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Perks
04-03-2006, 03:32 AM
I may be an irritable sort, but my daughter is coming home talking nonsense. She's in the first grade. A few weeks ago, the dinner table talk produced the point that Abraham Lincoln was a very happy man. I asked her about this and she was explaining that this is what they learned in class. In the middle of a civil war, I expect the President of the United States was quite stressed and sleep deprived.

Today I find out that "everyone liked Amelia Earhart." Why do I find this unlikely? She was a pushy broad (and good on her) so I imagine she had her detractors.

Is there not enough filler information to complete a lesson rather than fluffing up the stories with giddy non-facts? There is just something dopey about drawing a smiley face on every historical character they introduce. Now I'm not suggesting that every grim detail or mature conflict be explored in grammar school, but I think the gilding is a bit dishonest. I'll just have to spend extra time explaining that people "of note" put their pants on one leg at a time just like everyone else.

Perhaps I need to switch to decaf.

poetinahat
04-03-2006, 03:35 AM
What are you, a communist? Next you'll be telling us Pocahontas didn't want to move to England!

Unique
04-03-2006, 03:36 AM
Hang on for the ride, Perks. It just keeps getting better and better. :ROFL:

Puddle Jumper
04-03-2006, 03:38 AM
This could be a part of why so many parents decide to homeschool.

Perks
04-03-2006, 03:40 AM
Yes, but then I would end up in jail.

The devil - or the deep blue sea...

Christine N.
04-03-2006, 03:56 AM
Yes, old Abe was just happy as a clam... what with a Civil War and an married to a crazy woman. And didn't one son die as a child? Yes sir e bob, he was just the happiest man ever.

SC Harrison
04-03-2006, 03:57 AM
In the middle of a civil war, I expect the President of the United States was quite stressed and sleep deprived.



My god. The war on one side and Mary Todd on the other. I'm surprised he didn't off himself.

SpookyWriter
04-03-2006, 03:59 AM
My god. The war on one side and Mary Todd on the other. I'm surprised he didn't off himself.I sure the bullet was meant for Mary, but poor abe bent over to fix her skirt. What luck?

Puddle Jumper
04-03-2006, 04:02 AM
Yes, but then I would end up in jail.

The devil - or the deep blue sea...
There's always private school? If you can afford its extremely high cost. If I ever have kids I would want to send them to a private school simply because I think the education and environment would be better. I'm not sure I could ever afford such a thing though.

reph
04-03-2006, 04:06 AM
Lincoln suffered from morbid spells of depression. I guess they don't want to tell the kiddies that.

Puddle Jumper
04-03-2006, 04:08 AM
Lincoln suffered from morbid spells of depression. I guess they don't want to tell the kiddies that.
I don't remember hearing that in school. What's your source?

reph
04-03-2006, 04:14 AM
You didn't hear it in school because they didn't tell the kiddies then, either. Biographies of Lincoln say how troubled he was at some times in his life. I haven't read the biographies. My sources are reviews of them in magazines.

Puddle Jumper
04-03-2006, 04:20 AM
You didn't hear it in school because they didn't tell the kiddies then, either. Biographies of Lincoln say how troubled he was at some times in his life. I haven't read the biographies. My sources are reviews of them in magazines.
You'd think they would teach it in High School then. But as I recall, History classes was more about memorizing names and dates of events than what people in history were like. It seems like History was always taught very black and white - these are the good guys and these are the bad guys. For example, during the Civil war the north were the good guys and the south were the bad guys. Of course being older I understand humanity is not that black and white, no one is wholly good or bad but humans who struggle with day to day choices. Of course if the South had one it would probably be taught that they were the good guys and the North were the bad guys.

badducky
04-03-2006, 04:23 AM
Oh, and apparently Columbus "discovered" America...

But there were already all these people here, and the Norsemen and Inuits had been crossing over from Eurasia to Greenland to North America for centuries.

Ooh, and George Washington chopped down a cherry tree, and then confessed to it... Except that that story was invented later by a writer.

Oh, and did anyone hear about Australia and Canada fighting in World War II? They fought like the dickens, but to hear schoolkids talk about it it was all Ike this and Churchill that...

Oh, and did you know Ethiopians were fighting in Korea as our allies?

Hey, did you know Henry Ford was a blatant racist?

Did you know Andrew Jackson was a murderer? He killed multiple men in duels and got away with it.

Of course, this is all inconvenient to the myths built into kid's history books designed to indoctrinate our children to be gfood citizens of the republic.

Hey, I'm a patriot, but I like to know where this patriotism came from.

And come on! How come no one ever talks about Baltimore! Baltimore saved the republic in the War of 1812! Go Baltimore! Three cheers for Baltimore!

Puddle Jumper
04-03-2006, 04:28 AM
What about the war between Canada and the USA?

badducky
04-03-2006, 04:31 AM
Yeah! Like I said, GO BALTIMORE!


Or, do you mean the seven years war between British North America and French Canada?

Ocha
04-03-2006, 04:52 AM
Actually, I'm curious- how is the war of 1812 taught in American schools? Or is it, even?

We were taught that Canada 'won' militarily, America 'won' the negotiations, and the natives just generally lost. And then, because my teacher was rather obsessed with Will Ferguson, we read the Bastards & Boneheads (http://www.amazon.ca/exec/obidos/ASIN/1550547372/qid%3D1144025419/701-6818104-2882719) version of it. Excellent book, that is.

luxintenebrae
04-03-2006, 04:56 AM
I find it really sad that I don't know what you're talking about!! :cry: Even worse because I did go to a private school. It was just a long time ago, and I'm horrible at American history. But they still taught us all those old myths in elementary and middle school. I only found out what really happened in high school (also private) and I couldn't believe how much we were lied to. So public vs. private probably doesn't matter much when it comes to history. And I probably still wouldn't have learned about specific people, how they really were, and all the gray areas, if it weren't for a fantastic A.P. teacher senior year. Wasn't at all prepared for the A.P. test at the end of the year, but I knew the truth about the presidents and the wars that I was never taught before! I was also homeschooled, but that was mostly when I was younger. That's a good way to go if you already are a myth-debunker and are prepared to do a lot of extra researching outside what they put in those lying textbooks to trick poor children. :rant:

poetinahat
04-03-2006, 04:58 AM
Lincoln suffered from morbid spells of depression. I guess they don't want to tell the kiddies that.


I don't remember hearing that in school. What's your source?
Another delicious irony.

luxintenebrae
04-03-2006, 04:59 AM
Actually, I'm curious- how is the war of 1812 taught in American schools? Or is it, even?

We were taught that Canada 'won' militarily, America 'won' the negotiations, and the natives just generally lost. And then, because my teacher was rather obsessed with Will Ferguson, we read the Bastards & Boneheads (http://www.amazon.ca/exec/obidos/ASIN/1550547372/qid%3D1144025419/701-6818104-2882719) version of it. Excellent book, that is.

I remember the war, obviously, but I don't remember another thing about it. :cry:

Christine N.
04-03-2006, 05:02 AM
The man had every right to be depressed. Sheesh, he doesn't even look happy in the Lincoln memorial.

Perks
04-03-2006, 05:06 AM
Lux, I'm with you. It's either the way I'm built menatlly or the manner in which it was taught, but I retained very little history in my noggin from proper schooling. I have to keep researching things I think I should know when I need to know them again.

But that's okay too. Some people will retain history and some will flourish in geometry and some will be whizzes in driver's ed. Many excel at lunch.

It's just silly indoctrinations. Lincoln was a "good" guy, ergo "happy." Amelia Earhart aquired fame, so everyone must have loved her, right? All these non-equations passed off as "the way things are." Years of therapy to undo it, once you've skipped too far down that path.

badducky
04-03-2006, 05:08 AM
Well, it wasn't a popular war to begin with, especially not in the north, where it was primarily fought.

American schools like the Battle of New Orleans a great deal.

They don't talk much about the defeats in Canada.

Of course, like all early American wars, we lost a bunch of campaigns, but we won the pivotal battles that mattered, by hook or by crook. When we negotiated, we weren't sending in lords born into wealth, but, instead, we sent shrewd businessmen and lawyers that lived or died by their ability to negotiate for years before they got involved in politics. And those shrewd lawyers and businesmen were heavily underestimated by the arrogant Europeans.

However, the battle that really won the war was in Baltimore, and on the ground it was won thanks to an anonymous sniper that soon died after his victory shot. In the sea, the huge armada of British warships couldn't breach the defenses that had been hastily constructed by the city and citizens of Baltimore.

Three cheers for Baltimore!

:hooray: :hooray: :hooray:

Dawno
04-03-2006, 05:10 AM
We wouldn't want to traumatize the little ones now would we? Thing is, why would you teach first graders anything more than "George Washington was the first President. Abraham Lincoln was the sixteenth President. They did very important things for America. Now, who wants snack?"

When they're old enough to really comprehend what America is, what politics are, what the Revolutionary and Civil Wars were - that's when they're old enough to also understand that our leaders aren't perfect, they are real people. And sometimes real people have problems.

I was a substitute teacher for 5 years when my children were small. I don't ever recall having to teach any of the littles (k - 3 was my specialty) much about US history except to do simple lessons around Presidents' Day. I sure didn't tell them outright fairy tales, either.

poetinahat
04-03-2006, 05:13 AM
Man, can we talk about the War of 1812 some more? The best I ever got about it was that nobody won, but it just became not worth the effort.

I grew up in a town named after the leader of the American fleet in the Battle of Lake Erie -- touted (in America) as (a) the battle that turned the tide in that war; and (b) the first defeat inflicted on the British Navy. I'm faskinated now.

Jcomp
04-03-2006, 05:18 AM
We wouldn't want to traumatize the little ones now would we? Thing is, why would you teach first graders anything more than "George Washington was the first President. Abraham Lincoln was the sixteenth President. They did very important things for America. Now, who wants snack?"

When they're old enough to really comprehend what America is, what politics are, what the Revolutionary and Civil Wars were - that's when they're old enough to also understand that our leaders aren't perfect, they are real people. And sometimes real people have problems.

I was a substitute teacher for 5 years when my children were small. I don't ever recall having to teach any of the littles (k - 3 was my specialty) much about US history except to do simple lessons around Presidents' Day. I sure didn't tell them outright fairy tales, either.

Yep. I mean, she is in first grade after all. I don't remember much from first grade, but I imagine it would've been a tad difficult for me to wrap my mind around a grown up being depressed. You have your own money, you can drive anywhere you want, stay up late, go to R movies and eat Oreos without someone complaining "you'll ruin your appetite." What're you depressed about?

Perks
04-03-2006, 05:20 AM
Please don't misunderstand! I don't want her to try to comprehend things like that. It's just the only thing she remembers is that Abraham Lincoln was always happy. I'd rather her recognize him as the guy on the penny over that bit of fluff.

Puddle Jumper
04-03-2006, 05:28 AM
Please don't misunderstand! I don't want her to try to comprehend things like that. It's just the only thing she remembers is that Abraham Lincoln was always happy. I'd rather her recognize him as the guy on the penny over that bit of fluff.
Yeah, there are things a first grader should know about him - like he was a president of the United States, the president who won the American Civil War which won black people their freedom and ended all slavery, those are simple enough and positive for a first grader to understand.

Dawno
04-03-2006, 05:35 AM
Nope. It's not. They can memorize the words but the concepts mean nothing to any but the gifted. You'd have to explain slavery, war, America and racism. All they would be able to do is parrot what you said. And if you said something their parents disagreed with then there'd be trouble.

There's a reason why most schools don't have formal history classes until kids reach about the 6th grade - and sometimes not until High School.

Sage
04-03-2006, 05:41 AM
Are you sure she was actually taught that, rather than it being her interpretation. Perhaps in all the pictures she saw of him, he was smiling, or she & her friends had a discussion about being president & how cool that would be, & so when bringing up the topic, she immediately started w/ this image she came up w/ of how happy he must have been to be president. If the teacher read a lot of positive things about Amelia Earhardt from different sources, a kid might think that everyone liked her.

Kids' minds work in strange ways. When my sister was little she asked my parents when they were getting a divorce. They weren't fighting. Her reason had nothing to do with their relationship whatsoever. It was because many of her friends' parents were getting divorced, as were a few couples on our block, & she assumed that everyone did it. (My parents are still happily married, btw).

Not that there aren't problems w/ how history is taught, I'm just saying that some of it might not be so much what's being taught, as how it is being interpretted.

Perks
04-03-2006, 05:46 AM
Lol! How many smiling pictures of Abe Lincoln are there?

No, really, that's why I asked her. She announced that he was always happy and I asked her why she said that and she explained that Mrs. Soandso told them. I didn't really get to think all that much about it until she said that everyone loved Amelia Earhart. Again it was part and parcel to her being famous. She knew a few more factoids about Amelia Earhart, but still, the dropping in of her bearing universal affection is just a weird, unnecessary spoonful of sugar.

Puddle Jumper
04-03-2006, 05:59 AM
Nope. It's not. They can memorize the words but the concepts mean nothing to any but the gifted. You'd have to explain slavery, war, America and racism. All they would be able to do is parrot what you said. And if you said something their parents disagreed with then there'd be trouble.

There's a reason why most schools don't have formal history classes until kids reach about the 6th grade - and sometimes not until High School.
But isn't that how children learn? Children immitate and mimmick, parroting what they are taught and gradually as time progresses their understanding deepens. A 6 year old isn't going to understand what slavery is all about nor would you want him or her to, because you want them to keep their innocence as long as they can. But hearing that word and repeating it will help them to remember it in the future when the weight of what it means begins to sink in.

I think young children should be taught as many facts as they can handle because I think it will help them absorb the depth of it all later on.

poetinahat
04-03-2006, 06:02 AM
But isn't that how children learn? Children immitate and mimmick, parroting what they are taught and gradually as time progresses their understanding deepens. A 6 year old isn't going to understand what slavery is all about nor would you want him or her to, because you want them to keep their innocence as long as they can. But hearing that word and repeating it will help them to remember it in the future when the weight of what it means begins to sink in.

I think young children should be taught as many facts as they can handle because I think it will help them absorb the depth of it all later on.
Kind of a Dickensian outlook: Facts, Facts, Facts.

Facts will not help develop the capacity for reasoning or questioning. They are useful to know, but they are not the single requirement of education.

Perks
04-03-2006, 06:03 AM
Just for the record, they actually did give a vague sketch along the lines of what PJ suggested. I don't know exactly what was said, but I'm going to find out. Not in a caustic way. Just to know.

Funny though, just like Dawno has said, what struck her the most was how happy he was, not the historically important information. And not that it should at this age. It's just an odd thing to associate with Abraham Lincoln.

Puddle Jumper
04-03-2006, 06:05 AM
Kind of a Dickensian outlook: Facts, Facts, Facts.

Facts will not help develop the capacity for reasoning or questioning. They are useful to know, but they are not the single requirement of education.
Yeah, I wish someone had told that to my middle and high school teachers who were rather anal about us memorizing dates and names.

eldragon
04-03-2006, 06:18 AM
Well, teacher's can stink at their job, like anyone else.


First grade is a wonderful age. Those little kids shouldn't worry about anything.


I'm thinking there is a misunderstanding of the lessons, as someone else suggested already.


Like, when my daughter started kindergarten: I asked her the second day if she understood what she was supposed to do when I dropped her off and she said "yes, wait for the bell and then go look for the gingerbread man."

Puddle Jumper
04-03-2006, 06:23 AM
Well, teacher's can stink at their job, like anyone else.


First grade is a wonderful age. Those little kids shouldn't worry about anything.


I'm thinking there is a misunderstanding of the lessons, as someone else suggested already.


Like, when my daughter started kindergarten: I asked her the second day if she understood what she was supposed to do when I dropped her off and she said "yes, wait for the bell and then go look for the gingerbread man."
That's very important to know. Most likely it was a decoration where the class knew to go to. I'd imagine.

Dawno
04-03-2006, 06:28 AM
But isn't that how children learn? Children immitate and mimmick, parroting what they are taught and gradually as time progresses their understanding deepens. A 6 year old isn't going to understand what slavery is all about nor would you want him or her to, because you want them to keep their innocence as long as they can. But hearing that word and repeating it will help them to remember it in the future when the weight of what it means begins to sink in.

I think young children should be taught as many facts as they can handle because I think it will help them absorb the depth of it all later on.

There are some things one probably should learn by rote as that would be the easiest way to build the foundation for later knowledge of the subject. Addition facts, multiplication tables - if you have those down the rest is easier than if you have to count to 7 six times to figure out what the answer is. Trust me, that was me for years. I was never good at math as a result. Our third grade teachers were doing some kind of experimential "new math" thing with us and I understood more of the precepts of math than the mechanics. (Probably because I was an early reader and grasped words and concepts much quicker than I grasped the sevens tables)

But when it comes to concepts that take careful building of foundational skills such as interpretation and abstract thinking rote memorization just kills the desire to learn. I would rather know more about the stories and the thinking of the leaders of the Revolutionary War than what date who did what to whom. Memorizing that doesn't do squat for anyone ... except that when one is older and reads about things happening elsewhere in, say 1776 they can go "oh! That was the year we declared Independence from England"

luxintenebrae
04-03-2006, 07:54 AM
Yes, my freshman year in high school, my world history teacher - who was actually quite good - told us if we remembered nothing else she taught us, we should at least remember the year 1066 and what happened. I definitely still remember the year. Every time I see it, I actually hop up and down and yell, "Ooh, I know that year!" I still have no idea what actually happened then and why it's important, but darn it if that date didn't stick in my head ever since. And 44 BC. We were supposed to remember that, too. I thought that was when Rome fell, but then I thought I heard I was wrong. So even when I only have to memorize facts I forget! History - obviously not my best subject. :e2smack:

Anyone know what happened those years? It's been driving me crazy. Of course, I could look it up, but I always forget to do that, too.

Hmm, where's my memory? I know I left it around here somewhere....

Dawno
04-03-2006, 08:34 AM
Google is your friend.

1066 (http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/bayeux.htm)

44 BC (http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/caesar2.htm)

luxintenebrae
04-03-2006, 09:06 AM
HASTINGS!!!!! Yes, I remember now! (Didn't know it had anything to do with England, though...) And Julius Caesar. Thank you!!! I guess my teacher was right in telling me to know those dates, huh?

So, I don't know, maybe some people would remember that from high school to now (long enough, but not that terribly long ago), but maybe making kids memorize dates when they're younger wouldn't work as well as making sure they know extremely basic facts. Like someone said, just knowing that Lincoln was president is good enough until they get into, say, 7th or 8th grade. I think by that time, telling them more information about that sort of thing would be more interesting. But yes, making up fairy tales about history is always unnecessary, especially when fact is usually much stranger than fiction. Oh, there's this AWESOME book called 1,001 Facts Somebody Screwed Up. It's just the best book ever for debunking historical myths. I still quote that book today and reread it often. (Hopefully, all the information is accurate!)

Oh. Darn. Just Googled it. Apparently, not all of the information may be accurate, or at least some people said so. Oh well. It was still a great read and made me think twice about a lot of things we're told.

luxintenebrae
04-03-2006, 09:15 AM
We kept almost all the school books I've ever had, even the ones from elementary school. They're up in my attic now I think, so it wouldn't be fun to go looking for them, but I'd love to go back and see what they said about various things in there. Granted, things may have changed since they were written because the books were never new when I first read them, but it would still be very interesting, just to see.

preyer
04-03-2006, 08:34 PM
another great book is, 'what they never taught you in high school,' or pretty close to that. what sticks out in my mind as being such bull from when i was in school is the pilgrims and the american indians. i remember making pilgrim clothes out of construction paper and all that, which all it did was reinforce myths. as i recall, the trail of tears garnered all of about one paragraph in my history book.

half of school is propaganda techniques so we grow up good little citizens. that way, when an american war rolls around (there's a good one every ten or fifteen years or so), us 'patriotic citizens' will run right out and kill and die for some rich man's land or to protect his profits. i completely believe we knew there was a 'surprise attack' coming at pearl harbor and let it happen to incite war furvor, and the fact that all our carriers were 'coincidentally' elsewhere is no coincidence at all. that's just the conspiracy theorist in me.

call me crazy, but i've a problem with teachers teaching kids outright lies. there are some things kids need to learn by rote, as long as it's age appropriate. used to be all you had to know for kindergarten was how to write your name and address, now, it's my understanding, you're expected to know the alphabet and how to count up to twenty or something. personally, i don't think that's a ridiculous expectation. after all, when i was a kid the first thing we did in school was stand up, put our hand on our hearts (in the wrong location, natch), and say the pledge of allegiance.

imo and from what i've been able to gather, kids are often much more capable of learning than we give them credit for. sadly, what a lot of kids take away from the whole system is being good at running a football or making three-pointers from the top of the key is just as, if not more, important than getting an education. problem is, if that education consists of a lot of meaningless junk and lies, what good does that do, either?

Shadow_Ferret
04-03-2006, 09:04 PM
America fought in the War of 1812? Why did I think that was something between Russia and Napoleon? All I know about it is Tchaikovsky made a song about it.

Sheryl Nantus
04-03-2006, 09:06 PM
yep, we darned Canucks burnt down your beloved White House.

I love to annoy my hubby by pointing that out. A lot.

:D

NeuroFizz
04-03-2006, 09:09 PM
But isn't that how children learn? Children immitate and mimmick, parroting what they are taught and gradually as time progresses their understanding deepens. A 6 year old isn't going to understand what slavery is all about nor would you want him or her to, because you want them to keep their innocence as long as they can. But hearing that word and repeating it will help them to remember it in the future when the weight of what it means begins to sink in.

I think young children should be taught as many facts as they can handle because I think it will help them absorb the depth of it all later on.
Even in six-year-olds, facts in the absence of proper context and a little motivation in the form of interest-generating surround-story, create a great possibility of misuse, if they are even remembered for long.

In defense of teachers, my adult daughter and her husband are both elementary school teachers, and they are continually frustrated by the forced curricula that emphasize fact regurgitation on standardization and placement exams. The worst part of it all is the direct linkage of annual raises to the scores on these exams. It creates a temptation these two have so far resisted--to teach to the exams. Their reward? They watch their own paychecks fall behind those of some of the inferior teachers who play by the rules of exams rather than by the rules of good, solid educational technique. And, don't get my daughter started on No Child Left Behind, which in real practice, consumes so much time teaching to the lower quadrant, and on a limited slate of topics, it effectively chops the arms off of good teachers.

Bottom line - don't always blame the teachers. Not all are poor instructors, robotic in their approach to teaching, or exhibitors of poor choice in the classroom.

Stew21
04-03-2006, 09:29 PM
little humor from the net regarding the things kids learn (and misinterpret) in school. Don't know how real they are, but they sure are funny!
6th grade answers to a history test
( Reported To Be Actual Answers To Sixth Grade History Tests)



Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.

Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out:"Tee hee, Brutus."

Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw.

Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.

Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroicouplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.

Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.

Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of The Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.

Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the steamboat.

robeiae
04-03-2006, 09:32 PM
1066 (http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/bayeux.htm)

44 BC (http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/caesar2.htm)
Trivial. Here's where the die was cast:

1453 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fall_of_Constantinople)

Rob :)

Shadow_Ferret
04-03-2006, 09:47 PM
lol


Tee hee, Brutus.

:ROFL:

Unique
04-03-2006, 10:11 PM
We kept almost all the school books I've ever had, even the ones from elementary school. They're up in my attic now I think, so it wouldn't be fun to go looking for them, but I'd love to go back and see what they said about various things in there. Granted, things may have changed since they were written because the books were never new when I first read them, but it would still be very interesting, just to see.


If you ever decide you want to part with those books.....I Want Them.

No joke. Media Mail. Money Order.


And Neuro, does your daughter also tell you that there is more than one test for those standardized exams? I found that out about the tests in our area. There were four. So everyone can pass. Sick, SICK, SICK!

badducky
04-03-2006, 11:29 PM
I LOVE old textbooks. I have two that are my darlings. One is a cooking-school textbook from the sixties.

It builds off standard recipes
Such classics as "The Basic Six-Egg Omelette"

1) Heat a pan, and scrub it with raw bacon fat.
2) whip up six eggs together with some butter and cheese

(I can feel my arteries clogging just reading the recipes in this thing... All of it is drenched in heavy cream, and packed with eggs. It recommends deep fat frying as a healthy way to get people to eat their delicious vegetables. The frying batter has three eggs in it.)

My other favorite is this old Anthropology textbook from the early seventies that compared the Inuits, the Bedouins, and an African Bush Tribe. Oh my GOD it is so Euro-centric and racist. In every description it talks about how these cultures differ from the "Norm"... which is, of course, white and European. Each section has a part where they talk about ways of modernizing the societies.

I need to dig that book out. It's in my storage unit. It's hilariously offensive.

luxintenebrae
04-04-2006, 02:06 AM
America fought in the War of 1812? Why did I think that was something between Russia and Napoleon? All I know about it is Tchaikovsky made a song about it.

:ROFL: Yeah, now I remember something about it. I know we talked about it, but all I remember is reading a story (a very depressing one) about how Napoleon's troops traveled around in Russia in the snow, and hundreds of thousands died. I looked it up just now, but it seems that wasn't the main point of the war, at least from the 2 sites I found. I'll look more later, but I don't remember talking about America, Canada, Britain, or any other country for that war, though hopefully we did.

Thanks for a good laugh, Stew! I sincerely hope that was a fake test!

And thank you for the link, Robeiae. I remember painfully studying for the exam on Constantinople and Byzantium and all those other long names, so I think I had blocked it out. :o But I should read up on that again.

Unique - Hehe, I'm a book-hogger and a packrat (I might need it again, you never know!), but you definitely have 1st dibs.

And Badducky - Are you SERIOUS?!?! Ways to modernize them? Wow. I loved my anthropology classes, and we talked about society's idea of the "norm," but our textbook never discussed ways we could change every other culture to be more like us! Really shocking. Yeah, when you dig it out, maybe you could give us some interesting quotes from it. :D

luxintenebrae
04-04-2006, 04:34 AM
I found some of the books! :banana: They weren't in my attic after all. I'll have to look through them later, but the first one I flipped through (maybe used in when I was homeschooled?) didn't mention anything about Lincoln's problems with his wife or son. It did mention his debates against Douglas and that he was against the spread of slavery, but conveniently left out any hint of his racism. (Which I didn't know about until a few years ago when a professor showed us a speech he'd given - written down - that kind of surprised me.) I think they put in all the positive and neutral things and leave out anything that, as someone already mentioned, could make parents angry. Still, better to tell the truth....