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Magdalen
07-20-2015, 11:16 PM
Chill

(eggs butter beer
straddle bare bars,
jam jars jostle, click
a single sloshed dill –
limp pecker in a pickle –
on the door side and
both bins are vegged-out
save a bristled, bendable
carrot upon a bed of onion skin:
no bread)

eighty-six hours
before payday

Kylabelle
07-20-2015, 11:24 PM
I love this!

(Want to come over? I have lots of food.)

Stew21
07-20-2015, 11:27 PM
it really is a great poem, Magdalen. I love your way with words.

Magdalen
07-21-2015, 12:10 AM
Thanks! Your kind words will sustain me!!

Kylabelle
07-21-2015, 12:12 AM
Thanks! Your kind words will sustain me!!

At least you have beer?

B.D. Eyeslie
07-21-2015, 04:34 AM
Nice piece, Magdalen. I always enjoy your poems.

William Haskins
07-21-2015, 04:50 AM
a still life of wilted fruit under a dark cloud.

this pleases me.

Magdalen
07-21-2015, 05:08 AM
Thank you, William & BD.

And you too, Kyla! It'll all work out, eventually!

poetinahat
07-22-2015, 08:47 AM
Flaccid, but acid. I don't find it hard to praise this hungry, desperate, disappointed piece.

Applause for you, and for this sad success: the alliteration and the allegory are funny and sad - an uncommon concoction.

Magdalen
07-24-2015, 12:20 AM
Thanks poet! Appreciate your appreciation - tasty and better than fulfilling (no feeling full of it;)) guessing it's that post-payday feeling where you wonder where the butter went???*

skelly
07-26-2015, 01:43 AM
Where DID the butter went, since you brought it up. Loved the poem. Still wondering why I have to search all over hell's half acre to find a poem by you. Sure is worth it when I find one, though. Say, if you put a limp pickle/pecker in a fridge, wouldn't it, well, firm up? Fridge...frigid...get it? Okay, sorry. That was uncalled for. Xoxoxo

Steppe
07-26-2015, 03:20 AM
My fridge is like this all the time. Not because I'm poor and needy, but if I stalk it, I'll weigh 300 lbs. I've become a junk-food baby.

Oh and yes, I loved this one Mag. Have you got a book out yet. When's it due?

Ken
07-26-2015, 03:23 AM
Neat. Like it.
From a writerly, not poetic perspective, it seems like the poem might do with some pauses of some sort to allow things to settle before proceeding on. Maybe even just a paragraph space. Just a suggestion ;-)

(eggs butter beer
straddle bare bars,
something here...
jam jars jostle, click
a single sloshed dill
something else here...

Magdalen
07-26-2015, 04:03 AM
Thanks!! This old family recipe works with just about any ingredients - mom always said gherkins last longer!!

skelly
07-26-2015, 04:06 AM
Thanks!! This old family recipe works with just about any ingredients - mom always said gherkins last longer!!
you are evil :D