how much of our life is in our control

I think we decide how to deal with the things that are otherwise out of our control. When that decision making starts depends on our mental and physical capabilities - as children we obviously don't have the emotional maturity we do as adults, for example - but at some point we will make the decision. Basically, everything in our lives is like the weather - we can't control it, but we can decide whether or not to carry an umbrella.

shadowwalker said:

I think we decide how to deal with the things that are otherwise out of our control. When that decision making starts depends on our mental and physical capabilities - as children we obviously don't have the emotional maturity we do as adults, for example - but at some point we will make the decision. Basically, everything in our lives is like the weather - we can't control it, but we can decide whether or not to carry an umbrella.

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+1, with the caveat that mental illness and/or cognitive impairment can wreak serious havoc on our ability to make decisions in the face of these out-of-our-control situations.

Have you read "Luck" by Ed Smith? He explores this question in some detail.

Hi
The whole issue of nature /nurture and free-will is a slippery thing , that has no satisfying answer . It has been suggested, our interest in the subject is linked to our state of mind and disappears completely when we are tired ,sexually aroused or need to use the toilet .

jaus tail said:

We analyze our lives only when things are going off track. Else we're too busy celebrating the happiness.

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This is not a bad thing, I'd imagine. If you were still breaking your life down in a happy moment, you're squandering what joy you have. As far as others' judgment of how we live our lives, I point you to the occasional spot-on genius of Bill Burr:

"You give me free will, you make me bad at math, and then you make whores… you think this thing isn't gonna eventually go off the rails?"

I tried to be born into another family. Didn't work.

Sat Nam! (Literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

Fate is what happens when we're bumbling along. Destiny is what happens when we live with conscious grace. Some things won't change: the weather, our parents, etc. What does change is attitude. Attitude changes whether we accept or deny opportunities and determines how accurate we are in deciding which opportunities are good and which are bad. Then those decisions can and do change the course of life.

I should know.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal

jaus tail said:

so much of life is dependent on others.

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... to some extent, yes. But you can opt out of some relationships. Don't like your girlfriend? Boyfriend? Wife? Husband? Boss? Friend? God? Leave them and find better ones or do without. You aren't shackled. My two cents !

There's a very smart pundit with the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation named Rex Murphy who once said something that has stuck with me ever since. "If you were born in a developed nation, you've already won the most important lottery that exists."

I think there are more opportunities than you realize, even when it comes to things like what family you were born into and who you meet. The problem is seeing them; it's so hard to realize there are other ways to do things than the only way you were taught.

jaus tail said:

I guess if i could go back in time, i'd change every error made by me. every time i wrote a wrong answer in exam, every fall that led to a scar, every time i cried. the urge to be perfect would make me want to appear as if i were superman.

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If you corrected every mistake you ever made, to the point that you grew up not making any, then you would have learned nothing from life.

We learn much more from our failures than we do our successes.

I'm sorry, but someone who says you won a lottery because you were born in a developed country sounds far too stinking privileged for my liking.

You play the hand you're dealt, regardless of what the next player's got. If you can get a peek at her cards, it might help, but you can worry forever about whether she's bluffing.

KTC said:

I'm sorry, but someone who says you won a lottery because you were born in a developed country sounds far too stinking privileged for my liking.

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Why? It's true. Just like winning the lottery, being born into privilege is the result of luck. Doesn't make the lottery winner better than the non-lottery winners; just means they have more advantages that they did very little to earn and they should recognize that their position is the result of luck; it could've just as easily gone a different way for them based solely on the situation they were born into.

I took the statement more as a "get over yourselves. you didn't earn your privilege" indictment of those same people and less as smug celebration.

Personally I believe in free will and that everyone is free to make a choice. I also think it is possible to predict a most likely outcome to those combined choices by all involved because of certain factors like an individuals habits and rituals, instinctual responses, and cascading events that seeming place people and objects on a collision course with destiny.

If you accept the concept of reincarnation, as part of the ongoing progression of the soul, then it stands to reason that you choose your parents and the situation into which you'll be born. The purpose of doing so, according to this philosophy, is that each 'life' is an opportunity to learn, develop and grow, via overcoming obstacles. Thus, choosing parents, circumstances etc, even parents/family that are not necessarily good, kind or loving, puts you into the position where you have to overcome those obstacles in a positive way. If you don't - you have to come back and do it all again.

I don't wholly subscribe to this, but I like it. I like it because it stops one from blaming parents, circumstances or just life in general for everything that goes wrong. It removes the justification for self-pity. If we put ourselves (consciously or unconsciously) in a certain situation, there must be reason for it. What is it that we need to learn or develop within ourselves? For me, this helps me to look differently at even horrible events and not merely react to them on a superficial level.

Without suffering, we do not grow.

I am in control of me: what I do, how I do it, my actions and reactions to other people.

I am not in control of other people: what they do, how they do it, their actions and reactions.

For me, it's simple. Life is what I make it with what I have.

Opty said:

Why? It's true. Just like winning the lottery, being born into privilege is the result of luck. Doesn't make the lottery winner better than the non-lottery winners; just means they have more advantages that they did very little to earn and they should recognize that their position is the result of luck; it could've just as easily gone a different way for them based solely on the situation they were born into.

I took the statement more as a "get over yourselves. you didn't earn your privilege" indictment of those same people and less as smug celebration.

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There were uncountable times I would have chosen third world. What I came from has nothing to do with a lottery. That would be a lottery of suck. I dug my way out. Being born in a developed country can sometimes mean you get to look in the window and see the dressing...that you never get to indulge in. Yes...if you're capable of fighting back, I suppose it's a good thing that you are in a developed country...but cold, hunger, cruelty, abuse, neglect...none of these things give a shit about the country you're born into. I don't know which I would choose....starve in a third world country or a developed country. Live in the streets paved with gold or the dirt one? Hmmmm. Frankly...I just don't care for that analogy at all.

Just because something that was said as a general statement doesn't necessarily apply to a specific example doesn't mean that it isn't still true as a general statement.

What he said apparently doesn't apply to your personal situation but that doesn't mean that there isn't a wider, general truth to it and something shouldn't be summarily dismissed or pooh-poohed just because it doesn't apply in certain individual cases.

See, that's the thing. I'm not saying my case is unique. I'm not a precious flower. I'm saying he's making a sweeping statement that handily helps to remarginalize marginalized people. It's not a cornucopia of privilege across the board in developed countries. His lottery statement is total douchebaggery.

I disagree but I can see how what he said might be taken negatively.