Does wanting to do as much as possible on my own come across as pretentious?

I am finding your description a bit vague. but I would note that it seems to overlook the option: work with people who are not asshats.

What these other people, you mostly seem to not like, think about your approach really shouldn't matter. What should matter is what you are trying to acheive and the level of outside involvement needed to make that happen.

TheCuriousOne said:

I am well aware of the benefits of networking. But I've also seen some drawbacks to it.

Lately, I've been feeling really jaded by the writing world. Publishers and authors alike. This creates too much negativity, and negativity and I have a hate-hate relationship.

In an effort to spare myself the bad thoughts and the cynicism and make myself a generally happier person, I'm slowly fading away from my network. There are a few persons I trust and are keepers, but I can't count the number of requests for connection that are purely self-serving. I have no quibbles tossing those at all. But sadly, I'm at the point when I'd rather not try new people, for fear it will all be a waste of time and energy. And I don't want one-way relationships, where they take but don't give. So I'm refusing all new connections. It will be my loss in some cases, I'm sure of it, because there are also good people out there. But I don't want others to take advantage of me.

Same as the fact that when I do something worthy, I try and do it by myself. And ultimately, while I appreciate the help of people who genuinely want to help me, I don't want to give the image that I'm riding the tail of someone who is more popular than I am just so I can sell a few more books. I feel that for some, it's more the case of "If you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours/you'll be the flavour of the month" - you name it - and I don't like it.

Is this an arrogant attitude that will ultimately mean that I'm shooting myself in the foot?

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Is this about writing or something else? I really can't tell. It seems like someone did something to you, but I wouldn't let that affect your future relationships. Don't let whatever happened have that much power over you.

That being said, writing is something that most often happens solo. You don't have to network to write. You don't have to interact with anyone to write. While some people are only out for themselves, others are genuinely interested in helping others, being there for others. And that has nothing to do with writers. It goes for all kinds of people.

TheCuriousOne said:

Yes, sorry Veinglory, I didn't really want to go into specifics because this can be a bit subjective as well, and considering that I'm rather prone to seeing the bad side of things before I see the good side, I feel that right now some things might be bothering me when they wouldn't have had if I had been in a different kind of mood.

I'm quite happy to work with people who are not asshats It's finding those that's proving a bit difficult, because when you open the door, too many interested people seem to want to rush in. It hasn't happened to me, because I'm new, but I've seen it. Maybe that's just the circles I'm in, I don't know. But with the recent burnings and disappointments, I'm not sure I'm ready to give other people a try right now.

But you're right. I don't care about what people think. I think my question was more about if I eventually get to the point where my stories are worth taking to publishers, agents, etcetera, if the fact that I don't have a huge network around me and would rather be a hermit-writer over the long term be something that they would judge off-putting? I'm aware that popularity is a big thing, and so is the amount of book sales, fair enough. But would me keeping to myself boot me completely out of the race?

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Not so much pretentious as getting confused between cart and horse. Concentrate on writing the stories. You can worry about the network (or lack thereof) later.

I found community involvement did a lot for raising stress levels, because for the most part, I didn't fit into the genre community well. Add in finding out someone I thought was a friend was an abuser under an alias, and most of the community were fine with that and thought I was a troublemaker for not being okay with it. So I've cut down community stuff, deleted most of my blog, and I'm less active on Twitter. Sometimes it's the best route. If community is bringing you down, it's not going to help your writing.

I doubt that most publishers care at all about your peer networks. In fact they can be as much a liability as an asset.

My take on it:

Writing is such a solitary pursuit.

The whole agent/publisher relationship requires some human involvement, some networking.

And marketing is a whole different story, requiring maximum social effort.

But you needn't worry about any of it until you have the writing part done.

Never do anything that makes you feel bad, or uneasy. Do what you need to do and ignore the rest--in the long run it won't matter anyway.

I think networking with other writers can be frustrating. There are many personalities shoved into the label of "writer." Just as many as there are in education, in the workplace, in government, in your circle of family/friends. Being a writer doesn't automatically make one a nice person, a good person, a helpful or encouraging person.

Of the hundreds of people I've met in publishing, I've only really connected with a handful. I'm extremely turned off by those who try to hard sell me on buying their book(s). Or those trying to push me hard me into helping them market: e.g. "TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS FOR ME NOW!"

For every 10 writers I add on Twitter, I end up keeping 1 or 2 because the spam becomes too much. 15-20 Tweets a day about something they wrote, go look here, go buy this, go go go.

And this is just the marketing/PR side. It doesn't include the dozen or so people who have cycled through the writing group who were rude, unresponsive, or downright incompatible in terms of personality.

On the other side, I don't mind networking when push comes to shove and meeting people. But I don't invest in a new colleague until I've tested the waters a bit.

It's okay to go into a cocoon for a bit. Many writers I know are introverts (me included) and socializing is exhausting. I think you can learn how to face it head-on in small bits, though.

The only time I would say that it might really hurt a writer is when that writer is incapable of unpacking feedback or editing notes. Meaning, their ego gets in the way. They are "too brilliant" and "nobody gets their amazing work" and all those rejects from agents and publishers just means the world isn't ready for their manuscript that has obvious grammatical/structural issues. I've met a few people like that. Some who are stunning writers, but the inability to budge even an inch lands them in the reject pile over and over again.

Not sure if any of this is relative. Good luck with it all, though.

TheCuriousOne said:

I think my question was more about if I eventually get to the point where my stories are worth taking to publishers, agents, etcetera, if the fact that I don't have a huge network around me and would rather be a hermit-writer over the long term be something that they would judge off-putting? I'm aware that popularity is a big thing, and so is the amount of book sales, fair enough. But would me keeping to myself boot me completely out of the race?

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My writers group had a talk last (? jeez I forget. Pretty recently) from an editor at a Big Imprint here in the Uk. They had just signed an author with zero internet presence, who wanted no internet presence. As far as he was concerned, that internet/social media presence is a bonus, not a requisite. It tends to come after an author becomes popular for their books anyway.

Pubs want a damn good story. If you are willing to go out there and promote GREAT! If you are rather more shy and retiring they can work around that.

There's nothing at all wrong with doing as much as possible on your own, and you don't need any kind of networking whatsoever to be a successful fiction writer. None. Zero. Nada. Period.

All you need is a book that readers love enough to talk about. If you have this, they'll do all the networking for you.

The world did not change when social media came along, no matter how much many would like to think it did. It's STILL about the book, not the writer, and if you have the book, nothing else matters.

The "networking" I do, I'm not sure I'd even call it that. Writing gets lonely and it's nice to hang out with other writers online. It's not that selling books never crosses my mind with it (see my avi forex, haha) but that's a bonus, not the reason. I usually don't know where my sales come from anyway. The same with my blog. I started it after hearing a zillion times that writers are supposed to have blogs, but that soon turned into what I feel like doing too and a lot of it isn't even about writing.

So I guess it depends on what you mean by networking, what you're hoping to gain from it, and what you are gaining from it. I don't think you're being arrogant or pretentious but I also don't see much reason to do much of it if you don't like it. Yup, the writing is the main thing.

Just hang in there. Some of us (me!) struggle with the socializing. I teach as well, and have managed to turn it "on" when I need to. But, yeah, it's pretty fatiguing. Even though I could do it when/if I needed, I have my limits!

I really need things in small doses sometimes. I used to feel weird about that, like I was different and needed to change. I don't feel that way anymore.

(hug)

I've reached out to others and singed my fingers a bit, but the majority of my contacts have been lovely people who genuinely want good things to happen for me. I also try to help them to the best of my ability.

Sometimes I get followers who MIGHT think I'll follow back and give them a boost, but if that is their only goal, I tend to see it right away. I love to interact with all levels of writers, agents and editors, but I don't do it for the sole purpose of giving me a boost. I also don't expect it of them.

I say, let it happen organically. If you are comfortable with the situation, stick around, but don't think that it automatically means you have to scratch anyone's back.

Not everyone will be on the same page as you, and that's okay. If they are trying to take advantage of you and are getting frustrated by a lack of response, too bad. They need to earn your respect. They aren't entitled to it.

I hope you are comfortable in this community, despite the kooky ones.

Not only work with people that aren't asshats, but I might also recommend keeping something like Twitter down to a small street team. Now granted I haven't practiced that as well as I'd like. And some networks I specifically don't promote or use much to maintain some semblance of privacy.

Polenth said:

I found community involvement did a lot for raising stress levels, because for the most part, I didn't fit into the genre community well. Add in finding out someone I thought was a friend was an abuser under an alias, and most of the community were fine with that and thought I was a troublemaker for not being okay with it. So I've cut down community stuff, deleted most of my blog, and I'm less active on Twitter. Sometimes it's the best route. If community is bringing you down, it's not going to help your writing.

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If you're referring to the person I think you're referring to, most of the genre community I know were certainly not fine with that person's abusive activities, and still aren't.

I'm sorry you had that happen to you.