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Ted
04-07-2006, 09:23 PM
Basic sentence:

Were her legs starting to cramp, she worried

Options:

"Were her legs starting to cramp?" she worried.

Were her legs starting to cramp, she worried?

Were her legs starting to cramp, she worried.

Were her legs starting to cramp? she worried.

Were her legs starting to cramp? She worried under her breath.

GrammarScribe
04-07-2006, 09:37 PM
What about:

She worried that her legs were starting to cramp.

She was worried: were her legs starting to cramp?

For me, at least, sometimes it's just easier to restructure the sentence. :)

reph
04-07-2006, 09:41 PM
AltoR's rewrites are improvements. For one thing, a person doesn't "worry" a sentence or a thought.

Worrying under one's breath is about like worrying in the key of C.

Ted
04-07-2006, 10:01 PM
Ahhh, make it a statement of fact rather than internal dialogue.

(Dosen't everyone worry in the key of C?? :) )

Ted
04-07-2006, 10:08 PM
I think, this:

She felt the cold getting into her muscles. Were her legs starting to cramp? Donít think about it, just swim, she told herself.

three seven
04-07-2006, 10:14 PM
I think, this:

She felt the cold getting into her muscles. Were her legs starting to cramp? Donít think about it, just swim, she told herself.No. To see what you've done, put the italicised part inside speech marks.

Ted
04-07-2006, 10:23 PM
Hmmm,

I don't see it yet...

I thought if I was doing internal dialogue, it could be in quotes or in italics but the phrasing stayed the same. No?

three seven
04-07-2006, 10:29 PM
Yes, but...

She felt the cold getting into her muscles. Were her legs starting to cramp? Donít think about it, just swim, she told herself.
The internal dialogue, therefore, reads:
Were her legs starting to cramp? Donít think about it, just swimWhose legs?

Ted
04-07-2006, 10:33 PM
It's her, having two thoughts about herself.

The context of the girl alone in the water dispells ambiguity.

three seven
04-07-2006, 10:36 PM
So she says to herself, about herself, "Were her legs starting to cramp?"

She's referring to herself in the third person and the past tense because...?

CaroGirl
04-07-2006, 10:45 PM
I think, this:

She felt the cold getting into her muscles. Were her legs starting to cramp? Donít think about it, just swim, she told herself.
Three Seven is right. You're mixing things up here. If you want to italicize both parts of the thought, you need to say:
Were my legs starting to cramp? Don't think about it, just swim, she told herself.

three seven
04-07-2006, 10:47 PM
Or preferably, Are my legs starting to cramp?

Ted
04-07-2006, 10:50 PM
Sorry guys, I'm slow but I do get there!

Thanks for your persistance.

I will do it Are my... or I will take it out of her head.

Perhaps;


She felt the cold getting into her muscles. Did she feel a cramp? Donít think about it, just swim, she told herself.

Ted
04-08-2006, 09:50 PM
Bufty - thanks for the pm,

it was very useful!!!