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Magdalen
02-25-2015, 05:35 AM
Swarms of grainy images infest eyes
with pestilence (unveiled slits
squint tears, shift winds)

streaming rows of curiously-
bent crescent lines drawn in
sand, slash-blasted dust back to dust

those entrenched
supplicants (ditched, cut
between posed/framed

jubilant weaponry jabs, brutal flicks,
slaughtered in sects) plague her
dreams and submit
their plea for peace silently.

Rolling beheaded behests buzz
beyond j'hive talk dread-shattered
views of wretched still-shots display
distorted, captives' blazing agony,

weeping; furtively she saves
savage scenes virtually bereft,
personally bereaved.






4th + edit now ready (or not) for prime-time. Hope you like the title.

Steppe
02-25-2015, 06:08 AM
Mag - If it means what I think it does, I have been down this road before. But my bandwidth has improved and I only swear a little these days. Hope I've read it right.

Magdalen
02-27-2015, 08:23 AM
Steppe,
Thank you for commenting - take what ever you find in my poems - I always enjoy the chance to view things through your eyes.

zanzjan
02-27-2015, 08:55 AM
Very powerful, and jarring in a way that very much suits the subject-matter.

One reason I don't mind being stuck on dialup internet at home is that some things I just don't see. It's hard enough to read about them, know about them, know they are events entirely outside your control and upon which your personal grief has no bearing.

I know this isn't the crit area, but the only nit I would have is about the breaks in the third stanza, which just feels slightly off the rest, and maybe just a tiny bit too short to me (and as always, I could be completely wrong.)

Magdalen
02-27-2015, 09:33 AM
Thanks, Zj
have to Da~sh!

CassandraW
03-01-2015, 11:50 PM
Love the title!

I like the breaks, including the bit of irregularity -- it evokes the intermittence of dialup internet.

But then, I often like to break/shake things up a bit in my poems.

poetinahat
03-03-2015, 02:45 AM
You have to read this out loud for us, please.

Je suis Magdalen

Williebee
03-03-2015, 02:57 AM
You have to read this out loud for us, please.

Je suis Magdalen

What he said. Definitely.

If you don't want to, I'd be happy to. Out loud, it's fierce.

Magdalen
03-03-2015, 06:27 AM
You have to read this out loud for us, please.

Je suis Magdalen


What he said. Definitely.

If you don't want to, I'd be happy to. Out loud, it's fierce.

Thanks! Ok. WIll post here in a couple of days.

Magdalen
03-07-2015, 06:26 AM
I'll probably re-record this again -my voice could be more pleasing!! But for now, here's my first-ever-anonymity-destroying-voice-pattern recording of the poem "Bandwith Camel". Comment as you wish!!! starts bat :06.

https://soundcloud.com/magdalen-4/bandwith-camel