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View Full Version : Men's needs versus women's



Optimus
04-06-2006, 05:58 AM
Okay, this is one of those stupid email/myspace bulletin things, but I actually found this one funny.


"From a guys point of view......

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that biotch knows I'm smarter than her."

My-Immortal
04-06-2006, 06:01 AM
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read that. :)

Azure Skye
04-06-2006, 06:05 AM
:ROFL::e2point::roll:

SpookyWriter
04-06-2006, 06:18 AM
http://www.northernsun.com/images/thumb/0512NotYourBarbie.jpg

writerterri
04-06-2006, 06:36 AM
Well, as far as I'm concerned that guy is still an idiot. What she meant was:


Every time we go to bed you always lay yourself out like a smorgasbord and the evening is all about you and your needs then you say thanks and start snoring. So tonight I'm cutting you off until you get a clue, dillweed!
No hard feelings I hope, just a shout out for all the girls in the house.

poetinahat
04-06-2006, 06:38 AM
Then she should have said something before things got going. That's the point.

No fair selling tickets when you're never going to raise the curtain.

maestrowork
04-06-2006, 06:59 AM
She's a c*ck tease and he gets even by being a cash tease.

ATP
04-06-2006, 07:21 AM
She's a c*ck tease and he gets even by being a cash tease.

A good line!

But, the original post of this thread actually comes from a long-time,
well-known joke.

ATP

P.H.Delarran
04-06-2006, 07:22 AM
she wants to be just held, get a girlfriend.

writerterri
04-06-2006, 08:36 AM
Well, as far as I'm concerned that guy is still an idiot. What she meant was:


Every time we go to bed you always lay yourself out like a smorgasbord and the evening is all about you and your needs then you say thanks and start snoring. So tonight I'm cutting you off until you get a clue, dillweed!
No hard feelings I hope, just a shout out for all the girls in the house.



I'm recanting my reply, I missunderstood. My bad. http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_18_5.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZUxdm080YYUS)

Never mind.

Dawno
04-06-2006, 09:22 AM
Nope, no misogyny in this thread. Guess I'll move along...

poetinahat
04-06-2006, 09:25 AM
well, *that* was awkward.

tiny
04-06-2006, 10:12 AM
Can you say "power play"? What a hag.

(just to let everyone know, because it was pointed out that it may look like this post is directed at Dawno, I'm talking about the chick in the story and not one of our own)

Cat Scratch
04-06-2006, 10:27 AM
Where are all these supposed women who don't like sex? I don't know any of them. My guess is their men just aren't doing their job. (Sure, HE was heated up, but it sounds like she was ready to snooze.)

ATP
04-06-2006, 12:39 PM
...Er, "supposed women who don't like sex"?

Or should that read "women who supposed don't like sex"?, Or should that read "women who don't like supposed sex"?:)

ATP

Optimus
04-06-2006, 01:55 PM
It's pretty bad when someone "corrects" something that's already correct ("supposed women who don't like sex") with something that's grammatically wrong ("women who supposed don't like sex" should be "women who supposedly don't like sex").

;)

Optimus
04-06-2006, 01:56 PM
Where are all these supposed women who don't like sex?
Married.

Carole
04-06-2006, 01:56 PM
I'm sorry, but I thought it was a very funny anecdote!

I also don't know many women who don't like sex. I've never known a woman who preferred to just be held. The ones I know who aren't big on sex aren't into intimacy of any form.

And Opti, I beg to differ.

aruna
04-06-2006, 02:33 PM
Where are all these supposed women who don't like sex? I don't know any of them. My guess is their men just aren't doing their job. (Sure, HE was heated up, but it sounds like she was ready to snooze.)

Ummm.... I don't. Been there, done that. There are better things in life! (however, that's probably the worst confession any woman can make thse days, equivalent to "slut" back in the days!)

As for the anecdote: they are both idiots; what's with this shopping thing anyway?

aruna
04-06-2006, 02:36 PM
I'm sorry, but I thought it was a very funny anecdote!

I also don't know many women who don't like sex. I've never known a woman who preferred to just be held. The ones I know who aren't big on sex aren't into intimacy of any form.

And Opti, I beg to differ.

Hi Carole! yes, I am quite happy to be just held and I love intimacy! It's just that sex doesn't give any real intimacy, in my books....

Carole
04-06-2006, 02:39 PM
Well, as far as I'm concerned that guy is still an idiot. What she meant was:


Every time we go to bed you always lay yourself out like a smorgasbord and the evening is all about you and your needs then you say thanks and start snoring. So tonight I'm cutting you off until you get a clue, dillweed!
No hard feelings I hope, just a shout out for all the girls in the house.
Terri, this isn't directed at you. I just grabbed your quote because it is so common for so many women to feel that way.

Not wanting to stir the pot - really - but I learned something several years ago that made all the difference. *I* am responsible for whether or not I get what I need out of sex. Not hubby. I already know that he goes into a post orgasmic coma afterward. That's what guys usually do. It's normal. I also know that it takes him a lot less time than me. Again, normal. If I'm not on the same timeframe as him, then it's my responsibility to make up the difference. It's not his fault. If we women were the usually the quicker ones, we'd be pissed as hell, talking about being *used* if they kept on and on and on after we were done. Once I stopped thinking HE should be responsible for my pleasure, I got a LOT more pleasure out of it. It bugs me to no end how women tend to piss and moan about not being allowed to be who they are - that they are different and should be allowed to be - but those same women think men should change themselves to suit our desires. It goes both ways. Once I stopped putting obligations on hubby, he noticed. He REALLY noticed. Know what? He, in turn, became more motivated to take some of my responsibility on himself.

Just my opinion.

Optimus
04-06-2006, 02:43 PM
Whoa.

You guys are taking a funny story WAY too seriously.

Just read it, say "Heh," and move on.

Don't let it ruin your lives, people!

Live free!

Carole
04-06-2006, 02:44 PM
Hi Carole! yes, I am quite happy to be just held and I love intimacy! It's just that sex doesn't give any real intimacy, in my books....
Well, I wasn't meaning to say they didn't exist. I've just never known any. You're an interesting person, Aruna. I imagine I'd be fascinated to know you in the outside world! :)

Carole
04-06-2006, 02:45 PM
Whoa.

You guys are taking a funny story WAY too seriously.

Just read it, say "Heh," and move on.

Don't let it ruin your lives, people!

Live free!

This thread should receive a "heh" reply.

The "female" thread should receive a "yes" reply.

What is it with the push for one word answers, Opti? Got writer's block?

Optimus
04-06-2006, 02:49 PM
What is it with the push to deflate lighthearted joke threads with serious debate?

Got funny block?

I think you women are being overly emotional.

There should be a thread about that.

Wait...

Carole
04-06-2006, 02:50 PM
If you'll notice, my first post said that I thought it was a funny anecdote. Geez. Nebbemind.

aruna
04-06-2006, 03:10 PM
What is it with the push to deflate lighthearted joke threads with serious debate?

Got funny block?

I think you women are being overly emotional.

There should be a thread about that.

Wait...

But Opti, isn't this exactly the point you wanted to make with your joke??? You can't fool me!
But, just to please you, I'll do this: :roll:

aruna
04-06-2006, 03:24 PM
Well, I wasn't meaning to say they didn't exist. I've just never known any. You're an interesting person, Aruna. I imagine I'd be fascinated to know you in the outside world! :)

I think I have a pretty weird world view, from most perspectives!

Carole
04-06-2006, 03:36 PM
I think I have a pretty weird world view, from most perspectives!
Weird is good. Normal people make good pets!

jenngreenleaf
04-06-2006, 03:46 PM
:ROFL: This whole thread makes me giggle. :ROFL:

Shadow_Ferret
04-06-2006, 03:55 PM
I found it to be a rather unbelievable anecdote, he says (and unless he's an unreliable narrator) that the passion starts to heat up...


and then she says that thing about her needs and such.


I don't know anyone who, when the passion starts to heat up just turns it off like that even if they are tired UNLESS, as some of the women have suggested, the guy is a complete selfish dick in bed and she was trying to make a well-deserved point.

poetinahat
04-06-2006, 03:56 PM
Whoa.

You guys are taking a funny story WAY too seriously.

Just read it, say "Heh," and move on.

Don't let it ruin your lives, people!

Live free!
Heh.

jst5150
04-06-2006, 04:13 PM
Mom always said there are three topics polite people never talked about in public: religion, politics and s3x.

So, I'll join Poet with a polite, but affirming, "Heh."

jenngreenleaf
04-06-2006, 04:48 PM
the guy is a complete selfish dick in bed and she was trying to make a well-deserved point That's *exactly* what I was thinking.

maestrowork
04-06-2006, 04:54 PM
I think we're all overanalyzing a joke...

Yo mama is so fat....

poetinahat
04-06-2006, 05:01 PM
I repeats:

Heh.

Jcomp
04-06-2006, 05:03 PM
Where are all these supposed women who don't like sex? I don't know any of them. My guess is their men just aren't doing their job. (Sure, HE was heated up, but it sounds like she was ready to snooze.)

word.

jenngreenleaf
04-06-2006, 05:07 PM
I think we're all overanalyzing a joke...

Yo mama is so fat.... LOL Nah, I'm just being moody. I'm in the wrong thread, though. :Ssh:

Jcomp
04-06-2006, 05:10 PM
I think we're all overanalyzing a joke...

Yo mama is so fat....

...they had to take her school picture with a satellite.
...she bleeds gravy, and instead of band aids she just slaps a biscuit on the cut and keeps trucking.
...her ankles alone have 3 moons apiece.

And her feet are so big, her shoe size is Chrysler....

Shadow_Ferret
04-06-2006, 05:38 PM
Don't be talkin bout my mama now! :rant:

robeiae
04-06-2006, 05:48 PM
Of course, he can get fired.

Stew21
04-06-2006, 05:59 PM
Uh...I thought it was funny...:D (but I've seen it before)...*heh*

Jcomp
04-06-2006, 06:01 PM
Don't be talkin bout my mama now! :rant:

ya momma's so fat, she defies zero gravity...

tiny
04-06-2006, 06:49 PM
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

What a crock of crap. I still say power play and she's a major hag. This is a game played just make sure the guy knows some women don't have a point of no return.

Shadow_Ferret
04-06-2006, 07:08 PM
...some women don't have a point of no return.

Nooooo! Say it isn't so! :cry:

tiny
04-06-2006, 07:09 PM
Nooooo! Say it isn't so! :cry:


I said some... SOME.

Shadow_Ferret
04-06-2006, 07:11 PM
I said some... SOME.

*takes a calming breath*

Whew. You had me scared.

aruna
04-06-2006, 07:58 PM
overworking a joke indeed.



deflate deflate deflate.


maybe some of you are used to rolling over?

Hey, it deflated long ago, and I wasn't aware that it was all that blown up anyway!

Sure, it turned into a serious discussion but so do many original posts... no big deal!

NeuroFizz
04-06-2006, 08:11 PM
Well, maybe the hombre needs to giddyup at finding the little philly's trigger.

(Can't let this slip away into the slush pile of shriveled balloons just yet.)

oswann
04-06-2006, 08:12 PM
Well, maybe the hombre needs to giddyup at finding the little philly's trigger.

(Can't let this slip away into the slush pile of shriveled balloons just yet.)


I can see you've put the kilt back on.




Os.

Gehanna
04-06-2006, 08:20 PM
LMAO!! I've never heard this till now. I thought it was funny. I am not into material things but I do love services. Few things turn me on like a man who does laundry. I can tell when my husband is especially needy because he'll actually fold the clothes from the dryer before putting them in a drawer.

psy7ven

NeuroFizz
04-06-2006, 08:23 PM
I can see you've put the kilt back on.
Os.

By request of . . . um . . . someone in power.

tjwriter
04-06-2006, 08:24 PM
What is it about a man doing housework that turns women on? When I come home to a husband doing housework...grrrr.

:e2kissy:

aruna
04-06-2006, 08:24 PM
By request of . . . um . . . someone in power.

Did you actualy have it off? I missed that.

NeuroFizz
04-06-2006, 08:27 PM
Did you actualy have it off? I missed that.

By request of . . . um . . . someone in power.

aruna
04-06-2006, 08:31 PM
By request of . . . um . . . someone in power.

I'm not in power but I request it. Does charm work?

aruna
04-06-2006, 08:43 PM
I know. I was desperate to write deflate three times in a large font. I couldn't find anyplace else to write it?
You could always pm people at random and write it three times in a large font, in red.

tiny
04-06-2006, 08:47 PM
You could always pm people at random and write it three times in a large font, in red.


I think that's a good idea. Random PMs. Big red fonts. You start. :D

aruna
04-06-2006, 08:51 PM
By request of . . . um . . . someone in power.

Go on then.

tiny
04-06-2006, 08:56 PM
Go on then.


Yeah Fizzman. Go on.

writerterri
04-07-2006, 10:20 AM
Yeah, fashizzle!


:tongue