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William Haskins
06-17-2015, 05:22 AM
She carries
in her throat
a ghost who
sings harmony
to her memory
and warns her
of the weather
in crowded rooms,
where tempests brew
in the simplest
of sentiments.

It is not
that she seeks
an elegant end
(when she
was a girl,
her cat
curled up
in her lavender
sweater to die),
but she would like
to say goodbye.

To someone.

C.bronco
06-17-2015, 05:46 AM
That is one I will have to reread a few times and reflect upon. I think this is pretty awesome, and would like to see allusions to lavender and harmony in it in addition to what you wrought.

poetinahat
06-17-2015, 06:16 AM
Sometimes I think we fail you, William. It must suck to get so little constructive criticism.

Perhaps the best I can offer is to tell you how I react, the ideas and the inspiration that swirl in the wake of a poem like this. There's a precious unease in it for me.

the two long, deliberate, aspirated and alliterative sentences tell me of complexity, maybe unintended - but that nothing is really simple. No man is an island, and all.

The abrupt final line is the hand that stops the turning wheel. But the marble keeps bouncing; where it stops, nobody knows, still.

Answer- I don't know. That's life, isn't it?

This doesn't make me happy. But that's not why we're here, is it? There is something beyond that, and that might be what I get here: a feeling I didn't know I could have.

Steppe
06-17-2015, 06:33 AM
A more touching poem would be hard to imagine! What I like -

"sings harmony
with her memory"

"where tempests brew
in the simplest
of sentiments"

and the second part enlarging on the first
and not just with explanation.

It makes me so envious!

Williebee
06-17-2015, 07:06 AM
Imagery and melancholy, equally vivid.

As always, you stagger me.

Haggis
06-17-2015, 07:09 AM
I'm reading other poetry now too.

Go figure.

Kylabelle
06-17-2015, 01:52 PM
Haggis, that's just plain scary.

William, this poem chokes my throat. Thank you for it. :Hug2:

Stew21
06-17-2015, 04:05 PM
This is beautiful.
And it wrecked me.

Ambrosia
06-17-2015, 05:11 PM
William, I didn't respond yesterday after you posted this piece because I wanted to give it a couple reads to see if there was anything I could offer to improve it (not that you asked for my help, mind. ;)). I have gone back and forth in my mind over the ending, and after due consideration I have come to the conclusion that no, I have nothing to offer to improve it. It is wonderfully done. Your skill continues to amaze me.

Thank you for sharing your poetry. Always a delight to read. I love the emotion you evoke in your words. You have quite a gift. :)

Stew21
06-17-2015, 06:28 PM
I've read this over and over again.
Each time it affects me more.

Got something in my eye.
Damn you, William.

Perks
06-17-2015, 07:37 PM
Good lord, man.

B.D. Eyeslie
06-17-2015, 07:51 PM
Really, William, this is so good. You take it all to another level.

cray
06-17-2015, 08:28 PM
thank you, william.

William Haskins
06-17-2015, 09:57 PM
thank you all for reading and for your kind words.

Stew21
01-27-2016, 07:36 AM
i've been nosing around in your poetry posted in the last year or so (very prolific, brilliant year, sir).


I was afraid to click on this one when it came up in my search. I remembered my reaction.
I clicked anyway, of course, I did. i always do.
and met the same fate. Wet. Face.

What is it about this poem that destroys me?

In any case, it does it beautifully.

and I am seriously wrecked for poetry for the night now. I managed 21 poems. this one was enough alone to be the whole cake.

fuck.

wrecked.
i'm so rarely without constructive (somehow) words. I seriously still can't even.