! You're doing fine.
 

gettingby

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Thanks for your post. Order is tough or I am overthinking this. I keep thinking I am doing okay and then realize I have no idea how to pull this off. I thought I knew which stories i wanted to include at one point, but I am questioning myself. I get that I want this to be my best work, but does that mean I use my most polished pieces? Or do I use stories I want to make better? And thanks for reminding me to take a breath. The whole MFA experience has been a wild ride for me. Mostly, it's been a good thing, and I will be sad to see it end. I will be even more sad if I can't pull off the thesis and graduate.
 

OJCade

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I think you may be overthinking. Do your best to put them in the order you believe will work most effectively, but remember that this is a rough draft. You sound like you're falling into the Thesis Trap of wanting everything to be perfect first time round. Which would be absolutely lovely, I understand (I've been there!) but is not terribly realistic.

The point of handing in rough drafts to your thesis advisor is to get feedback that will improve your thesis so that the next version you give him will be better. Your advisor is expecting to see a rough draft. He is expecting to find issues that need fixing. That's what he's there for!

No matter what you do right now, your supervisor is not going to hand your draft back and say "This is perfect! Don't change a thing!" There will be a lot of things for you to change. And if you have a particular issue with something - say ordering - it's perfectly acceptable to hand in the draft with a cover note saying "I'm having trouble deciding what order the stories should go in. Do you have any suggestions as to what would be most effective?"

Supervisors love knowing this shit. If they know what you're struggling with, it makes it easy for them to help you. They want to help you.

At this point, I would make sure you include all your most polished pieces. If you've still got room, I'd add one or two stories that you like and want to make better. Point out in your cover note which these extra stories are, and ask specifically for feedback on them. That will give you a head-start in reworking them.

And when you've handed in your rough draft, go and celebrate! A lot of people never even get that far, and it's a fantastic achievement.
 

CrastersBabies

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You'll be fine. Getting to turn in a rough draft means that changes can be made. I assume changes to your story selection. It's not as huge a deal as it might seem. (hugs)

I actually sat down with my adviser and went through my stories to ask for their opinion on what to select. Got some great feedback.
 
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ericalynn

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Most likely your advisor will help you with a lot of your concerns. When I wrote my thesis, I used mostly stories that I felt were polished and represented my MFA time, and then a few that I thought were allllmost there and my mentor could help me with during revisions. We also figured out the order together--sometimes it's actually easier for an independent reader to see the overall arc or threads of your thesis than it is for you. My thesis reader also helped me pick out a title for the collection (he actually just highlighted lines throughout the collection that stood out to him as being strong/representing the larger idea of the collection, and I picked from that).

So yes, I think to an extent, you are definitely overthinking and getting "cold feet" so to speak. You're stressing over perfection and it's not going to be perfect--at the very least, not on the first draft. A big part of the MFA (or at least in my opinion) is getting things wrong. And growing in the revision stage.

You'll be okay! Reach out to your advisor for guidance and help. Make lists. Pick a broad range of pieces and then narrow it down from there. And be prepared to revise and work some more!
 

Chris P

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i think you'll feel better once you get your draft together and see it as a whole.
 

gettingby

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So, the thesis... This is going to be harder than I thought. My advisor is so super smart and accomplished, and I want to learn as much as I can from him. He was able to so make a few simple suggestions on my best work that I had never thought of during all my writing and rewriting. I was so excited about these changes that I came home and started working on stuff right away. How do I train myself to notice these things? This guy really is a genius, and I feel like I am going to have a much better shot at publishing when I get through this. But it's not all good. Anyone ever tell you a story just wasn't good enough to be in your thesis? I had thought that story was a good one, too. I've got another two weeks to make magic happen before I see my advisor again.
 

Kylabelle

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Sounds like a steep learning curve, but one you're climbing just fine. And that story? Some other time in your life, look at it again. Things will look different then.

I'm really glad your advisor is so inspiring for you, that's the best part of this, I think.
 

gettingby

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For those of you who have done a creative thesis, how much rewriting did you have to do? I feel like everything needs so much work. And this is my best work, my cleanest writing, my best stories. This is just really hard.
 

gettingby

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Just wanted to update this and say that I will soon be handing in my thesis and I've been given a date for my defense. This thing has changed so much. Rewrites. New stories. More rewrites. A little crying. A little drinking. I have one more meeting then a few days before I have to hand it in and be done with it. I do have the luxury of being able to leave out one or two stories which could happen, depending on how this last meeting goes.

Now, I can really freak out about the defense. Anyone have tips or suggestions about that? I'm pretty nervous.
 

Kylabelle

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I have no advice to offer you except this: You've done the work. Try to stay out of too much worry, and if you can really take your mind off this for the remaining interval, that will probably refresh you a lot.

Best of luck with it, gettingby!
 
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